Archive of Our Own

Daniel wasn’t stupid, he knew something was coming.

Max had been ignoring him, cancelling their plans and choosing to hide in his apartment to sulk and brood alone. Daniel knew he would blow up any day soon, but he thought he was ready. They’d done this a couple of times and they always managed to get over it together once Max finally let him in and let him help him.

So Daniel really thought he was ready.

But it turned out he really wasn’t.

Max was sitting on the sofa in his driver’s room, trying to calm his breathing and his mind as he counted his inhales and exhales.

Christian ordered everyone out of the room, they were supposed to leave Max alone so he could sort his head out. Max was glad to hear it even though he knew Christian was mistaken.

His boss thought Max is fuming because Lewis took him out of the race, ruining his chances at getting another set of well needed points for the championship fight, but Max could care less about the championship at that moment.

Not when his boyfriend finally seemed to find his perfect match.

Daniel was ecstatic.

After a shitty start of the race when Max and Lewis collided and Max spun out of the race Daniel managed to score a P5 and it felt good. It was a strong weekend for the team just as they needed. Daniel read the text from Max immediately after he got out of the car. The other men texted him that he was completely fine and that Daniel could do his media duties in peace before they head out. Daniel replied with a kissing emoji before locking his phone and handing it back to Michael as he went to do his interviews.

The weekend was good and he finally let himself be happy for a second.

Max was not stupid.

When Daniel left RBR he knew that his insecurities would get to him, but he told himself he would fight them the best he could. And he was doing well when Daniel was in Renault. He was good friends with Nico and even though the man and Daniel got on well together he also knew Kevin would cut the German’s dick off if something ever happened. And then with Esteban he knew he was safe because Daniel did not even give him a second glance outside of Renault's PR videos.

Then when Daniel told him he was moving to McLaren Max was incredibly happy and supportive because Lando was his best friend and Max couldn’t wait to see his two favourite people together.

And okay maybe Max was a little stupid because he never realized how similar Daniel and Lando are.

He never realized how well the two of them matched.

But he could see it now. Basically anyone in the whole world could see it now as the two became the new golden duo of the grid, never leaving each other’s side as they fooled around together entertaining everyone. It already started last season and Max tried his hardest to not be jealous, to not think too much about it. He unconsciously tried to create space so he could sort his thoughts out in peace and he really thought he was fine then, that he got over his initial fear of Daniel abandoning him for the other man. Max thought he shut the annoying voice in his head up.

But then he saw their hug today.

Max was leaving the medical room just as the race ended and he saw Daniel park his car next to Lando’s as the two ended up in P4 and P5 and he saw how Daniel jumped out of the car and Lando leaped at him in happiness.

Just like Daniel and Max used to do back in the RBR days.

That is when the annoying voice in his head multiplied and started yelling.

Daniel let himself enjoy his media duties.

He knew he could do better, but at that moment he was where he was and he needed to be grateful for every decent race he could manage.

McLaren tried to get interviews with both Daniel and Lando in just to put some of the pressure off of Lando’s shoulders and Daniel was more than happy to be a distraction as he himself grew a little fond of his team mate over the past month, the two of them developing a strange older brother / younger brother bond as they spent more and more time together.

Daniel still tried to get through them as soon as possible so he could finally go see his boyfriend who would surely be grumpy about the whole race. Daniel just wanted to be there for him just like Max was there for him.

So he smiled to himself as he finally changed out of his race suit, getting ready to finally go see Max and go home.

Max knew their end was coming.

One day Daniel was going to wake up and realize that Lando was everything Daniel wanted, everything Daniel deserved. Because God knew Daniel deserved someone who matched his energy in every aspect of life. And then Daniel would know that Lando was there so close yet so far because Daniel was still bonded to Max.

And that was what Max was preparing himself for.

Because he was going to do it first.

He was going to make it easier for Daniel because he knew Daniel was always too nice and too kind and Daniel would never do anything to hurt him, breaking up with Max would be too hard for him.

