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Chapter Text

Soma kun warned me about the rat. Yes, there was a rat in the kitchen. No, it wasn’t vermin. He was one of the chefs, the head chef actually. You could tell because he wore a tiny toque and apron. After Soma kun graduated from Totsuki, he went on a tour of some of the world’s finest restaurants, learning their techniques and honing his skills. One of the places he worked at was La Ratatouille, a popular bistro in Paris known for the uniqueness and creativity of its entrees.

Soma kun is a very creative chef himself, and La Ratatouille encouraged his experimentation even as a demi-chef. He told me with some pride that the bistro added three of his recipes to their menu while he was there. In fairness, though, their menu is quite expansive and features dishes tailored to nearly any taste and budget. Most of these were developed by the rat, called “little chef” by the rest of the staff. Soma kun acknowledged the rodent as one of the best chefs he’d ever worked with.

The little chef understood spoken french, but could not himself speak it, limited to squeaking like any other rat. Soma kun’s orders tended to come from Colette, the sous chef, or her husband, Alfredo Linguini, the owner of the establishment. Linguini had no culinary talent of his own, but had the ability to act as the little chef’s hands when the rat sat on his head. The public believed he was the genius behind La Ratatouille’s success, though, since the knowledge that the bistro employed a rat as head chef would not encourage patronage.

While Soma kun was there, the kitchen staff was small, just the little chef, Linguini, Colette and one other, a young woman named Sunny Baudelaire. Since then, they had apparently expanded their staff to keep up with the increasing popularity of the restaurant and contacted Soma kun to see if he wanted to return. He was too busy with Restaurant Yukihira but recommended me for the position. Colette made no secret of her disdain for the culinary world’s bias against female chefs and on the strength of Soma kun’s recommendation, offered me a job as tournant. I accepted and with a crash course in conversational french, was soon on a plane for Paris.

Chapter Text

Megumi exited the plane and headed straight for the baggage claim. She was anxious to retrieve her knives. They were probably the most valuable things in her possession and if it wasn’t for the fact that the airline would not let her keep them in the carry on, they would not have left her side the whole trip. As she passed through the crowd, though, she saw a tall, thin man holding a sign with her name written in her native Japanese. She didn’t recognize him, but knew he must have been sent by La Ratatouille.

“Bonjour and konnichiwa, mademoiselle Tadokoro. I am Anton Ego. I’m here to welcome you to Paris and your new position at our fine establishment.” He gestured to his companion, a handsome broad shouldered man in his early twenties with curly brown hair, vivid green eyes, and a ready grin, “Ciao signora, I am Alberto Scorfano Paguro Marcovaldo di Portorosso del Mare. You can call me Alberto. Welcome to La Ratatouille. Piacere Girolamo Trombetta.”

Ego rolled his eyes, “Must you greet everyone that way? One of these days you’ll find someone who already knows what it means, and won’t that be embarrassing? Alberto is the poissonnier of la Ratatouille and one of the chefs you’ll be working with.”

“Ah, Ego, you’re no fun at all. Don’t worry, signora, it’s nothing bad, just a silly Italian thing.”

Megumi hid a smile behind one hand, “From a silly Italian, I assume?”

“Ha, exactly. I can tell you’ll fit right in with our little compagnia di circo. Shall we get your bags?”

Megumi insisted on carrying her knives herself, but allowed Alberto to heft her other trunk which he did without apparent effort. Ego asked if she would like them to take her to her new apartment, or to the restaurant first to meet the other chefs, “The apartment, I think. It was a long flight and I was able to sleep a little, but I’d like to change first before meeting the others.”

Ego nodded, “Quite understandable. The restaurant doesn’t open for another few hours. Do you want me to come back, or shall we wait and introduce you tomorrow?”

“Come back for me, I’m anxious to meet my new nakama.”

“Very well, shall we say two hours?”

Chapter Text

Megumi saw Alberto by the sink with another young man as she came into the kitchen. They were sharing a tender kiss, “Addio, mio bel pesciolino.” He turned and saw her, “Ah, signora Tadokoro, this is my husband, Luca.” She shook his hand in the western fashion but greeted him in Japanese, “Aete ureshī yo, Tsuisutotoronbōn san.” Luca was shorter than Alberto and more slender, with warm brown eyes and a kind smile. Megumi’s first impression of Alberto had been of a charming rogue and she wondered at the time how many broken hearts might trail behind him. Seeing the two of them together, though, it was clear that they only had eyes for each other.

He gave Alberto a quick kiss on the cheek, “I have to go now, it was good to meet you signora. Take good care of her, Alberto, ciao.” Alberto watched him go with a sigh, “I love that man. Well, let's introduce you to the rest of our little family.”

Alberto lowered his voice, “Um, you know about the little chef, si?”

“Yes, Soma kun told me. A rat, but he’s the head chef. He can’t talk but can understand us?”

“Well, that’s mostly true. He actually can talk, it’s just that most of us can’t hear him. Ella is the exception. She was originally our plongeur but it seems she can speak rat so he promoted her to demi-chef and is teaching her cuisine. She translates for the rest of us. That’s the blonde woman by the stove. The one with dark hair is Colette, you spoke with her on the phone. Sunny isn’t here yet. She’s our saucier, but she’s opening her own restaurant in London in about six months. That’s why you were hired. With her time divided in preparation for the opening, we’re short staffed.”

He indicated a somewhat heavyset man with dark curly hair decorating an elaborate cake. The man noticed their attention and gave a cheery wave, “the pâtissier is Steven DeMayo. He’s an American. He’ll be the one to replace Sunny as saucier when she leaves. They offered me the position, but I enjoy working with fish and frankly, none of the others can match my skill. The advantage of specialization, I suppose.”

A thin red haired man and a young woman came in from the dining area and joined the two women by the stove, “That, of course, is Linguini. He’s a good man and a fine boss, but has no skill in the kitchen at all. I swear the man could burn a green salad. For some reason, though, the little chef can control him like una marionetta. They make a great team since it allows the rodent to use human equipment, otherwise Linguini acts as maître d'. The girl is Aletta, the other waitress. Oh, I should mention: with Ella’s increased duties, the rest of us tend to help her out with the work of the plongeur. That includes Colette and Linguini as well. The only one who doesn’t wash dishes is the little chef and that’s only because he’s too small. On the other hand, you won’t have to worry about removing garbage. There is someone who does that each night after we all leave.”

“You hired a crew to come in and clean up?”

“Not exactly. I will tell you though, that any refuse or leftover food will disappear overnight but you have to be sure not to block the door to the dry pantry or they can’t get in. They leave the place immaculate by morning though. It’s a deal we have with...um, let’s say another restaurant.”

Megumi looked at him suspiciously but Alberto would say nothing more. Linguini and the three women were coming over now, though, so she let the subject drop. Linguini greeted her and presented the little chef. Sure enough, the rodent wore a tiny apron and toque blanc. The creature squeaked and Ella translated his greetings.

“Welcome to La Ratatouille. You come highly recommended by a trusted compatriot and we hope you’ll feel at home here. We’re an eclectic group comprising multiple nationalities and species. If you have any trouble, be sure to ask for help, and if you feel homesick for your native land, you should know that Aletta came here from Tokyo.” The girl smiled and greeted her in flawless japanese. She wore a black and white uniform and an odd hat resembling goat’s horns.

“For now, if you’d like to just observe, we’re preparing our specials for tonight. We expect a good turnout including a reservation by a couple celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They left a ‘surprise us’ instruction which personally is my favorite since it gives us an opportunity to be creative.”

“Thank you sir, but I came here to be useful and I’d like to get started as soon as I can.”

“In that case, Alberto, could you get her started on some amuse-bouches? I’ll be preparing a roast lamb for the main course.”

Alberto led her to the fish station and looked at her expectantly. She realized at once it was a test, “Lamb can be gamy and while I’m sure the little chef can bring out its full potential, we still want an amuse-bouche that doesn’t encourage that too much. That means a light refreshing appetizer without a fishy smell or oily taste. He’ll also probably use a sauce with some sweetness so something more sour perhaps?”

Alberto nodded, grinning, “Excellent! We’ll use fiore del mare. When your friend Soma was here, he called it sushi and convinced the little chef to pair it with a vinegared rice. Prepare a white rice and a black. Here is the vinegar mixture for the white rice. This one is for the black. I’ll start prep on the fish.”

