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Sasaki had learned a few things over the past several months having Miyano as his roommate.
For instance, he’d finally learned to consistently get up on time. Alarms didn’t really do the trick, so when he was living at home, his sister used to wake him. Unfortunately, he’d fall right back to sleep often- even on days he didn’t help out at the bakery. Last year, his first year living at the dorms, his roommate used to wake him. But again, Sasaki stubbornly wouldn’t stay up which caused him to just give up and leave for school on his own. Shortly after getting roomed with Miyano, Sasaki had bestowed upon him this important task. And for the first time, it seemed to be working well. He’d been making it to class on time every day.
Sasaki had also learned that he liked to read more than he thought he did. He never thought of himself as much of a reader- preferring to watch TV shows or movies. But his roommate had been lending him BL manga and Sasaki was surprised to discover how much he liked them. He’d usually read them at night, or sometimes at school despite Miyano’s protests about reading them in public.
He had found as well that he actually could enjoy sharing a room with someone. At home, he had a bedroom to himself and valued the alone time he was able to get. During his first year at the dorms, it went about as he expected. He didn’t hate it, but wasn’t exactly thrilled to share a room with someone either. This year, however, it was looking up considerably more. He was having a lot of fun.
But let’s get into more of the truth.
The real reason Sasaki hadn’t been falling back asleep every morning was because of the view he got after waking up. Miyano’s face hovered above him, bright sunlight casting a glow through the window. His big honey eyes were sleepy but still beautiful. Sasaki would be a fool to close his eyes again.
As for the manga, he did genuinely like reading them. But part of why was because he loved to learn about Miyano’s interests. When they would talk about BL together, Miyano would light up and speak excitedly, eager to share his thoughts and to listen to Sasaki’s as well. He was so much fun to talk to. Time melted away quickly when they were together- which was often, but still not enough.
And lastly, the only reason he liked living with someone was because it was Miyano. Specifically Miyano.
See, the whole truth was this: Sasaki was in love with his roommate.
At first, he only thought of him as his cute Kouhai. But that very quickly turned into him thinking Miyano was just cute in general- his face, his laugh, his kind voice. And by the time Sasaki’s thoughts of ‘he’s so cute’ eventually turned into ‘I love him,’ it was uncontrollable. He was powerless. There was no getting out of it, no negotiating.
But he didn’t mind. Falling in love with Miyano didn’t feel like surrender.
“I can’t believe the cliffhanger in this!” Sasaki remarked, putting the manga down on his desk.
“Right? So cruel!” Miyano agreed, turning around in his chair.
“I hope they finally talk soon because man, they’re getting on my nerves,” Sasaki commented, moving to face his roommate.
“I agree. Miscommunication plots tend to get frustrating when they go on for too long. But judging by the cliffhanger, I think it’s setting up for them to have a serious conversation in the next volume. But, ah, we’ll never really know til it comes!” Miyano gushed, eyes twinkling with excitement.
“It’s definitely gearing up for that,” Sasaki said. “Makes me all the more excited for the next one!”
“Thankfully, you don’t have to wait as long as I did,” Miyano said. “Volume 3 comes out this Monday. I’ll make sure to finish it that same day so you can read after me, Sasaki-senpai!”
Sasaki smiled fondly, leaning back on his chair. Myaa-chan was so considerate. Just another item on the long, long list of things he loved about him. “You don’t have to rush through it for my sake, you know.”
“But you’re excited to read it too,” Miyano argued.
“That’s true,” Sasaki said. “But didn’t you mention you had a lot of studying to do on Monday? You’ll be really busy.”
“...Yes. I have a bunch of quizzes lined up the day after,” Miyano admitted hesitantly. “I’d lend it to you first, but every time you read something before me, you end up accidentally spoiling me. I’m not taking any chances this time.”
Sasaki chuckled. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
“But really, I can do it! After I study, I’m gonna stay up and read it,” Miyano said firmly, standing his ground.
“Myaa-chan, I can wait, it’s fine,” Sasaki insisted. “Besides, you shouldn’t be sleeping late.”
