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Evenings in the BC Interior are chilly this time of year, and Kaidan doesn’t usually spend much time outside after dark because of it. Tonight, there is a hint of snow in the air and the occasional gust of wind that careens around the corner of the front porch at just the right angle pierces with the power of a thousand shards of ice. What he would give for his armor, though even it probably wouldn’t stop the ache. If one of his mother’s thick, knitted sweaters doesn’t stop it, nothing will. There is absolutely nothing to recommend standing out here.
Except that he is, and he doesn’t plan to head inside anytime soon.
He sighs softly, his gaze drifting across the orchard beyond. It may be cold, but the air is clear and between the stars, the moon, and his memories of the place, he notices the details well enough. Cocoa, the ten-year-old family dog his parents took in when it wandered up the long drive a decade before. In the distance, the barn that acts as a barrier between the mountains and outlying rows of trees, and the house is a blurry dark spot, a silhouette, against them. The squawking hoot of an owl catches his attention briefly; a hunter on its way out for the evening. And behind him, muted through closed doors and windows, the clatter of dishes being washed.
Kaidan sighs. It’s been weeks, months even, since they’d found Kristofer. The return to the orchard and his reunion with his family notwithstanding, the man’s status since that time has been slow to improve. Kaidan is adamant not to push it – if anyone understands the ways in which trauma can affect the human psyche, it’s him.
Dissociative amnesia. Kaidan flinches as he rests his arms on the railing of the porch. He still has days where the details of what happened in those last moments on Mars tickle at his memory, and yet they haven’t returned, all these many months later. How long will it last for Kristofer? Another week? Month? Year? He doesn’t push; he wants Kris to remember what they had on his own if he can. And if not? Well, perhaps they can rekindle their relationship in a new way, or starting all over again. It’s frustrating, to say the least, but in the end it will be worth it. He fully believes that. What they had before had been so wonderful and special…
Of course, that assumes Kristofer’s feelings evolve in the same manner as last time, and there is no guarantee of that. The Normandy is no longer their ship, their friends have moved on. Saren and Sovereign, Cerberus, the Reapers – all gone. Thank god for small favors! But will their absence change how their relationship develops? What was that old saying? If a butterfly flaps its wings in Beijing, it rains in New York…
Grunting softly, Kaidan kicks his foot against the rail, dropping his gaze as he does. Waiting is not a problem; he has nothing but time these days, much to the chagrin of the Council and Hackett. A soft snort follows the grunt. Retirement. He has no compunction about it, in all honesty. He has helped save the galaxy time and again, even when the Council and the Alliance wouldn’t listen to Kristofer’s warnings. Besides, he’s saved most of what he earned over the years. Neither of them will be hurting. Plus, there’s the orchard to fall back on. Without his father around, who else will help his mother?
But outside of that, there is no way in hell he is going to leave Kris to go through this on his own; no matter what happens with their relationship. Hackett can assure him all he wants options remain open for a man with his skills and talents, but Kaidan is done running across battlefields. Done; end of story. That chapter of his life is now finished. A new one is open, and it’s time to figure out what story is on those pages.
A cool dampness hits the back of his neck, and Kaidan straightens. The hint of rain that has threatened all day finally takes shape. Nothing more than the soft pitter patter of drops, an uneven rhythm. A drop lands on the back of his hand holding his mug of coffee; a reminder that it won’t stay warm forever.
Chuckling softly, he smiles around the brim as he lifts it to his lips and takes a careful sip. The warmth helps chase away the chill, though the caffeine is something he doesn’t need this late in the day. Sleeping will be a challenge with or without it, and he’d rather be warm out here now if he can. The dreams that disturb his rest on a nightly basis have nothing to do with the caffeine anyway.
A soft click followed by the brush of wood against wood is the only warning he is no longer alone. Kaidan straightens, his shoulders tight. Some habits are hard to break now that he’s no longer with the Alliance.
“Am I intruding?”
Kaidan relaxes a tick. There really is only one person it could be. “No, of course not,” he replies, turning into a more open and welcoming stance. Leaning his hip against the railing, he gestures carefully with his mug as he invites Kristofer to join him. “Something on your mind?”
Kristofer eases out onto the porch slowly. Since rescuing him and having corrective surgery on his hip thanks to Dr. Chakwas, his hip hasn’t quite healed, though there has been improvement. The walker was gone within a couple of weeks, and the crutches more recently. Tonight, even the cane is gone. Kaidan is pleased to see the hitch in his step is far less pronounced these days, too. Like Kaidan, Kristofer is dressed warmly to ward off the chill, another of Kaidan’s mother’s creations; a thick, cream-colored turtleneck.
Kaidan can’t help but eye the man with an appreciative smile. He has no idea what kind of magic it takes to turn yarn into such things, but the results are difficult to argue with. And with Kristofer’s tanned skin and dark hair, well, Kaidan has always thought his husband was good looking; tonight, even more so.
Kristofer rests his arms against the railing in an imitation of Kaidan’s stance as he slides up next to him. Slowly, he inhales the night air and he tilts his face to the sky. “It’s so different to see it from here.”
Kaidan traces his line of sight. “The stars?”
Kris nods. His hair is longer than Kaidan is used to and it curls slightly at the ends. The breeze flicks at it, teasing the ends. “I grew up out … there,” he gestures towards the sky with his hand. “Stars, planets, galaxies … they were my neighbors, my playground. Down here, it feels a bit …” He pauses, frowns, then shakes his head. “I don’t know. Too open, maybe?”
Chuckling softly, Kaidan smiles. “Well, if you’re looking for that closed in feeling, we could always go stay at the apartment in Vancouver.”
A half-smile steals across Kristofer’s lips as he drops his gaze to his hands. “Oh, this is fine. I’m not complaining, I promise.” The smile widens as he lifts up again, releasing a soft sigh into the night. “It’s incredible out here.”