Alberto tasted each completed rice and proclaimed it satisfactory. He then had her shape the rice. So far, she was a little disappointed. This sort of thing might be new to France, but any decent restaurant in Japan could make nigirizushi. That’s when he produced a plate of paper thin strips of fish. Soon on each island of rice grew tiny roses, white roses on the black rice and salmon red on the white, with tiny leaves of seaweed. She had never seen sushi this precise. Soon the two plates were covered, “Now take those to the fridge. A serving will be one white and one black for each customer.”

When she returned, he had already cleaned up the station and was washing the utensils. She looked curiously at his deep purple gloves. There was something odd about them. He noticed her looking, “Oh, right. You don’t know yet.” He drew a hand from the water. It only had four fingers and was noticeably webbed, “I’m not wearing gloves. When Soma was here, the little chef was undoubtedly the weirdest thing in the kitchen. He has competition now for that title. Ella Charming is royalty. Her family has a tradition that each child must take a menial job to teach them humility. The ability to speak to rodents is something she inherited from her grandmother, Princess Cinderella Charming. Aletta comes from another dimension. The horns are real and she claims to be a demon. Steven is half alien and apparently co-ruler of a galactic empire. If you ever get injured, have him kiss it better. My husband and I are sea monsters and revert to our natural forms when wet. The fiore del mare is based on the cuisine of our people.”

Chapter Text

Megumi finally met Sunny Baudelaire on her third day. She had apparently spent the past week in London overseeing the renovation of her new restaurant. She would have returned sooner, but had been delayed by a series of mishaps on the part of the contractors, “It’s unfortunate, but I really need to be there. There’s equipment that my sister built that’s beyond their expertise. What I really need is someone who’s both a carpenter and an engineer, but where am I going to find someone like that?”

DeMayo considered, “Let me make a call, I might know someone. Her name’s Bismuth and she’s been getting bored back in Delmarva. She’s the one who made my knife set.” Sunny’s eyes widened and Megumi sympathised. Steven’s knives were the envy of all the other chefs. Megumi wasn’t even sure what they were made of, but it wasn’t ordinary steel. Alberto liked to cut paper thin strips of fish for edible art. Steven could do the same trick with slices of soft bread. No ordinary knife could possibly be that sharp.

With the saucier back, the atmosphere in the kitchen was relaxed. Just having Megumi as an extra chef made all the difference. She drifted from station to station, lending a hand or finishing an order as needed. Steven asked for some toasted walnuts for a dessert he was constructing, and confided in her that he would miss the cakes nearly as much as Alberto would the fish, “We won’t be without a pâtissier for long, though. My friend Lars is returning from space in a few months and I’ve convinced him to take my place.”

“Space? You mean actual space?”

He chuckled, “Yeah, he’s an actual space pirate, but there’s not as much action for him now that the Diamond Authority isn’t out conquering planets anymore. I gotta tell you, it’s relaxing the way I don’t have to worry about anything more serious than a dissatisfied customer. No conquering aliens, no planet destroying clusters, just hungry people and sweet cupcakes. I’m sure Alberto appreciates the lack of harpoon wielding nutcases around here too.”

She asked Alberto about it as they worked on some salmon en papillote, “Oh, yes, I’ve had a lot of harpoons aimed at me. The people of Portorosso knew there were monsters in the sea. They didn’t know there were people. To be fair, though, the sea folk didn’t seem to make much effort at peace with the land monsters either. It’s easier to just be afraid of something than to try to understand it.” He smiled ruefully, “Of course, when I was a fry my nemesis wasn’t harpoons, it was nets. I’ve got these stiff spiny fins that are so easy to get tangled up. Luca saved my life once when I was caught in one. I still have nightmares about it sometimes. So does he.”

Aletta rushed into the kitchen, but instead of calling out an order, she made her way to Colette and the two conferred in low voices. Colette straightened up and clapped her hands for attention, “We have another Saiyan. Linguini is taking his order now. We’re...we’re probably going to need Steverto for this one. Everyone else, try to stay out of his way.”

The news had an immediate effect and Megumi could sense the sudden tension in the air, “Santa Gorgonzola! Another one. They must be telling each other about us. Can you finish this for me?”

Megumi nodded and kept working, “Of course, but what’s going on? What’s a saiyan? And who’s Steverto? I thought I’d met everyone.”

“The Saiyans are aliens, practically indistinguishable from humans except for a monkey-like tail. Tremendously strong, and with an even more tremendous appetite. It shames me to say it, but we’ll never fill him up with fish. They’re good customers and heavy tippers, but the first time we hosted one, we had to close for three days to restock. Fortunately, we know how to deal with one now. Thank Cod we’re not a buffet or smörgåsbord though, he’d go through that like a school of sharks. As for Steverto, you’ll meet him in a moment.”

Alberto and Steven nodded to each other and began to dance. They didn’t appear at first to be dancing with each other and their movements were nothing alike. As Megumi watched, though, it was quickly apparent that they were synchronizing, as if they were both dancing to the same internal music. A pink glow emanated from Stevens navel and as they drew closer, it brightened. They came together and there was a flash of light. Both men were gone and in their place was a strange creature.

Megumi had seen Alberto transform before, it was impossible to work with fish and never get wet. She had seen his hands turn to claws as he snagged a fish from the tank and dispatched it with a single talon. She had even seen his face once when he used a damp towel to wipe away sweat and remembered the elongated pupils and yellow sclera. This creature had those same yellow and green eyes, but where Alberto was indigo and lavender, this one had scales of an eye popping fuchsia. It also had two sets of arms, a feature she was sure Alberto would have mentioned if it were a usual part of his aquatic form. This was Steverto? It must be, since he strode to Steven’s station and drew three of his knives.

“Let’s cook.”

With that he blurred into motion. Faster than the eye could follow, he moved from station to station and in his wake, completed dishes appeared. Occasionally he would pause and hold his hands over a pan of meat or vegetables. A pink bubble formed between the outstretched claws and when it popped, the food was roasted to perfection. Soon every surface in the kitchen was covered with steaming plates of vegetables, succulent roasts, breads and cakes of every description.

Steverto paused at the pâtissier station, gently put down the knives and bowed his head. He glowed again and in his place stood Steven and Alberto. Alberto was back in human form and visibly shaken. Steven was openly crying. Colette went to them and placed a hand on each man’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I had to do that to you again. I know what it costs you. Both of you, take the rest of the night off. We can handle it from here.”

“We’ll be fine, we just need a moment.”

“No, you’re done for the evening. I mean it. Go home, watch a movie, have a swim, talk it out with each other, something. Even with the Saiyan, we have enough for the rest of the night.”

“All right, grazie. Steven, come with me. Neither of us wants to be alone now.”

“Colette, what just happened?”

She sighed, “Steven has the ability to fuse with other people. He and Alberto are extremely compatible and the resulting Steverto is worth a hundred cooks, but it comes at a price. There’s a reason we don’t let them do this every night. Alberto is the one who brought Steven in. They met in Therapy. They both suffer from deep insecurity and feelings of abandonment. These feelings are multiplied in Steverto. As long as he has work to distract him, he’s fine, but when he runs out of food to cook, it all comes crashing in and he has to separate. Which means of course, that he no longer exists and his last act on Earth was to destroy himself. It always feels to me like I just saw a suicide attempt.

Chapter Text

The “weekend” for someone in the business of hospitality means something different. Friday and Saturday nights are the busiest times for a restaurant, followed by Sunday. Even Thursdays tend to be a popular night for dining out, but the early part of the week is traditionally a slow time. Many restaurants choose to close then to give their staff a much needed opportunity for recuperation and rest. La Ratatouille was no exception. The restaurant ended its week on Sunday night and reopened for business on Thursday. Wednesday most of the kitchen staff reported in, but their efforts were entirely preparatory. Certain dishes must be made fresh to order, but others can be made days in advance without diminishing in quality. That left Monday and Tuesday for recreation.

This particular Monday afternoon, Megumi had been looking forward to. Alberto had invited her and several other friends to a party at his home. The guests would include most of the staff, but also Sunny’s brother, and one of Steven’s...caregivers? They weren’t parents, but they had raised him. Friends of his deceased mother and definitely not human. Steven had talked a lot about the Gems, but she had never met one.

This was the address, but it didn’t look much like a residence. A white metal door set in a blank wall between a coffee shop and a clothing store. Still, the door had a bell to ring and a welcome mat featuring a pair of fish. That was a good sign.

