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Tommy’s palms were sweating.
Watching Wilbur try and one-up Quackity for nearly an hour made him feel antsy, jittery. When Wilbur got bored, Tommy trudged back home without him- he needed time to think.
He punched a wall when he arrived at his house, just to know what it felt like. When his fist impacted, he yelled in frustration (and pain.) It hurt, and his knuckles stung with the improper throw and rough texture of the wall. He thought perhaps he was bleeding, but he didn’t look down to check. The pain only served to anger him further, and he ended up pacing his front yard.
Before he could do much damage to his flowers with heavy footfalls, the sound of Ranboo’s idle chirping reached his ears. He almost didn’t hear it, but he knew those chirps by heart.
“Tommy? Are you- are you okay?” Said his friend, who’s boots made little tap tap tap sounds on the old, rotten wood path.
“Peachy, bitch.” Tommy responded, with a forced smile.
“Okay,” Ranboo sounded like he wasn’t convinced in the slightest, “Do you want to hang out with me and Tubbo?”
“No.” Despite the clear negative, he was already walking past Ranboo, in the direction of the portal to Snowchester, shrugging on his coat grabbed from just inside.
Ranboo snorted a half-laugh, and caught up with him easily- Damn those stupid long legs.
Tommy often felt like his two closest friends ( rival , in Ranboo’s case) had some sort of sixth sense that told them when he wasn’t in a good place, mentally. It almost pissed him off, how… present they were, for him. Even if his friendly jabs felt a little too sharp, they put up with him.
He remembered Puffy saying something about how his insults were a coping mechanism . He didn’t feel any less guilty after the paranoid feeling uncurled itself from his ribs, though.
Speaking of paranoia, he did not feel good. Every step towards the community portal, he had to stop himself from checking his comms for a message from Wilbur, telling Tommy to meet him somewhere. Wilbur was gone for today. He wouldn’t bother him again until tomorrow.
He nearly threw up, going through the nether portal. Portals always made him feel sick.
The trip through the nether was uneventful. Ranboo’s armed to the teeth, so Tommy really didn’t have to worry about mobs.
That fact didn’t keep him from flinching towards his axe at every sudden sound, though.
Ranboo chatted about everything and anything, which kept him busy for the most part. Tommy didn’t have to think much with his replies, something he appreciated greatly after a Wilbur Conversation.
Talking to Wilbur feels like playing a game of chess when you have no idea what the rules are. He says strange things- things Tommy has to think about carefully before responding. He hasn’t a clue what sets his brother off anymore, and fears what would happen if Wilburs wrath were aimed towards him.
In the back of his head, he knew Wilbur would never intentionally hurt him. Wilbur loved him, and would do anything to protect him. Fuck, he was ready to kill Quackity earlier today.
His brother was volatile, though. Tommy didn’t want to be responsible for the explosion if he were to accidentally press the wrong button. So, he walked on eggshells and hot coals, because despite his brothers’ flammable nature, Tommy still cared for him deeply. He just wanted Wilbur to be proud of him, truly.
Snowchester was fucking cold.
It was a shock to Tommy’s system, after the heat of the nether. Ranboo looked comfortable, because his stupid enderman half meant his body had no receptors for temperature. It simply didn’t affect him.
Tommy wanted to kick him. He didn’t, though, because Tubbo would probably be upset if he saw.
Ranboo ushered him into his- and his husband’s- shared cabin. The fireplace was spitting out heat on a small form laying on the rug.
Tubbo’s head shot up at the sound of the door closing, hair wild. “Hi, Tommy!”
Tommy nodded awkwardly as a greeting, making his way to the hearth. His hands felt a little numb at the tips, so he stuck them out towards the crackling flame.
“Michael is with Techno today, so we have the whole day to do whatever.” Tubbo said, wiping coal dust on his coat. Tommy’s not sure how he got coal all over his hands, but that’s just how Tubbo is. “What do you want to do?”
“We have puzzles, and a couple board games somewhere.” Ranboo sat next to Tommy, on the opposite side as Tubbo. He leaned back on his hands, and his legs stuck out dangerously close to the open fire. Tommy smacked his shin, out of impulse, and it moved to tap Tommy’s side lightly.
“You two are so boring.” Tommy said, “Let’s go burn a building down, or something.”
“Or not. Remember what happened last time you burned a building down?” Tubbo replied with a laugh. Tommy knew it was a joke, but it still made his heart sink a little. He goes silent for a moment before forcing a grin. His eyes sting.
