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They’re out to dinner just the two of them when she finally asks him. It’s not often that they’re able to do this, between both of their jobs and the girls, but always the romantic, he made sure that tonight they could. He planned his entire work week around being free this Thursday night (and Friday morning in the hopes that their “date” would lead to a late night), and enlisted his parents to take the girls for the night and get them to school in the morning.
Even though she still pretended that she wasn’t into cheesy things like flowers and Valentines and anniversaries, the truth was, he’d softened her heart to all of that and more a long time ago. So when he’d suggested that they do something special tonight, she made sure the captain knew that she needed the night off-off, and without knowing he’d done the same, said she had an early morning appointment that would give her a late start.
So here they were, at a restaurant she’d mentioned she wanted to try months ago, celebrating that it had been two years (and a day) since Fin and Phoebe’s not-wedding. Two years since she finally showed him how she felt and he (thank god, she still thinks) showed that despite everything they'd each been through, how long she made him wait, he still felt the same way. She smiled as he grabbed her hand across the table, bringing her back to the present. He rubbed the fourth finger of her hand, and looked at her curiously. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing really,” she half-shrugged, “just thinking back to the wedding.”
“You mean the not-wedding?” He grinned, the lopsided grin that she was sure she’d never tire of. “The night you came onto me?”
She rolled her eyes at him. “If I remember correctly, all I did was give you one tiny kiss and the next thing I knew, you were all over me,” she teased.
Now it was his turn to roll his eyes. “Whatever you say Rollins. But can we agree on one thing?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a night worth celebrating.”
She smiled back at him and raised her wine glass, “To not-weddings.”
He raised his in response, “and to weddings.”
They clinked glasses and she took a small sip before putting her glass down to let her other hand meet his. She looked down at the ring as he let his thumb brush over it. The understated yet beautiful ring that was more her than she ever thought an engagement ring could be, and then raised her eyes to meet his, beaming across the table. She didn’t want to break this moment, but knew she had to bring it up tonight.
“There’s something I’ve actually been meaning to ask you about,” she said quietly and he looked up at her quizzically.
“It’s almost a year away, don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet already, Rollins.” He smiled as he said it but she saw a quick flash of fear pass across his face.
“No, no, nothing like that,” she reassured him, giving his hand a squeeze. “I just, well, it’s gonna sound weird, but do you want kids?”
He looked up at her, the fear replaced by confusion and what seemed like disappointment, and moved his hand back from hers just a millimeter, but enough that she felt it and realized her mistake.
“I mean, I kinda thought the girls were like — I know it hasn’t been that long but I’ve known them—“
She cut him off before he could stammer out another panicked word. “Oh god, I said that so wrong, Carisi. You have kids,” she smiled encouragingly at him. “Two daughters who absolutely adore you and are counting down the days until they get to wear their special dresses and ‘we all get married.’”
He let out a relieved laugh at this and let her keep talking.
“What I mean is, do you want… another? Do you want a baby who’s, you know, genetically yours too?”
“Oh!” He seemed genuinely shocked at the question but she can’t imagine it’s something he hasn’t thought about before — the romantic one who once got emotional because Billie asked if he’d take her to see Mickey Mouse one day.
“Look I’m not gonna lie to ya Rollins, I would love that. But not because of the genetics, you know I don’t care about that. Just because, as much as I was around for Jesse and Billie when they were first born, I wasn’t there all the time, you know? And I wasn’t… with you. So would it be awesome to experience that for real? Of course, but it’s not something I need. I’m more than happy — deliriously happy — to keep it to the four of us.”
She shook her head slightly in disbelief. Of course that was his answer — of course he’s happy either way because he’s Carisi. He’s the most loving, kind, generous person she’s ever met, and she still doesn’t fully understand how she’s the one who makes him this happy.
“Well I’m glad to hear that,” she responds. “I’m not sure what I think to be honest. I’m content with our family of four too... I feel like I have all I need.” At that he smiles again, and scoots his chair a little closer so he can bring one hand to her cheek. “But I’m also not completely against the idea of it growing. I wanted to know how you felt about it."
"Why don't we get through wedding planning and apartment hunting for now?" he suggests. "I don't want you to have anything else to worry about."
Of course he doesn't, she thinks, but just nods her agreement.
Then, his voice suddenly a little lower, he continues, “So now that that’s out of the way, I need to ask you something.”
Her eyebrows raise in response.
“Why have you been holding out this dress on me?!”