Miyano huffed. “I’ll probably be up late regardless.”
Sasaki grinned cheekily. “Ah, so what you’re saying is you’re not gonna get any taller cause you’re not sleeping enough?”
Miyano went quiet, and then, “...Fine, fine! I won’t rush!”
“Good boy!” Sasaki teased, leaning over to ruffle his roommate’s hair, something he found himself doing often. It was one of the few ways he could touch him.
Wanting to touch him and be close to him all the time was another one of the many side effects of being in love with Miyano. Often, he felt the urge to reach out and lace their fingers together or wrap him in a huge hug or caress his face. But he couldn’t do those things.
So to compromise with himself, he’d sometimes wrap an arm around Miyano’s shoulders while they walked together. And when Miyano would read BL in their room, he’d sometimes stand over him and ask questions about it, leaning in closer than he needed to on purpose. There had been a couple times where they’d eat together and Sasaki would lie and say there was rice on the side of Miyano’s mouth just so he could reach over and ‘wipe it away.’
If he were to be honest, it was getting harder and harder to be satisfied with just these little moments.
“Senpai, I’m gonna go take a shower,” Miyano said, standing up to grab his clothes and towel.
An impish look appeared on Sasaki’s face. “...Can I join?”
“Wh-wh- what?!” Miyano stammered, hiding his face with his hands. “Y-you’ve been reading too much BL!”
He laughed heartily.
Eh, it was worth a shot.
Sasaki was getting lazier than usual to do school work these days. The weather was getting colder and winter break was going to come soon enough. The heater warming up the room beckoned him to climb under the covers, get cozy and just go to sleep already. Who could be motivated to do anything in these conditions?
Yet regardless of his laziness, he didn’t want Miyano to see him just slacking off every day. So he pushed himself and decided to get some work done tonight.
He had his headphones on as he sat at his desk, books and papers scattered in front of him. Sasaki picked up his notebook, eyes scanning his notes (Hirano’s, technically) for answers to his English homework.
But suddenly, the world turned black.
Even through the music blaring in his ears, he could hear Miyano let out a surprised sound.
Alarmed, Sasaki took out his headphones and whipped around in his chair. “Myaa-chan, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” he called out. His eyes hadn’t adjusted to the darkness yet.
“Y-yes, just- I think the power went out!” Miyano said, the voice coming from the direction of his bed.
“Oh,” Sasaki sighed, relieved that that was it and no danger had actually come to Miyano. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be back soon. Do you need anything?”
“...Well,” Miyano began quietly. “I’m upset because this manga was building up to something big. But now, I can’t continue reading.”
After a beat of silence, Sasaki burst into laughter.
“Huh? What’s so funny?”
“You’re so cute, Myaa-chan!” Sasaki managed to say through his chuckles.
“Wha- what?!” Miyano exclaimed. Though Sasaki could only see him with what little light there was outside, he knew Miyano's face was blushing red with embarrassment.
“There’s a blackout and all you can think about is BL!”
“I can’t help it, it was getting good!” Miyano cried. He leaned over and reached for his phone on the shelf. A disappointed look crossed his face. “...And my phone’s dead so I can’t even use it to get light.”
“You can use mine if you want,” Sasaki offered.
“Really?” Miyano asked, wide eyes. “I-it won’t take long! It’s just- the two of them were in the middle of fighting so it’s frustrating that I had to stop right then. I’ll only read long enough to see how their argument ends, I promise!”
“It’s no problem, you can take as long as you want. Use up all the battery, even.”
“Ahhh, you’re too kind, Sasaki-senpai!” Miyano gushed, eyes sparkling.
Sasaki could feel heat rush to his cheeks. He used his hand to cover up the wide, lovestruck smile on his face.
He turned around and grabbed his phone, plugging his headphones off. He turned on its flashlight, got up from his seat and made his way to Miyano to give it to him. “Here you go, Myaa-chan.”
Miyano looked up at him with smiling eyes. “Thank you very-”
The phone’s flashlight went dark, cutting Miyano off.
“...much?” Miyano finished.
