Work Text:
As the car doors close on him; as the deafening screams become silent; as the bright LED lights disappear into the dark – did he finally let his weariness show. Etched deep into the shadows under his eyes that even makeup could barely cover up. Carved intricately within the blood vessels that congregate towards his iris. The oppressive feeling which weighed heavily on his chest as he swiped open his phone to look at the messages that were waiting for him.
Messages from his fans on his various social media platforms. Messages about scheduling from his managers. Messages from acquaintances about his recent interviews. Messages from his friends checking up on him. A message of love from his mother. But none from him.
Another sign of defeat escaped from the safety of his lips before he could stop it, his eyes immediately jolted upwards towards the figure seated next to him. Seeing the anger behind those eyes, Zhang Zhehan quickly sat up straight in his seat and reached over to grasp the arm of his childhood friend.
“Xiao Yu, I am just tired. Don’t overthink it too much.”
“And why do you think you are so tired out?” Xiao Yu asked, anger barely masked behind his even tones.
Zhang Zhehan could not give him an answer. Saying anything more was useless because the person before him knew him almost better than himself. Anything he said that was along the lines of okay, fine, everything is good – were nothing but lies that everyone could easily see through.
He was not okay. He did not feel fine. Everything was not good.
Zhang Zhehan retracted his hand and sat back against the car seat once again as he leaned his head against the headrest, his sight moving from within the dark car to the dimmed scenery flying past them outside. It was already almost twelve in the morning. It was almost a new day. Almost another day since he stopped his messages.
They say the moon on the 16 th is rounder than the 15 th (十五的月亮十六圆). Said moon hung against the dark canvas like the sun in a storm. Shining through the dark skies like a beacon of hope for the hopeless.
“However, I understand why he is so angry at you,” Through the silence, Xiao Yu’s voice rang out clear. “If my lover told me to tell the world I was single, I would be hella upset too.”
Zhang Zhehan could not stop staring at the moon.
“But of course, as your friend, I have the right to be angry at him for being angry with you.”
At this, Zhang Zhehan chuckled. He understood why Gong Jun was angry at him, that was why he did not press the issue any further. That was why he resisted sending Gong Jun any messages since. He knew Gong Jun needed time to digest his emotions – he was sure Gong Jun knew the reasons why Zhang Zhehan had him release the statement to tell the world he was single. He understood the old rules of the entertainment circle. There was no way it would end well for either of them if this open secret ended up as no secret at all.
Zhang Zhehan knew that if anything were to happen, Gong Jun would receive the short end of the stick. This was precisely why he had to ensure there were escape routes for him to run to in the event something happens. Who cared if the escape routes meant that Zhang Zhehan would be left behind out in the cold? As long as Gong Jun was safe, none of that mattered at all.
“Do you know where he is today?” Zhang Zhehan asked quietly, his lips barely moving as the shadows from the streetlights outside dances across his tired features.
“Last I heard he’s still filming. But who knows? He might be sulking in the corner somewhere trying to grow mushrooms.” Xiao Yu replied nonchalantly while scrolling through the news on his weibo.
“Has his cold gotten better?” Zhang Zhehan asked.
“Why don’t you ask him instead of me? Oh! Susu asking to meet up whenever you are free next.”
“Why isn’t Susu asking me instead of you?” Zhang Zhehan asked as he looked through his messages.
“Because I know your schedules better than you do?” Xiao Yu replied as he replied Susu quickly, sending him an updated version of Zhang Zhehan’s schedule for the week.
“Fair point.” Zhang Zhehan replied as his thumb lingered over the chat named BaoBao (饱宝, full baby, sounds like 宝宝 which means baby/darling).
“If you want to talk to him that much, why don’t you reply him?” Xiao Yu asked.
The last message that Gong Jun sent him was never replied to. All he had asked was why?
He knew that why was not in regards to asking him to lie, but to the fact that because of that lie, Zhang Zhehan was now back under the target. Why did Zhang Zhehan always have to risk himself for Gong Jun. Why did Zhang Zhehan always have to be the one to protect Gong Jun. Why was Gong Jun always unable to be the one to provide the safety net?
"Tell Susu to bring beer when he comes over.” Zhang Zhehan said as he returned his phone back onto his lap.
"Marrsgreen beer?” Xiao Yu asked cheekily.
Rolling his eyes, Zhang Zhehan punched Xiao Yu in the shoulder as the car descended into the underground parking garage. As the car slowly came to a stop in front of the lift lobby, Xiao Yu exited the car first to survey the area.
“2 o'clock direction. Just keep walking, we'll stop them.” Xiao Yu whispered as he pulled open the door for Zhang Zhehan.
"See you tomorrow morning.”
"Nah, I'll see you at 3pm. Now go!”
Zhang Zhehan pulled his cap down low as he quickly stepped out of the vehicle and made his way into the lift lobby. He could hear the ever-increasing decibels of screams coming from behind him. Clutching tight on to his phone, Zhang Zhehan scanned his key card in front of the glass doors and made his way to the elevators just as the fans closed in around Xiao Yu. Stepping into the elevator, Zhang Zhehan pressed his floor number but remained back facing the outside until after the doors closed shut.
