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A cellar. An ugly looking Basement. Underground dungeon or just a hidden prison after all? It's all of the above, one does not exclude the other. Not that it's important anyways. Drip– Drip– Drip–.. The water that ran down the cold foundation's even fast, the sound resembling a beat in some ways. It does to you, after being locked up for who knows how long. The ground warm only where you sit, back to the wall as it ached from the rough treatment the people of this place put you through. He didn't lie. There's a spider web in the corner of your cell, without owner. The spider probably died a long time ago, no food finding its way down the stairs to satisfy her thirst for blood. It hurt. The feeling inside your bone's indescribable, painful as it made every nerve inside burn down like there's a fire going on. But only when you move. The times where you sit like a doll, statue, whatever, that's the moment where you're able to breath through. No pain, no fire, no way to waste energy. The voice of the woman with no name's still ringing in your ear like a tinnitus, repeating your name. (N).. She said. (N).. Calling you. Asking you if it's been worth it, if you now finally regretted what you'd done. She said your name too often, now you wished to have another one. Dark and dried out you watched the slight shadows on the wall flicker by the little light that found its way despise the thick walls of the prison. Guess it's mine now. The elexir that continued to poison your veins never let you rest, eyes wide open in relation. Aware of every blink. Inhale and exhale the only sounds you focused on, ignoring the distance screams of other people who got hurt, got brainwashed. She tried, I give her that. Your head's heavier than stell, looking up to the ceiling, looking exactly like all the other walls around you. She got what she wanted, winning despite her false way for carrying about another. She won the game you were forced into. You're the one sitting behind metal bars with an unknown drug rushing through your system. However, as much as she won, there's one thing she lost against you. And that's cleansing you. Sure, she wiped a lot of memories from your head, they're nothing more than blurred puzzle pieces that flashed before your eyes from time to time. Things felt surreal, only remembering the brief surface about the RFA, or the Mint Eye. One.. You counted, seeing your pale, with blood dried hands hanging useless over your knees while staring without focus. She managed to put you through hell, making you scream just like the people you could barely listen to from the underground. You could remember some Believers holding you in place against your will, forcing the drug down your throat. Shortly after, your skull felt like it's being torn apart. Limbs being cut off. Vocal cords cut with a knife. Being burned alive. All these feelings, but none of them what actually happened. Two.. It's funny. She seemed to enjoy your pain, her voice being distant before you suffered a black out. Wondering if you regret messing with her. Messing with her strongest Believer and having the audacity to try help him cut the strings she's easily pulling to keep him in place. You shook your head to that. Her eyes exploded with a storm due to pure rage. That's the last thing you could remember before waking up in the new prison of yours. The one before's at least designed with pretty furniture. Three.. You could've laughed by how badly she wanted you gone. How scared she'd been by your basic knowledge of love, who's the one that really loved him, huh. Drip– Drip–.. They're all scared of you. And for what? Nothing. As if you could tear apart a whole cult just by showing affection. But she knew. He could. And you're the final puzzle pieces to open his eyes to the truth, the only reason why she had to get rid of you. And she won, you would've congratulated her if she ever came down to give you a visit. However, ever since you woke up below the surface, nobody came to you. Only unknown faces hidden underneath their religious robes to bring you the bare minimum to survive. I wonder.. Why is she keeping me? Four.. They tortured you, obviously. But why keeping you alive if you're dangerous? That's the only question circling around your head, even if there were much more thanks to the torn apart memories. Mind and body in ruins, it's not like you could put up a fight anymore. You're uncertain your voice still works. So you wonder. Why. Five.. The sudden sound of the door being opened, for the people who were imprisoned above instead of down here, let you sigh. The sound so damn loud after listening to silence for hours, it made your eardrums bleed. Arguing with yourself who it might me. What kind of shape the face of the Believer was that came down. Or the eye color, when you could catch a glimpse of them. Then, steps followed in a steady and slow pace. One step. Short silence. Two steps. Short silence. Three steps. Short silence. Six.. You frowned slightly, immediately regretted it as the movement caused you to tear up. It's stupid how such a little expression could cause this amount of pain. You figured this shit hole's good at making everything feel like you're about to die. She's good at letting people believe it, too. Seven.. When you said the number in your head, a picture of someone with glasses and red hair filled your head. Gone as soon as it appeared, giving you no time to process who it was. Hm.. will the Believer look me into