So Max was going to do it for him.

He was going to set Daniel free.

It was going to be a nice parting gift before he finally fucked off from ruining Daniel’s life.

“We need to talk,” Max said the second Daniel entered his driver’s room, his own stomach clenching at how Daniel’s wide smile froze.

“We need to talk,” Max said instead of greeting as Daniel entered the room.

“Okay, yes. Just let me- are you okay? After your collision I mean. I know you texted me and Tom kept me updated the whole race, but yeah-” he asked, coming closer to Max to see for himself. He reached out his hand as he wanted to hold Max’s face to make sure his boyfriend was okay, but Max was quick to move out of Daniel’s way as he stood up and created some space in between them.

“I mean fine, nothing happened. I just spun in the gravel, but yeah I got checked and everything is okay. Can we talk now?” Max rushed to say, not meeting Daniel’s eyes.

“Sure-” Daniel let out, but his voice sounded anything but sure. Max took a quick glance at Daniel’s face and his heart clenched at the confused expression on his boyfriend’s face, his eyebrows clenched together.

“I think we need a break,” Max said before he could chicken out.

“What?” Daniel breathed out and took a step in Max’s direction, making the Dutch take a step back.

“Actually, we should break up all together,” he corrected himself, feeling his hands shaking as he raised them to run them through his hair before dropping them at his sides again.

“Break up?” Daniel repeated. Max clenched his shaky fingers into fists at his sides, bracing himself, before he took a final deep breath and let himself look at Daniel properly.

“You want us to break up?” Daniel exclaimed after it finally dawned to him.

“Yes,” Max managed to say, slowly shaking in his spot but still not breaking eye contact even though Daniel knew that all the other man wanted was to curl into himself and hide from the world.

Because Daniel knew Max.

He knew him better than anyone and even though he knew that something was going on with Max ever since the season got heated Daniel would never imagine this scenario.

“Why?” he managed to ask. His mind was running through all of the possibilities, trying to remember where he could have fucked up.

“It is just not working anymore,” Max answered, his face was blank of emotions even though his body screamed at Daniel to just go and hug him.

“I- Oh my God Max, I don’t know what to say. I was not expecting this- Max just why? Whatever it is, we can get through them. We can fix it. Let us fix it. Please after everything we have been through you want to break up out of nowhere! Baby, please,” Daniel pleaded, genuinely not knowing what to do or say because nothing in his life even prepared him for this.

“You can’t fix this,” Max said through his clenched teeth, like he always did when he was hiding his real emotions. When he was trying to keep it together.

“Let us at least try. Please,” Daniel was not ready to give up.

“You can’t fix me,” Max whispered the truth. Oh how he wished Daniel could fix him. But Max couldn’t be fixed.

“What? I can’t hear you when you whisper and stand so far away,” Daniel asked, wanting to step closer to Max again, but seeing that Max would just take steps back.

“We barely even see each other now!” Max tried again, trying to shift the conversation.

No, he wanted to end the conversation. He wanted it done because he could not hold it in for much longer. He did what he promised himself he would do, he broke up with Daniel. And now he needed Daniel to leave.

“Yes! Because you keep cancelling on me! You can’t tell me that I do not want to hang out with you because I do and I have tried, but you keep shutting me out. So please just tell me what really is wrong so we can talk and fix this. Please, Maxy,” Daniel begged and Max’s heart broke a little because this was all wrong.

The voice in Max’s head told him that he was only protecting himself from being hurt by creating distance. Then when he saw how Daniel and Lando hang out together he just got his confirmation that he was right all along. Daniel was switching him for Lando because Lando was better for him.

“But- but we don’t match,” Max said weakly, cowering into himself slightly as the voice in his head kept telling him to just get it done.

“Really?” Daniel actually snorted, annoyed now. “It took you 5 fucking years to figure out that we don’t fucking match? Max, please! We always knew the public never understood how the two of us actually work, but we do Max, you know we do. Can we please talk about this and fix whatever is wrong. You can’t give up on us, baby,” Daniel begged again, slowly moving to Max and Max nearly let him.