“Ah…” Sasaki said, brows raised slightly. He lifted the phone up to his face and tried to turn it on. “...It’s out of battery.”
“Oh…” Miyano uttered.
“Sorry, I didn’t know it was almost dead.”
“That’s okay, Senpai. Thanks anyway for offering,” Miyano said. “Hmm...maybe if I sit by the window-”
“Hey! Are you guys okay?”
Another voice came from the direction of the doorway.
Sasaki and Miyano turned to see a smiling face, illuminated from underneath by the glow of a single flashlight. It was like something out of a horror movie. Miyano jumped, shrieking and Sasaki could hear the sound of a book, presumably his manga, hit the hard floor.
“Oh, it’s just you, Hanzawa,” Sasaki said. He was his classmate as well as the dorm head. How he was able to come in unnoticed? Sasaki had no idea. But he never cared to ask too many questions when it came to him.
“H-Hanzawa-senpai! You scared me!”
“Sorry, Miyano,” Hanzawa apologized, sincerity not included. He looked amused, even, at his Kouhai’s reaction. “I wanted to check in on you two since there seems to be a power outage. Do you need light? I have an extra one right here.” He held out what looked to be a battery powered lamp.
“Oh, yes! Thank you,” Miyano accepted, taking it and setting it down on the floor next to his bed. “Do you have any news on when the power’s coming back?”
“No, I’m afraid not,” Hanzawa answered. “Best to assume it’s going to last through the night so we’re prepared for the worst.”
“I see,” Miyano replied.
“Well, I have to get going,” Hanzawa said. “I need to check up on everyone else.”
“Don’t let us stop you,” Sasaki said.
“Thanks again for the light, Hanzawa-senpai.”
“You’re welcome,” Hanzawa said as he turned and headed back towards the door. He stopped right before it and turned back around at them, grinning. “And I hope you guys...have a good night.”
“...Eh?!” Miyano sputtered, bewildered. “Wh-why did you say that so cryptically?!”
“Bye-bye!” Hanzawa said with a finality, shutting the door behind him.
And then Sasaki and Miyano were alone once more.
“Sasaki-senpai?! What did he mean by that?!” Miyano asked again.
He probably only meant to tease him about his crush on Miyano. Despite never telling Hanzawa, it was obvious he knew. Sasaki suspected everyone knew at this point. He made no attempt to hide it, after all. How could he ever hide the way Miyano brightened him up anyway? His feelings for him were too strong for him to pretend they weren’t there. It was no use.
“It’s probably nothing, don’t mind him,” Sasaki brushed off. “You know how he is.”
Miyano sighed. “Well, I’m just glad he gave us this,” he said, referring to the light. “Now, I can finish reading!” He bent down to pick up his manga that fell on the floor.
God, he was so adorable.
Miyano brought the light up to his bed and went quiet once more as he read on.
Sasaki stared. He wondered what it would be like to lay on Miyano’s lap as he read. To have his fingers playing with his hair. It sounded like the best thing in the world right about now.
...What was he doing before this?
Oh, right, homework.
He headed back towards his desk and sat on his chair, trying to make sense of the scattered papers. It took him a little while to realize nothing made sense because it was too dark to read anything. He’d have to share the lamp with Miyano. Sasaki smiled to himself, celebrating the fact that he now had an excuse to sit closer to him.
“Myaa-chan?” he called out, swivelling his chair around to face his roommate.
“Yes?”
“Mind sharing the light with me? I have to do my homework.”
“Oh, of course!” Miyano exclaimed, eyes widening. “I’m so sorry! I kept it to myself without asking.”
“It’s okay.”
“Are you alright working on the floor, Senpai?” Miyano said, picking up the light. “I can set it down here between our beds so we can both use it.”
“No problem,” Sasaki said. He picked up his things and plopped himself onto the floor beside where Miyano now sat.
For a while, they both did their own thing. Miyano had his nose in his manga. Sasaki, meanwhile, struggled a bit doing his work. If it was hard for him to focus before, it was even harder now when his adorable roommate was next to him, smiling and quietly laughing to himself every now and then as he read.