the eye? Nobody did yet, no matter how urgently you stared at them. You knew they felt guilty. After a while the steps became silent, like nobody ever opened the door to come down in the first place. But you knew somebody stood there. You just didn't look, your attention's glued to the drops that still ran down to see who's the first to hit the ground, like a race. Competing as if they're going to win something if they're the winner. Eight.. Whatever that person wanted, the words would reveal it to you. It's no use to turn your head, all it caused was more pain. My hair feels kinda rough... Hopefully it's not too damaged. You figured your whole look at the moment wasn't very human like. You lost so much weight, there's not much left of the shape from your face. Hair uncombed since days, they began to tangle and break at the tips. The black dress torn at some edges after putting a fight against the Believers who cleansed you, barefoot so you had to endure the ice cold temperature of the cellar. Nine.. Every time you licked over your lips they're more chapped than before, skin dirty but luckily not all that injured. It's just the dried blood on your ankle on both your hands and feet from struggling to leave at first. Knew there's also old, dried blood at your temple. You couldn't quite recall, but you're pretty sure one of the Believers kicked you when biting his arm. Drip– Drip– Drip–.. It's itchy, the smell never leaving your nose, either. So there's not really anything much attractive about you anymore. You kinda missed the colorful clothes you wore when coming here, still naive and hopeful that all you're doing's playing a game to help an app developer. What was his name again..? You tried to remember, but no matter how badly you searched inside your mind, there's no name to be found for the man with a magenta coat and blue rose attached to his chest. Ten. Feeling the presence of whoever stood there to eye you, it started to piss you off. If they needed something, they could just open their mouth. Even though it shoot an horrible string through your body, you turned your head just enough to make out the figure at the entrance. Oh.. What a surprise. For the first time since you're awake, your lips moved. And they moved up.
"If that ain't Mr. Choi himself."
Words rough, broken and no power to them. At least you didn't forgot how to talk. That's another win for you. Saeran's presence's unexpected, weird, even. He hadn't been part of the ceremony, his job as hacker took all the time away. Another interesting thing about the cleansing situation, Rika banned him from taking a place in it, she even did it behind his back the moment he's too caught up in work. He looks as rough as ever.. White messy hair almost covering the lifeless eyes of his, no shimmer inside as the dark circles brought them out even more. Expressionless, huh. You thought, close to being amused. He didn't show anything. No worry, no anger, no annoyance. Nothing. It's like his soul left his body, standing in the doorway to enter the underground with his body leaned against the cold frame. Didn't speak either, you wondered what he's waiting for. That you start screaming at him that it's all his fault? Begging him to let you out and behave like that toy without will? Or maybe he just came down to see you suffer, feeling better about himself. Did it matter? Not really. Moving your head an inch more and seeing white for a moment, you raised an eyebrow at him. If you wouldn't have known better, you'd say you felt playful.
"What? You wait for something? Sorry hun, but I don't have anything to say to you."
Back when you're still sitting in your room, he busted every time you used a nickname for him. Complaining that you're an useless airhead, just a stupid tool to use for his entertainment. Too bad that didn't work out for ya. Even now, you're not going to give up free will and thinking just to please him. You're independent, your own person and nobody could ever own you. That's never going to change. Drip– Drip–.. Without any knowledge as to what he's here for, you just rolled your eyes, having a hard time keeping them open by how drained you felt.
"Look, I'm pretty much dead so, if you like.. want me to do some shit that's not gonna happen. I can't even get up."
Not a muscle moving by your words. It began to confuse you a bit. But what do you have from it, it's not like he's going to explain. Mr. Saeran's not a fan of playing teacher. Not sure how much time passed, you just stared at each other. One thing you noticed right away, though. He never met your eyes. Every time you looked up for eye contact, he refused by staring down to your ankles covered with blood. Avoiding them since day one, some things really never change. Having enough of it, you turned back to the wall for the race of the drops. At least they're moving. I bet the left one's going to win..
"Why aren't you cleansed."
He suddenly asked, the first time in what felt like an eternity that he spoke to you with a normal tone. Like you're an actual human being rather than some stupid ass dog. You're not sure what he's talking about at first, you've been cleansed. Harder than anyone before, according to that fucked up woman. However, it's obvious to you what he's talking about after thinking a bit. Why aren't you a brainwashed zombie. That's the question he's really putting into the room. Good question, actually.. The answer to that isn't even clear to you. You shurgged your shoulders so lightly, not even sure if he could see it.