His head was spinning again. It was too much.

It was all too much.

He wanted nothing more than for Daniel to wrap his arms around him and tell him everything would be okay while Max curled up in his warm and loving embrace. But Max couldn’t do it. He couldn’t let Daniel in. He needed to be strong. Strong for both of them.

But everything was too much.

Max was in too deep and there was no going back.

No matter how much Daniel’s words made sense, he deserved to be happy even when it was with someone else.

“No- no. We don’t- I need to- to focus on the championship,” Max said, his voice rough as he tried to keep it all together even when the voices in his head were all screaming at him.

And those words were all it took.

Max heard a sharp inhale and he immediately brought his eyes up just to see Daniel take one, two, three steps back and away from him,

“Oh I see how it is,” Daniel snapped and Max’s eyes widened at how much venom Daniel put into those words. “So now that you are actually leading the championship and I am struggling to get into the top 10 I am not good enough for you, huh? Am I embarrassing you too? Am I just a burden? Is that why you don’t want to be seen with me? Oh it all makes so much sense now. I am so fucking stupid that I haven’t realized this sooner,” he continued and Max started shaking his head rapidly because that was not true at all.

“No- Daniel-” Max rushed to stop his rambling, or at least tried to but it was all too much and he could not focus on anything at that moment.

“No! Shut up, Max! You of all people- you know-” Daniel’s voice broke as he hiccuped and Max only now realized that they were tears streaming down his face.

But Max still could not talk, could not articulate, because everything was too much, there were too many thoughts running through his head and nothing made sense anymore. But he didn’t want Daniel to think that Max was ashamed of him, because he was not.

He was so proud of the other man and he would never think badly of him. He would never be ashamed of him even if Daniel ended up P20 in every single session.

Max loved him.

Max knew Daniel was the love of his life.

Of all his lives.

Daniel believed in reincarnation. Max knew Daniel would be his truest love, his soulmate, in all of them. But they were not destined to stay together in this one.

Because Daniel deserved better. And Max would give it to him.

The younger man chose to stay silent. It broke his heart that Daniel would leave thinking all of that was true even though he was the furthest from the truth, but the voice in Max’s head told him to stay quiet. That Max deserved Daniel to hate him for all those years the older man wasted on him.

So he stayed silent, his eyes begging Daniel to just leave. To get it over with. Because Max was not as strong he thought he would be. He never was. Especially when it came to Daniel. He was seconds away from dropping on his knees to beg Daniel to stay. But he couldn’t do it. He had to be strong. He fisted his hands harder, clenched his jaw tighter and breathed heavily.

Daniel was still talking, tears straining his cheeks and his eyes were red. Max hated the sight. But he made himself look. He made himself see what he did to Daniel. He made himself take it all in.

He had no idea what Daniel was talking about, all he could hear was a static noise ringing in his head, but he tried to focus as Daniel started to rummage through his backpack.

‘He is probably going to give me back the keys to my apartment’ Max thought, his heart breaking a little more at the realization that it was actually happening.

Max couldn’t look at Daniel any longer as he looked down at the floor, just waiting for Daniel to leave so Max could break down again. So he could be pathetic on his own, feeling sorry for himself.

It was not until a little black velvet box dropped next to his feet when his mind actually started to focus, his entire attention fixated on it as he tried to quickly figure out what was happening.

“What?” he softly let out as he looked up at Daniel again.

“What what?” the other man asked, running his hand through his curls in frustration. “Did you think that all these years I was just fooling around with you? Do you think- Max… Of course I planned to spend forever with you...You were my forever, Maxy,” Daniel let out, sounding tired as if Max managed to emotionally tire him in the last 20 seconds.

“Daniel-” Max tried to say something.

“I think you’ve already said enough Max,” Daniel said meekly, apparently done with Max now after he laid his heart on his sleeve and Max did not even move.