“Right.” Came Tommy’s response, “Do you have a deck of cards? I’m a professional Go Fish player, you know.”
“Oh, we do! Boo, the cards are in the closet in the hall- can you go get them?” Tubbo said, bouncing a little in his spot on the floor. Ranboo stood, and absentmindedly pat Tommy’s head before walking out of the room.
Tommy pretended like that gesture didn’t make him want to burst into tears, and pretended like he didn’t lean into Ranboo’s hand like a dog starved of attention. He ignored the feeling of warmth the hand left. His stomach twisted in a violent fucking knot, but his facial expression never changed.
Fuck. He thought he was doing better about that. He didn’t even dream about Wilbur’s warm, protective hugs anymore. He never caught himself thinking about Technoblade’s awkward pats on the shoulder, or when Fundy would lazily drape his tail over Tommy’s lap, or when Eret ran their hands through his hair to get a leaf out, or even when Niki let him doze off with his head laying on her shoulder, one arm holding him close-
“-Ommy? Tommy,” Tubbo’s voice cut through his thoughts like a sword, “Tommy, you’re crying.”
“Fuck,” He said aloud, because he was always so very eloquent. He wiped away the tear running down his cheek, and blinked away the rest so he could look at his friend. “I’m okay. I’m fine.”
“No you aren’t.” Ranboo said from behind him, which made him flinch because of fucking course it does.
“I am. I just got some ash in my eye. It’s out now-”
“I don’t believe you.” Tubbo looked a little pissed off, which made Tommy’s stomach drop. Tubbo’s never made that face directed at him before.
“I-” Tommy hesitated.
“Stop. Just tell me what’s wrong, big T.”
“I told you-” He started, but Ranboo interrupted. Bastard.
“Did someone hurt you today, or something?” Ranboo said in a gentle voice, like he was talking to a scared animal. In some ways, Tommy thought that he was.
“Who fucking hasn’t?” Tommy blurted, before he could stop his mouth from moving.
Tubbo’s silent, but Ranboo nodded and made an encouraging sound. An enderman chirp rumbles from his throat, like a purr meant to calm him. It worked, a tiny bit, but he would never admit it.
“I mean, fuck. It feels like I can’t go anywhere without running into someone who wants me dead,” Tommy rambled, “Even Niki-” His voice almost broke on her name, “Even Niki hates me now. I can see it in her eyes.”
Ranboo placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and Tommy spent all his mental power on not leaning into the touch. Tubbo looked like he wanted to hug Tommy and murder something at the same time.
“I don’t feel safe in my own goddamn home. Dream could break out at any time and kill all three of us- or torture us, shit. Talking to my own brother makes me want to tear my hair out- he treats me like a fucking toy sometimes! I have nightmares about lava every time I close my eyes. The last time someone touched me was to beat me to death. And I fucking- I-” Tommy pauses to breathe deeply, “I miss not being scared.” He was absolutely crying hard now, tears streaming down his face. His breath stutters every few seconds.
Now Ranboo looked murderous, too. God damn it. He fucked everything up, huh? He made the peacekeeper abandon his vigil. They were going to ask him to leave, for dumping his problems on them.
“I’m… sorry.” Tubbo said, sniffing. That was a bit unexpected, he figured Tubbo would scoff or something.
“It’s fine-” Tommy replied. Now it was time for damage control, he had to downplay and backpedal as much as he could after that rant.
“It’s not fine. We’re sorry. Neither of us realized how badly you were, like, dealing with things- you never complained, so we assumed. We should have noticed something.” Ranboo rubbed his thumb over Tommy’s shoulder, which made his breath hitch again. He let himself lean ever so slightly.
“You shouldn’t have had to go through this alone.” Tubbo said, and wrapped his friend into a hug. That broke the dam, and Tommy sobs into the boy’s shoulder.
Ranboo scoots closer and puts his arms around both of them, petting their hair with the most gentle hands Tommy had ever felt on him- it was almost surprising.
Tubbo lightly scratched his blunt nails against Tommy’s back, comfortingly, as the teenager cried.
“I’m going to fucking kill Dream, by the way.” Tubbo said quietly.
Tommy huffs out a laugh in between his deep breaths, and in that moment, huddled in the arms of his two closest friends on the floor of a cabin, hearth warming their wary skin, on the frigid coast of Snowchester, Tommy had never felt more safe.