She rang the bell and Alberto’s husband Luca answered, “Benvenuta, Signora Tadokoro. Welcome to our home.” He led her in and she quickly realized the reason for the unusual architecture. It was a renovated gymnasium, high ceilinged and spacious once you entered, but with the original windows to the street removed for privacy. In their place were tall bookshelves and artwork. Their reason for choosing such a residence was also immediately obvious. Nearly half of the floor space was taken up by an enormous swimming pool. The rest was a more typical open floor style flat with a kitchen nook and bar. With the windows to the street covered, natural light was provided by numerous skylights, some from the original building and some clearly added during the renovation.

Most of the guests were dressed for a pool party, although Ego was still wearing his usual black suit and speaking with a dark haired man with glasses, “If you’d like to change, there’s a room over here. It was part of the original womens’ locker room, though we removed the lockers themselves.”

“You have a fascinating home. Do you sleep in the pool?”

“Sometimes, but we have a human style bed also. You are welcome to swim, of course but you should know that it’s more like swimming in a pond than a pool. We find chlorine unpleasant so we created a little ecosystem within the pool instead. There are minnows and snails to keep it clean, live seaweed and of course, Martina and Nero, my pet goatfish. It’s deeper than usual, built to accommodate high dives. We also found an aquarium tank bubbler to keep the water fresh and full of oxygen. Really it’s more like a very large fishbowl.”

“We were fortunate to find this place. It’s convenient to both the restaurant and le Observatoire de Paris, although most of my work is done in Meudon now. True, it looks like a warehouse from the outside, but it’s large enough to hold parties like this and to have guests stay with us. Sunny’s brother Klaus is with us now. He sleeps in the bed and we in the pool. When my parents visit, it’s the other way around.”

Now dressed in a red one-piece bathing suit, Megumi joined the party at the poolside. Steven poured her a lemonade. She had never seen his gem before, it was normally hidden under his uniform and apron, “Amethyst is here. Alberto took her to see the grotto at the bottom of the pool.”

A woman surfaced in the pool with a huge splash, “Steven, I love him, he’s purple!” Alberto came to the surface next to her, “Luca, I love her, she’s purple!” They laughed and Alberto dove with a flick of his tail. Amethyst glowed briefly and followed in the shape of a lavender seal. Luca grinned at their antics, “If anyone else wants to play in the pool, we have masks and snorkels available. We’re both trained as lifeguards. We won’t let anyone drown. There’s also the Jacuzzi if you prefer, snacks, and of course, help yourself to the bar.”

Ella and Sunny were in the hot tub already and Megumi decided to join them, “Is the little chef here somewhere?” “Not yet, he said he would be coming later with Linguini and Colette. He doesn’t usually go in for these kinds of things. He can’t chat with anyone without me, and he doesn’t enjoy swimming.

“And I assume that’s your brother talking with Ego?”

“Yes, Klaus has been in Portorosso researching Luca and Alberto’s people. It’s strange, there have been stories of sea monsters for centuries, but when we meet the real ones, they don’t look anything like the legends. Alberto isn’t shaped like a mermaid, with a human top and a fluked tail below. Even if he deliberately sat in water only to his waist, he’d still have legs. Similarly, both of them recognise a sea serpent as being meant to portray them, but they look nothing like one.”

“I’m sure some of that is simply because it’s hard to see them underwater.”

“True, and the sea folk are certainly shy enough. If all you saw of Alberto was his tail, you might think he was a serpent.”

“I’d never seen his tail before today. His hands, yes, but he gets them wet all the time.”

Sunny grinned, “Well you’ll get the chance today. Part of the reason they like hosting these gatherings is the opportunity to be themselves with people who won’t be shocked or horrified by their appearance.”

“Mind if I join you ladies?” Luca was in his fish form now, and the women moved over to let him in. Megumi looked at him curiously. She hadn’t seen him as a sea monster before but he looked strangely familiar.

Her eyes widened, “You’re the Pasta Monster!”

They all laughed, “It’s true, I am. Our hometown of Portorosso is the headquarters of Giorgio Giorgioni Foods. When the sea monsters started to enter human society, one of the changes it caused was that it was no longer considered appropriate for a box of pasta to feature a man killing a sea serpent. The company redesigned the logo without the harpoon. The rebranding coincided with the introduction of a line of canned pasta marketed to children. Alberto helped to create the sauce. I agreed to appear in a series of commercials as ‘Pepe the Pasta Monster’ that seemed to imply it was hunger that was triggering my transformations. They proved quite popular and Port-O-Rosso Pasta is now sold worldwide, still featuring a cartoon version of my face.”

“I remember it. I always assumed Pepe was some kind of pasta eating kappa.”

“It sells quite well there, the Japanese love Pepe. My father appears in one of the commercials as well. He somewhat resembles the real life Giorgio Giorgioni, at least to the extent that they are both heavyset Italian men with mustaches. My mother was not amused since she thought it implied that she was the sea serpent being speared and he only made the one commercial. After that, instead of suggesting he might be the son of Giorgio, Pepe got a mother portrayed by a human actress. Of course, I’m too old now to play Pepe and any new commercials tend to be animated.”

The doorbell rang again and Alberto answered it this time, “Giulia! Papà! Entrare, come in. Luca, the Linguini’s are here too. We can get started.”

“Well, that’s my cue, I’ll go see if Steven needs help with the cake.”

Megumi was curious, if Steven had baked a cake that wasn’t out yet, it was sure to be spectacular.

The cake was a masterpiece of course, nearly half a meter tall and depicting the planet Saturn. It seemed to float in a sea of stars and fish, and it was so detailed it must have been copied from an actual photograph. “Yes, I had the Rubies take some pictures yesterday so I could get the clouds right.”

Alberto called for attention and Luca joined him, “Now that all our guests have arrived, we wish to make an announcement. I would like to speak of Change. It is a subject that we sea monsters know well. Some changes are at best superficial. I am the same man whether I’m currently tan or purple. Some changes are profound, as was the day we two joined our lives together. Some changes, though, are both. When my dear sister Giulia brought l'oro olimpico home to Italia, it was a tremendous honor, but it was also no more than what we all knew she could accomplish. Her change had already occurred and this was only the public acknowledgment of her mastery. We have another change of this type tonight. My friends, I present to you someone new that you all knew was inevitable: Doctor Paguro!”

Chapter Text

“So in addition to prep work, Wednesdays are also for experiments. Our menu changes all the time, almost on a monthly basis. It’s the key to our success, that the true gourmand knows that they can come in and always find something new, something they’ve never tasted here before. Now, I know what my weakness is as a chef. I can execute a recipe flawlessly but I have no real talent for invention. I am a superb sous, but I will never be a master chef, myself. That is fine. The little chef is creative enough for both of us. It is no accident though that our staff is, let us say, atypical. We seek out chefs who are creative, not afraid to push the boundaries of cuisine...unique in other words.”

The rest of the kitchen laughed, they knew “unique” was the highest compliment Colette could give them, “So, as with any Wednesday, if you have an idea for a dish that you’ve never tried before, make it! Taste be damned! The worst it can be is not ready. The little chef’s first great success was with the worst recipe Gusteau ever wrote. Ego and I remember Soma’s peanut butter and squid, and what Alberto created with it.”

Steven and Alberto exchanged a look and with deliberately innocent expressions, changed stations. Steven started to cut chunks of fish and shrimp into the food processor. Alberto, meanwhile, was mixing what appeared to be a simple cake batter. The odd thing was that he didn’t seem to be using eggs. Megumi shrugged, and continued constructing her elaborate futomaki.

Ego, Colette and the little chef waited patiently in the center of an otherwise empty dining room. Megumi smiled, it was the shokugeki all over again. It didn’t matter that there was no wager other than pride. It was even possible that all of them would “win,” would create a dish interesting enough to make it to the secret menu, to be brought out when a guest challenged them to “surprise me.”

Megumi’s offering was first. The futomaki was beautiful, but not particularly unique, “But it’s not the sushi I want you to pay attention to. I’ve noticed that it’s nearly impossible to find genuine wasabi in Europe. I’ve tried twenty three different importers. What I’ve made here is a false wasabi from horseradish, mustard seed and spinach powder. It’s similar in flavor to the true wasabi of Japan, but I think it will appeal more to the western taste.”

Next was Steven, “I have here a shrimp and goatfish stargazy. I used some of the older goatfish that’s no longer fresh enough for Alberto’s fish rolls. You’ll notice the whole mackerel that sticks out of the pie crust. (it was hard to miss) It’s been skinned and deboned to make it easier to eat, except for the head and tail, of course. I submit this for the “eat it if you dare” customer.”

Ego grinned wickedly, “I love those. There’s always one gourmand who thinks he’s tried everything. I know the type, I was one myself. There’s nothing better for us than to go from horror to delight in a single mouthful.”