“...Senpai?” Miyano said, calling his attention.
“Hmm?”
“Um...y-you keep looking at me,” Miyano pointed out.
Sasaki, despite feeling like he was caught red-handed, smiled warmly. “Ah, it’s just- you smile a lot when you read.”
Miyano’s eyes went wide. “Oh! Well, th-that’s because there are some parts that are...really sweet...so, I can’t help it.”
Sasaki hummed. “Yeah, I get it. I do that too.”
Miyano chuckled. “Yes, I do notice you smiling sometimes! It lets me know you’re liking what I lent you, so I’m glad.”
Sasaki paused.
He noticed that? Did that mean he’d been sneaking glances at him too?
The thought had him giddy. The back of his hand covered his mouth to stop from showing his dumb smile.
“Sasaki-senpai? Is something wrong?” Miyano asked, concerned.
“No, it’s nothing,” Sasaki dismissed. “You can go back to reading.”
And that he did.
Sasaki tried his hardest to shove all thoughts of his roommate out of the way as he continued his work.
After a little while, Miyano closed his manga and yawned. “That was pretty good. Full of cliches, but it wasn’t predictable. I think you’ll like this, Senpai. Do you want me to lend it to you?”
“If you say it’s good, it usually is. So yeah, sure,” Sasaki replied. “Going to bed?”
“Yep,” Miyano answered, stretching. He got up and put the manga in its place on his desk.
“Sleepy,” Miyano said dumbly. “Goodnight, Senpai.”
“Goodnight, Myaa-chan,” Sasaki said back.
Miyano got under the covers and laid on his side, facing the wall like always. But after a while, Sasaki could see his small form trembling. Was he...crying?
“...Myaa-chan?” Sasaki said, voice laced heavily with concern. He kneeled over his roommate’s bed and gently placed a hand on his shaking shoulder. “Myaa-chan, what’s wrong? You’re shaking.”
“I-it’s j-just…” Miyano stuttered. “...Really cold.”
Oh, that was right. Since the power was out, the heater had stopped working. And now that Miyano mentioned it, Sasaki noticed how chilly it had become. His body ran cold, though, and he had always been one to handle lower temperatures relatively well. Miyano was the opposite, favoring warm temperatures instead, something he found out from the summer their AC was broken.
“You can have my blanket,” Sasaki offered, already standing up to go get it.
“No!” Miyano denied. “I can just put on more layers.”
He got up from bed and headed to the drawer at the foot of his bed. He fished out some sweaters and long-sleeved tops, put them all on and laid back onto his bed.
“Well? Feeling better?” Sasaki asked.
And after a short silence, “...Wearing this many clothes to sleep is...uncomfortable,” Miyano admitted. He sighed, defeated and sat up before removing most of the extra layers of clothing and folded them again neatly.
“Seriously, you can have my blanket,” Sasaki insisted. “Don’t worry about me, I can handle it.”
Except he wasn’t so sure about that. Who knows how cold it would get tonight? It could get worse. But if it meant Miyano would at least be warm and comfortable, he’d easily choose to tough it out.
“No, you can’t do that!” Miyano rejected stubbornly. “It’s too cold, you might get sick!”
He couldn’t help but smile. Miyano was so kind and cared about him so much.
“Then,” Sasaki began, his voice tinted with a familiar playfulness. “Do you want to share?”
And Sasaki was expecting Miyano’s usual reply to his flirting. He anticipated it like one would a punchline to a joke.
But all he got was silence.
And soon, his roommate had been quiet past the point he’d normally respond all embarrassed and cute and flustered. Quiet for too long that it had him worried he said something wrong.
He opened his mouth. “Mi-Myaa-chan, I’m sorry, I was just kidd-”
“Okay.”
Sasaki stopped.
“...What?”
“We...we can...share,” Miyano repeated slowly. Quietly.
And Sasaki’s head was reeling because this could not be real right now.
“I-it just seems like the best option!” Miyano reasoned out. “I think two blankets would be enough. And that way, neither of us will be cold. A-as long as you’re okay with it, of course.”
