Work Text:
At this point, to say Renjun’s love for Jeno transcends galaxies would be a gross understatement. Even before the pandemic, Jeno’s been such a sweet boyfriend- caring and understanding among so many other things. But the pandemic made Renjun believe Jeno actually makes a hobby of bending backwards for him.
See, when the quarantine was starting to turn from humor to great potential, Renjun feared he had to go back to his parents’ home in the province. They didn’t want him to be alone and the extra expenses added by adjusting to being stuck at home just wasn’t worth living alone for. He got the point, really. But one, his job was the kind that didn’t really have much room to adjust to a work from home environment. He’d have to still go to the office when things turn complicated and the distance from his childhood home to his workplace wouldn’t just burn a hole in his pocket, it’ll rip it to pieces.
Two- oh two is more of a glitch Renjun wants to ignore. Oh, it’s just a small, you know, blip… in an otherwise very smooth lifestyle he’s had going since landing a job right after college. This, only Jeno and his other best friend Donghyuck would ever understand. If he ever tried to talk about this outside of those two, he’d have nightmares.
“Love, I think your DFTF album’s here.” Jeno says, carrying in the package delivered by that one rider Moomin seems to hate so much (he barks the loudest when that rider’s the one ringing their doorbell). “Not sure though, this seems big. Magazine?”
This is two. This, Renjun strongly believes, is the reason he was able to power through college and the board exam. This is the reason his fresh grad ass aimed for the companies that only took in professionals with master’s or doctorate degrees, and at least ten years of experience IN THE FIELD. He’s actually lucky his fresh grad ass ended up in Lee Taeyong’s office, the kindest boss anyone could ever ask for, but also the most particular about his potential employee’s credentials.
✨Kpop merchandise✨
So he never told his parents that he’s a kpop fan. He has a separate facebook, twitter, instagram account for his fanboying- far away from the relatives who would surely question the kind of work and lifestyle he has in the city (yes the gossip for blood in the veins type of relatives). But can anyone blame him? Living as an adult is stressful and he’s not about to send himself to an early grave constantly worrying about things with no way to let off steam once in a while. He needs his boys. But he’s already gone through a million mini heart attacks the day he introduced Jeno to his parents as a boyfriend; that’s more than enough going through shit for boys in this lifetime.
Also, he thinks the question this is what you spend your money on? will be the beginning of the feud the neighbors and extended relatives actually want for the perfect Huang family. So, nope. He is not stepping a toe on that. He loves his parents so much and kpop being the reason for the rift in their relationship is not the kind of drama he wants in his life.
And Jeno, the sexy hot angel that he is, of course had the perfect solution for his dilemma.
“Why don’t you just live with me then?” Jeno had said, voice muffled by the mask their respective companies had required them to wear the moment news of the virus exploded. Their work environment both had foreigners going in and out of their office and the country on a daily basis. Jeno and Renjun were simply more than happy to follow instructions. “We can split the expenses, if that’s what your parents are worried about. I can use the bedroom as my office, you can have the spare. You do need a bigger space, what with all your papers and other… work stuff.”
Renjun had almost immediately said yes. He had almost immediately packed his stuff. But for a brief second he remembered that display shelf in the spare room filled to the brim with Jeno’s gundam figures. Jeno’s apartment wasn’t a huge one, fits them both snuggly at the very least. And while the spare room doesn’t have a dresser and a bed like the actual bedroom where Jeno would be stuck in for most of the day, it still wouldn’t fit him, the gundam display shelf and his own display shelf for his kpop stuff. He had felt guilty though for being picky (and such an ingrate) over a kind offer from his love. So, instead of saying anything other than a yes, he had scoured the mall beside his office for the biggest durabox possible. He then used that durabox as a desk while he sat on the floor. Genius . Jeno had protested a bit about that, said he was going to blow his back early. Renjun said it’s better than using the bed (poor Jeno had to fight sudden urges to nap in the middle of a work day).
Back to Renjun’s more important point though: Jeno has made a hobby of bending backwards for him.
