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The city was hot, the venue they played in was hot, the after party had no A.C., and Ryan was... well he was there, too, alright?
Min-gi didn’t know why he felt the need to throw Ryan into that pile of similar thoughts, so he ignored the hints his mind tried to give him on the daily and ignored the fact that the after party’s air conditioning broke down within the first fifteen minutes of them getting there because someone tried to make it freezing in 101°F degree summer heat.
Instead he shifts his focus to a group of people playing some aggressively intense card game on the floor, all clearly way too drunk and way too invested. He parted ways with Ryan about half an hour ago to let him catch up with some old friends he made while touring solo last year. Even though it’d been a couple months since they hit the road together, Min still sometimes felt it was pretty surreal that he gets to do all of this, with Ryan no less. Travel across Canada, see scenic mountain, ocean, and city views on the regular, go to the U.S. for the first time and explore all of the incredible (and not so incredible) things about it, and open for bands he loves who he then gets to watch drunkenly yell at each other over the spiciest game of UNO he’s ever witnessed. A bit too chaotic for Min’s current post-show mood, he decides, so he steps out the back sliding door from the living room into the backyard, carefully closing it.
The vibe outside was a complete 180° from the previous mayhem. Inside had a stereo that was way louder than it had the right to be, with a disco ball and colorful beams lighting up the place like a club. Outside, however, was only illuminated by low lit string lights strewn across the yard and dim bulbs that made the pool glow. There were probably less than a dozen people out here, most of them crowded around the pool area. Min thinks he recognizes a couple guys who bought cassettes from their merch booth at the venue standing by a fire pit with some lawn chairs, but he isn’t totally sure with how dark it is. He begins looking around the yard at the individual small groups, trying to see if Ryan was out here, when suddenly--
“Ry-an! Ry-an! Ry-an!”
Huh?
Min was not prepared to have his internal thoughts broadcasted for the world to hear, but then he turns to the large group standing by the pool and sees them all cheering on someone named Ryan. Sure enough, the one and only stood at the center of the group, ruffling the back of his curled up hair and laughing. His expression then immediately shifted, like he was bravely steeling himself for something intense.
Min smiles softly in relief and slight fondness at Ryan’s ability to just be wildly social with anyone he comes across. He watches him take a small green plastic cup from someone’s hand, and quickly registers that he’s doing shots. Min intended on just observing while Ryan had his moment, but then he catches a glimpse of Min out of the corner of his eye and is immediately shouting at him to come on over.
“Oh my god yes, Min-gi, there you are! Get the fuck over here you goon!” Ryan beckons with a grin that could span across highways, Min thinks. He gives a small wave to the group as he approaches, and looks over to Ryan with a raised eyebrow.
“You having fun out here?”
“Yeah, and you’re about to, too! Kasey, another shot for my man, Min.” Ryan turns and smoothly points a finger gun at a tall girl in the group of five with the curliest blonde hair Min has ever seen, and she is already pouring. He notices she hands him two instead of one, and so he raises an inquiring eyebrow at her. She immediately catches on, patting one of Min’s hands that’s holding the shot cup.
“I’ve seen you looking stiff since we got here— no pressure, but lighten up man!” Kasey encourages with lidded eyes and an easy grin. She looks high as a kite, but he considers her point.
Min has never been able to just open up and let loose in any given social setting the way his partner in crime could. He doesn’t mind the idea of drinking or anything, he just always feels weird initially putting himself in these social situations. And you know what? She is right-- he has been terribly stiff since they got there. Sweaty, and in great need of chilling out. He takes both the shots from her and looks over at Ryan, who he sees is watching him with a softer face now.
Min understands his look says: “you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” which is really nice. Ryan definitely has had his history of pushing Min out of his comfort zone, but of course there were always exceptions, and the train definitely helped him recognize Min’s limits. Despite the sentiment, he was already two steps ahead of Ryan, standing right next to him with a smirk. “Bet I can down both of these before you can down yours.”
