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The first time Jamie grabbed Lily’s hand, she’d also kissed her. They’d been walking home, backpacks slung over their shoulders, talking about something inane, when a lot of shouting had interrupted their conversation. It was one of those over-zealous church-y people who sometimes hung out on campus specifically to shout at people, and this one was waving a sign quoting Leviticus and pontificating on how “homosexuals are sinners destined for the fires of hell.”
And Jamie had laced her fingers with Lily’s, which Lily knew meant nothing other than her wanting to do something openly gay in front of this idiot, but then the man had seen them, and shouted directly at them, so they’d had no choice but to stop in their tracks and kiss to raucous cheers and applause from the surrounding public. It was a stunt — it wasn’t romantic, and even if Lily had felt her stomach swoop and her fingers had tingled where they met Jamie’s, it’s not like anything could ever come of it. They were roommates. Just roommates.
But in the weeks afterward, the hand holding had become a thing. Jamie would loosely tangle their fingers together during grocery runs. Lily would deliberately not look down at their linked hands as they walked home together after a night at the bars. Jamie reached for Lily’s hand whenever they sat together during Thirsty Thursdays, when the gang would hole up in their apartment to talk over several episodes of True Blood and drink red wine. For a while, no one else mentioned it, but during a Thirsty Thursday about a month after this new behavior had begun, Dorcas cornered Lily in the kitchen as she opened another bottle. “Lily. What the hell.”
“What? Do you not like this one?” She looked down at the cheap Cabernet on the counter. “We have another Merlot somewhere I think.”
“No, not the wine, you know I can’t tell the difference. I mean you and Jamie!”
Lily frowned at her friend. “What?”
“What do you mean, what ,” said Dorcas in a whisper-shout. “You were literally holding hands! For at least an hour!”
“Oh,” said Lily, feeling weirdly both relieved and upset that she didn’t have anything more juicy to share. “That’s nothing. We’re just holding hands.”
Dorcas gave her a withering look.
“There’s nothing going on! We’re just holding hands. In a friendly way. We do that sometimes. Friends can hold hands!”
“You are kidding me. I hate you both so much.”
“What? It’s true!”
“No it is not, Lily Dumbass Evans. Jamie Potter has been in love with you for like three years.”
Lily’s jaw dropped, along with her stomach. “No she hasn’t!”
“And you’ve been in love with her for at least a year.”
“We’re just roommates!” And then, because of course they weren’t just roommates: “And like, friends!”
“What are you two hissing about? Have we graduated from watching vampires to actual vampirism?” The girls whipped around to see Sirius Black leaning against the door frame, tucking his long shiny hair away from his face.
“We’re having a Code JFA,” said Dorcas.
“We’re — what?” said Lily, but her voice was drowned out by Sirius’s entirely too-dramatic gasp.
“For real? It’s happening?”
“They have been holding hands all night . But apparently this one is under the impression that it’s just friendly hand holding. ”
Sirius managed to both groan and squeal at the same time.
“It is friendly! Friends can hold hands! You are both the absolute worst,” announced Lily. “There’s nothing going on.”
“Okay okay wait. Wait. Lily,” said Sirius. “You are right that friends hold hands. But friendly hand holding is very different from romantic hand holding.”
Lily squinted at him, suspicious.
“Friendly hand holding is usually fingers cupped, not laced.”
Lily frowned.
“Friendly hand holding is usually for shorter periods of time. Like if one of you helps the other up, or you’re trying to keep hold of each other in a crowded space.”
Lily glared.
“But the real difference between friendly and romantic hand holding is that friends don’t have romantic feelings for each other.”
“I don’t —”
“Do you think about holding Jamie’s hand?”
Yes. All the time. Every day.
“Do you have romantic feelings when holding Jamie’s hand?”
It’s just some casual friendly butterflies and hoping that she’ll kiss me again this time. But it’s not a huge thing.
“Do you want Jamie to hold your hand?”
Only so much that I’ve been deliberately sitting next to her every Thursday night.
“Lily.”
“We’re roommates ,” said Lily.
“Yeah, it’s literally perfect,” said Dorcas, who had been watching Sirius’s one-sided interrogation with an absolutely diabolical grin. “You don’t even have to get a U-Haul. And you can have an extra bedroom now!”
