Work Text:
He walks in and looks around.
It seems not much has changed and it’s as crowded as he expected it to be, as every other Friday night he spent here. The walls are still neon purple behind the wooden bar, the black tilted floor is still suspiciously sticky and there are still students everywhere, talking and drinking and dancing. The speakers are still blasting music and the tvs on the walls are still showing football and baseball games.
He smiles at the sight. It’s heartwarming and nostalgic at the same time. A lot of his student evenings and nights were spent hanging out here, making the same memories as thousands of students before and after him.
He walks up to the bar and flags down one of the barmen. He orders two Klouds and then makes his way, zig zagging through the standing bodies, to a tall dark wood table with two stools in one of the bar’s corners.
He places the beers down and takes a seat. Slides his phone out of his jeans’ pocket.
It’s 21:26. There’s one unread message, received at 21.13. ‘Omy!!!!’ it says. It’ll be at least ten more minutes before he shows up, if he actually was ‘on his way’ when he typed it. More likely fifteen minutes.
He slides the phone back in the pocket with another smile and takes a sip of his beer. He looks around, but doesn’t really see anything.
He’s thinking of the time they were playing pool and Seokjin tripped on Namjoon’s cue stick, and Jimin had giggled so hard he’d fallen off the stool he’d been perched on and Taehyung had choked on his beer, some of it coming out of his nose. Jeongguk had laughed to tears watching them.
He’s thinking of the time they’d come in for the Halloween-themed party, all wearing white sheets and Yoongi’s had ripped on the left side, up to his waist, boxers showing. They’d all laughed til tears then, but had all cut the ends of their sheets off with a pair of scissors Hoseok had stolen from behind the bar’s counter, so Yoongi could hang strips of cloth from the elastic of his boxers and cover up enough to be comfortable for the rest of the night.
He’s thinking of the time they were dancing in the middle of the bar and him and Taehyung had played wingmen for Jimin. He’s thinking of how, after Jimin had left with his conquest, he’d spent most of that night in high alert, keeping his instincts in check and monitoring his own movements and words, worried if he wasn’t careful he and Taehyung may end up kissing, or worse, in bed together.
He’s thinking of the night of their graduation, dancing on the low, long, wooden tables closer to the bar, beers in hand and feeling like they were standing on top of the world, feeling like life was wonderful and magical.
He’s thinking of the man he’s about to meet. Wondering if he’s changed much since the last time they’d seen each other.
“Guk! Hey!”
Taehyung.
No, he’s not changed much.
His hair is shorter, tidier, some strands tucked behind his ears, and he’s dressed up more, black fitted slacks and shirt, but he looks the same. Same kind eyes, same kind smile.
“Tae!” Damn, it’s so good to see you.
Jeongguk stands up and they hug. It’s a long hug.
“Wow! Can’t believe this place still looks the same!”
Jeongguk sits back down, chuckling. “Yes, well, it’s still a student bar.”
“Do you guys still come here?” Taehyung asks as he shimmers into a comfortable position on the other stool.
Jeongguk shakes his head. “No. The last time was for your leaving party.”
Taehyung smiles. “Is it bad I asked to meet here, then? Are we too old for this place?”
“Nah, we can still pass for students… Maybe,” Jeongguk teases. Then shrugs, bringing the beer to his lips and taking another sip. “It’s a good place for reunions like this, kinda symbolic, no?”
“Yeah, I guess. Lots of memories in here.” Taehyung smiles again. “To be honest, I just don’t know where to go now. Have no idea where you guys hang out anymore.” He looks down at the beer. “For me?”
Jeongguk nods. And Taehyung smiles more, fingers wrapping around the small glass bottle and the other one grazing Jeongguk’s arm. “Thank you.”
Jeongguk’s eyes dart to the hand on his shirt, before looking up again. “Don’t worry, Tae,” he says. “Now that you’re back we can show you the cool places.”
“Thanks. I’ll be grateful,” Taehyung replies with a smile, before taking another sip. His tone is more serious when he speaks again. “Thanks for meeting with me too. I know it was last minute and all, but I just didn’t wanna be home alone my first night back. Wanted to celebrate.”
Jeongguk shakes his head. “I’m sorry the others were busy, but happy you wanted to go out too. I feel pretty privileged to be the one seeing you first,” he jokes, but he actually means it.
Taehyung smirks. “Fitting, no?”
Jeongguk smiles and nods. He guesses it is fitting, yes. Jeongguk and Taehyung would often hang out here alone together when the others were busy. This is just one more night to add to the list.
“Is work still killing you?” Taehyung asks.