This was the okayest Sasaki had ever been with anything in his life.
“Can I cuddle you?”
“C-cudd- of course not!” Miyano sputtered, blushing hard.
“Just kidding!” Sasaki said.
He was not kidding.
“I’m already embarrassed enough to ask this from you, but then you have to go and make it even more embarrassing!” Miyano ranted, hiding his face.
Sasaki laughed to distract himself from the enormous urge to kiss him, as he always did.
He got up from the floor and put away his homework. There was no way in hell he could focus on finishing that now. Not after Miyano had suggested they sleep next to each other.
He went to his bed, took his own blanket and made his way to Miyano’s side of the room.
Miyano looked up at Sasaki- big, tall and towering over him- and then looked back at his bed.
“Um...” Miyano said. “I don’t think we can fit.”
“We should try. You know, just to make sure,” Sasaki proposed, smiling slyly. There was no sense suggesting it. Obviously, they wouldn’t fit. But hey, if it might potentially get him a few seconds of being pressed up against Miyano in a bed too small for them...why not?
“N-no thanks! I’m pretty sure!” Miyano rejected, cheeks burning red once more.
Sasaki chuckled quietly. He was making his Kouhai’s face heat up so much that maybe they didn’t need to do this for him to stay warm after all.
“We can lay our mattresses on the floor and put them together,” Miyano suggested.
“Oh, good idea,” Sasaki agreed.
He turned back to his side of the room and dragged his mattress out, placing it onto the floor as Miyano did the same. They pushed the two together and draped the thick blankets over the new bed they made.
And then they both stood over it awkwardly. Neither of them wanted to go in first.
As confidently as Sasaki liked to speak, his heart was now beating loudly in his chest. He was nervous.
Probably because this wasn’t talk anymore and it was actually happening.
“U-um…” Miyano stuttered, breaking the silence. He crouched down and climbed in first, lifting the blankets and allowing himself to get comfortable under them.
Sasaki exhaled, his warm breath escaping him. Now was as good a time as any to follow suit.
He bent down and mirrored his roommate’s movements, bending his legs up so that his feet didn’t stick out of the blankets. Soon, they were both lying in the bed they made, facing up at the ceiling. And it was incredibly awkward.
But Sasaki at least knew why he felt awkward. He was terribly in love with the person lying next to him, after all. So then, why was Miyano acting the same way?
Maybe that meant…?
His heart skipped a beat at the direction his thoughts went. Hope fluttered in his chest fleetingly.
Miyano shifted the blankets farther up his body, pulling Sasaki out of his own head.
Sasaki thought to speak up, in hopes that talking would help the butterflies in his stomach calm down. “Myaa-chan? Are you warm enough?”
“Y-yes, I’m much better,” Miyano answered.
Just the dulcet sound of his voice made their little wings flutter all over again.
“I’m glad,” he breathed out, ripping his gaze away from the ceiling and shifting it towards Miyano, smiling softly.
And Miyano must have sensed him looking because he turned to look back at him as well.
Sasaki’s head swam.
Before Miyano, he’d never described anyone as beautiful. And this was one of the many times he was reminded why that word was reserved for this boy only. The light from the lamp washed his perfect face in a pale golden glow. His dark hair laid around him on the pillow, delicately framing his soft features. Long lashes kissed pale cheeks as big, honey eyes blinked owlishly at him.
There was no other word he could use.
Miyano really was so, so beautiful.
And his heart pounded at his ribcage as if it were begging to be let out so that it could look at him too.
They laid there with their gazes fixed on each other, and Sasaki thought about how it would be too easy. Too easy for him to lean in and kiss everywhere he’d been dreaming of. His forehead, his cheeks, the little mole under his left eye, his lips. There was just something about laying next to him that was...intimate, in a way. Sasaki had never felt so immensely weak against his urge to hold him. The room was cold and his arms begged to gather Miyano up in his arms and warm him up like nothing else could.
He had to calm down.
Despite the ache ringing deep in his bones, despite every inch of him longing for the other boy, he couldn’t.