Ryan’s eyes widen a bit in surprise before he laughs loudly and claps Min’s back, holding up his drink in a ‘cheers!’ type of way, “Woooah, Mini-G pullin’ out the big guns tonight! Alright, hell yeah, let’s go!”
Min, taking a deep breath, raises both of the tiny plastic cups to his lips. He waits for Ryan to do the same before they both knock them back in unison.
He doesn’t know how or why, but it goes down way smoother than he expects it to, and he looks over at Ryan who just looks like he ate the spiciest thing probably ever -- “oh my GOD, is this tequila?!”
Kasey smirked at Ryan, raising an eyebrow, “Oh so you’ll take vodka shots all day but tequila ’s got you?”
“Oh quit it, Kasey, you know that shit tastes like hand sanitizer.” Ryan barks back but there’s absolutely zero bite, the alcohol clearly kicking in too quickly to care. Didn’t most straight liquor taste like hand sanitizer?
Min watches Kasey take a shot of her own before licking her lips and giving Ryan a shit eating grin, “Yeah, sanitizer that’ll fuck you up!” She turns her hazy gaze to Min, “What about you, Mr. Min? You a tequila guy?”
Honestly, Min had never had tequila before, and he didn’t think that much of it. I mean, it was disgusting, sure, but so is all alcohol, so it’s kind of just part of the game, right? He smiles at her, but his expression becomes much more smug when he turns to Ryan, “Oh yeah, absolutely no problem. I think I kind of liked it.”
Ryan took him seriously for a moment before playfully shoving him a bit, looking up at him with and beaming. “Oh my god you idiot, stop, you did NOT!!”
Min short circuits for a second while his bandmate is looking at him like this, eyes sparkling in amusement. With the alcohol warm in his stomach, things began feeling more raw than he was used to covering up. Ryan’s gaze was comforting along with his playful, toothy smile, full of the same energy and warmth he’s shared with Min through the years. It kind of reminded him of looking at the sun, except he didn’t really want to tear his eyes away. He wanted to keep looking some more, maybe get a closer look? Or perhaps not look at all, and just get close, and--
Holy shit, chill out , Min-gi. Maybe tequila was another ballgame, he needs to check himself before he does something totally left field. He pulls himself back to reality and sees the rest of the group had finished their shots and were hanging with the couple by the firepit, seemingly giving him and Ryan some space. When Kasey notices Min looking over, she just gives him a solid thumbs up before turning back to her group.
After spending most of the night trying to socialize with strangers, it was kind of a relief to finally be left alone with Ryan. Maybe.
He then grabs Min’s hand and pulls him over to the edge of the pool, waggling his eyebrows up at him. “Wanna take a dip?”
Ok, maybe not. Min-gi’s brain knew with the way things were just slightly heating up earlier alone that this could really only go south, and then Ryan’s taking off his shirt and Min-gi regrets not buying himself a tombstone in advance.
Touring solo and lugging around heavy equipment for months on end does end up giving people muscles, he guesses, and it’s kind of unfair now that the fact of the matter is Ryan was simply hot. Wiping sweat off his forehead, he wonders if this is what hell is like.
“U-uh, are we allowed to?” is all Min can think to say given his few current brain cells.
Ryan snorts, folding his glasses and putting them on top of his clothes in the grass. He was down to his briefs, and Min was down to one brain cell. “In case you haven’t noticed, there aren’t a lot of rules here!” Ryan assures him and then just straight up jumps into the deep end.
Min feels a slight uncertainty twinge for a millisecond longer, and then his liquid courage starts to consider how this could maybe not only be a convenient way to cool off his currently on-fire body off, but also maybe kind of fun. And so he follows suit, stripping his button down short sleeve shirt while keeping his shorts on, and jumps in.
