Archive of Our Own

Chenle never understood how time worked. He personally believes it’s some type of bullshit of a schedule that human society unconsciously decided to follow because those from a gazillion years ago chose when it was twelve p.m for them. But, time doesn't necessarily confuse him in terms of hours, minutes, and seconds.

He wonders how time threw off his relationship with his ex-best friend. Specifically, Park Jisung who was currently scooping out a ball of ice cream from the banana nut tub that had been requested from the customer in front of him. Chenle doesn't understand how things for them had suddenly tumbled as he was positive their bond was as secured as a tangled knot. Of course, he had to come to the realization that tangled knots could always become undone with just the right amount of patience and use of time. 

Their breaking point wasn’t anywhere near a slow burn disentanglement. It was a clean cut, as if their relationship had been purposely cut off with a pair of scissors from an outsider. They still had their annoyingly knotted strings together, having complications about how to let go and wondering why they weren’t a bunch like they used to be. Whichever was the main factor of their unpierced relationship, Chenle can only be bothered by how time had not only messed up his treasured friendship with his one best friend -

But how it was another thing when it came to time bringing them back together, inserting each other into another’s lives again with the help of a summer job and Jisung’s family owning the shop Chenle had been assigned to. 

He can’t really tell if he’s fucked. For seven hours a day, he’s stuck with Jisung from a good distance, which was never really an ideal situation for him. 

But, hey - at least there’s ice cream ?

“Your turn to mop the floor tonight.” Jisung says from afar after handing the customer their cup of a scoop. “You did a shabby job yesterday.”

Chenle’s hands drop onto the counter, “What? I did not. Obviously you're just nitpicking my efforts now.”

Jisung sends him a small glare. Offering a telepathic set of words that Chenle ultimately reads due to his previous best-friend abilities that he shared with Jisung. He scoffs, shaking his head and replies a small, “Whatever.” before greeting the next customer for their order. In the end, he’s forced to obey as he’s under the branch of being in the Park’s facility and business. His peeve is that Jisung has the power to use his owner's son-privileges to boss Chenle around. 

It’s expected, yes. But, undeniably annoying. 

Regardless of his wandering juggles between non-expectations and expectations themselves. Chenle will full heartedly admit that none involved his relationship with his one best friend crumbling. 

_________________________

When bookstore employee Jeno comes along with his schedule, Chenle watches as he greets Jisung first then him. It’s a bit of a betrayal, he thinks, but ultimately their friend group still consists of the same individuals just with personal tensions (which regard Chenle and Jisung). So, another expectancy settles with Chenle and wires himself to not get angry at Jeno’s civil self. “Can I get free ice cream?” He asked with a smile, Chenle sends him an awful amount of artificial love with his facial expressions. “That’s totally a yes.”

“Just nothing hard to scoop. The razzle dazzle has been giving me an arm cramp. Also, my wrist might fall off soon.”

Jeno stands on his tippy toes even though he’s able to view the flavors on general ground. “The dark chocolate will do, seems as if it’s not getting a lot of love.”

Chenle removes a clean ice cream scooper from the heated water jars and rolls his eyes as he grabs a cup. “Tell me about it.” 

As they exchange words between the hawk-watching of Chenle fulfilling their duties. Jisung handles the cashier as a group of young teens had flooded their way in - forcing him to scoop an unreasonable amount of ice cream that made his forearm fall off each time he stuck it into the gigantic freezers. He finds a shiver running up his body every once in a while, it may be due to the fact that his family’s shop blasts their air conditioning twenty-four seven whenever summer comes around. And two, maybe it’s the sight of Chenle and Jeno conversing - without him. 

It was expected of course - over the time Chenle and he fell apart although everyone had made comments of them being superglued to another by the hip. But, time has changed those judgements as most began to have newer and bittersweet statements on being separated from another. Jisung doesn’t find it tarnishing to the heart or even waterworks triggering - just nostalgic as Chenle understood all of his rocky bolts and harsh edges. 

Now, he works at his family’s ice cream shop. It’s a tad awkward, no, really awkward and the tense glares that are exchanged make it so obvious to where a third person perspective could recognize that there was some lingering unfinished beef swirling around them. It’s not like Jisung’s parents would do anything about Chenle's position in their shop, regardless of what happened, they treat him as if they were naturally still friends. Besides, firing Chenle would be the ultimate move of being childish. “Chenle, you need to mop the floor in the back. Yesterday Dejun dropped a new tub of caramel swiss and it seems as if the surface is still sticky.” Jisung informs, breaking off and intentionally interrupting the boy's conversation as Chenle had taken his attention away from incoming customers. 

He first receives a sigh, then an eye roll that he caught when Chenle had looked over to Jeno - who only sent him a teasing smile with both his lips and eyes. Scooping another dollop of ice cream from his cup to keep himself occupied as Jisung spoke. Jisung felt a bit uplifted as Jeno had seemed to enjoy his misery, but the way Jeno looked at him also set flames to his insides. It was a hint of jealousy with a touch of disappointment, though, he had to remind himself that he and Chenle had ended things months ago. There was no reason for him to feel the way he felt - especially since Chenle seems to have no interest in him. Jisung could be sometimes ruthless with his job privileges as his family was a way for him to enforce his source of power onto Chenle without any questions. “You asked me to mop earlier, now you’re asking me to mop again. I’m not a servant man.” Chenle leans forward to display how unreasonable he was being.

