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It was terribly cold. The hair on your arms threatened to stand, and the blanket you shared with him hadn't engulfed you entirely just yet. But all that never mattered when you were with him.
Insomniac eyes that looked like it was ready to pass out, but your mind kept on running places as if it was on a sugar rush. It never bothered you, since all your thoughts loitered to the boy beside you.
You had met Shiota Nagisa years ago, during the adrenaline-filled year with that morbid yet kind creature. At first, he never made an impact on you. He was just another classmate of yours, an NPC in your game of life. If your past self had seen you now, you'd probably be rendered speechless.
The day of your teacher's death had you feeling absolutely wrecked, everyone was devastated. Nagisa was the one who dealt the final blow, so you couldn't imagine how he felt.
After graduation, Class 3-E kept close. They considered each other as family, and would often hangout within their old friend groups. You were very close to the excelling student, Rio.
You remembered feeling rather interested when she told you that Nagisa would be going to the same high school as you. In fact, a part of you felt relieved that a familiar face was going to be there. The two of you weren't as close but still.
The first day of school was very nerve-wrecking for you. I mean, it's a new environment with people you didn't know. Of course you would be terrified! You had wanted to attempt at making new friends, but social interaction flew out the window as soon as you saw Nagisa.
In your words, you had said to yourself - "why would I go to the trouble of making friends, when I can stick to someone I already know?" - you were obviously desperate to stay in your comfort zone.
After awhile, you had gotten to know the boy a lot better. Some would even say that you were two peas in a pod.
But it was just that. Nothing more than friends who were comfortable with each other.
"Do you never open up to your friends?" No, you didn't. And neither did he. That's what you had disliked most about yourself.
You never opened up to anyone any farther then just showing a carefree and high spirited personality. They would say - "you're so fun to talk to!" And not once did you actually talk about yourself.
And what was even worse, was that Nagisa was almost exactly like you. He was a genuinely kind kid huddled within hidden bloodlust and self-hatred. But he kept on smiling, kept on being gentle.
The two of you were both genuine when showcasing your feelings, but incredibly limited.
The one good thing Nagisa and you had shared was the comfort you gave to each other. Which is why you weren't surprised when he had confessed to you in your second year.
It was a night during the summer, you hated the warm feeling of the sun but loved how cold it would get during the night. Nagisa had texted you and asked for you to come over. You've snuck in through his bedroom window many times now, it was just a surprise for him to text you so late at night.
As soon as you stepped foot onto his bedroom, you were tackled to the floor. A blur of blue. Straddling you, Nagisa gave you a nervous smile. His heartbeat rising faster every second. You raised an eyebrow, letting a loopy smirk grow on your face. "Someone's excited."
Nagisa huffed in embarrassment, face red & buzzing. "Can I tell you something?"
He shyly dragged a finger along your torso. The boy was itching to fidget on something, overstimulated with adrenaline. You hummed, gently tapping on his thigh as a sign of encouragement. You could tell he was nervous, with the way his eyes darted to different places every three seconds.
Nagisa bit on his lip, and you were almost afraid it was going to crack. But then when he opened those pretty lips of his, you heard words that you had somewhat anticipated.
"I- uhm, I like, no- love you... a lot," He wasn't lying. Love was a big word and it held a lot of meaning. But he was confident that you weren't just a crush.
Especially not when he would spend sleepless nights wondering what you were up to, or when he started noticing the littlest things about you that others didn't. He was absolutely deranged to think that you would love him back, someone as pitiful and murderous as him. But he had high hopes that he didn't want.
The boy had shut his eyes tight immediately after confessing, in fear of rejection. He felt you stiffen under him, a very small movement but it was there nonetheless. No, no, no, I ruined it. I ruined our relationship. He was having a mild- no, a full fledged panic attack between his grit teeth. He didn't want to lose you. You were the only good thing left in his dull life, so losing you would mean losing all light and happiness.
On the other hand, you had become more flustered than you thought you would've. I mean, you had known of his feelings for you. He wasn't the best at hiding it, and you weren't very dense either. Why did the words that had come out of his mouth make you feel extremely hazy? Your brain felt hungover and your cheeks were stinging.
Hesitantly, you lightly placed a hand on the back of Nagisa's head. You heard his breath hitch, him not knowing what to do at that very moment. Pushing him down, you let his head rest on your chest.
Nagisa was about to pass out from the energy. He was nearly shaking and he felt both cold and hot at the same time. But hearing the rapid beating of your heart, and the warmth of your body - he let himself relax.
The both of you stayed like that for a few minutes, coming down from the high of your feelings. Nagisa's eyes were no longer dilating, instead they were steady and sleepy. You could feel his hot breath against your shirt.
"Your heart's racing really fast," the boy mumbled, his social battery draining a lot faster than usual. It was pretty normal for him, since every moment with you felt unrealistically hazy. You sighed softly, bringing a hand to messily play with his blue hair.
"Do you know why?"
"Because... because you love me too, right?"
You tiredly yawn, answering with a hum. He then looked up at you with gleaming eyes.
And god, if you had known that Nagisa would break into such a beautiful smile, you would have confessed way earlier.
Days turned to weeks turned to months and eventually it was nearing the end of your third year. That's where you are right this moment. Finals were coming just around the corner and the two of you couldn't afford to fail it.