The water envelops him with a cooling sensation, and for a couple seconds he stays under and revels in the feeling, the break from reality. Coming up for air, he wipes the water from his face and hair before looking over to see Ryan staring at him. Min can’t help but smile awkwardly back, pushing some hair out of his face, “What..?”
His friend’s gaze softens for a second, and there’s a look Min doesn’t quite recognize in his eyes that lasts for just a moment before he settles into that easy smile again, “n-nothing, I just didn’t expect you to hop in so quickly! Usually you’d need more coaxing.”
They swim their way to a more shallow area so it’s easier to stand. “A little out there for me, sure, but it’s hot as hell right now, this is seriously nice.” Min assured him, and yeah, with Ryan standing close to him, only wearing his briefs and soaking wet, Min can’t help but think... “nice.” He cringes a little at himself, but not as harshly as his sober self would. His brain’s filter was taking a vacation and Min-gi was left in charge. Not a good idea, he’s thinking, and he’s grateful that Ryan is finally opening his mouth to speak because Min-gi unapologetically staring can’t be his greatest look. He meets his eyes and they are serving him nothing but sincere happiness.
“You know, if you’re down…” Ryan starts, and he grapples onto a nearby kickboard, leaning his arms and head on it and looking up at Min. “Kasey offered us a place to stay at her apartment. She has an extra room for the summer since her roommate went to study abroad or something, and it’d be a lot comfier than our hot, stinky van?”
Ryan always had his own way of fancying up arguments to try and garner Min’s approval, most of which Min at this point was immune to. But what he didn’t have a very good defense for was Ryan with no glasses on, wet hair mopped every which way with a few fly aways already curling up in the humidity. Just looking up at him, with nothing but the glow of the pool around him, wanting something. Wanting… Min? No, wanting something from him, obviously. Whatever, a free bed that isn’t the mattress in their car sounds spectacular.
“Yeah, let’s do that.”
“Sweet!” Ryan pumps his fist, and then looks over to see Kasey heading inside. He lets go of the floaty and swims over the edge of the pool closest to her. “Yo, Kasey!!”
She stops and turns around, raising an eyebrow and shouting back. “Hey! You nerds coming or what?”
---
Min stood in front of a large mirror in an unfamiliar coral bathroom, wiping his face off with a towel. Kasey had one stipulation for them staying over, and that was that they do trio shots before they left (just vodka this time, and just as gross, Min is certain, but no complaints from Ryan) and then go get 2:00 am burgers from the bar across her apartment on the walk there. The house they kept their van at was only a couple blocks from her apartment, so it wasn’t totally out of their way, and the burgers absolutely hit the spot.
Min, however, now stood positively drunk in front of this mirror, wondering if Ryan thought he was as hot as he thought he Ryan was. His own reflection showed him standing awkwardly, but with broad shoulders and a firm build. He was getting into shape like his counterpart, what with always moving on the road, maybe this looks nice...? Min sighed, he wasn’t even sure Ryan was into guys, so he’s kind of wishing for a one in a million at this point. He pushed the romantic hopes out of his mind and paved way for some totally normal, drunk before bed conversation with his best friend. It’ll be fine.
When Min enters their room, which has light peach painted walls with a blue bed and a wooden bedside table, Ryan is already sprawled across the comforter scribbling something in his notebook. Min sits down next to him, about to ask what he’s up to, when Ryan looks up at him. “How do you deal with girls who flirt?”
Min almost choked a little. “Wh-what? You’re asking me? Aren’t you the one who’s had, what, three girlfriends?”
Ryan laughed what Min could only describe as kind of sadly, laying on top of his arms. “Yeah, three very short-term girlfriends, Min. I did my best with it all, but I get weirded out too quickly. Don’t get me wrong, I love chicks, but every time things start to get all spicy, I just end up feeling like a nasty left out plate of oatmeal.” His whole body shivers.
Jeez, gross. That doesn’t sound good at all. Why is Ryan suddenly bringing this up?
“... Uhm, did something happen?”