“It was a nice place to grow up when I was younger,” Kaidan agrees, taking a sip of his coffee. “Though it never seemed this cold.”
“Mmm.” Kristofer chuckles softly. “What was it you said the other day? We’re both ‘not as young’ as we used to be?”
Kaidan snorts softly. “Are you calling me old?”
A tiny smirk toys at Kristofer’s lips. “You did that yourself.” Another sigh. His shoulders relax and a dreamy sort of look crosses his face as he nods ahead of them. “That lake out beyond the barn?”
Kaidan glances that direction out of habit. “Yeah?”
“Is that where you used to skate?”
It only takes a heartbeat for Kaidan to react. The mug, halfway to his lips, sloshes slightly, a drop slipping over the brim and rolling down the side as he tightens. Skate …
Coffee forgotten, Kaidan darts a quick look over at Kris and swallows past a sudden lump in his throat.
Do you remember?
Hope bubbles in his chest so fast and furious, it aches. Clearing his throat, he replies when he trusts his voice to remain steady. “Dad would help ice it over for me every year. Spent more time out there than studying, much to Mom’s chagrin.”
Kristofer chuckles, smirk growing a bit. Only then does he turn and meet Kaidan’s gaze. That is when he notices the difference. The look, the knowing in Kristofer’s green eyes. Kaidan’s breath catches, hope all but bursting free of his chest, as he sets the mug on the railing. “Kris…?”
Kristofer moves into an upright position and folds his arms across his chest as he faces Kaidan. “As I recall, you said something about being this hotshot hockey player – right winger, wasn’t it? – who ended up black and blue all the time but decided it matched the blue and white of your uniform?”
Kaidan’s vision blurs and his ears ring. He remembers that discussion, way back in their SR1 days. The two of them, plus Williams and Garrus. He spent more time trying to explain the basics of hockey to the turian than he did telling the actual story. “I…”
Kris leans his hip against the railing and never breaks eye contact. “Where is the tree you climbed when you were ten? The one you said you could see the stars so close –.”
“– that it felt like being in high atmo,” Kaidan finishes. He runs his hands over his face. “You… How much do you remember?”
Kris closes the distance between them. “Most of it.” He reaches for Kaidan’s hand, the one where their rings should be, but neither wears right now. “I was washing the dishes and I got distracted.” He turns his hand so Kaidan can see it; an angry red welt running down the meaty pad of his index finger. It’s less than an inch long.
Kaidan flinches, but immediately examines it. Kristofer doesn’t resist. Already, Kaidan sees the tell-tale signs of healing thanks to the cybernetic implants and various skin and other weaves Cerberus used when bringing Kris back to life after Alchera. It doesn’t take long to realize he’s going to be just fine… but Kaidan also doesn’t release his hold. “Must’ve been one hell of a distraction.”
The smirk reaches Kristofer’s eyes now, deliberately slow movement as he eyes Kaidan from head to foot and back again. “You could say that.” Curling his fingers around Kaidan’s, he tugs until there are only a couple of inches between them. But then the smirk fades, softening into something more akin to sorrow or regret as he whispers, “Can you ever forgive me?”
Kaidan frowns. “Forgive you? Why? For what? Forgetting? Having amnesia?”
Krstofer shakes his head. “For sending you off the battlefield in London.”
The soft patter of rain picks up speed, and suddenly turns into massive sheets falling from the sky. With a groan, Kaidan wraps his arms around Kris and pulls him the rest of the way in before touching his forehead with his own, heedless of the rain that spatters them. “I’ll admit, I didn’t like it much at the time, but I understood why.”
Kris leans into the touch, his eyes closing partway, his shoulders relaxing more than they have in a long time. He, too, ignores the rain. Instead, his fingers toy with Kaidan’s hair, moving carefully when he nears the implant at the base of his neck. “I didn’t want to do it, I hope you know that, but to take you any further…” A pained sigh slips past his lips. “You would have died, you know that, right?”
Kaidan responds with just a hint of movement of his head. “I do.”
“I needed to know one of us would live.”
Kaidan huffs softly as he turns his head just enough so he can nuzzle his nose along the side of Kris’s. “And now we both have.”
As Kaidan pulls back, Kristofer’s smile brightens, shining like the stars now hidden by the storm clouds above them. He leans in and presses a light kiss across Kaidan’s lips. It’s quick and easy, and he pulls away almost as soon as he arrives, but as Kaidan opens his mouth to protest, he follows it with another along the edge of Kaidan’s jaw. Then another a fraction lower. Then lower. And lower. Eventually, he reaches the edge of the collar of Kaidan’s sweater and hovers there, right next to his Adam’s apple.
Kaidan, overwhelmed by the unexpected rush of affection, tightens his arms around him. Kris laughs softly, plants another kiss, then retraces his path back up to Kaidan’s lips again. When he arrives, he slides his hands around to cradle Kaidan’s face, their eyes meeting once more.
Kaidan runs his fingers over Kristofer’s cheek, brushing lightly, as if seeing him again for the first time. “I thought…”
Kristofer catches the hand and squeezes it. “I know.”
The steady pounding of rain eases to a soft patter again, eventually fading completely. Neither notice.
This time, Kaidan leans in, brushing his lips over Kristofer’s, swallowing the laughter that follows. When he pulls free, he pauses to catch his breath. Unable to find words to express his relief at the change in their situation, he instead turns Kris toward the railing and moves up behind him. Wrapping his arms around the man’s waist, he pulls him tightly to his chest and rests his head against his shoulder.
Kristofer leans back into the embrace, a hint of a smile on his lips. “Hello there, handsome,” he murmurs. “Nice to see you again after so long …”