Ella hadn't been cooking long and didn’t have the experience of the others, but she had been under the direct tutelage of the little chef and was the only one who could actually understand his lessons. She produced a log of thinly sliced chicken and ham, rolled together with herbs and sliced into medallions. It was accompanied by three sauces, white, red and green, painted onto the plate in such a way that each bite would acquire a different combination of flavors.

Alberto went last since he had chosen to make a dessert. It was a simple but elegant lemon torte. They looked at it curiously, it was far below Alberto’s usual artistry, “I wanted to showcase the cake itself. If we keep it, it will be Steven baking and decorating it anyway.” It had a wonderfully complex flavor, with fresh lemon zest and a hint of nutmeg. Ego took another forkful, “It’s so rich, did you use duck eggs instead of chicken?”

Alberto grinned, “Even better, they’re goatfish eggs. Martina is laying now. I’ve been trying to get the proportions right for a week but I think I finally have it. You have to reduce the salt and increase the liquid in the recipe but it works out at three goatfish eggs to two chicken.”

Ella looked interested, “Have you tried poaching one?”

“Hmm, not yet. They have an edible membrane, but no shell, and nearly all yolk. You could probably leave them in the membrane and effectively soft boil it.”

Megumi chimed in, “There are plenty of recipes that use an undercooked egg to give the dish a rich sauce. There’s a traditional Japanese dish, oyakodon. The name translates as ‘mother and child.’ It uses chicken and a raw egg yolk. The heat from the food itself is enough to partially cook the yolk. We could make a seafood version.”

The four cooks discussed variations and improvements they could make with these recipes should the senior partners approve. Meanwhile the senior partners themselves conferred. Linguini was included in this, though he wasn’t one of the judges. His expertise in cuisine was limited at best, but his business sense was good, and he had the most experience with interpreting the little chef’s squeaks and gestures.

Colette stood, “Excellent work, my friends, truly a fine meal. Ella, could you come translate for the little chef? He has heard our opinions and is ready to determine how we will proceed.”

The rodent stood at the center of the table and addressed the chefs, “Thank you for a wonderful meal. As always, there are some dishes that show great promise and with only a little more refinement will be an excellent addition to our menu. Ella? (oui, Maître?) Your sauces still need some work, but I love the idea of strategic placement of the condiments to give the diner a different flavor in each bite. I fully intend to steal that idea for some of my own dishes. (Thank you sir, there’s nothing more flattering for an apprentice, than to inspire her master.)”

“Steven and Alberto, you were both excellent as always, and yet I can’t help but think you might do each other's dishes better. Alberto, can you get more of these eggs? I’m anxious to try Megumi’s oyakodon del la mer.”

Alberto and the partners discussed the feasibility of transporting goatfish eggs from Portorosso. The goatfish themselves did well, it was certainly worth trying. Unfortunately, only a mature goatfish would lay, and the ones they used in the restaurant were the more tender juveniles. Megumi felt her mind wander, listening to Ella’s melodious voice translating the little chef’s words. Alberto had mentioned that Ella was some kind of royalty, and it occurred to her that she was also the most beautiful woman she had ever met.

Megumi broke out of her fugue with a start as Ella spoke her name, “Megumi, your faux wasabi has perhaps the most potential, far beyond the restaurant itself. You’re right, the condiment is practically unknown in Europe. I think, though, that it can be made to be very popular. Western diners already enjoy horseradish and mustard. We have a close partnership with Giorgio Giorgioni Foods. Luca and Alberto both have seats on their board of directors. We don’t trade on the name of La Ratatouille itself (“We’ve seen where that road leads.” muttered Ego, “Corn puppies indeed.”) but we have on several occasions used their distribution system and our recipes to our mutual profit. With your approval, we can submit your recipe for mass production and distribution.”

The prep work and experiments done, the kitchen staff packed up for the evening. If this was a typical Wednesday, it was no wonder Sunny already had the resources for her own restaurant. Before she could put on her coat, though, Ella stopped her and murmured, “Megumi, could we talk for a moment?”

“Of course.”

“I noticed you sort of...wandered for a moment tonight.”

“Yes, I know. I don’t usually lose focus like that. I don’t know what happened.”

“Unfortunately, I think I know...You must have noticed that this place attracts the most unusual people, both as staff and as guests.”

“Yes, I can’t believe there are too many restaurants, even in Paris, where half the staff is other than human.”

“Yes, well you should also know that I am included in that number.”

“You? But I thought you were an ordinary woman like me, a princess, yes, but otherwise…”

“Well, yes, the Charmings are related to most of the royal families in Europe, but that is because of our Glamour.”

“What do you mean?”

“My family is mostly human, but we are descended from the original people of this continent: the Fairies. There is a strong current of magic in our bloodline. ‘Charming’ isn’t just a name, it’s a warning. Alberto told you about our tradition, that children of the bloodline take menial jobs to teach humility. That is only half the reason. The other is to keep us away from the centers of Power. Once, the worst evil a king could bestow on his neighbors was a war. Now war is fought with bombs and missiles, not men with swords. Magic such as ours must be kept out of such hands.

“Now, please don’t think I’m bragging about this. It’s not something I chose, or even deliberately cultivated. It’s simply my nature, as much a part of me as Steven’s gem, Alberto’s scales or your dark hair. All the children in my family have the Glamour, and it gets stronger as we get older. Mine is a common manifestation. It starts with the small animals. I can talk to Remy, that’s the little chef to you, because I can talk to anything. Normal animals don’t have intelligence, but I can still understand them and even control them to a certain extent. By the time I was eighteen, I could do the same for people. I can’t read minds, but what I can do is even worse: I read hearts. Do you understand how dangerous that is? I can manipulate someone without them even realizing it, just by knowing what it is they truly want.”

That’s when Megumi realized that Ella was speaking Japanese, and not just any Japanese, but the specific dialect, intonation and even accent of her native Tōhoku region. The transition was so seamless, she couldn’t even tell when the woman had started, but now it was if she was speaking to a sister, or a friend she had known all her life.

“That’s why I chose this place. I didn’t have to be a plongeur, I could have satisfied the tradition with any job as long as it didn’t tempt me to resort to my Glamour. I came here because of Alberto. Because he and Luca are truly in love. So are Linguini and Colette. Remy has no mate, but his focus on cuisine is ultimately the same. True love, by definition, cannot be counterfeited. It is the one thing that is absolutely immune to my Glamour. Just like how they know that here, they can expose their true natures in safety, so too can I relax around them and not have to worry that they might become my unwitting slaves.”

“And what about me?”

“You are still in danger. You love the idea of hospitality, but you lack Remy’s obsessive focus. I could Charm you if I wanted to, which is why I’m telling you this. They know about me, but I didn’t have to give them this warning, there was no need. I want you to be on your guard, especially if it is only the two of us. I like you and I would like to be your friend, but I don’t want to hurt you. You can trust that at least.”

“Trust. Yes, I see it. You could force me to trust you, but the fact that you’re warning me against it seems to me evidence that you’re worthy of that trust after all.”

“I try to be, but I have ancestors that used this magic for evil. It always started well, and ended badly. Queen Grimhilda used it to conquer a kingdom, and ended up a bitter old sorceress destroyed by jealousy over the beauty of her own daughter. Princess Snow had this Glamour too, but she chose to use it kindly and found love instead. My family has served the powerful and influential for centuries, but we dare not seize power for ourselves. You saw what happened with Steverto. It isn’t usually that bad with him, or Alberto and Steven would refuse to form him under any circumstances. Steven and I have never fused, we cannot risk it. He realized at once that together we would create another White Diamond. With my Glamour and his Power, we could dominate the Earth.”

Chapter Text

“So I understand about the fish. Even if you weren’t one of the best poissonniers in Europe, you’re a sea monster and it’s natural that you would have experience with seafood. I’m from a fishing village too, so I get that. But why the pasta? Is it just because you’re Italian? You can’t tell me there’s a lot of noodles in the typical sea monster diet.”

Alberto chuckled, “Actually it’s the other way around. I first learned to cook pasta with mio papà. Once I discovered I was good at it, I looked around for other things to try. Luca’s mother taught me about sea monster food so I could make Luca’s favorites, and Papà decided he liked them too.”

“So you didn’t grow up with sea monster cooking then?”