He started making his way towards the door and Max wanted to stop him, he needed to stop him because was Daniel for real? Did he actually plan on proposing to him? But he was just too shocked and it was all still too much and everything he wanted to say died deep at the back of his throat.

Daniel stopped just after he opened the door, turning back to him only to see Max standing there frozen with no intention of stopping him. And Max hoped Daniel would just turn around and decide to stay, that he would tell Max everything would be okay and they would fix it. And Max knew that was stupid because he was the one breaking up with him, he was the one supposed to be telling Daniel to stay, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Everything was too much.

“I never thought I would be the first thing you ever gave up on,” Daniel whispered instead before turning around and storming out, door slamming behind him.

And that sentence- that sentence brought Max Verstappen to his knees.

Daniel slammed his back against the wall of Max’s driver’s room.

His head was spinning and he was trying to make reality make sense as he waited for Max to come out of the room looking for him to tell him that it was all some bad thought prank. But nothing happened.

After a few seconds he could hear a distant voices of throwing up because apparently Max could not even stomach the fact that the man he dated for 5 fucking years wanted to propose him.

All just because Daniel was struggling and apparently did not match Max’s image now. The thought of that made him both livid and heartbroken because Max out of all people knew how much hurt Daniel was going through. Max knew that Daniel’s life got turned upside down all at once.

He was without his family.

Without good results.

And now apparently without his boyfriend.

Just like that he was all alone.

Max could have not picked a better time to do this.

‘Fuck him. Fuck HIM. FUCK HIM.’ Daniel thought before he tried to pull himself together the best he could as he tried to move away from Max’s driver’s room.

Daniel needed to get away. He couldn’t have Christian or Marko find him there like a sobbing mess. He would not give them such satisfaction.

So he stumbled forward, barely seeing anything as he still sobbed. He didn’t go too far before there were hands on his shoulders, stabilizing him.

“Hey Danny, are you okay? What happened?” Lando asked in a panic.

“He left me- left me. All alone- he left-” Daniel mumbled as he collapsed into Lando’s arms.

“Okay, okay. I need you to breathe. I don’t know what’s happening, but you need to calm down. Let’s sit down okay? I can’t hold you like this,” Lando said, knowing that in this state he would not be able to move Daniel anyway so his best bet was to sit down on the concrete right there.

“Okay,” Daniel managed to say even though he did not really listen to anything Lando was saying. He did not care. He just knew that in Lando’s embrace he could pretend that he was not as alone as he thought.

Max was still kneeling on the floor, he was shaking even harder now after Daniel left and that sentence of his stabbed his heart and kicked him so hard in his stomach he couldn’t hold the nerves in anymore.

Against his better judgement Max opened the velvet box to see a beautiful silver ring shining back at him.

It was beautiful.

Of course it was.

Because Daniel picked it. Daniel picked it specifically for Max. He picked it so it would match the Cartier bracelet that he got Max on their anniversary.

Max carefully picked it up and slid it onto his finger, his hands were shaking so hard it took him a full minute to manage it. But fuck , it felt so right to have it on there.

Nothing ever felt so right than the thought of being married to Daniel. And judging by the ring on his finger now Daniel actually wanted to marry him, it was not just one of Max’s life dreams.

Max’s body actually stopped shaking as the weight of the situation finally settled on his shoulders because he made the biggest mistake of his life. The voice inside his head was so fucking wrong, it was so so wrong.

Daniel loved him.

Max was his forever.

He was Max’s forever.

And Max needed to fix it. He needed to tell the voice inside of his head to fuck off like Daniel always advised him to. He needed to stop listening to it. It was always wrong. It made him make the biggest mistake of his life.

He tried to stand up as quickly as he could, rushing to get out of the room to find Daniel as he hoped the other man would still be somewhere in the paddock. And he did not need to go very far to find Daniel wrapped in Lando’s arms, the man’s face was nestled in the crook of Lando’s neck as Lando rubbed soothing circles on his back.

They seemed like long lost lovers reunited.

And maybe the voice in his head was not that wrong after all.