Chapter Text
Prologue
To be read to: Dreams by The Cranberries
Shaak Ti swore she would never go back to Illum. Every time she was chosen to lead the Gathering she traded assignments with other knights, came down with mysterious illnesses, or simply disappeared until someone else volunteered to take her place.
But this time around the council was wise to her game.
Master Piel had caught her sneaking out the vault exits heading for the Coruscant underground. He'd crab marched her back through the temple, onto the Crucible and then stood guard at the entrance ramp making sure she couldn't make a run for it. Shaak had bemoaned her fate throughout the journey. And sure enough, Illum had horrified her again. It was fine for the Force to test adults, but did it really need to torture younglings?
It was these thoughts that plagued her as Kitri, one of the smaller initiates exited the refresher. Shaak could see that the child had scrubbed her skin almost raw of whatever putrid filth she had been made to crawl through back on Illum. The poor girl had emerged from the caverns kyber crystal in hand caked with rotting detritus and Force only knew what else. Shaak hadn’t told Master Piel, but her wish to avoid that smell is what had kept her away from Illum for twenty-five years.
“Did you throw your clothes down the incinerator chute?” she asked the child.
“Yes, Master Ti."
Shaak smoothed the collar of the girl’s new tunic. She appeared to be clean, and she certainly smelled better. “You can still smell it, can’t you?”
The girl nodded glumly inspecting the skin under her fingernails. “I washed my hair three times.”
“I bet you did. I could still smell it for a week after I got back from Illum.” Shaak shuddered at the memory of that inky filth ridden cave she’d had to enter as a child while hearing her crystal singing within its depths. She took a few deep breaths stifling her irritation that another child had been Forced to suffer the same experience.
“Come with me to the galley,” she told the girl, “I have an idea.”
Kitri followed a few paces behind. “The same thing happen to you, Master Ti?” she asked in wonder.
“Oh yes. Sometimes it still gives me nightmares."
They arrived at the galley. Shaak reached into a cupboard and opened a large container of caf. She turned and picked Kitri up around the waist and set her on the countertop - much to the girl’s surprise. “Here, smell this and see if it helps.” The child took a few deep breaths over the container.
“Oh,” she announced happily, “that does help.”
In truth, Shaak had spent a good five minutes in the galley inhaling the smell of caf after they’d gotten aboard - trying to burn the stench of Kitri’s hair and clothes from her nostrils.
“Master Ti,” Kitri asked looking up, “why didn’t anyone else have to do that? All Harine had to do to get her crystal was climb up a spire.”
Shaak blinked slowly. “Does Harine like heights?” she asked pushing the Kitri’s damp golden hair behind her ear.
“No, she doesn’t even like looking down from the second-floor balcony.”
“Ah, well I think you have your answer.”
“So, I fear bad smells?”
“Yes and no,” Shaak answered. “What both you and I had to face on Illum was our fear of impurity, filth, and degradation. Life is messy, youngling. And we are expected to crawl through the worst of it.”
The girl nodded her head in contemplation.
A child’s voice called down the hallway, “Kitri, Kitri! Where are you? Professor Huyang is making everybody wait for you.”
“Well, go on,” Shaak smiled as the girl gracefully leaped down from the counter. “You worked very hard for that crystal. Don’t let it go to waste.”
A few hours later, after the professor had given his lecture, and the children had their components, Shaak Ti supervised as her charges struggled to construct their lightsabers.
She remembered how very difficult it had been for her. Although she could show them schematics or correct major errors, this was something they had to do on their own. She walked around the room giving out little bits of encouragement and slipping the occasional piece of advice as the children held the components in the air before them.
She passed by Kitri to see that Professor Huyang had given her a sleeve made of fine pearlite steel inlaid with a gold grip. She turned to see that the ancient droid was watching the child’s progress as well. “Fancy,” she commented indicating towards the component.
“I made that years ago waiting for the proper bearer,” he whispered so as not to break the childrens’ concentration, “no initiate has ever struck me as having the proper elegance until today.”