"The fuck I know. I guess the drug doesn't really work on me. Shame, shame.."
"It does. Your eyes have the color."
The same as yours? How could he know, he never looked you into the eyes. Feeling curious, your head titled back to see him still standing in the doorframe. Drip– Drip– Drip–.. If the young hacker's so certain it's working, why bother asking why you're not cleansed. It's not like he's in his right mind (N), that guy's far more gone than you.. He probably didn't listen to himself or something. Saeran's everything but sane, so he must've been confused by the whole situation and given him some new delusions to hold onto. A low chuckle left your lips, tearing the rest of your throat apart and making you choke for a moment. It burned down the rest of flesh, acid making it's way up to leave you see stars for a while. It took some time, but you found yourself. Him still standing in the same position.
"Why you ask me? Ask that insane woman for answers. How should I know."
There's no way you'll ever address this blonde woman unironically as the Savior. Only over your dead body. Literally. Saeran exhaled loudly, arms now crossed in front of his chest, causing the back suit to wrinkle some more. Why the fuck are you even here- Really wanted to ask, but didn't feel like wasting any more energy. It's not like you're having any left. Drip– Drip–.. You asked yourself, could another spider every find its way to the unused web and take it like renting a house? Do spiders take other's webs? So many questions without answers. The focus felt lost, only seeing the shape of his body. He's still so thin.. He should eat more. He'd never been very strong, but if he wanted to be the strongest then he probably had to eat one or two more carrots sometime soon. Again, surprised by him suddenly taking steps until he's standing right in front of the bars that kept you in place. Oh wow, I feel so honored.. He moved just for you, how generous. You almost chuckled again. I guess it's only fair then. Getting together the last bit of strength inside your body, you stood up. Legs shaking like you're a milkshake before grabbing the cold metal for support. Holy fuck I see rainbows! Colors flashing in front of your eyes, briefly wondering if that's what you see before dying. Apparently your life's going to play in your mind before you die, you wanted to know when that time comes. Maybe tomorrow? In a month? Or in a couple of hours? Ah well, you're gonna die either way so it's no use to speculate. Taking your time to get it done right, you found enough stability to hold onto the bars with both hands and meet his face. Looking up like that, your whole body began to burn down for the hundredth time. How are you still having skin. Drip– Drip– Drip–.. Since it's pretty messy to keep your vision steady, his face's not all clear to see. But even with the blur, you knew there's no emotion to be seen. Did that dude ever have any? He was angry all the goddamn time, but even that's gone now. Leaving you to wonder what circled around his head.
"I can't focus on shit, so if you expect me to read your face or eyes than I have to disappoint."
You half joked and half explained. Saeran didn't answer, of course. He just continued to see through your soul with that intense stare. Was he seeing something you couldn't? Even if that's the case, there's not much that could surprise you at this point. Can't scare me either babe, so good luck trying. He could point a gun at you for all you cared, you would welcome a change in torture. Or just die, couldn't be any worse than what's going on right now. Damn... This drug really makes people edgy. Not able to tell if you'd been this way before or just acted out due to the elixir. Seeing Saeran, however, you decided it's the drug's magic.
"Ok look, I know I'm gonna die either way so if you could speed this up, I wanna sit down again.. I'm kinda drained."
"Aren't you mad?"
Another question without context. Well, were you angry? Why do you wanna know that, tho. You're pretty pissed with that Savior person for messing up the whole situation, but that's about it. You shook your head.
"Why should I? It's not like that can change anything."
Another little chuckle filling the air. Saeran seemed to tense up his jaw, couldn't tell for sure though by the tears that ran down your cheeks and caused you to close your eyes. Why am I crying? Was it the pain of the elexir? Your body calling out with instincts due to the fear of dying? I wonder if there's something I forgot.. Something.. that hurts me. Not like you could put your finger on it, though. Most of your memories are wiped.
"I can't remember anything, honestly. Maybe I would be If I hadn't forgotten, y'know."