He took a quiet breath.
Miyano’s cheeks, he had noticed, were now dusted with pink, and he didn’t know why- maybe Sasaki’s gaze was too intense, maybe he was thinking about how much like a BL this was, or maybe- maybe it was the same reason Sasaki’s face was warm too. He wondered.
“Um...g-goodnight,” Miyano said, a little shaky. He turned his body around and faced away from him. He reached for the light and turned it off, shrouding the room in darkness once more.
It was ridiculous, but Sasaki missed Miyano’s face already.
“...A-and, Sasaki-senpai,” Miyano called out softly, back still turned to him. “Thank you for sharing your blanket with me.”
Sasaki smiled gently, warmth rushing into his chest.
He almost wanted to laugh because this was nothing. On a list of the things he’d do for Miyano, this was nothing.
“Anytime.”
Then, barely above a whisper, Miyano added, “You do a lot for me. I’m really glad you’re my roommate.”
And, shit.
Sasaki had no idea why but hearing that made him feel like he was splitting apart at the seams.
He loved him. He loved him so much his heart was filling up with it.
“Miyano, I- ”
He stopped and caught himself.
“I’m...glad you’re mine too,” Sasaki said instead. “Goodnight.”
It wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair that what he wanted was right in front of him and he couldn’t just reach out and hold him. It was like Miyano was dangling in front of him like a carrot stick for a donkey.
But he allowed himself to inch closer. Just a little bit. They were far from touching and he had barely moved but at least it was closer.
He closed his eyes.
Sleep didn’t take him until much later into the night.
“Oi Sasaki, Miyano,” Hirano greeted, approaching them. He spotted the two of them in the hallway together, about to go get breakfast.
“Oh, good morning, Hirano-senpai,” Miyano said.
“Good morning!” Sasaki chirped, beaming.
Hirano looked at him as if he’d grown two heads. “What are you so happy about this early?”
Sasaki shrugged and Hirano ignored it, moving on from the topic.
“So, that blackout last night was a pain, wasn’t it?” Hirano started. “Good thing I managed to do all my homework before it happened. What about you, Sasaki?”
“Uh…” Sasaki uttered. He rubbed the back of his head. “About that…can I copy your answers before class?”
“You didn’t do it?” Hirano asked, sharp with irritation.
“I did, I just didn’t finish,” Sasaki clarified. “You know, because of the blackout.”
He hoped Miyano wouldn’t mention the fact that they had a light and he could’ve totally finished if he wanted to.
Hirano put his face in his hands and sighed heavily. “...If that’s the case, then fine.”
“Thanks, Hirano! I knew I could count on you.”
“But this is the last time, alright?”
Sasaki had lost track of how many times it had been ‘the last time.’
“Yeah, yeah,” Sasaki replied idly.
“Anyways, did you guys sleep alright? It was cold, huh?” Hirano said.
Sasaki’s mind thought back to the position he and Miyano had woken up in. The very reason why he was in such a great mood today. He tried to stop the corners of his lips from turning upward. He peeked at Miyano’s face which, sure enough, was as red as a tomato.
“I...it was...okay,” Miyano mumbled.
Sasaki allowed himself to smile. It didn't seem just 'okay' when he had his face buried in Sasaki’s chest, looking beyond comfortable. So comfortable, in fact, that he didn’t even notice his alarm going off. That was something that almost never happened. It was a good thing Sasaki happened to wake up before him- which again, also almost never happened. And what a pleasant surprise it was when he found his arms full of soft, sleepy Miyano. He wished he could wake up like that every day.
Man, he’d never been so glad to be the type to grab onto things in his sleep, and of course his subconscious knew to grab onto Miyano. Even asleep, he gravitated towards him.
“It was great!” Sasaki answered, smiling wide. “I slept great.”
He saw his roommate blush an even deeper red at his answer.
Hirano raised a suspicious brow. “Am I missing something?”
“N-n-nothing! You’re missing nothing!” Miyano stammered, wanting to cut the conversation short.
Sasaki laughed, thoroughly amused at Miyano’s cuteness.