“Only what I could steal from the village, but I didn’t dare that too often. My...biological father would leave me cans of food when he was there. I think he must have had this idea that I couldn’t eat anything cooked. Possibly my mother would refuse cooked food? That might explain it. I never really knew her, but she would have been his only source of knowledge about my kind. Mostly I fed myself. There was more to eat on the island than you might think. Wild grapes, seagull eggs, the seagulls themselves, all kinds of edible seaweed, and of course I’m well equipped to hunt fish. All raw of course. The first real human food I ever had was Massimo’s pasta. Hmm...unless you count the gelato, but that’s cold too.”

“It sounds lonely. Food is what civilization is. Every culture in the world uses a shared meal to bring people together.”

“I would have to agree. It’s certainly what civilized me. The first time Massimo praised me for my cooking, it was like the sun coming out. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to bring joy to the people you love. Then, when I met Linguini and the little chef, and discovered that even strangers could enjoy what I created…until then, it was always in the back of my mind that they were only trying not to hurt my feelings. Maybe my cooking wasn’t that good after all but they liked that I was willing to make the effort. The little chef had no reason to lie, though. Certainly Ego would not have withheld any criticism .”

“Ha, true enough. He’s not shy about telling someone that their dish is not up to his standards. Sometimes I think he’s got Erina’s God Tongue. That woman is the pickiest eater I’ve ever met. Soma says her mother’s even worse.”

“I was still in Portorosso when Soma worked here. We still use his vinegar mixtures for our sushi. He made four different recipes depending on what rice and topping we’re using. I created three other variations, but I haven’t been able to improve on his original for the basic white rice and goatfish. On the other hand, my calamari arachide is a good deal better than that horrific peanut butter and squid he tried to pass off as food.”

Megumi giggled, “He served it to the Polaris Dormitory once. Isn’t it awful?”

“I’ll make you my version then. It’s on the menu, but it’s not a popular item. I think people misread it as calamari arachnide and think it has spiders in it. We have some brave gourmands who come in here, but there is a limit.”

“I think if anyone can make spiders tasty, you could.”

“Ha! That sounds like a challenge. I suppose they’re not too different from crabs. I wonder where I can get some?”

Chapter Text

Aletta called out the orders, and then walked over to Steven’s station, “Are you expecting any of your Gem friends tonight? There’s one being seated now. I thought they didn’t eat.

“Amethyst likes to eat, but no, she doesn’t need to.”

“It’s not Amethyst. She’s red and blue in patches, and small, the size of a child. Gem over one eye, and another like a tear.”

“Bluebird Azurite! She’s no friend of mine, and more dangerous than she looks.”

“Will we need to poof her?”

“I hope not. I don’t want to start a battle in the dining room. I’ll go talk to her, see if I can get her to hate me after business hours. Nobody walks home alone until this is taken care of though. She has a history of hostage taking.”

Alberto grimaced, “The night was going so well. Pity.”

Megumi and Alberto moved to the patissier station to finish shaping Seven’s rolls, “Does this sort of thing happen often?”

“More often than we would like. Ella thinks her Glamour is attracting trouble, but I think it’s just a matter of so much weirdness in one place. Well, like any other safety issue, we’ve got a plan for hostiles in the dining room.”

“What plan is that?”

“Well, as a non combatant, your role will be to help evacuate the customers. Treat it as if we had a fire: get everyone out and don’t worry about the battle itself. Ella can use her influence to keep them calm.”

“What will you be doing?”

“Steven and I will be doing the fighting if it’s necessary. Hopefully it won’t be, Steven is very good at deescalation. If we have to, we’ll form Steverto. Steven is very powerful, but he’s strictly a defensive fighter. Bad things happen when he tries to fight aggressively. I, on the other hand, am a monster and at peace with that. A lifetime of having claws means I know when to use them. I can fight offence without losing myself to bloodlust.”

“And Steverto?”

“He combines Steven’s power with my aggression. He’s a formidable fighter, but if we can get Luca here, Steven will fuse with him instead and form Luven.”

“Why him?”

“It’s ‘them’, actually, Luven prefers a gender neutral pronoun. I don’t know why. Luca and Steven are both cis males, albiet bisexual ones. Like any fusion, though, Luven is a being unto themself, so it’s not my choice to make, it’s theirs. In theory, they are no more powerful than Steverto is. The difference is mental.

“Now Steven is no fool, but Luca? Luca is brilliant. Even his colleagues at the Observatory recognize that. He’s smarter than me and Steven put together. I mean that literally. He’s smarter than Steverto too. Steven can fuse with either of us very easily, perhaps because like the Gems, we’re natural shape shifters. Steverto is a capable fighter when he needs to be, but Luven is a wonder. They don’t have Steverto’s emotional weaknesses, but even better, they keep Luca’s intellect and Steven’s full range of powers. Luven can do things with them that Steven doesn’t dare.”

“Like what?”

“Are you familiar with the Delmarva Kaiju?”

“Delmarva …? Oh, yes, that creature that surfaced off the American coast that one time. The incident was unusual because most of the known kaiju live in the Pacific. It caused, thankfully, little damage before being driven off, and it hasn’t reemerged since, despite considerable effort to locate it. Wait, Steven is from Delmarva. Were he and the Gems involved? Were they the ones who defeated it?”

“Not exactly. Steven was the Kaiju. He had a mental breakdown and lost control of his shape changing abilities. That’s what he’s really capable of, but he can’t do it and keep a clear head. The Kaiju was practically mindless. Luven can manifest power on that scale while keeping their intellect. They can even use Steven’s other abilities at the same time including shields, regeneration, and super speed. They even have a sonic weapon capable of doing great damage.”

“Have you ever tried fusing the three of you? Steven mentioned that there wasn’t a hard limit for the number of individuals in a fusion.”

“No, but I’m not sure what I would add. I’m physically stronger than Luca, but Steven is stronger than either of us. He doesn’t look it, but the man could lift a car if he wanted to, even without changing shape.”

“I suppose it’s not worth the risk then. Steverto clearly has a damaged psyche, and you wouldn’t want to create another kaiju.”

“True. Steven and I both went through a period in our lives like that, but we got through it. Steverto isn’t me, and he isn’t Steven. He’s his own person for as long as he exists, and that means, in some ways he’s barely an hour old.”

Chapter Text

“Buon pomeriggio, Signorina Tadokoro.”

Megumi looked up at the greeting, “Dr. Paguro! Good afternoon. Alberto isn’t here, what can I do for you?”

The young man nodded, “I know, he had an appointment with his therapist today. I’m actually looking for Steven.”

“He should be back shortly. There’s this huge pink lion out front. Apparently it’s a friend of his?”

“Our transport. We’re off to pick a strawberry today.”

The pâtissier came in from the dining area, “Ah, Luca! Are you ready? Megumi, would you like to come along? You’ll get to meet someone new! I think you’ll like them.”

“Them? Do you mean...you’re going to form Luven? Just to pick strawberries?”

Steven’s eyes glittered with mischief, “A strawberry. We’ll only need one.”

Megumi raised an eyebrow, “All right, now I’m intrigued. But why do you need Luven for this? Is it dangerous?”

Steven shook his head. “Not at all. But being Luven is like a little vacation for me and Luca. More so than most fusions.”

“Oh, yes. Being Luven is a lot of fun. It’s a little like when I was playing Pepe. A character that’s you and not you at the same time. It gives you a great sense of freedom.”

“Shall we fuse now, or wait ‘till we get there?”

“We might as well do it now. Give Lion two people to carry and not three.”

The two men started to dance. Just as when he fused with Alberto, Steven made no attempt to match Luca’s movements, but the two of them naturally synchronized and came together in a flash of light.

Megumi didn’t know exactly what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t this. Steverto was a tall, four armed monster. Powerfully built and intimidating. Luven was perhaps the most adorably kawaii thing Megumi had ever seen. They were about Luca’s height, with rounded, childlike features. Scales of a delicate rose pink, unlike Steverto’s eye watering fuchsia, contrasted with teal-blue fins and hair. Like Steverto, Luven sported a tail, but only one set of arms. Their wide, expressive eyes had the yellow sclera of a sea monster, with pink irises and a diamond shaped pupil.

Megumi gave a quiet squeal of delight and Luven grinned, showing Luca’s sharp teeth, “Yeah I know, but people underestimate the Rubies, too. Shall we head for the Titan’s Battlefield?”

The huge pink lion emerged from his wormhole and Megumi disembarked. She and Luven looked around. Massive, oversized weapons littered the battlefield, and huge strawberries, some the size of small cars. “I see why Steven said we would only need one berry. These things are edible?”

“And delicious. Hard to transport, which is why it’s not practical to sell them commercially. They keep for a while, though, so Steven will cut it up into more convenient portions when we get it back. Luca intends to take some home too. We have a lot to choose from, so look for a ripe, firm berry without any blemishes. Not too ripe, though. We don’t want to bruise it.”