Heaving a sigh, Zhang Zhehan made a mental note to write a post about fans ambushing them in a private car garage again . He understood that as a celebrity, he had made the choice long ago to give up his right of privacy. But damn it, he paid for the security of this building and yet the fans were still able to slip through! Again! Even after he lodged a complaint to the management about their serious lack of security.
Swiping open his phone, Zhang Zhehan looked at his schedule for the next day and saw that he had an event at 11am. Cursing inwardly, Zhang Zhehan sent a crude message to Xiao Yu asking for an updated schedule as Xiao Yu only said he was coming to get him at 3pm. It took Xiao Yu a minute to reply, one of which was littered with vulgarities and excessive laughing emojis.
Pushing open his door, Zhang Zhehan placed his wallet and keys in the bowl on the cabinet next to the door as he toed off his shoes. His fingers were still flying rapidly across the phone screen, firing reply after reply to Xiao Yu. In the dark house, Zhang Zhehan navigated with familiarity to his bed room before he flipped the light switch on inside. Throwing his phone onto the bed, Zhang Zhehan made his way into the toilet, turning on the water in the shower as he grabbed his makeup remover to start removing his makeup as the water heated up.
The lipstick he had on was the one he tried on just now during his Maybelline live broadcast, it came off smoothly without needing to rub at it too hard. The mirror in the toilet was slowly fogging up with condensation from the hot water. Zhang Zhehan raised a finger up to the mirror and did what he had been doing for the past few days now, his finger tracing out the letters across the surface slowly: 想你了 (I miss you).
He watched as the words slowly fogged up again before he removed his sweat tinged clothes and hopped into the shower. The hot water hammered down onto his weary muscles like a god sent miracle. His hair that had been sprayed with tons of hairspray slowly but surely melted into a sloppy glob on the top of his head as his ten fingers ran through breaking up the knots behind them. He allowed himself a good twenty minutes under the running water, allowing his thoughts to flow free with the water. He allowed his weariness to overwhelm him finally. The exhaustion that he had been hiding all day finally revealed itself under the hot water before slowly dissolving away into the plumbing underground.
Once his muscles had relaxed did Zhang Zhehan finally turn off the water and dry himself off. He was indeed exhausted, but that did not mean it was time for him to rest yet. He pulled on a pair of sweat pants that was a size bigger and longer. Making his way to his home office, he grabbed his phone off the bed and quickly pulled up a recorded video of his broadcast from earlier to watch – Zhang Zhehan had to find his mistakes and quickly learn from them.
As he settled down onto his computer chair, Zhang Zhehan watched as the him in the video chatted with the host and towards the cameras. He noted the pauses and the periods. The words he used and wondered if he did well enough. It was not until he got to the part near the end of the broadcast that Zhang Zhehan realised his façade was actually not strong enough.
所有台下的人啊 请拍手叫好 之你和我和他
Everyone below the stage, please bring your hands together: for you, for me, for him
For you, for me, for him.
Sudden applause erupted from behind him and Zhang Zhehan felt his soul jump from his skin. Swirling around immediately, Zhang Zhehan felt his soul fall straight back down into his bones like an anvil on the coyote.
Gong Jun was seated very comfortably on the couch next to the door, his long legs crossed over the other, his hands slowly coming together in the middle as the air in between his palms resonated loudly.
The air between them was so thick that Zhang Zhehan was sure he would be able to slice through it with a knife and cut a piece of it for the both of them to enjoy. It had been almost two weeks since they last saw each other and three days since they last spoke. It was as though they were back to May of last year when they first met, the awkwardness and politeness between two perfect strangers.
Turning off his phone, Zhang Zhehan stood and made his way onto the same couch and sat down. Gong Jun had stopped clapping and was waiting patiently for Zhang Zhehan to start. Alas, even though he was older and more open, in situations like this, Zhang Zhehan was never good at breaking the silence. Taking breath after breath, Zhang Zhehan finally called upon the courage and asked: “Are you feeling better?”
Gong Jun hummed a reply that was not really a reply.
Silence once again befell around them. It was uncomfortable but at the same time comfortable. Contradictory but still compatible. It had been so long since they were together; even if they were not speaking, it still felt good to be in each other’s presence.
“Are you hungry?” “I am sorry.”
Both spoke at the same time followed by a laugh and a chuckle.
“Junjun, I am sorry.” Zhang Zhehan started quickly. He did not want his other to be upset any longer as it was eating him up inside as well.
“Don’t. Don’t apologise.” Gong Jun said as he held onto Zhang Zhehan’s hand. “You did nothing wrong. I understand where you are coming from. I understand your reasons. I am just childish.”
“You want to make sure my future remains bright. You want to make sure I will never have to go through what you had to endure in the last ten years. You want me to be happy.”
With each sentence, Zhang Zhehan could feel the pressure around his hand getting stronger and stronger.
“I know where you are coming from. But listen here, I do not need your protection. I do not need you putting yourself out there for me. I may be younger and less experienced, but all that means is that I am stronger and less jaded. I can take whatever they throw at us!” Gong Jun said heatedly as he stared straight into the depth of Zhang Zhehan’s soul.