“S-so, Hirano-senpai, um- how did...you and your roommate sleep?” Miyano asked. He looked up at Hirano intently, seeming very interested in what he had to say.
He was at it again- trying to get information about Hirano and Kagiura, his roommate. Sasaki himself had a small suspicion about the two of them, but didn’t care enough to look into it. Not like Miyano did anyway.
“Oi. Myaa-chan,” Sasaki said in a warning tone.
Hirano scratched the back of his head. “Ah, we got by...it was a little tough for me though. All of my thicker sweaters were in the laundry so I had to borrow his.”
Miyano faced away, and mumbled to himself. “I see. The uke wearing the seme’s clothes is a classic trope, and since Hirano-senpai is quite a bit smaller than Ka-”
“Oi! What are you muttering about this time?!”
Miyano’s head snapped back up. “Nothing, nothing! Thank you!”
“Eh?! Thank you for what?!”
Sasaki put a hand on Miyano’s shoulder and brought him closer.
“Alright, alright, Hirano, give it a rest. It’s too early for this,” Sasaki scolded.
Hirano rolled his eyes. “Whatever, I gotta go. I’ll see you both later.”
“See you,” Sasaki said back. He watched Hirano turn and walk down the hall before Sasaki thought to remind him, “And don’t forget- homework!”
Hirano made an irritated noise in the distance.
Sasaki turned back to Miyano, flashing a smile. “Let’s go eat, Myaa-chan!”
“Yeah,” Miyano nodded.
They headed off to the cafeteria and after getting their food, they sat at a table eating together. This was one of Sasaki’s favorite parts of the morning. Just him and Miyano sitting and talking about everything and nothing.
“You know, the food here is good, but I really miss freshly baked bread,” Sasaki said, starting conversation.
“Like the bread you brought after you visited home?” Miyano recalled. “That was delicious!”’
“You liked it that much?” Sasaki said, brows raising slightly. “Then, I’ll make you more after I come back from home this weekend.”
“You’ll make…” Miyano trailed off. “Y-you made that yourself, Senpai?”
“Yep!” Sasaki confirmed. “I wanted to bring cream bread, but I thought the kind my family’s bakery makes might be too sweet for you. So, I made you a batch that’s less sweet.”
A dusting of pink faded onto Miyano’s cheeks. “I...I see. Well, thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome!”
“...Gah, now I want to make you something too.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to!” Miyano insisted. “But...I’m awful at cooking, and I don’t know how to bake either.”
“Want me to teach you?” Sasaki suggested. “You can come to my place. We don’t live too far from each other, after all.”
“T-teach me?!” Miyano went red. “...I read a BL just like that.”
Sasaki breathed out a laugh.
He was relieved they could still talk normally like this. Miyano was acting pretty awkward this morning after they woke up the way they did. He was barely talking to him and was blushing the whole time. Fortunately, he seemed to have eased up during the conversation in the hall with Hirano and now, the weird air had dissipated completely and his Kouhai was back to his usual self.
Miyano probably just felt weird about waking up in such a ‘BL-ish situation,’ as Sasaki was sure he’d put it.
But god, what he would give to hold him like that again.
He could almost still feel Miyano’s soft hair against his cheek. The slow, steady breaths as he slept peacefully in his arms. It just felt right to be close to him. Sasaki knew- after so long wandering through life aimlessly with no drive and little ambition- that he’d finally found his place in this world.
He loved him. So much that it felt like he was possessed by the spirit of it- doing things he didn’t think he’d ever do. He loved him when they shared a bed, he loved him when they didn’t. He loved him when they were in their room together, and loved him when they were apart.
He was going to confess soon.
Because the feelings inside him were getting to be too much. Because he wanted to do whatever he could to make sure what they had would last beyond just high school. Because Miyano made him feel something he hadn't felt in a long time. Purpose.
And whether Miyano accepted it or not, Sasaki would still love him. He would love him, even if he loved alone.
Later, after class, once they’d both gotten back to the dorm, he would tell him what he felt.
But for now, over breakfast, he loved quietly.