Megumi found the perfect specimen, firm and red, and close to a meter long. It would supply the restaurant for weeks when refrigerated, but wasn’t so large that the two of them couldn’t carry it comfortably. Luven severed the stem with a quick cut and they stored it in Lion’s mane for the trip home.

“So I have to ask: why do you look so different from Steverto? I mean, I would understand a color change, Luca and Alberto look nothing alike, but you’re, I mean they’re both sea monsters. Are they not actually the same variety after all?”

Luven shook their head, “No, it’s because I’m a much more stable fusion than he is. Fusion is, among other things, an expression of a relationship. It could be parental, romantic, a platonic friendship, or simply shared interests. Alberto and Steven are good friends, but they actually have very little in common besides their job. Steven and Luca have never been intimate, Luca loves Alberto too much for that, but they are very similar in temperament, personality and sexual identity. Neither one is as cis as Alberto believes, for example, which is why I have the pronouns I do.”

“I thought Steverto’s problems were because Alberto and Steven were too similar.”

“You mean why they have therapy. Yes, that’s true, but it’s not the kind of thing that makes a fusion more stable. You remember Bluebird, right? Two sets of legs, patches of red and blue all over her body without mixing? Contrast that with Garnet. Other than her ‘clothing’ she’s a uniform red-purple and her only extra body part is a third eye. Both Gems are the fusion of a Ruby and a rare blue Gem of a similar size and power. You would expect their fusions to be similar, but Garnet is united by the love shared between her two components. Bluebird is united by a shared antipathy to Steven. They don’t even like each other very much. It’s a terrible thing to base a relationship on and it shows in their fusion.”

“So the better the relationship, the more...human looking the fusion is?”

“In general, yes. The most monstrous fusion Steven ever encountered was Malachite, the fusion of a Lapis Lazuli and a Quartz soldier named Jasper. You haven’t met them yet. Their relationship was...bad. Abusive. Toxic for both of them. Jasper was convinced that fusion itself was the secret to the Crystal Gems’ power. Her fusion with Lapis was...dubious in terms of consent. Lapis had recently spent millenia trapped in a mirror, aware but unable to move or reform her body. Lapis became abusive in her anger and the combination of sadism and the guilt it produced in her is something she’s still working through. Jasper had it worse. The incident awakened a self destructive masochism that ended up destroying her. She goaded Steven into a battle and he ended up shattering her. He was able to bring her back, but that’s the reason Steven won’t fight on his own. He’s afraid of killing someone...again.”

“But if she recovered…?”

“It’s not a distinction he makes. He had the intent to murder and the guilt over that is what gave birth to the Kaiju. He cannot and will not put himself in a situation like that again, which is why he needs us. Steverto or me, or some other fusion. The guilt is also something he’s working through in therapy, but it’s still healthier than not caring that he killed someone, which is how Blue Diamond rationalized a similar situation.”

Megumi shook her head, “The more I learn about you guys, the more I appreciate my own family. It sounds like therapy has done a lot of good for Steven and Alberto though. Is there any way to get Steverto into some?”

“Unfortunately, he doesn’t last long enough. Luca has tried to keep him stable enough to talk to, but without something to occupy himself with, he breaks up. Ironically, I think I could do it. Luca can hypnotise with his voice. Steven is empathic. Using the two powers together, I’d be able to calm him down enough to help. But Steverto and I both have Steven as a component. There’s no way for us both to exist at the same time.”

Chapter Text

Megumi knocked at the plain white door, expecting Dr. Paguro. Instead, an unfamiliar woman answered, who greeted her with a smile. “Ah, you must be Miss Todokaro. Luca said you would be by today. I’m Daniella, his mother. Come in.”

“Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Paguro. Is your husband here as well?”

“He and Alberto are out looking at cars. Lorenzo has decided he needs to learn to drive. I don’t really see the point. Anywhere we can’t swim to, we can usually take a train.”

They headed for the pool that occupied half of the residence, “I’m glad that Luca is still making human friends. My mother was right, he does know how to find the good ones.”

Megumi smiled, “That’s because he is one of the good ones. One of the best. He and Alberto have been like family to me.”

An unfamiliar sea monster emerged from the pool. Smaller than Luca with scales of a pale light green and fins of bright, golden yellow. She shook herself and transformed into a young girl of around six or seven, and bounded up to Megumi, grinning, “Hi! I’m Bianca. Are you one of Luca’s new friends? Are you a human? I know he and ‘Berto have some friends that aren’t really. Some of them only look like humans. I can look like a human too, see?”

She pirouetted happily, and Megumi smiled, “I can see that, you’re very good at it. I’ve been a human all my life, and I can tell you’re an expert at looking like a human now.”

The girl giggled, “Luca is collecting the eggs. If we take them away, the goatfish will keep laying more. Mama and I brought him more fish so you’ll have lots and lots of eggs for your restaurant. Do you like Alberto? I think he’s silly sometimes, but Luca likes him a lot so I do too. We’re here for a week, but then we have to go back home. Mama says if we stay too long Luca will get silly too.”

Luca emerged from the pool with a wickerwork basket. He allowed it to drain and then emptied the eggs into a waiting wooden box, “Good morning, Megumi, I’ll be with you in a moment.” He smoothed out the eggs and removed a few that might be crushed by the lid. The extras went into a jar on the counter.

While Luca packaged up the eggs for le Ratatouille, Megumi looked around at the artwork adorning the walls. They were an eclectic mix of original art and reproductions. She immediately recognised Hokusai’s Great Wave off Kanagawa and Van Gogh’s Starry Night but also the disturbing Saturn Devouring His Son by Goya. She recognised one of a man hatching from an egg depicting the earth, as a Salvidor Dali, but she couldn’t remember its actual title. A depiction of a gigantic octopus attacking a sailing ship looked familiar but she didn’t know the artist. The same was true of a sea serpent devouring a sailor.

One reproducion was of a painting she had never seen before. It depicted a man in a monk’s robe standing on shore and pointing out to sea as he addresses a crowd of onlookers.

She moved on to the original works. Some of them were likely from local artists and mostly depicted seascapes or the night sky. Several, though, were apparently from the same artist and included portraits of both Luca and Alberto in their aquatic forms.

Bianca pointed to the portrait of Alberto, “His mama painted that. Not his sea monster mama, his human mama. Zia Giulia’s mom.”

“Sophia Marcovaldo? I had heard she was an artist. She’s very good.”

“She taught me how to paint. We can’t do that in the ocean. Just on land. If you try to paint in the ocean, the paint gets all over and makes a mess. Mama was so mad, weren’t you, mama?”

Daniella struggled to keep a straight face, “She used oils. At least if she’d used watercolors it would only wash away, but no. She had to use oils. Lorenzo’s poor crabs. They were the most interesting colors when she was done.”

Luca joined them and Migumi whispered, “What did she mean about you and Alberto getting ‘silly’?”

He blushed, “Sea monsters go through a fairly predictable cycle of hormonal activity and increased fertility. It’s not exactly ‘heat’ but it does come with some semi-instinctual behaviors that I’m sure you don’t want to hear about. Alberto and I do get pretty silly with each other. My parents have the whole ocean to chase each other around in. We just try to keep it indoors and private.”

He gestured to the copy of the sea serpent woodcut, “The sea folk are intelligent and civilized now, but like humans, we carry our primitive ancestors' feral instincts with us.”

“That was you once? I had wondered. Modern sea monsters look very little like the sea serpents and krakens of legend, nor are you mermen.”

“Sea monsters once did look like that, many centuries ago. Well, maybe. It’s a legend, so I can’t verify it’s true. I wasn’t there, after all. Luven told you about my ability to hypnotise by speaking or singing. One of my friends in Genvoa had the same talent, but he could charm sea monsters like I could humans. We called it the Siren’s Voice. In the sea monster language, the name for it is ‘Odu sK’antinno.’

“Antinno was a human who had the Voice. It’s possible he was the first. Or perhaps there were other human Sirens before him, but Antinno was the first to command the sea monsters and let them live.

“Antinno was a holy man sent to minister to a far away land. Cristo himself said that a prophet is never honored at home, so that he traveled far is not surprising. When he arrived, though, the people would not listen to him. They drove him away with curses and told him that no one in all the land would listen to his words. He responded that if no one in the land would hear him, he would take his message to the sea.

