Work Text:
Some things about the Citadel never seem to change, and most of the time, that’s a good thing. An open, clear display of stability at all times is a most effective weapon.
But it’s a double-edged sword at the same time, as Kristofer Shepard knows far too well.
The reaper war – invasion, extermination – threatens the Milky Way’s entire existence. Add to that Cerberus’s recent attempt to wrest control of the Citadel away from the Council. It is impossible to hide the danger any longer, and the truth now eats away at morale as much as helps it.
Irritation hits him like a grenade to the face when weeks after the coup attempt, he walks through the Presidium to find over half of it still under lockdown and martial law. Reconstruction will take months to complete as it is, as well as eat up valuable resources better served elsewhere. Throughout it all, C-Sec still scours the station in search of moles – Cerberus likes their sleeper agents – which only reinforces that vulnerability; both to the civilian population and the reapers.
One hell of a rude awakening.
Kris snorts softly in disgust beneath his breath as he steps out of the elevator onto the Commons. And yet, despite the negative hit to morale, the crowds out and about are as large as ever. It takes him a good fifteen minutes to work his way through the sheer number of people present in the lobby – despite bullet holes and scorch marks from blasts on the walls, cordoned off areas with signs that read Under Reconstruction, and advertisement display with images marred by flickering pixels and shattered screens.
As he stands there, staring up at what should be an advertisement for Elkoss Combine – he thinks – he catches an argument off to his right between a turian and an asari regarding how long it will take to ‘fix things up.’ Sparing them what he hopes is a neutral look but is likely pure disgust, he turns and continues on his way. The civilians may have been shown the truth of the situation outside of the Citadel finally, but the threat has yet to become real or personal to most of them.
It isn’t a surprise; not really. He’s warned them for years, only to have his words fall on deaf ears. Councilor Tevos openly acknowledged that error recently, but to what end? What was it his grandmother once said? Old habits are difficult to break. He can yell until his face turns as blue as an asari’s skin, and still, it would make no difference; they will see what they want to see.
God help us all…
Mood spiraling downward, Kris pushes his way around a salarian and a turian having a frank business discussion. A scowl gets the better of him, and he stops in his tracks, moving off the walkway to lean against the wall while covering his face with his hands, and inhales deeply. No one even notices him standing there. How typical.
Let it go… It’s what Kaidan would tell him, will most certainly tell him when he gets to Apollo’s in just a few minutes. At least, he will if Kris doesn’t do something to stop it now.
Taking another deep breath, his eyes close for just a moment, his thoughts drifting, he thinks back to the time spent with Samara on board the Normandy the previous year, teaching him how to meditate. The first time she convinced him to try it, he’d been skeptical, but after that one session, he was surprised at how much it had helped. As he spends a few minutes focusing on his breathing, his heart rate, and generally calming himself, he wonders vaguely where she is now. Hopefully, the exercise will help turn his mood around.
A glance at his chronometer alerts him that he is now ten minutes late. Kristofer pushes away from the wall and continues on his way. It isn’t too far now, and he arrives at Apollo’s to find the most welcome of distractions already seated and scanning through a menu. The first smile since leaving the Normandy curves at his lips. Tapping Kaidan’s shoulder lightly, Kristofer slides into the open chair and offers up a smile. “Hey. Sorry, I’m late.”
Kaidan glances over and returns it. “You’re fine.” The salarian server arrives and he orders a drink and a sandwich. Kris lifts to fingers to indicate he’ll have the same. With everything else on his mind at the moment, the thought of actually focusing on choosing a meal is too much. “Things got a bit hectic getting off the ship. Figured it would be easier just to meet you here than wait for you to disentangle yourself.”
Kris stares out over the Presidium, a rough, rumbly chuckle slipping past his lips. “That is how you describe a discussion with Admiral Raan? ‘Entangled?’”
“You didn’t see the look Admiral Xen was giving you at the time,” Kaidan counters.
Startled, Kris pulls his attention back and focuses on the other man. “What do you mean?”
The major shrugs, glancing away as if uncomfortable with the sudden scrutiny. Kris responds immediately, reaching over and wrapping his hand around Kaidan’s, squeezing. “Kaidan, talk to me. You know I value and respect your opinion.” Kaidan doesn’t reply, but his hand shifts against Kristofer’s, turning so their fingers slide together. That’s encouraging, at least.