Jeongguk sighs and takes another sip. “Yes, it is.”
It’s the reason Jeongguk was free tonight, because he worked until late every day, way past working hours, and then just took the underground home to sleep. Work and sleep was most of what he did these days, had no time for a social life and commitments. But for Taehyung, he was happy to make an exception and leave work early.
Especially since he hadn’t seen him in a year and half and their interactions had been minimal. Their timezones and schedules made it impossible to keep up the constant back and forth they’d shared when they were students. They mostly communicated through their friends’ group chat, where they’d share quick updates with one another a few times a month.
They had a lot of catching up to do.
And that’s what they do. Slowly sip on their beer, catching each other up on the past 18 months of their lives. Mostly, Jeongguk listens. Taehyung’s been abroad and has a lot of cool stories Jeongguk wants to know about and is curious about.
“If I tell you everything now, it’s gonna be super boring when you have to listen to all of it again, when the others ask,” Taehyung protests, trying to argue it’s Jeongguk’s turn to update him. He grazes Jeongguk’s arm again, and slaps him gently and teasingly on his hand.
But Jeongguk doesn’t mind listening to Taehyung tell his stories twice. Won’t mind hearing them again when he tells their friends tomorrow. Has always liked listening to Taehyung. Enjoys his voice, his gestures and his expressions. Likes how funny Taehyung is. It’s always been that way, since they were in high school.
“You know I won’t mind. Com’on, go on. So, you were waiting for the taxi and then what?”
Taehyung shakes his head, smiles wide. “Okay,” he agrees, before picking up his story again.
Jeongguk takes another sip of his beer, attention fully on Taehyung. Another thing that’s always been the same, since they were in high school.
Jeongguk just considers it part of being good friends. They’ve been friends for longer than he can count on his hands, all of them have really, and listening and paying attention to your friend is part of friendship.
Jimin, if he were here, would joke that Jeongguk doesn’t pay this much attention to anything he says, that he’s only this attentive with Taehyung. Jeongguk would clap back or roll his eyes dismissing the comment, but he and everybody else, Taehyung included, would know Jimin is right.
That’s what happens when you have ‘a thing’, as Namjoon calls it, for one of your best friends.
Jeongguk has always had a thing for Taehyung. It’s not something that is discussed, beyond a few teasing jokes now and then, but they all know it. It’s a silent, non-disruptive, unbothering common knowledge in their friend group. They all know it. Namjoon knows it. Seokjin knows it. Jimin knows it. Yoongi and Hoseok know it. Taehyung knows it, even if he’s never commented on it or acknowledged it. It’s common knowledge: Jeongguk has always had a thing for Taehyung. Period. A statement without follow up or consequences.
That’s what happens when you meet your best friends at thirteen and one of them is the closest thing to perfection you can imagine. You develop a thing. But that’s it.
Taehyung’s story is funny and when he finishes, both their eyes are watery from laughing.
“Do you want another drink?” Taehyung offers then. “On me this time.”
Jeongguk nods and Taehyung gets up. He comes back with two glasses, two bottles of beer and two bottles of soju. Jeongguk shakes his head.
“Are you trying to get me drunk?”
Taehyung chuckles. “No. I just wanted somaek, and make it myself. But if you get a little tipsy, so what, mmh? Haven’t enjoyed tipsy Guk in a long time.”
Jeongguk raises his eyes to the ceiling and sighs loudly.
It makes Taehyung laugh. “I saw and heard that.”
Jeongguk doesn’t reply, just watches Taehyung make them drinks.
Taehyung hands him a full glass and Jeongguk takes it. Their fingers brush.
“To being back together?” Taehyung raises his drink.
Jeongguk smiles and mimics the gesture. “To being back together.”
They down it, even if Jeongguk knows they shouldn’t; it’ll cloud their inhibitions way too fast.
When they were in university and were about to do something under the effect of alcohol that their subconscious knew their sober selves wouldn’t have exactly approved of, they would always say ‘whatever happens, we can blame it on the alcohol when the sun comes up’ and chug a drink. Jeongguk thinks not being university students, but professionals now, may make that excuse less valid.
It only takes ten minutes for them to down another one.
It doesn’t take long for Jeongguk to feel the tipsiness settling over him. He’s even happier than he was when he’d entered the bar two hours earlier, he’s smiling and laughing more, and Taehyung looks more beautiful than ever.
That’s how he knows he has to stop drinking.
