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Smoker had become accustomed to it. Caring for Helmeppo all this time. Sure, he wasn’t connected by blood to the boy, but that didn’t make him any less family. Helmeppo was his son and nobody could tell him otherwise. Though he knew Helmeppo still admired and loved his real father— no. Biological father. A real father was a man who cared for his child. Morgan hardly qualified.
Smoker remembered an adorable five year old boy who was so easy to scoop up and carry around. He remembered a younger Helmeppo, who would cling to him and hide against his arm or chest whenever something was too much. But Helmeppo was growing up. He’d be a teenager soon, in fact. Already twelve years old. He didn’t like to admit it, but he felt as if there was a wall between them, like as he grew, Helmeppo was breaking away, trying to put distance between them. Lord, that was the last thing Smoker wanted.
"Smoker!"
Smoker's gaze shifted towards the boy in question. Helmeppo was rushing toward with a bright smile on his face. Smoker reached down to ruffle his hair. The few times Helmeppo still sought him out of his own volition were precious times, and the boy seemed excited about…something. That could be either a good thing, or a really really bad thing.
"What’s up, kiddo?"
"Tashigi just showed me her new sword! It’s so coooool! Can I get one? Pleaaaaase?"
"You’re twelve. You’re not getting a sword."
"Why not? Tashigi has one…"
"Tashigi is also older than you, and more responsible."
Helmeppo pouted and crossed his arms. "No fair," he complained. "She’s only a couple years older!"
I know, but…I need to hold on to you. Just a little while longer. "So when you’re her age, maybe you’ll be ready to get a sword too, but you have to learn to be more responsible. Don’t want you taking anyone's head off."
"I won’t!"
Smoker scooped up the twelve year old as if he weighed nothing at all. "C'mon. Let’s grab some lunch."
"Can Tashigi come?"
"Ohhhh no. This time it’s just you and me, kiddo. It’s been a while since the two of us did something fun."
"Is this another father-son date thing?" Helmeppo grumped.
"You can look at it that way if you want. There’s no issues with me wanting to spend time with my boy. Especially when you’re…" Smoker faltered, as if saying it aloud would somehow make it more true. "Especially when you’re growing up so fast. Who said you could grow up?"
Helmeppo stared up at him. "Logic?"
"Just…stay a kid forever."
"Fuck logic."
"Helmeppo! Where did you learn that?"
"Drake taught me!"
Smoker glared at nothing. Ohhhh the next time he saw Drake, there would be hell to pay.
_________
They had ordered and sat down, and Helmeppo with his massive appetite despite his small size had already downed all but a few bites of his food before anyone spoke, the silence tense between them.
"Why’re you so worried about me growing up?"
Smoker blinked. Then he sighed. He wanted to lie, but he knew Helmeppo wasn’t stupid. Far from it. "It feels like…I’m losing you."
Helmeppo only stared blankly at him. "How can you lose a person? Unless you mean at a store. Stores are easy to get lost in."
Smoker chuckled. "No, I mean…well, when you get older, you want more independence. I know I’m not your legal guardian or anything, but-"
"You’re still my dad. You’re scared of me growing up."
The tense silence returned. Smoker couldn’t look at Helmeppo, the way the boy held his gaze steadily, unwaveringly. As true as the words were, Smoker simply hated it being put that way. He was Smoker, he wasn’t scared of anything! Except his kid growing up. His boy not needing him anymore. He didn’t know when Helmeppo had gone from being the kid he babysat to his boy, but he never regretted it for a second. Smoker sighed and rubbed his temple, averting his eyes. Even just the way Helmeppo was talking now…this was not the talk of a young child.
"Yeah, kid. I never shoulda let myself get so attached, but here we are, and now…Jeez, a few months and you’ll be a teenager, for god's sake!"
"You…You know I’m not going to just disappear, right…?" Helmeppo tilted his head to the side, hair flopping in his face.
Smoker reached forward to tuck the boy's hair back. "I know, but it won’t be the same."
"Things change. You always tell me that."
"There are some things I wish wouldn’t change though," Smoker murmured. He lifted his gaze again. "I know you’ll grow up and become a successful man one day, that’s what I want for you, but just…" he fought to keep his voice from cracking. "Just…not yet."
_______________
Smoker watched. He watched as time passed, as Helmeppo did inevitably grow up. As he broke away and went off on his own. As Morgan mistreated him, and it simply made Smoker's blood boil. Helmeppo's blood kin didn’t want him. Didn’t see him for the unique and precious boy he was. Watched as Helmeppo grew the strength to break ties, and as he found a real friend, underwent training with Garp. Perhaps Smoker should’ve been thankful Helmeppo was a Marine and would still be close, but all it did was add an extra layer of worry. Their job wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t always safe. What if Helmeppo got hurt one day because of it? Or worse.
"Damn you grew up fast…"
Helmeppo glanced over his shoulder. "Things change," was the curt response.
Smoker chuckled, but it was a pained chuckle. "They do. I’ll admit, seeing you out in the world as an actual adult…it makes me feel old."
"You’re not that old!" Helmeppo insisted.
"I know." Smoker clapped him on the shoulder. "You’ll do great things, kiddo. I know it."
Helmeppo's expression eased into a soft smile. "Thanks. I’m trying." He paused. "You don’t still feel like…you lost me or whatever that was, right?"
Smoker's hand on Helmeppo's shoulder trailed away. "In a way, I did."
"No," Helmeppo argued. "You can’t get rid of me that easy."
"You’re a man now. You take care of yourself."
"Maybe, but sometimes I still need to be just a boy. Sometimes…I’ll still need my dad, and I don’t mean Morgan."
Smoker crossed his arms. "Well I’m here when you need me."
"You’re not being paid to take care of me anymore. Why-"
"Because god dammit, I care!"
Now those were sweet words. Before Helmeppo could respond though, the familiar figure that was Coby was running down the pathway, waving to them, calling out for his friend. Helmeppo stole a brief glance towards his best friend, almost hesitant. Smoker chuckled and gave him a gentle nudge. Seeing Helmeppo with a friend was always an encouraging sight. Knowing the young man had a peer close in age who would always have his back.
"Ah, go on. No need to hang about with an old man like me."
"Hey." Taking Smoker by surprise, Helmeppo hugged him tightly. "Thank you. For everything."
Smoker returned the hug. "Wouldn’t've had it any other way. Now you kids go have fun."
Smoker slowly breathed out, watching as Helmeppo tossed his hair back over his shoulder and sauntered down the path to join his grinning rosy-haired friend, slinging an arm around Coby's shoulders while the younger Marine immediately started chattering away at him. While yes, it felt like there had been something lost, Helmeppo had become a successful young man, able to take care of himself, able to do great things, able to make something of himself, had had that not been the goal? Had something not been gained?
That said, there were some things that never changed, and it showed. That immature streak still showed up sometimes, a sign that the lighthearted, childlike streak Helmeppo had as a kid had never been chased out by age nor the harsh training under Garp's tutelage. As Smoker watched the two retreat down the path, Coby and Helmeppo engaged each other in what looked like a very passionate and frustrated poke-war, jabbing their fingers at each other like whoever got the most pokes in was to be the winner.
"Ah, damn kid. Some things never change." Smoker shook his head, but the start of a smile was written on his face.