“In that time the sea monsters were huge and powerful, but in truth, little more than beasts. Apex predators, more dangerous than any shark. Not least because they could use a variation of their echolocation tone to attract and stun prey. There was a place near the town where the monsters were known to congregate. The locals avoided it for fear of the great serpents. It was here that Antinno was allowed to set up camp. The people expected him to be lured into the sea and devoured.

“He was not.

“He stepped up to the shore and began to speak. He had no way of knowing that his Voice would make the monsters love him. He only hoped that the men who watched him would hear his message too. He spoke of peace and love and kindness and the monsters listened. As he spoke, more and more of them gathered. So too, did the humans, in awe of the man’s power over the great beasts. When he finished his sermon, he blessed the serpents and told them to go in peace. They obeyed. He then turned to the men who had gathered and spoke to them as well, but this time they listened.

“They gave no more thought to what they witnessed. A miracle perhaps, but one intended to serve themselves, to make them hear the holy man’s words. They gave no thought to those others who heard the sermon: the monsters. Deep in the ocean, the monsters gathered. The compulsion of the Voice had faded. The meaning of the words had not. They realized now that that humans could be wise and compassionate and to kill one was murder. They wished they could be like that.

“Sea monsters as individuals and as a species can adapt very quickly. My uncle lives in the bathypelagic zone. He finds the upper ocean uncomfortable, with its higher oxygen content and sunlight, but he can survive there as another fish from that depth could not. This rapid adaptation is a trait we all share. Any environment that doesn’t kill me outright, I could eventually acclimate to, even find pleasant. I didn’t object to being sent to the Deep because it would be painful. I objected because it would be boring.

“So when the sea monsters wished to become like the holy man, their biology provided a way. Over time, the sea monsters who heard his words grew smaller, but far more intelligent than the others. Their children did as well. Within a few generations, there was a new denizen of the ocean. One with a form similar to the man’s and a mind to match. They could breathe both air and water with equal comfort and walk on land indistinguishable from a human. They knew, though, that the humans still feared them, and by that time Antinno’s Voice had cropped up in humans in greater frequency. It is the reason there are so few true monsters left in the ocean. Without the ability to survive on land, or the wisdom to avoid the Voice, most beached themselves trying to reach the singers.

“The monsters of the Pacific never heard Antinno. When they became subject to the same evolutionary pressures, they instead became larger and more fierce but also able to survive for a time out of the water. There are fewer of them, but they are truly immense and can be a great danger when they come to land.”

“The kaiju!? Kaiju are sea monsters?”

“They are related. We both evolved from the same root species. Evolutionarily speaking, it was not the best response. An individual kaiju is powerful, yes, but there are few of them and while long lived, they are not immortal. Ezio thinks they may soon become extinct.

“We, however, have thrived. The sacrifice of the beastial serpent in favor of the sapient sea folk has been well worth it. Human intelligence has allowed them to cover the globe. Sea monsters have done the same for the ocean. We have communities throughout the world’s oceans, from the equator to beneath the polar ice. Most live far out to sea and avoid humans, but some live near human settlements and visit in secret. Only in a few places, though, will humans and sea monsters live openly together in peace. The first ever was our hometown of Portorosso when we were children. Genoa is another.

“It is our hope that our two peoples can learn to live together as one. We have a lot we can teach each other. Human technology is far more advanced. We have no cities on the scale of a Paris or Tokyo. On the other hand, humans have reached the moon, but know little of the deep ocean. Our explorers have mapped the abyss of the great Mariana Trench.

“Together, we might hold the key to exploring the rest of the solar system. Our ability to adapt to hostile environments might one day allow us to populate other worlds. It’s unlikely that I could adapt to a hard vacuum, but if we could study and reproduce the mechanism, we could have people adapted to Mars or Titan. Or ones who could breathe methane as easily as I do water. To do so, though, requires one to expand the definition of what it means to be human. Alberto’s hybrid nature proves that we are ultimately one people, whatever our origin.

Chapter Text

The dry area of Luca and Alberto’s home was an open floor plan, so to give Megumi time to talk, Daniela and Bianca decided to play at the bottom of the pool. Luca poured tea and gestured to the sofa, “So, Megumi, Alberto tells me you were wondering why you were so affected by Ella’s Charm, when Sunny could ignore it.”

Megumi considered. Ella had warned her about her ability but she had still found herself drawn to her. It had already passed simple attraction and was getting perilously close to obsession. “Ella said Colette and Linguini were immune because her power cannot affect True Love, but Sunny has no husband. Why is she immune, but not me? Am I doing something wrong?”

“No, it’s because when we realized what Ella could do, we took steps to mitigate it. With your permission, I can teach you to resist mind control of all sorts.”

“You can do that? How?”

Luca gave a little shrug, “When you want a muscle to become stronger, you give it something to lift. You know that I can Charm as well. My power is much more focused, though, and under my deliberate control, unlike Ella’s inherent Glamour. To strengthen your mind, I will repeatedly overshadow you until you can resist me. If you can do so, Ella’s Glamour will have no hold on you.”

“Will it hurt?”

Luca shook his head, “It is presumably how the ancient sea monsters attracted prey. It is not in the interest of an ambush predator to discomfort his prey until it is time to strike. Resistance takes effort, of course. You will find yourself exhausted by the experience, but not hurt. All my family and closest friends have gone through this. It is why my mother and sister are here. Bianca is now old enough to undergo the process.”

“Then the others in the restaurant have already done this?”

“All but Ella. Even Linguini and Colette have been where you are. They are immune to Ella’s power, but not mine. I have done this for some of my own colleagues as well. The ones that I have trusted to know my true nature. I am a benevolent puppetmaster, but there are evil ones. I want to keep my friends safe from them.”

“So why now? Why did you not do this before?”

“We had to get to know you, and for you to know us. We had to give you time to consider what you would be in for. You came here expecting a restaurant, not a circus freakshow. You did not meet Julien. He was le Ratatouille’s last tournant. He passed the first tests. He accepted the little chef as his boss and the inhuman nature of his coworkers. What broke him, though, was Steverto. It was one thing to be told that Steven was part alien. It was another to understand how he could become an entirely different person by fusing his body with another. Julien was never the same after witnessing that, and I was forced to erase his memory of the incident.”

“Where is he now?”

“London. He is Sunny’s sous chef. He retains all of the knowledge and skills he acquired during his stay, but does not remember Steven and Alberto as anything other than skilled colleagues. He does not remember the little chef at all, and thinks Linguini ran the kitchen. The necessity of helping Julien forget was a major reason for Sunny’s departure. She brought him in, and she felt responsible. We considered keeping him ignorant of the unusual goings on, but he was our friend and it wouldn’t be safe for him here.”

“That could be my fate as well, then?”

“I’m afraid so. You would still be a chef, but you would forget us. Sunny would bring you with her to London and only she would know why you left. We’ve done our best to acclimate you gradually to the strangeness that surrounds us here, but we’ve never lied to you. This is the last test. If I give you the treatment to shield your mind, I won’t be able to erase your memory later. Not without side effects, at least. You and you alone, must choose this. Do you want some time to think about it?”

“No, I’ve made my choice. I won’t give up the friends I’ve made here.”

There was a knock at the door, and Luca stood up, “That will be Giorgio. Another Siren, but a human one. He’ll be more effective with Bianca, and I with you. We’re both strong enough now that we can affect our own species, but we’re even more powerful together.”

At the door stood a man around Luca’s age, tall with wavy, light brown hair and brown eyes. He grinned at Luca and without warning, burst into song.

In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me and speaks my name
And do I dream again? For now I find
The Siren of Liguria is there
Inside my mind

His voice was a clear tenor, and though he sang acapella, Megumi could swear she heard what sounded like a full orchestra behind him. It was unmistakably a challenge. Luca grinned wickedly, and sang a verse of his own.

Sing once again with me
Our strange duet
My power over you grows stronger yet
And though you turn from me to glance behind
The Siren of Liguria is there
Inside your mind

Megumi shivered. Luca was a strong baritone, and his voice carried resonances that bypassed her ears and gripped her soul. This was the Siren’s Voice and she wasn’t even its target.

Those who have seen your face
Draw back in fear
I am the mask you wear
(It's me they hear)

My (your) spirit and your (my) voice in one combined
The Siren of Liguria is there
Inside your (my) mind

They sang together and for the first time, Megumi felt her resolve slip. She knew the sea monsters were her friends, but she could now see them as the lethal predators she always knew they were. And this was Luca, the gentle scholar, not the brash Alberto. The sea monsters were friendly, but they would be an enemy of incomparable peril to those that incurred their wrath. And she sensed that the man was no less dangerous, for all that he was human. She felt like a rabbit watching two tigers battle.