When Kaidan finally does return his attention to the conversation, he avoids looking directly at Kristofer, instead focusing on their joined hands. “Are you still mad at me?”
“Mad at you? Why would I be mad at you?”
Kaidan huffs softly as he turns his hand so he can easily stroke his thumb over Kristofer’s knuckles. “For punching Admiral Han’Gerrel?”
Bewildered at this unexpected concern, Kris squeezes again, more tightly this time, and leans in toward him. In a voice tinged with a hint of humor, he asks, “Now, why would I be mad at you for that? The man deserved it; I won’t argue that. He nearly got you and Tali killed.”
Kaidan’s eyes shoot up to meet his at last. “Me and Tali? What about you?”
It’s on the tip of Kristofer’s tongue to respond how he always does, or used to for that matter; I am expendable. It’s how he always thought about himself since before they met. He’s the ‘extra’ in the family, the one who followed everyone else. The spare wheel, so to speak. It was partly why he risked his life on Elysium when the batarians attacked, running off as he did, leaving Sofia with the civilians. Why he made it all the way through ICT to complete N7 training. Why he insisted on going back up to the bridge to get Joker to evacuate the SR1. In his view of things, his absence isn’t that big of a deal…
Except to Kaidan.
Ever since they met on the SR1, Kaidan’s unwavering support has urged him to think differently. They have a unique connection with one another, one Kristofer values more than anything, and because of that, he has tried his best to change the way he views himself because he knows it bothers Kaidan. In fact, it took a one-on-one confrontation with him, back on the SR1, to realize that a change in thinking was even necessary, but ever since that moment…
“And me as well,” he assures him, squeezing Kaidan’s hand again. “I should have done it myself after that stunt. I bet it felt good.”
Kaidan blinks a few times. “It… did, actually.” He can’t hide the small, lopsided smile that slants across his lips.
Their food arrives and Kristofer reluctantly releases Kaidan’s hand. “Good. I’m glad someone got enjoyment out of it. If it couldn’t be me, better it was you.”
“I…” Kaidan frowns, but only completes his thought after the server leaves them. “I never expected to hear you say that.”
They both tuck into their meals before the conversation resumes. “Just because I don’t do something doesn’t mean I didn’t want to,” Kristofer points out around a mouthful of the steak sandwich. “He nearly got us all killed. I intended to just kick him off the Normandy for that. You, however, proved a much more important point.”
Startled, Kaidan nearly chokes on his drink. “What’s that?”
Kris smirks, swallowing his mouthful before replying. “Always expect the unexpected. What else?”
They finish eating in comfortable silence, despite the crowded café. Once their food is gone, they sit around nursing their drinks for a while, basking in the chance to just sit and be. Kaidan does this on purpose, but it means spending some quality time together, so Kristofer won’t argue, but eventually, they have to leave. The level of disappointment he feels as a result is a bit… alarming at first. He hadn’t realized just how much he needed the break.
“You need to rush off somewhere?” Kaidan asks as they weave their way through the crowds, heading back toward the elevators.
Kris shakes his head. “No. Do you?” A gleam that sparks to life in Kaidan’s eyes is all the answer that Kris needs, and a grin spreads across his face. “All right, Alenko, out with it. What are you up to?”
The lift arrives and they hop in, side by side. With a quick wave of his omni-tool, Kaidan closes the doors before anyone else can join them and sets their destination. Folding his arms across his chest, he smirks at Kristofer. “Taking you some place special.”
Kristofer blinks. This is new… this playful, flirty side of Kaidan, but he likes it. A lot. “Okay. Do I get to know where?”
“You’ll see when we get there.”
They exit at the docking ring where Kaidan then hails a skycab for the next leg of the journey. It’is short enough, and soon they’re both exiting back onto the Presidium near the Council Chambers. “Come on,” Kaidan insists, gesturing beyond the lift leading to the upper chambers. A few minutes later, as they follow the walkway around, the mass relay monument comes into view. It, apparently, is their destination as Kaidan stops before it, staring for a long minute before turning to Kris. “Have you been back here since your return?”
Kristofer shakes his head. “No, not since we used it to get here from Ilos.”