You were going to be adults soon, and your future was rather blurry. Your gaze on the ceiling fan wasn't making you any sleepier, so you turned your attention to something else.
Ah, Nagisa. The sight of him made you feel so peaceful and warm. He had requested to stay the night after a long study session. Why would you say no?
Tousled baby blue locks were messily displayed around his head and onto the pillow. His lips were slightly open and you could see puffs of air come out from it. The soft skin of his cheeks were rosy and his body faced up. Your boyfriend was a messy sleeper and never really stood still, which was surprising.
You could see the way his chest heaved up and down in a relaxed manner, and the light snores that you absolutely adored.
You were so fucking in love with this man, it was no joke.
Your eyes shifted to the teeth marks and light bruises on Nagisa's wrist. Some people call them love-bites. It didn't matter to you what they were called, in the end, they were still marks of affection. Then you looked at your own wrist where a group of his own teeth marks dug your skin.
Just a few days ago, Nagisa brought up how he wouldn't mind being bitten if it came from you. At first, you took as a joke but then he came forward and boldly asked you to bite him. You didn't have a reason to say no, so you scarred the pale skin of his wrist like it was a white canvas ready to be tainted.
The boy looked at his wrist like it was a painting from the 18th century, displayed in a museum. There was a shine in his eyes and so much admiration, that it made you a bit bashful.
As of now, the bruises had lost its colour and the teeth marks were slowly fading. Scarring each others bodies were a weird way to show affection, but Nagisa didn't care, so why should you?
Staring at Nagisa was a hobby that felt effortless. If you could do it forever, you would. But unfortunately, sleep started to devour you and your shoulders finally got to relax.
-
There was shuffling. And then a sniffle. Your vision cleared a bit after opening your eyes from deep slumber.
The atmosphere in the room was hot, tense and uncomfortable. But it was still cold. The night hadn't passed, apparently you had slept for only a couple of hours. The shifting continued, so you set your gaze on Nagisa.
His eyebrows were furrowed near each other, bangs sticking to his sweaty forehead. Those tiny hands of his clawed at the bed sheets, but he still seemed to be asleep. Your boyfriend's frown was evident on his face, another bead of sweat falling down to his chin.
Nagisa was sweating bad.
Not wanting to wake him up, you put a hand to his forehead. It was warmer than usual, but you couldn't tell within the cold room. Nonetheless, your action made his eyes shoot wide open.
"Nagisa, love? Is everything okay?" Your voice came out in a hoarse whisper, as an arm wrapped itself over his shoulders to bring him closer to you.
He leaned in gratefully, hugging you tight. You felt your shoulder slowly become wet with his tears, choked sobs escaping from his pretty lips. You brought a hand to his head and gently stroked through his soft hair.
"Do you want to tell me what's wrong?"
"...Bad dream," you hummed in understanding. The vibrations of your voice had somehow smoothed him from his frenzy, but he was still crying. He pushed away from you to look at your face. You resisted the urger to coo at him, and instead smiled with endearment. His eyes were puffy and his bottom lip trembled in agony.
One thing Nagisa loved most about you, was how you never once pushed him to talk or do something he didn't like. You took your time with him and he appreciated that so much.
"Please, please, don't ever leave me," he whimpered, his grip on your tee tightening ever so slightly. You would be lying if you said that those words didn't make your heart ache. Tears continued to fall endlessly like tap water, and lips reddening from biting it too hard. Shiota Nagisa was like a broken glass vase put back together with Elmer's glue. So fragile that a sudden touch could shatter him.
And yet still, you continued to smile at him. To laugh with him. You didn't care that he could fall apart easily. You never did. You treated him like everyone else, like an equal.
He stared into your eyes with hazy vision, and all he saw was love. So much love for him, and him only. With you, he felt like he was drowning in fuzziness. You unintentionally spoiled him with love and now all he could want was you. You, yourself, just you.
"I'm here, and I always will be."
With a smile, you leaned down to peck at his tears. You held his flushed cheeks with feathery palms, not minding the gross sweat on his body. Not minding the taste of saltwater on your tongue. Everything felt so tender, the atmosphere was now a good type of warm and yet Nagisa still couldn't stop his tears.
The kisses trailed from the side of his eye, to his lips. Your lips tasted like a fever dream, really euphoric and very light. The boy's grip on you tightened, eyes shut as he indulged himself in your affection.
You had to pull away, which made your boyfriend frown a little. But his frown lifted up a bit when you placed soft kisses to the hues on his wrist. All while staring at him straight in the eye. God, you were so mesmerising.
Nagisa's body was warm against you, a passionate flush on both your cheeks. Your mind was buzzing with clouded affection, and all you could think about was how beautiful he looked in front of you.
He stopped crying just a few minutes ago, but the dry tear tracks on his porcelain face and messy snot that he had rubbed at with his sweater made him look like an angel. The moonlight complimented his blue hair, and it made his puffy eyes shine. You loved that you were his, and he was yours.
The two of you felt so right for each other. So similar yet so different. Like two pieces in a puzzle that stick together. Sure, your future felt blurry, fuzzy and uncertain. But it didn't matter because as long as you were with him, nothing could go wrong.