“And a crawl through putrescence is a mark of elegance now?” she growled.
“Especially a crawl through putrescence,” he concluded. “That particular trial is rare, and no other initiate has been given it since you.”
“Well, then I’m glad for everyone else,” she added wryly. “But you know Kitri is marked as an eventual shadow. They don’t go in for elegance.”
“Making Kitri a shadow would crush her little spirit."
“I won’t tell Master Eldjr you said that.”
“I don’t particularly care if you do. Kitri, is charming and kind. The shadows may want her, but she’s a consular. Mark my words.”
There was a small commotion as one of the initiates managed to get all his components into the proper arrangement and slide them together. The boy came towards her smacking his beak in excitement holding out his lightsaber for inspection. Shaak Ti looked it over and nodded. The boy ignited the blade with a bright blue swoosh.
“Excellent,” he breathed running from the room.
Shaak Ti suck her head out into the hall, “Don’t break anything!” she called to his retreating back.
The next child had managed to construct what looked like a lightsaber, but something clearly wasn’t right. She took a moment studying the weapon and then held it back out. “You forgot to put in the ignition switch,” she said. The child turned around to see that indeed he’d left a component back on his workbench.
“Oops,” he murmured sheepishly and turned around to start again.
It was a few minutes more before Shaak heard the familiar click of all the components coming together. She turned to see Kitri holding a newly constructed lightsaber. The girl held it in her hands for a moment examining it herself before slowly walking towards Shaak Ti. The child wouldn’t meet Shaak’s eyes and turned away in discomfort during the inspection. Shaak had no idea what was upsetting her. Perhaps she was afraid that she still smelled? “Admirable work, child,” she stated holding the completed weapon back out.
The girl took it reluctantly and tried slinking out of the room. But Shaak caught her by the back of her tunic. “Well, go ahead. Turn it on.” Kitri finally met Shaak’s eyes with a terrified look. “Whatever is the matter, Kitri?” she asked.
The little girl’s face crumpled, but she looked Shaak directly in the eyes as her words came tumbling out. “Last night, I had a dream that when I finished my lightsaber, I turned it on, and it came out red, and you threw me out an airlock.”
“Goodness gracious!” Professor Huyang exclaimed. There was a clatter as the other childrens’ components came crashing down. Every single one of them had stopped working and were now staring at the Jedi Knight and the frightened youngling before her.
However, Shaak Ti covered her mouth with a snort and started to laugh. She tried to control her mirth, but her shoulders continued to shake as she knelt down in front of Kitri, who was now radiating a mixture of confusion, embarrassment, and pure terror.
“Well,” she corrected, “let’s call that for what it was. That was a nightmare. Everyone in the galaxy gets those. And oftentimes they are brought on by high degrees of stress.” She gave the trembling girl a conspiratorial smile, “like, the kind of stress someone might feel - say - if they were undergoing their initiate trials. Who proctored your exams?”
“Master Windu,” Kitri whimpered.
Shaak made a mental note. She and Master Windu would be having words when she got back.
“Kitri,” Shaak continued, “I am sorry to laugh at your expense, but what you just said was so extraordinary that I couldn’t help it.” She took the lightsaber from the girl and set it on the ground as she gently took the child’s face into her hands, wiping away tears.
“Kitri, in order for your lightsaber to turn red you would have to poison your crystal with the dark side; commit acts so violent and terrible that your blade itself would fall from the light.”
The girl’s eyes widened.
“Have you done that?” Kitri shook her head in horror.
“I thought not,” Shaak concluded.
She stood up and handed Kitri back her lightsaber. “Now why don’t you ignite it, and see what happens. I solemnly swear that I will not throw you out an airlock.”
The little girl turned away and pushed the ignition switch. The saber ignited on for the first time bathing the room in a light indigo glow. Kitri heaved a sigh of relief and turned again wrapping her arms around Shaak Ti’s midsection.
“Thank you, Master,” she whispered.