In all your fantasies, you always knew
That man and mystery
Were both in you

And in this labyrinth
Where night is blind
The Siren of Liguria is here
Inside my mind

The two of them sang pure notes without lyrics, the man’s voice rising higher than a soprano’s and Luca in the opposite direction, cycling down through the bass. Their voices passed notes that a human should not be able to produce, and she felt subharmonics beyond what her ears could sense. The two singers cycled back through the scales to meet at the same note, which they held for longer than she would have had breath for. They cut off at the same time, and the sudden silence was like a thunderclap.

Luca chuckled, “Welcome to Paris, Giorgio! Thank you for coming.”

“Even if I wasn’t your friend, I would owe you for that Starro business last year. The kaiju have been quiet for months. I won’t be missed.”

“Well, let me introduce you. Giorgio, this is Megumi Tadokoro, the newest chef of La Ratatouille. Megumi, this is Giorgio Garibaldi. Likely the most powerful human Siren alive today.”

She shook his hand, “I’ll be honest here, that duet was utterly terrifying.”

“Well, if I’m the most powerful human with the Voice, Luca is undoubtedly the most powerful sea monster. Duels like that are how we keep that status. I know it’s frightening, but not as much as facing a hostile mind warper unprotected would be.”

“We also want to give you one last chance to back out. Once you are protected, it becomes more likely that the protection will be needed. Even now, you have been subject to more than you know. There are a lot of magical creatures that use Glamor to conceal themselves. If you are protected, they will be visible to you. Some could become allies. Others will be angered that you can see through their deception. Ella’s Glamour attracts trouble like chum attracts sharks, but the sharks would be there regardless. It is better to bring them to where they can be dealt with then to let them swim loose.”

“So by remaining unshielded, I am unwittingly putting others in danger?”

“In a manner of speaking, but you shouldn’t assume responsibility for villains that you have not met. Six months ago, Aletta was accosted by a...well, for simplicity’s sake, call it a vampire. She resisted its mesmerism and was able to dispatch it, but the creature had been preying on young girls for decades. On the other hand, ignorance of evil will not protect you any more. You must either learn to defend yourself, or abandon the battle entirely.”

“Then there is no other option. I cannot in conscience let others fight my battles for me.”

“The others said as much too. I will get Bianca, and we can begin.”

Chapter Text

“Now you should understand that the Siren’s Voice is not actually a sound. It’s carried by voice and music, and strengthened by it, but it’s more akin to Steven’s empathy. He has a form of mind control too, in that he can enter the mind and body of another while his own body sleeps. We’ve studied the Voice since we were children and know many of its secrets. We don’t actually have to sing in order to activate it, and we can use any form of music as a carrier.”

Giorgio shrugged, “On the other hand, since it’s not actually a sound, it can’t be recorded, or I would have a kaiju repelling beacon on every beach in the Pacific.”

Luca slipped a tape into the stereo, “A duet or chorus is always more potent. I can do this alone if I have to, but to make it permanent takes several sessions. With Giorgio here, we can accomplish in moments what would take either of us days if we were alone. And music has always enhanced the effect. You may appreciate the song. This is Steven on the piano.”

“He’s had this done too?”

“Of course. He’s as much human as he is Gem, and the Gems might not have organic bodies, but they have minds. They are as susceptible to the Voice as any other.”

Megumi and Bianca sat together on the couch. Megumi was still a little nervous, but the young sea monster was excited at this prospect of Adventure, and her eyes sparkled. Megumi forced herself to relax, “What must I do?”

“Listen, but concentrate on resisting. We will try to dominate the two of you. Every time we succeed, we will strengthen your mind and then try again. It is completely safe.” Luca chuckled, “I’ve been the target of this hundreds of times, most recently when Giorgio came to the door. I’m a college professor. If it could damage my mind I would know about it by now, or at least my students would.”

Luca nodded to Giorgio and reached over to press play.

Why do you have to look up to her
Aside from in a literal sense?
Don't you know that a power that big
Comes with a bigger expense?

And can't you see that you’re out of control
And overzealous?
I'm telling you for your own good
And not because I'm...
I can show you how to be strong
In the real way
And I know that we can be strong
In the real way

And I want to inspire you
I want to be your rock
And when I talk
It lights a fire in you

I can show you how to be strong
In the real way
And I know that we can be strong
In the real way

And I want to inspire you
I want to be your rock
And when I talk
It lights a fire in you

I want to inspire you
I want to be your rock
And when I talk
It lights a fire in you

Megumi felt tired, but exhilarated, “That was intense. How many more sessions will this take? I don’t think I could do another one without a good rest first.”

“Oh no, we’re done. I kept track. I took over your mind seventeen times over the course of the song, but he last time took an entire stanza. Would you like to test it?”

“How?”

Luca looked at her with mischief in his wide brown eyes, ”Sing for me, my angel of music.”

Megumi looked startled and drew breath to sing, then stopped, “Hmm...No, I don’t think I will.”

Chapter Text

“Have you ever noticed that a lot of human food is actually…spoiled?”

Megumi looked at the parmigiano she was grating. “You mean like cheese and sour cream?…and pickles too, I suppose?”

“Exactly. Pickling involves having a bacteria work its will on a food. Cheese is partially digested milk, the rennet having originally come from an animal’s stomach.”

“Well, you can pickle without bacteria, and rennet made from actual calves’ stomachs is fairly uncommon these days, but I see your point. Over most of history, the culinary art has been devoted to keeping food from spoiling until we can eat it, but that just means choosing how it’s changed. What natural processes we allow. We let bacteria digest a pickle so that mold can not. We turn milk into cheese because it lasts longer. Ask any sommelier what could go wrong with a grape if you didn’t make a proper wine.”

“Exactly. Wine is basically yeast excrement, but then, so is bread. All of Steven’s skill at bread making is devoted to trapping the farts and belches of a tiny fungus.”

Megumi giggled, “That’s true. Bread and beer are essentially the same thing: fermented grain. They were even invented at about the same time. Do sea monsters make wine?”

Alberto shook his head, “Yeast won’t grow in salt water. Pickling, on the other hand, is an old tradition. There are a number of seaweeds that can be stored almost indefinitely with treatment. We use a few of them here in the restaurant, but we have to be careful. There’s some that are only cultivated by the k’tos, so we have no idea if there are humans who are allergic. As for cheese, that actually does exist, or at least something very like it. Fresh whale milk tastes terrible but we have a special algae that will coagulate it. It doesn’t get hard like a parm, though. More like mozzarella, or even ricotta.”

“How do you milk a whale?”

“In practice, people stick to dolphins and the like. I did try blue whale cheese once, though. It was back when the little chef and I were learning k’tosi cuisine. He decided it was a little too much for even the Paris gourmands. Definitely an acquired taste.”

“Speaking of acquired tastes…there’s another example of a deliberately putrefied food delicacy: hákarl. I had some once. It’s this fermented and dried shark meat popular in Iceland. Smells like cleaning fluid.”

“Sounds like t’kast, shark meat that was cured by pressing it flat. With most of the fish we eat, the fresher the better, but shark needs to age or the ammonia makes it inedible, even toxic sometimes. Of course, any meat can be pickled, but for shark it’s necessary to be edible at all.”

“Hmm, you know…seafood aside, you almost never have fresh meat. Most slaughterhouses hang the meat to make it more tender, sometimes for over a month. Then there’s jerky. It’s essentially raw meat that’s been mummified. In truth, we don’t really eat meat as much as carrion.”

“According to Giulia, there’s some evidence that the early hominids, your evolutionary ancestors, ate carrion and developed tools in order to get at the high energy marrow in the bones.”

“Humans can eat an extraordinarily wide variety of foods, even some things that would poison most other animals. I’m frankly not surprised we’re evolved to eat carrion. But what about the k’tos? You’re not apes like us, for all that we look alike. You evolved from pure predators. Cultural differences aside, though, your diet doesn’t seem dissimilar.”

“Well, there is one exception: there’s really no such thing as a strictly vegetarian sea monster. I love pasta, but I can’t survive on it indefinitely. I do require some kind of meat to stay healthy. Humans can make do with plant based proteins, but we can’t. That said, most predators will eat carrion when the opportunity arises. It’s easier to steal from a weaker predator than to hunt the prey yourself. If anything, we’re more honest about it. There’s k’tosi delicacies that will never grace our tables, tasty as they are. There’s simply no way to put ’bits of whale carcass’ on a menu and have someone want to try it.”

“Ah, marketing is everything, isn’t it? Not to mention what the health inspector would think.”