Something shifted in that exhausted face without expression, eyes becoming darker. All you could remember's Saeran screaming at you for being so useless and never be able to leave this place. The cleansing and then that's about it. Some stuff from your childhood that were buried too deep inside you to be forgotten and then, nothing. Just black, or little snippets from the things they forced you to erase. It's like my head's a fucking cinema trailer lol.. Couldn't help but grin by that comparison.
"What.. can you remember."
It's a question, he just didn't stress it like one. You made a hum sound to think about everything that came back to your brain after walking up. Drip– Drip–.. Not much, that's for sure. It's so little you could summarize it in a simple sentence. Your hand accidentally touched his when they started to become heavy again, sliding down the cold metal bars. However, he didn't pull away. You're the one taking others that weren't within the reach to touch him. But even for that short second, you found out he's colder than the underground's temperature. Letting you know he's probably a ghost instead of a living boy.
"I remember you being a bitch to me. Some stuff from my childhood.. Something I was involved in called RFA, no idea what that is though, and then that this shit hole's called Mint Eye."
"What else?"
"That's all, bruh. As I said, I can't remember shit."
A new period of silence. Was his brain slow, or did he not sleep enough as he's taking so much time in between the things he wanted to say. Speed up bro, I'm basically dying here. Whatever he's going at, he'll not get it if he took so long. Depending on what it's exactly he came down for, he might never get it. There's no way you'll give in to furfill a single order he's giving you. As said before, you'd rather die in that damn cell. Saeran never moved, he's even better at playing statue than you.
"Do you remember Ray?"
The fuck's that..? Your brows frowned up, somewhere in the dark corner of your brain it sounded familiar. However, it's so insignificant that you couldn't really say yes. You're not even lying when you shook your head, there's not a single memory of whoever that might be, or had been, for that matter. Saeran's shoulder tensed up then.
"What about me?"
Oh you.. You, my friend, are a big ass Motherfucker. You're pretty sure that's nothing he wished to hear, though. And you're not looking forward to start a new fight. He tensed up even more when the smirk on your face came back to life. Still wondering why he didn't just go to his oh-so-noble Savior for answers, she probably knew more than you.
"All I remember's you being an asshole towards me. Calling me useless airhead and that I'm some entertainment tool. Like hell I am. But that's all."
You expect something more than a simple hum on his part. That's all? You're capable of so much more, where's it gone to huh, big boy? Really tempted to mess with him. You would have, if you'd been in a better condition. Being at the edge of biting into dust wasn't the most pleasant feeling and took some of your confidence away. Drip– Drip–.. Saeran lay his hands over yours then. Just like before, they're freezing cold, worse than yours and you're already half dead. Not sure what he's showing with this, you decided to leave them there. Something felt familiar about his touch. Kinda comfortable despite the shit you had to put up with.
"It's my fault you're down here."
Voice strict and serious, leaving no room to doubt that. Oh wow. If you could've done it without hurting, you would've shook your head in unbelief.
"Well, thanks for nothing then."
"I suggested your cleansing."
"Ok? Again, thanks for the bullshit."
"You're going to die because of me."
What the fuck is he trying to do. You wanted to laugh so badly, how sad there's not enough energy left to try. Was he trying to piss you off? To make you blame him? There's something you could remember about that bitch in the suit that's standing in front of you. The first time you met him, he pushed you to the wall, yelling you shall try to mess with him. Put off a fight, be mad and then pushed you away after you refused. Drip– Drip– Drip–.. Regardless. No matter how much of the torture you could remember he put you through, there's no denying that he's the poorest bastard in the whole building complex. Even if you're not remembering well, you knew from within that Saeran's suffering more than anyone else. That they caused him to become this way. So even if it's true and he's to blame for everything that happened to you, he's still having greater pain to suffer. That's why you shurgged again.
"I think... You're the one hurting the most here, bud. It's not me who's locked up right now."
He flinched away from your prison like you bit him, taking a couple of steps back with wide eyes that searched for something inside your body language. What did you expect. The fever became higher at alarming rate, draining you quicker than you wished. The cold of the metal bars were a pleasant feeling against your forehead, sweat running down your head and making your hair wet, sticking to the skin. Trying to keep your eyes open, you looked over to him.
"I might be dyin' but you're the one hurting. Like I couldn't see that goddamn agony of pain inside your eyes before. Motherfucker, you're as close to death as I am."