He’s always been incredibly good at keeping himself in check under the effect of alcohol, especially in Taehyung’s presence, preventing himself from doing something really ridiculous, like allowing his internal considerations on Taehyung’s handsomeness overtake his brain and convince him kissing Taehyung is a good idea. He’s always known when to say no, stop himself.
“I’ll make us our last one?” Taehyung asks.
Jeongguk should say no, but he doesn’t. Because he wants it. It tastes good and they’re chatting and laughing, and he’s only a little tipsy and he’s always been so good at not making truly regrettable mistakes, and they’re older now, so why not enjoy this time with Taehyung?
He takes the drink that’s being offered to him. Their fingers brush again and Jeongguk wonders if the touch lingered longer this time.
Taehyung smiles at him, “You should pick our cheer this time.”
Jeongguk halts, drink nearly to his lips, and looks at Taehyung. Their eyes meet. “Whatever happens, we can blame it on the alcohol when the sun comes up?”
Taehyung chuckles, head thrown back and smile huge. “Yes, yes, we can!”
They drink it slower this time, picking up the conversation where they left off. Taehyung continues to ask him questions about his life and his job, and some about their friends.
When both their glasses are empty, they don’t refill them, just play with them as they talk. Until Taehyung asks: “Wanna dance?”
Jeongguk stares at him. They haven’t danced together in a long time. And it’s never the safest activity for them. Jeongguk’s always felt that dancing with Taehyung was like standing on the edge of a precipice, each shared glance or touch leading them closer to falling over into an unknown, dangerous abyss. A precipice responsible people would ever only go close for a shot of adrenaline, but always when in full control of their minds and senses, and never when they risk putting themselves in danger.
But Jeongguk is not a responsible person, and he’s not in full control of his mind and senses. He’s not drunk, not even close. But he’s tipsy. And tipsy Jeongguk doesn’t always seem to grasp the boundaries of friendships.
“Guk? We don’t have to. I’m sorry, you’re probably tired. Let’s go, we can call an Uber.”
Ooops. Too much staring, too little talking. “No, it’s fine. I was just thinking we haven’t danced together in so long.”
Taehyung tilts his head. His tongue pokes out to lick his lips. “You’re right, it’s been a long time.”
“But, we should.” Jeongguk continues.
“Sure?”
“Yes, sure.” He smiles, standing up and offering Taehyung his hand.
Taehyung takes it.
They walk over to the dance floor and Taehyung twirls him so they’re facing each other.
The first few songs go by just fine, and Jeongguk is starting to relax, enjoying the play of lights, the moment, the night. But the floor gets fuller and roudier around them as more songs are blasted, and then somebody passes by him, shoving him aside and knocking him forward, onto Taehyung. And Taehyung catches him, holds him up and close.
“You okay?” Taehyung asks.
“Yes, fine.” Jeongguk straightens with a nod, but Taehyung doesn’t let go. The heat of his hands seeps through Jeongguk’s shirt and his eyes bore into Jeongguk’s.
“Sure?”
They’re way too close.
Jeongguk nods.
Taehyung stares.
Jeongguk can’t move.
Taehyung moves his right hand and brushes it over Jeongguk’s forehead, pushing his hair away from his eyes. “You look so pretty tonight.”
Jeongguk can’t speak, can’t look at him anymore.
Whatever happens, we can blame it on the alcohol when the sun comes up .
So he leans forward and closes his eyes. Presses their lips together and kisses Taehyung.
***
Taehyung slowly drifts into consciousness, waking up. He keeps his eyes closed, protecting them from the light he can sense streaming through the window of his bedroom. His first, barely conscious thought is that he must have forgotten to close the curtains the night before. His second barely conscious thought is that he feels warmer than usual. His third barely conscious thought is that he can sense a presence behind his back. The fourth thought is conscious realisation: he’s not alone.
His eyes fly open as images from last night flood his mind and he realises who he is in bed with.
Jeongguk!
He turns, heart beating faster and breath catching as Jeongguk’s body comes into view. The body that he was gasping against just a few hours before.
Jeongguk.
Jeongguk is awake. Lying on his back, eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling. He doesn’t acknowledge Taehyung’s movement, doesn’t turn his head towards him and doesn’t speak.
Oh.
Taehyung takes him in, trying to recall every detail of the night before. It all comes back clear. They’d met up at the bar they used to hang out in university, shared beers and somaek and talked. They’d danced. Jeongguk had looked so beautiful, hair falling in his eyes and huge smile on his lips. He’d looked as pretty as he always did when they were students, but more grown up, more confident, more attractive. Jeongguk had kissed him. And Taehyung had kissed him back, elated. He isn’t sure who had proposed getting out of the bar, but somehow they’d called an Uber and ended up in Taehyung’s new apartment, kissing against the door and then on the couch and then in his bed. The clothes had come off quickly. Taehyung remembers his skin feeling insufferable below his clothes, burning up with the need to be freed, to be touched, to be kissed. And that’s what they’d done. Touched, kissed, and so much more. It’d felt like a dream, but the replay of their night is sharp in his brain. They’d slept together, and it had felt right, so very right.
