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Scaramouche let out a sigh. For some reason unknown to him, he was in Mondstadt. The city of Free, as they like to call it. Ironic enough, he felt more trapped then ever. Her majesty had wanted him here for some reason he didn’t know.
He hates when he is left in the dark.
It was night and he was taking a stroll. When he told the Fatui agents working under him this fact, they looked like he had lost his mind. Maybe he did. As he approached the bridge outside the city, a girl in a witch hat called out to him.
“Hey you!”
As she came closer and closer he could smell the awful stench coming from her. He made no attempt to hide his disgust. To that the girl said.
“You could’ve atleast TRY to be nicer about it. My water got cut off 2 months ago.”
“Yeah, I could’ve guessed”
They just stood there for around 20 seconds before Scaramouche turned his heel, motioning that he was about to walk away.
“Wait! I was gonna sell you drugs!”
Drugs? Scaramouche thought to himself.
“Ha, I could really use that right now. Y’know what? Fuck it might as well.”
He bought the drugs, hoping she would find a way to shower with her new found money.
———————————
The man had been staring at the stars for awhile. It’s been about 10 minutes since whatever he took started kicking in. His head was pounding a bit. Exactly what DID he take?
“Hi pretty boy.” A voice spoke.
“What was that?” Scaramouche looked around. The only thing he could see from the other side of the bridge was only a couple of drunks. “Up here! Y’know the shiny thing that you probably find really sexy?”
The stars? You’ve got to be kidding me. “Like the stars would be talking to me. I’m like way too ugly for them. They wouldn’t even be looking at me, let alone call me pretty” Scaramouche said, sounding like a pick me.
“Oh my god, what? You’re totally cute!” Star-chan said. Their voice getting more squeaky.
“Omg what, really? I’m like so glad you said that. I know this is sudden, but…” Scaramouche was blushing. Would star-chan go out with him? I mean he is 98 years old. “Never mind”
“What? Omg say it!!! I totally thought you were gonna ask me out…” Starry-chan said, disappointed.
“Oh my god! How did you guess!!1!! I was! You’re like so cute, I’d die for you!”
“Y-you really mean that” Scaramouche couldn’t tell, but he assumed they were blushing when they said that.
“I would go on a date with you, like believe me! But like, the thing is you have to become a star…” Starlight-chan said.
“Well how? Sweetie babie poo?” He said, uwuly.
“You like have to die.”
…
Scaramouche gulped. That sucks, but none this hot has ever showed any feelings towards him. The things we do for love. He saw an empty glass bottle next to him on the floor. He picked it up and smashed himself over the head with it.
His lifeless body laid on the stone that created the bridge to Mondstadt. He had laid there for the entire night. The first one to notice his body was a child by the name Timmie. Instead of calling for anyone, he let a group of pigeons he called “My children” eat the fools body.
You might be wondering if he ever turn in to a star.
The answer is no.
The stars are a hoax.