See, the pandemic has been very mean to his fragile mental health. Taeyong may be more of a leader than a boss but it has still been severely stressful for all of them in that company. As they realized halfway through 2020, their kind of work really wasn’t ideal when mixed with work from home . (Actually, it’s 2021 and it still isn’t mixing at all.) The company also had to lay off a few people. Unfortunately, work that was usually done by at least three people became work for only one person. So, he’s constantly worried he’ll get himself sick, that he’ll get Jeno sick. A month into the quarantine, he formed the habit of persistently checking for symptoms and panicking over the little, sudden off feelings. He started stacking up on vitamins and got angry at Jeno when he forgot to take his. And then his dad tested positive towards the end of 2020. His mom would call almost every day to alternate between complaining about not being able to take care of him herself and worrying about testing positive soon too. By the time his dad was released from the hospital, he felt like such an asshole son for choosing work over living with his parents again.
It’s a pile up of big and small stresses. But he can’t speak out; he can't talk. Not even to Jaemin or Jisung- the two best, most understanding listeners in his friend group. He feels like talking about it is complaining AND making light of other people’s worse predicament. Before he knew it, he’s ordered EXO’s and SHINEE’s old albums, plus their concert and solo albums. And then he was able to unearth from twitter a seller who had old SNSD albums. He still doesn’t know what exactly happened but one durabox turned into three. The papers he used to scatter on the floor of his makeshift office, just behind him perfectly within reach, suddenly have “tables” of their own- but he can barely move anymore. And that DFTF album will officially seal the third durabox after the unboxing.
And Jeno… Jeno never says a word. He never complains, he never even comments on anything in passing. But that is the thing about Jeno. Jeno is kind and caring. His understanding doesn’t require any detailed explanation. Ever since they first met when they were eight, they’ve been very good with communicating with words. But when the pandemic started, it was like Jeno suddenly became an expert in reading him. They still make sure to talk but Jeno just knows even when Renjun can’t use words. And in those moments, Jeno stops using words too. He turns to using gestures that aren’t big but glaringly obvious to take care of Renjun. He makes sure Renjun knows that his arms are always open and ready and that his mind is always ready to process when Renjun’s can’t.
Wait pause…
Okay so maybe there is something they’ve never talked about before. Renjun used to comment about it here and there when they first got together but when Jeno didn’t show any kind of reaction other than a giggle, Renjun thought it was too early. But it has been five years, and running to two years of being stuck together thanks to the pandemic. Because Jeno still has not shown any sign, Renjun believes it is safe to assume he’s not the one who will end up with Jeno in the future.
✨Marriage✨
He tries his best to not let it affect him… or rather let it look like it’s affecting him… so bad. He just learned it does when once he was talking to Donghyuck, the idiot joked that maybe Jeno thinks Renjun’s actually aiming for a kpop boy and Renjun just burst into tears. Renjun thinks it actually kinda sucks because he loves Jeno. Because even though, halfway through 2020 (in the midst of his numerous nervous and mental breakdowns) he told himself he should stop hoping and leaving traces of himself in Jeno’s life, he still did. He still does.
So maybe this was one of the stresses in that pile up but he refuses to label it BIG STRESS. He keeps telling himself that this issue is not just about him, it involves Jeno’s choices too. Besides, Donghyuck was right. What if Jeno’s just not keen on the idea of involving the government in their business but is actually keen on the idea of a forever with Renjun . And yes, he does know he should be the one to open this topic up with Jeno and soon since he’s the one so bothered about it, but he’s terrified. What if the words he uses end up offending Jeno? What if Jeno thinks Renjun misunderstood the kindness he offered when he opened his home to the older?
Wait, did I just misunderstand all of this? What if I did? Sometimes, Renjun feels like a total fuck up.
“Puppy?” Jeno asks, landing a sweet kiss on Renjun’s cheek. He still has the package in his hands. “You good? That’s quite the long zone out you had there.”
“Uhh, just blanked a bit. I can’t remember which of my orders are supposed to come in today. This week actually.”
Jeno laughs and asks him how many checkouts he did last night before bed.
“Hey, I know that’s a jokey question but I’ll have you know I have not ordered anything the last two weeks.”
Jeno laughs louder, making his way out of their bedroom with a box cutter. The way he puts the package on the floor and launches into cutting open the tape as if it’s his, Renjun’s quite sure Jeno’s more excited than him. Turns out, it is indeed the DFTF albums. And it seems the seller went trigger happy with the freebies as they’re a bunch of old posters that are bigger than his actual purchases.