Kaidan slides his hand around Kristofer’s until they are joined like back at Apollo’s. “In those first days after Alchera,” he says quietly, “after they brought us back here but before they sent us home, I’d come down here and spend hours just sitting. Staring. Hoping you would come back through that relay. That somehow, wherever you ended up, it was connected like Ilos was.”
Kris groans softly, his hand tightening around Kaidan’s. There is an empty bench across from the relay monument, and he leads Kaidan over, taking a seat next to him, but not releasing his hand. “I’m so sorry, Kaidan.” He leans in, touching his forehead to Kaidan’s temple as the biotic continues to stare at the monument. “I wish it had been that simple.”
Kaidan huffs, finally dropping his gaze. His hand tightens, but he doesn’t look at Kristofer. “I knew it wasn’t, of course. That it was a one-way ticket from Ilos only. But after what we’d accomplished, after all that success, to lose you like that, I just… I didn’t want to believe what we had was all over so soon…”
Kris jumps to his feet, still holding tight to Kaidan’s hand and tugging him up beside him. At the confusion on Kaidan’s face, he leads them away from the Presidium. “Come on,” he says just loud enough for Kaidan to hear, heading in the direction of the elevators that my lead to the Wards. His grasp remains tight, his steps authoritative; he isn’t about to take ‘no’ for an answer.
Kaidan remains silent until they are inside an elevator. Or at the very least, he attempts to speak. His voice cracks and he won’t look at Kristofer. In the dimly lit interior, soft music plays this time instead of news reports, and the only hint of light peeks through the thin windows as they zip past each level. Kristofer faces Kaidan, murmuring, “Look at me, Kaidan. Please.” He waits a moment or two, and when Kaidan doesn’t respond, he lifts his free hand to cradle his cheek. “I’m here now, and I don’t intend to go anywhere without you ever again. Understand?”
Slowly, Kaidan’s head rises, and the pain in them, so raw and angry that it burns to the depths of Kaidan’s soul, leaves Kristofer struggling to breathe. He reacts the only way he can think to in that moment to assuage it. Releasing their joined hands, he frames Kaidan’s face with both hands and pulls him close, his lips covering Kaidan’s. This isn’t the gentle merging of lips and tongues they’ve shared in the past; this time it’s more of a firestorm, all heat and hunger with a hint of desperation mixed in, burning furiously around and through them.
For quiet, reserved Kristofer, initiating something like this is well out of his comfort zone, even when it’s just the two of them in the elevator alone. Kaidan doesn’t move, doesn’t react at all to the contact, and fearing he has blundered, Kristofer pulls away. Kaidan’s eyes meet his, and the worst ache he’s ever felt slices through Kristofer’s chest. He only makes it about a half step away, however, before everything shifts hard to port. Kaidan’s eyes flare in the darkness as he lunges at Kris, pinning him to the opposite wall and holding him there, returning the favor.
The elevator starts to slow indicating they are about to reach their destination, and they break apart reluctantly. But there is no doubt as he looks at Kaidan now that Kristofer has reached him. Pulling his lower lip between his teeth and ignoring the heat rising to his cheeks, Kristofer cannot keep a silly grin from spreading across his face. Apparently, Kaidan finds it amusing, too, as his smile returns. Leaning in, Kris briefly touches their foreheads together. “So… good move?”
The elevator door slides open, waiting for them to exit. As he pulls back, Kaidan nods, replying quietly, “A very good move.”
They exit the elevator, sliding around a small group waiting to board, and start walking down the street together. Both are silent, but it is a comfortable one, and after several blocks, Kristofer makes a decision as they reach a skycab station. He hails one and they both get inside. As it gets underway, Kaidan asks, “Where are we going?”
Kristofer laughs as he sits back and reclaims Kaidan’s hand. “Hell, if I know. I just wanted to get you away from there, out of the past.” He turns in the seat to stare at Kaidan for a long minute. “How about to the apartment? I have it on good authority,” he says, purely basing this on the assumption that Tali’zorah can be considered such, “that Fleet and Flotilla is a must see.”
Rolling his eyes, Kaidan nods and laughs softly. “Fleet and Flotilla, huh?” He grins. “Sounds dramatic.”
Kristofer’s lips twitch as he lifts their joined hands and presses a quick kiss to them. “To be honest, that’s what I’m afraid of. Then again, you always said you’d have my six.”
Kaidan pulls their hands over so he can do the same. “Just try and stop me…”