God.. My body's falling apart. It's a hard task to continue being conscious, how are you still standing on your feet, tho. There's no use in lying, Saeran's just as much of a victim as you. The same color inside the iris, both caused by a drug created from a madwoman that believes only pain can bring happiness. I wonder... How much of him did I forget? Porbably a lot if he's the cause for all this. He couldn't be your co-worker, not with the way he locked you inside the room without any tasks. You didn't know who he was or what connection you shared, but you knew it's there. The connection. Something that bounded you two, you really wanted to know what it was. Drip– Drip–.. Already expecting him to scream again about how strong he is, how you're scum, yade yade yade. However. It never came. Instead a loud growl from the back of his throat reached your ears before he came back to the cell, taking a key out of his poket to open it. Whoop– It stole the balance you had left and slid down the wall again, there's no way you could stand up without any support. Saeran kneeled down in front of you, not really making an threatening expression. Did he even try to?
"Even now you can't stop fucking mess with my head by saying this stuff."
"What stuff?"
"That I don't hurt you, but myself."
That sums it up pretty well.. Seems like you both had this conversation before. However, you could barely recall it. Saeran's hands raised to get a grip around your cheeks, or what's left of them. You sighed relived, not sure what he's trying to communicate with that behavior.
"I guess you hurt me pretty fucking badly. But you just hurt yourself as much with it."
"Again. You're saying it again."
A slight hint of anger in his voice, but drowned out by the fatigue. Yeah, you figured this young man's drained as well, you could remember he's the type to work for days without much food, breaks or sleep. You poor bastard, I feel more bad for you than I feel for myself. Not sure if that's how it's supposed to be, you couldn't help but worry for him the most. Saeran stroked his thumb over your skin, leaning in until he basically sat in your lap. You've bet money it looked hideous from an outside perspective. Oh my goodness he's holding me?? Whut-? That's very confusing. Saeran lay one hand on the back of your head, trying in vain to smooth down some of the chaos called hair. The other hand coming to wrap about your waist. Even though it's beyond your understanding, it's quite nice to have him hug you, maybe since you didn't have any physical contact in days.
"I thought you hate me? Are you like.. so fucked over you forgot?"
Now it's his turn to chuckle, just as rough and broken as your own. Drip– Drip– Drip–.. Despite his cold skin, the heat he gave off's helping you with the fever of your own. Somehow it calmed your body, the sent of his filled your nose and let something familiar fill your chest. What was it?
"I thought that too.. Damn, no matter what. I can't break you, can I."
"Pfft.. Yeah no, sorry dude. I'm like a fucking cockroach, not a toy to play with."
Saeran pulled away again to see your face, it's just no use. No matter how hard you tried to focus, it was and still seemed all blurry to you. He could tell, the focus in your eye's unavailable. Why the hell does he feel so familiar in a good way? He probably knew the answer to it, he's still having his memories, after all. When his breath hit your cheek and kissed it afterwards, you couldn't help but ask.
"Who are you.. What were you to me before this whole event of fucked up started?"
There's no way he could keep that from you. But he could procrastinate on it and continue kiss your face carefully. Dear Jesus what is this guy.. You pouted with last power and placed a hand on his cheek, frightened to feel the tears than ran down his face. Drip– Drip– Drip–..
"I'm sorry (N).. I'm so sorry.. I can never make up for what I put you through. This is all my fault."
"Woah, woah. Slow down.. I asked you something, how about telling me while I'm still breathing?"
"We're leaving here."
Oh? Your eyes widened against the will of your system, looking to him in surprise. Since when? He could tell you're filled with questions, too tired to speak them though. A little gasp escaped your mouth when he lifted you up, slow and careful like you're made out of porcelain. You probably were as breakable at the moment, so no complaining on your part.
"But.. how the fuck are we leaving this place?"
"... I called the RFA for help. It's not like I had a fucking choice."
Drip– Drip–... The tears of relief that somehow still spilled despite being dried out fell from your irritated eyes, a small, genuine smile finding its way back to your face. He's really not that bad.. Your hands grabbed powerless at his suit, suddenly the urge to sleep's bigger than anything else. As he's about to leave the cellar with you inside his arms, you decided to try it one last time.
"So... Who are you again?"
Somewhere in the distance you could perceive an explosion, probably somewhere outside the building. The smile in his voice's unmistakable.
"For now, I want you to think of me as a cool game developer."