“All I need is you here with me. And you promised me forever. So forever it is going to be. Not one day less but it can be many days more.”
Chuckling, Zhang Zhehan turned his palm upwards and entwined his five fingers with Gong Jun’s. The heat against the palm of his hand was comforting. The weight on his chest that felt unbearable hours ago had started to dissipate without his knowledge, one more sigh and it was as though he never had a burden before. Naturally, Zhang Zhehan laid his head against the familiar shoulder and allowed his body to meld into the comfort of the couch and the body next to him.
“I know that you can, and that you will. I just... I just don’t want you to.” Zhang Zhehan explained after a while. “I can’t take it. My hea—my heart can’t take it.”
It started at the tips of his ears, but he could feel it diffusing to his face, neck and even to the top of his chest. It became so unbearable that Zhang Zhehan had to turn and bury his face into Gong Jun’s shoulder.
The familiar swan laugh erupted from above him as Gong Jun’s other arm circled around him, bringing him into a tight embrace.
“My bao (宝, baby/darling) is too cute!” Gong Jun laughed.
“Shut it.” came the muffled reply.
“What are you going to do? Ignore me?”
The reply came as a bite to the sensitive skin under Gong Jun’s ear lobe at the junction of his head and neck.
“Let’s see how big an insect the fans are going to guess now.” Zhang Zhehan mused.
And within the span of a second, Zhang Zhehan understood what it meant to not wake a sleeping dragon.
The amused look that had been filtering in and out of Gong Jun’s eyes hardened into something more primitive. Something more primal. In one fell swoop, Gong Jun managed to push the older man onto his back and cage him within the barrier of his arms and legs.
His eyes leaping from Zhang Zhehan’s eyes to his lips and back up again. His hand reaching forward to caress his cheek, his thumb running across those lips, slowly tracing the shape of them. The primitive emotion in Gong Jun’s eyes finally revealed itself as lust as Gong Jun lowered his lips gently onto Zhang Zhehan’s.
It started out as a gentle peck but both of them knew it was never going to stay just that. With one arm supporting his weight, Gong Jun’s other hand that had been on Zhang Zhehan’s cheek moved to cradle his head as his tongue slipped through the opening and swiftly licked at the opposing set of lips. Once, twice, and on the third time, the entrance into the moist cavern finally opened as another slippery tongue came out to join in the dance.
A dance to entwine two bodies into one, the exchange of bodily fluid to signify their lust and love for the other. Thick viscous saliva started to drip out from the sides of Zhang Zhehan’s mouth as he fought to defend himself against the onslaught that was Gong Jun.
Zhang Zhehan was a man. No doubt about it. He was a young and energetic man. He had his fair share of relationships and had kissed a good number of people before. His partners then used to be petite younger women who would never fight to have the upper hand. But now, Zhang Zhehan had to admit that he was either getting too old for this or that Gong Jun was too good for his own good. But there was no way he was going to admit the latter.
Seconds passed like years, and by the time Zhang Zhehan realised it, he was absolutely out of breath but the younger man appeared as though he had no intentions of stopping at all. As usual.
“Ju-jun jun...” Zhang Zhehan struggled to say as the opposing mouth kept sucking on his lips.
Gong Jun hummed another reply but took a step back and started to only nibble at Zhang Zhehan’s lower lip.
“You started it.” Gong Jun mumbled as he licked at the swollen lip.
“And you are going to end it now.” Zhang Zhehan panted slightly.
“Hmm?” Gong Jun pushed himself up onto both his arms and looked down at his lover beneath him. “Am I really?”
Zhang Zhehan felt the blush from before creeping back slowly under the fiery gaze of the younger male.
“Y-yes.” Zhang Zhehan said. “I’m hungry.”
Gong Jun stared at Zhang Zhehan before sighing deeply. He pushed himself back onto his knees and reached forward to pull the older man up into a sitting position.
“I know. Xiao Yu-ge mentioned that you haven’t had dinner yet so I made you some noodles.”
Ah... So that’s why he said 3pm .
“How long have you been in contact with Xiao Yu?” Zhang Zhehan asked as he wiped the saliva from his face with the back of his hand.
“Since the other day.”
“And I thought he was on my side.”
“He is. He was just nagging at me and asking me to stop being a child.” Gong Jun said with a hint of a pout.
“So, you listened?”
“Nope. I only listen to you.” Now, that was a full-on pout.
At this point in time, Zhang Zhehan knew he was in too deep. He could not help the warm burst of emotion from deep within his chest, nor could he help the smile that weas growing on his lips. He had never thought he was going to be so in love with a man, much less a brat. Bringing both his arms up, Zhang Zhehan pulled Gong Jun forward until their foreheads were touching.
“Junjun, thank you.” And with just a slight lean forward, their lips met once again in the middle but before it could evolve into anything more, Zhang Zhehan pulled back with a smile.
“That’s fine. We have till 2.59pm later anyways.” Gong Jun said with a smirk as he pushed himself up. “Go put on a shirt, and I’ll go make the noodles hot for you.”
“Nope. We have till forever.”