Ryan kept his gaze on the notebook for a moment before moving it to a floral themed clock hanging on the wall, clicking his pen. “... Well, one of my friends I caught up with before I saw you at the pool, Jodie, was totally laying the moves on me. And like, I don’t know, she put her hand on my thigh and was doing like, totally ‘probably’ hot things to my ear, but I just really wanted to be anywhere else while it was happening. Chicks are great! Great. Just that stuff can be… not cool sometimes.”
Ryan didn’t look at Min much during his spiel, and Min felt a great need to reassure him with a sentiment he did understand, “Yeah, dude, flirting is pretty awkward.”
Ryan’s shoulders relaxed a little. Good.
“If you’re uncomfortable and not into it, that’s totally okay, just not your person. You gotta find someone who fits into your super cool puzzle piece and is as into you as much as you are with them, y’know? And of course that’s easier said than done, but like, you’re so hot, surely... you’ll find s-someone in no time.” he hastily finishes before internally screaming to whatever gods may or may not exist to please, please, please come pick him up like a football this very fucking moment and punt him out of existence. Min had frozen himself into place the moment the words left his lips, he couldn’t and wouldn’t dare move an inch, or breathe. He wished they were right back at the pool, and he could just go underwater and not have to hear or see anything, drown out the everything.
That did not just come out of my mouth, that did not just—
“I’m… hot?” was all Min heard, and it was enough to make his eyes shoot up and lock with Ryan’s. As he feared, he looked shocked as hell, face lit up like the peach colored walls, but then something about his response kind of stuck to Min in an annoying way. Well, sober Min would’ve tucked it away for later consideration. Tipsy Min was itching to deal with it right this second.
“Uh, yeah? Have you seen yourself dude? Please tell me you know this.” Min couldn’t believe he was doing this. Playing it off as a way to totally hype up his bro for the dating game without admitting how much he wants to kiss said bro became the new plan. Spontaneity was nowhere near his thing, but this was a do or die type of situation, so he’s giving it his best.
Ryan’s blush was not leaving his face any time soon, stuck a stiff tomato, and he looked actually flustered for once. “I-I mean, I like all my outfits of course, I think they look cool, I just never know if like—”
“Other people think they’re cool?”
Ryan rubbed the back of his neck, “Or, I mean… specifically y-you?”
“Dude, they’re so cool what— when you’re lit up in reds and oranges with psychedelic vests and flaming shades, you look like the literal sun.” and shit, he wasn’t expecting to be that honest about what actually ran through his mind, but this is fine, totally fine. “You are just really hot, Ryan…” he trails off, mentally lunging at himself with like eight javelins, whispering as he covers his face with his hands. “Really hot.”
Ryan laughs what Min can only assume is pitifully, before falling uncharacteristically silent, looking down. Min wasn’t sure what more to say, opening and closing his mouth a few times before coming up short and settling into a confused frown.
Then suddenly, a quiet yet firm voice speaks up. “Min, this wasn’t about whether or not I’m hot.”
His face is still red, but now it’s Min’s turn too. Had he totally misread? “Sh-shit, I’m sorry, what did you mean?”
“The sex is what’s bad.” Ryan bluntly mutters, so quiet Min barely caught it.
“The... s-sex?” he echoes softly.
“With girls, yeah… Just doesn’t click, y’know. Gives me bad chills.” Ryan bit his lip, closing his notebook and looking like he was contemplating something, excessively clicking the pen he was using.
The clicking stopped.
“…”
“…”
“Min, do you like me?”
“What?!” Min always slightly dreaded that question coming to him at any point in time, yet it still caught him like a deer in the headlights to be called out. He is absolutely done for, roast him on a stick alive, positively guilty of being so stupidly obvious. The stares in the pool, the staring at any given time really, the just now blatantly calling him hot. It was only a matter of time.
“I-I just—... Will you answer the question, please?” Ryan pleads, and his voice is so vulnerable and fragile and nothing like loud and proud Ryan.