He remembers falling asleep after, sated, happy, heart full and calm, thinking that a barrier that he had felt imprisoned by, stuck behind, for so many years, had finally been crossed.
But maybe Jeongguk didn’t feel the same way. Maybe Jeongguk had not wanted this to happen. Maybe he’d been drunker than Taehyung had thought, maybe he’d been transported by the alcohol and the evening.
Fuck.
Taehyung really hadn’t thought either of them had been drunk. Tipsy, both of them, maybe, but not drunk. He’d seen Jeongguk wasted so many times, he knew drunk Jeongguk and he hadn’t thought that was him the night before. Jeongguk had seemed completely normal, but maybe he hadn’t been? He had said ‘whatever happens, we can blame it on the alcohol when the sun comes up’ , but Taehyung had thought he’d been joking, cheering to their old sentence, but maybe he hadn’t, maybe he’d meant it.
After all, Jeongguk had never given any sign he wanted to cross this line in their friendship. In university, Taehyung had often felt Jeongguk put a distance between them and kept him at bay.
It was ironic, really, how sometimes their friends would joke that Jeongguk favoured Taehyung and saw him with different eyes, but he didn’t and it was Taehyung that adored Jeongguk more than he should. He’d tried, so many times, in the very same bar, to gauge Jeongguk’s reactions to him, and he’d tried in the library while they were studying together and in the café they’d have lunch in, but Jeongguk had never given him any indication he may like him more than a friend. Taehyung had flirted a little when they were tipsy, teased him more, hoping the alcohol could maybe show Jeongguk’s interest, affect him somehow, but it never had, it only pushed Jeongguk to put more space between them. Taehyung had eventually given up, resigned himself to his partiality and fully accepted it. He had a thing for Jeongguk, probably always would, and it would always remain completely innocent and platonic. He’d been fine with it.
That’s why he’d been completely taken aback when Jeongguk had kissed him, flabbergasted by the feel of his lips on his. He’d never thought anything like that would happen. He’d expected a nice, simple evening with Jeongguk, catching up, getting tipsy and reminiscing about old times, maybe eating fried chicken together when the bar closed. Not a night of kissing and sleeping together. But he’d taken it, of course he had. Would do it again.
But now he realises Jeongguk had probably never meant it. He’d been under the influence of alcohol, of the moment.
Was I too pushy?
The thought makes him feel a little sick. He’d dreamt of kissing Jeongguk many times, dreamt of what it could mean to have him, but not like this, never like this. Why did something that felt so right, have to be so wrong?
Taehyung closes his eyes, blinks them open and sighs, trying to find the courage to speak, to break the awkward silence and apologise. To say they can go back to being friends and pretend it never happened, blame it on the alcohol.
“Jeongguk?” he starts, uncertain. He hopes Jeongguk will turn. He wants to see Jeongguk’s face, be able to see his eyes.
Finally, Jeongguk moves, turns his head on Taehyung’s pillow and looks at him.
Taehyung thinks he looks sad, and feels nauseous. “I’m sorry. I- I really didn’t think anything would happen. I didn’t even think you were that drunk, I would have never let it happen, if I had. I know it’s not a good excuse at all, I should’ve been more careful. I’m really sorry. I- We can pretend it never happened, if you want. Whatever you want.”
Jeongguk blinks. “I wasn’t that drunk. I wasn’t drunk at all.”
Taehyung can’t read his tone. “You weren’t drunk?”
Jeongguk shakes his head a little. “No. Tipsy, maybe. But not drunk, you don’t need to apologise. I was the one that kissed you.” He sighs and his eyes go back to the ceiling.
“I’m still sorry. I feel like maybe I made you feel like you should kiss me? Pushed you into it a little.”
Jeongguk snorts. “No, you didn’t. I kissed you because I wanted to.”
Taehyung is confused, he doesn’t understand Jeongguk’s reaction. He’s clearly upset, but Taehyung doesn’t understand what is causing it. “We can still blame it on the alcohol and pretend it never happened,” he says. The idea of having to forget the night makes him sad. “Maybe we did drink more than we realised.”