“For guests!” added Sirius enthusiastically.
“You two have put way too much thought into this.”
“Because we’ve had to witness like four hundred years of pining,” said Sirius.
“Anyway, I think we’ve done everything we can do here,” said Dorcas. “It’s time.”
Sirius mimed wiping away a tear. “I can’t believe it. My little babies.”
“What are —”
“CODE JFA! CODE JFA!” screamed Dorcas. “GET THE FUCK OUT! CODE JFA!”
The apartment was emptied within a minute, leaving behind only a surly Bill Compton frozen on the TV screen, a very confused Jamie sitting under a pile of blankets, and Lily, red faced and sweaty from nerves and wine.
“Uh,” said Jamie. “What’s a code JFA, and why did Dorcas threaten me with bodily harm if I left with everyone?”
“I, um.” Lily’s mouth was exceptionally dry. Because of the cheap wine, probably.
Jamie pouted. “I really like this scene,” she said. “And it got interrupted by whatever the hell that was.”
“Well we can watch it,” said Lily quickly, both relieved and upset yet again. She curled under the blanket pile next to Jamie, who immediately snuggled in and found Lily’s hand on her knee.
“Our friends are so weird.”
“Tell me about it.”
“I mean, I think you should tell me about it,” said Jamie, her other hand stilling on the remote. “What happened in the kitchen?”
Lily squeezed Jamie’s hand, and Jamie squeezed back. She was looking at Lily, all wild black curls and curious hazel eyes. And soft pink lips. Lily tore her gaze away from them to look at their linked hands.
“Jamie — we. Um. We’re holding hands.”
Jamie’s cheeks went red. Lily wanted nothing more than to lean over and kiss the rosy blooms in them. “Yeah. We do that now.”
“Dorcas thinks that...well she and Sirius said…” Lily trailed off. How was she supposed to find words big enough and good enough to encompass this? How could any explanation properly explain the way she felt when Jamie laughed at one of Lily’s stupid puns? Or when Jamie’s eyes went all sleepy and her mouth went all soft during late night study sessions? Or when Lily came home from a grueling day of labs and classes to find Jamie waiting for her with cartons of Chinese takeout?
“I just —” Lily tried again, and then her voice was strangled in her throat, because Jamie had lifted their hands to her mouth and kissed the back of Lily’s fingers.
“Lily, I love you.” Jamie’s eyes flew wide. “I mean — shit, I meant to say that I like you.”
“Oh.”
“But actually no. I’m like, fully in love with you. And I feel like you were about to say something along those lines, but if you weren’t, that’s — I mean it’s fine, it’s not a big deal. But you’re my best friend and I feel like you should know.”
Lily felt a smile unfurl itself on her face. “Sirius would be so mad if he heard you say that.”
Jamie looked at her, panic in her eyes, and Lily laughed. “I love you too. I love you.”
They watched each other, equal parts elation and disbelief, faces just inches apart. “You love me?” whispered Jamie.
“Just kiss me,” said Lily, and she leaned in before she got the words out because she was done waiting by now. When their lips met, the fiery spark in her belly lighting up as she inhaled Jamie’s cinnamon and old book scent, all Lily could think was that it felt like coming home.
Hours later, they were sprawled among the blankets on the couch, Lily’s head tucked under Jamie’s chin, and Jamie’s thumb tracing slow circles over Lily’s palm. “Jamie Finds Amor,” said Lily.
“Jamie Fails Again.”
“Nah, they’re not that mean,” said Lily.
“Pff. Jamie Faces Attraction?”
“Oh that could be it. Hm. Just Face Attraction, maybe, so it applies to both of us?”
“Just Figure it out Already.”
“That’s JFIOA.”
“Just F A. Just F — ” Jamie gasped. “No.”
Lily cackled. “Yeah, that’s definitely it.”
“Why are they the worst ?”
—
Dorcas was already asleep for the night, tired after waiting by her phone for hours, when it rang.
“Wuh,” she answered, and nearly fell out of bed when Lily and Jamie both yelled into the receiver.
“Just Fuck Already? Are you kidding me?!”
Dorcas hung up and allowed herself a satisfied grin before passing out again.