Min was quickly sputtering together an excuse before he could think, upset at himself for being drunk and wishing this was all so much easier to damage control. “No, shit, Ryan I… Listen, it’s not—“ he starts laughing suddenly, and it sounds so uncomfortable and forced, his nerves going into overdrive as he runs a hand through his damp shower hair. “sometimes things just get sooo c-crazy, y'know…?” and it comes out way bullshitier than he was ever hoping for, “like f-for instance—”
“Min, if I kissed you right now, would you kiss me back?” Ryan cut him off, sitting up to Min’s level and they’re mere inches apart. His eyes pierce right into Min’s, and they’re full of zest, caution, and something he doesn’t think he’s seen before? Something exposed and drenched in want.
“I, uh…” With him this close, Min can’t help but drop his gaze to his lips, brain flooding with the possibilities. “Uhm, well when you put it a-all like that...”
Ryan cups Min’s cheek with one hand, and what the fuck he cannot believe this is even remotely real. “I’m going to kiss you, okay?”
Min gulped, and just whimpers out a slightly pathetic, “yeah,” because this is what he wants, this is pretty much all he wants, and he’s so desperate he doesn’t care. Ryan immediately closes the gap and presses his lips to Min’s.
It’s at this point Min notices Ryan is shaking a little too, and he tangles a hand in his hair like he’s thought countless times about doing, carefully keeping him close. Min has kissed a few girls, but he’s never thought to regard the action as life-changing until this very moment. Suddenly the fireworks that go off in the books and movies make so much sense, all the sense. Ryan began pulling away all too soon, and Min finds himself leaning back in for more before getting a hold of himself and pulling away with a sheepish smile.
“I, uh… so… you?” Was all he could think of to say. He could take a billion more of those in this lifetime, thank you very much.
“Me…?” Ryan repeats back, confused and low, pushing up his glasses and running a hand through his hair. Min’s heart pangs tenfold.
“God, I’m sorry-- you… Ryan, you just kissed me.”
“Good deduction, one brain point for Min.”
“No no no no,” Min starts laughing, and instinctively brings the hands that were tangled in Ryan’s hair down to his waist, and he starts tickling just a little, “no brain points for Min. Absolutely zero. We’re actually in the negatives.”
Ryan immediately bursts into laughter, fairly ticklish and trying to fight back. Min then forgets that Ryan does actually have muscles because he catches a hold of Min’s arms, seizes the tickling, and pushes him onto his back in a fairly swift motion, holding his arms down.
Min catches his breath, and with Ryan above him like this, his now dry and fluffy hair hanging down, glasses sliding down his nose and eyes sparkling brighter than stars, it’s a lot to take in, and yet Min can’t seem to get enough. The warmth in his stomach comes from both alcohol and something else, something heartfelt and raw, bubbling light along with Ryan’s cat-like smile. “Ryan, you’re--”
“Hot? Irresistible? Yeah, I know. You said it like five times earlier.” Ryan sits up, still straddling Min’s waist as he confidently runs a hand through his messy hair.
His snarky tone makes Min want to shove him right off, but also pull him down as soon as possible and kiss him. Needing a moment, he settles for covering his face with his now free hands. “Ryan, I... I like you.”
It falls silent again, and Min uncovers his face a little nervously to see Ryan looking down at him like he’s something worth holding. “Min...” and Min is quickly sitting up, because he already feels way too far away for this moment. With Ryan’s legs straddling his lap, their faces just inches away again, Ryan speaks again, his voice barely above a whisper. “I like you, like, so much. So stupidly much.”
Ryan was wearing this unapologetic, show-stopping grin that Min wanted to capture for safekeeping with a polaroid camera, but he settles for appreciating it in its entirety right now. He reaches up and gently starts threading his fingers through Ryan’s hair since he’s beautiful and he can and Min doesn’t need a reason more. “Well that’s a goddamn relief, because I have been making myself a fool all night.”