“I was practically sober by the time we made it here, Taehyung. I don’t want you to think this happened because I was not myself completely. I knew what I was doing.” He sits up, pulling Taehyung’s duvet up with him to cover his chest. “I just wasn’t careful at the bar.”
“Careful?” Taehyung sits up as well, clutching his knees to his chest and holding his own side of the sheet.
Jeongguk turns to look at him, eyes boring into his face. “I really care about our friendship, Tae. I would never do anything to jeopardise it. I never have. I am the one that is sorry. I guess not seeing you for so long made me miss you more than I realised and I fucked up. I should’ve never kissed you. Maybe the alcohol made me a little braver, but I didn’t do anything because of it. You drank too, and I should’ve also been more careful about that. I’m really sorry. We can pretend it never happened, of course. But I won’t blame it on the alcohol, it’s completely my fault.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Jeongguk raises his eyebrows. “I kissed you and you had drunk, I should’ve never.”
“I kissed you back! I wanted it!”
Jeongguk sighs. “Taeh-”
“I was a little tipsy when you kissed me, but I kissed you back because I wanted to! You have no idea how many times I’ve thought of kissing you like that.” Taehyung looks down, eyes fixed on where his feet are under the covers. He’s said it and there is no going back, but he cannot face Jeongguk now.
There’s silence for a few, long, seconds.
“What?”
Taehyung nods, still refusing to look up. Jeongguk deserves an explanation now that he’s blurted out the truth. “Yeah. In uni. Like all the time. I even tried, at a few parties, to flirt with you, hoping you’d flirt back and we’d end up making out. But we never did. Actually, one time, you left me with Yoongi and then I saw you making out with someone else. After that, I took the hint and stopped doing it.” Taehyung traces his feet over the blankets with a finger. “I kinda had a thing for you in uni. That’s why. Yesterday night was kinda like... It’ll sound ridiculous if I say it, but... It was kinda like a dream come true, in a way.” He feels his cheeks heat up.
“You had a thing for me in uni?”
Taehyung thinks Jeongguk repeating his words with a shocked tone isn’t necessary, just makes him feel more ridiculous, but he nods.
“Taehyung,” Jeongguk sighs and Taehyung prepares himself for a kind rejection. “I’ve had a thing for you since high school. I’ve always kinda liked you. Everybody knows.”
What? Taehyung’s eyes snap up.
“Tae, don’t you remember everyone making fun of me for it? I thought you knew?”
Taehyung shakes his head in reply, because words aren’t coming to him.
“I thought you knew and were too kind to say anything. I knew we were just friends and I’ve always been so happy about that.” Jeongguk shakes his head. “How did you not know? I cannot believe you didn’t know. You’re- You’re kinda perfect.”
That makes Taehyung snort, because he’s anything but perfect. “I’m not perfect, not even close.”
Jeongguk shrugs, but his cheeks seem a little pink. “Yeah, well, nobody is. You’re perfect to me though. That’s what I’ve always thought.”
Taehyung’s stomach flips and he feels his mouth fall open. He struggles to find words to respond to that, so he settles on the question that is loudest in his mind. “You had a thing for me?”
Jeongguk sighs again. “ Have would probably be more right, but yes.”
“You have a thing for me.”
“Yes. But it doesn’t have to change anything. I never let it before. As you said, we can forget this,” Jeongguk makes a vague gesture with one hand, sheet held up by the other, “ever happened.”
“No.” Taehyung shakes his head hard. “No. Yesterday night was... incredible for me. It means something to me. I like you.” He pulls on his bottom lip to sort his thoughts before he continues. “If you have a thing for me too... I don’t think we should pretend this never happened.”
There’s silence following his statement and it's awkward and embarrassing. Taehyung wonders if maybe he went too far too quickly. If maybe he’s pushing again and he shouldn’t.
Until Jeongguk speaks. “Yeah, yesterday was incredible for me too.”
“Good,” Taehyung says, because he doesn’t know what else to say.
Jeongguk doesn’t reply and they are back to sitting in silence. Taehyung stares at his sheets, unsure of what to do.
“So?” Jeongguk asks after a while, voice quiet and hesitant.
Taehyung looks at him. He wants Jeongguk, wants him to stay, cannot bear this awkwardness any longer. “Would you like breakfast? And maybe, then, stay? Maybe do this again?”
Jeongguk’s eyes widen, but he nods. “Yes.”
“Good.” Taehyun lets go of the sheet. “Can I kiss you again, first?”
Jeongguk nods again.
So Taehyung leans forward and closes his eyes. Presses their lips together and kisses Jeongguk.
Jeongguk kisses him back.