“Aww these are nice. Too bad they’re all going into the durabox.”
“Yeah, well…” Renjun wonders, briefly, what exactly Jeno expects him to reply to that. But then Jeno drops a bomb.
“Don’t worry puppy, I’m saving up some more to make sure the house we live in after getting married has a room exclusive for your kpop stuff.”
And just like that, Jeno succeeds in making Renjun’s world stop. Was that a joke? Was he serious? Renjun is sure he’s going to bawl if it turns out to be just a joke. Oh God above, he can feel his heart squeezing, it hurts. Completely ditching his mouth filter, he asks the question he should have asked before he moved in with Jeno. But a bit of a crass version.
“You plan on marrying me?” Renjun asks, his voice almost a whisper with how weak he suddenly feels. But he ignores that along with the fact his voice is shaking. He watches Jeno’s face morph from confusion to shock. He looks like he just had a revelation of some sort. And then shock turns to guilt.
“I definitely wasn’t planning on ditching you after the pandemic.”
Renjun knows that was meant as a joke but it was so poorly timed because his insecurity shot through the roof the moment he heard the word married. In his head, the question was that supposed to be a joke? is having a marathon. And he is so close to having a breakdown in the middle of a work day. Right after lunch. Yeah, that definitely is his lunch trying to make its way out of his stomach. And Jeno, the person best at reading Renjun, sees everything in HD.
As calmly as possible- Renjun’s pretty sure it’s so no one gets agitated- Jeno puts the albums and freebies back in their box and pushes the box out of the way. He then pulls Renjun’s hands to make him sit cross-legged in front of him. Renjun’s heart squeezes harder. He has this heavy feeling he’s going to come out of this conversation with a broken heart.
“Injun, I am aware that I gave you the impression I don’t want to get married, like way back when we just got together. And yes, it was too early to get married.” Jeno says, running his thumbs on the back of Renjun’s tiny hands. He makes sure to keep eye contact which Renjun greatly appreciates. Sometimes, when all his other senses fail him, Renjun relies on eye contact to see if someone is being sincere. And Jeno, of course Jeno, knows that so well. “And then fast forward, things went batshit crazy. I had grand plans that didn’t push through and I was bitter. Worse, I had no one to talk to about it because I know our friends can’t keep a secret to save their lives. You know I can be petty, right? I was actually happy you’ve never mentioned marriage once the whole time we’ve been stuck together.”
Pausing, Jeno takes a big gulp of air and lets out a bit of a bitter chuckle. “See, I bought a ring overseas. But they had to refund it because there was no way they can ship it because things were fucking up left and right. I was going to ask your parents for their blessing but then suddenly it’s like every single province and city has a gate that you need a visa to get through. I was already having visions of us planning things but then gatherings were suddenly banned. It threw me off. So hard that even a passing mention or thought of it made me angry. And to keep being petty and shit, I thought: what’s the point? I already got him to live with me. There’s no way he can still get away.”
And so Renjun starts crying. He feels guilty and relieved at the same time. Mostly though, he feels stupid. After all the things Jeno has done for him since they met ages ago, he has the audacity to repay him with doubt. He went on and on in his head about how they’re so good at this communication thing only for everything to be so wrong.
“Sorry, I should have talked to you. I didn’t mean to doubt-” Renjun tries to say when he’s calmed down a bit.
“I don’t think there’s anything to apologize for.” Jeno interrupts. Somewhere between Renjun’s bawling, Jeno has somehow managed to migrate them to the couch. And now Renjun is perched on his lap, still teary and snotty. “On your side, at least. We were on the same page but I made you believe we weren’t. And I understand you might have felt scared to talk to me; about marriage of all things. On the bright side, this pandemic gave me a chance to prepare more. Seriously, I can still save more for a bigger home than I originally intended.”
With a wide smile on his face, he makes himself comfortable on Jeno’s lap, buries his face in the juncture between the other’s neck and shoulder. He’s just so relieved that things didn’t turn out the way his nightmares did. Jeno loves him and can see a future with him. Renjun’s future is with the person he loves. It makes his heart swell tenfold.
“I just want to be a hundred percent clear with you, puppy.” Jeno continues to speak, gently tapping him in the bum. “Marriage contract or not, I have never thought of forever with anyone other than you. I love you, my beautiful baby fox.”