“But you are a part-time worker at my family’s shop.” Jisung tells, which is a fair point in his opinion. He watches as Jeno gives him a nudge with his knuckles, signaling Chenle to listen to the younger’s demands as it may result in a couple of future consequences. When Chenle sends him a glare, Jisung raises his eyebrows as a subtle warning. “Now.”

Chenle hates the pyramid of authority when it comes to work, he’s basically at the bottom of the food chain once he steps into the Park’s ice cream shop. He despises that Jisung is younger than him and gets to boss him around. Just one step outside and maybe he can pick up a fight with Jisung and call it valid. “Fine,” Chenle mutters, whispering a couple of words to Jeno before leaving his station and walking over to the back to begin his mopping. Jisung gives him a smile, it’s bread-like, squishy cheeks and satisfied look as that’s all Jiusng wants him to do. “Stupid..” 

As Jeno finds no reason to stay, he decides to bid a silent goodbye to Chenle who still walks towards the back with a glum look on his face. He was quite aware of the two’s quarrel, or whatever they were going through. Whatever it was, he just knew that Chenle and Jisung weren’t talking anymore. “Jisung,” Jeno calls before exiting the door. The younger male attents his eyes to him. “Take care.”

With little words said, Jisung still appreciates the acknowledgement. It’s just Jisung left by himself, with the customers, and of course he can’t forget Chenle. It’s another day with only minor differences. The air is fed with their awkward interactions, with the room being quiet as the only noise that fills their ears is the blasting air conditioning and the ringing of the store bell. The repetitiveness is consuming-in a negative way if he’s being honest. 

Just a touch of Chenle in his life would make things different. He’s quite aware of this fact. Though, he has to remind himself that-it was Chenle and Jisung. But now, it’s only Jisung. 

_________________________

Time takes them through the week, the same routine with the familiar faces of customers who enjoy cooling down their bodies with the help of Jisung’s family’s homemade dessert that had always hit the right spot when needed. Chenle can’t lie, whatever the hell they are putting into their milky goodness, it is something that deserves to be reviewed by Gordon Ramsey or someone famous in the culinary world. Maybe Soma Yukihira, if he existed , would enjoy their work. “Chenle, mop.” As Chenle was in the middle of scooping out a ball of raspberry sorbet. He drops his wrist, which leads to the ball of red to fall back into the tub when it was supposed to be placed on the waffle cone. A face of disappointment was shown on the child’s face in front of him. “After.”

“I have been mopping, nonstop . Why do I need to do more moping? If someone else did something to the floor, shouldn’t they be the ones to clean it up? And yes, I am talking about Dejun. He has come in once this week.”

Jisung puts a hand on his hip as he finds the older one talking back to him. He was the one in charge and had the right to enforce whatever chores he had set on his family’s employees (because you know, ownership privileges .) “Dejun hasn’t been coming in because he had decided to fly back to China with Hendery for a week or so. He had told me months prior and I’m guessing you had just forgotten all those passionate conversations with him when he was explaining his plans.”

Chenle didn’t see that coming. Sure , he could be the quite forgetful type- but , couldn’t Dejun give him a little warning with the ice cream spillage and a reminder of him leaving the country with his boyfriend. Gosh, some communication could help. (but, maybe he should use his own advice for this one.) “Fine, I’ll get on it. Just let me finish up this order and I’ll get going.” 

The conversation does not continue after that. In fact, both had felt the building annoyance that were tingling within their insides. Signaling a slight caution as they were heading off into a dangerous zone that should not be met when there were a hefty amount of customers around. It’s a bit childish that talking can spark hostility between them, in fact communicating should be the easiest thing for this point if they merely act like co-workers. Which is exactly what their established relationship is at the moment. 

Chenle takes a hold of the wooden stick and the correlating bucket that holds water mixed with soap. He lets out a sigh and brushes out the bangs that cover his eyes lightly. “Can’t believe he’s making me do this.” The older male mutters to himself, eyeing Jisung who is taking over the customers up front. He can’t believe that Jisung would send him over to the back again . It’s not like he got anything else better to do. His whole job is to help Jisung at the front, he’s been here for more than a week and he’s quite sure that he can keep steady up front with Jisung and the customers. “It’s like he’s taunting me. No . He definitely wants to piss me off.” As he sticks in the twisted hairs of cotton into the bucket of water. Removing it out after a couple of seconds of soaking to brush against the floor. “So petty…”

And it’s not like neither party has their intentions straight. Their actions and attitudes blossom with the influence of their own parallels. Chenle comes off irritated, bothered, and obviously uninterested in work as he’s stuck with the repetitive position of being a mopper in the back. While Jisung merely reflects his old partner in crime by returning the favor of being the trigger to his emotions.

They are meant for each other. Their execution truly expresses how well they tackle each other. (sarcasm, they’re doing a terrible job right now and they both are quite aware of this). The current problem that they both would hate to admit is that none of the boys want to give in . As much as Jisung misses Chenle being beside him instead of being more than a six feet distance away from him; Chenle’s act makes it seem as if he wants it to be that way forever.

It has been months. Months of falling apart from each other’s molds and losing touch of themselves with the addition of the truth of their own feelings. It’s simple and as many people enjoy the idea of simple. Chenle and Jisung do not want to be the first to give up with their unnamed game of teenage stupidity. 

“I can’t believe we’re like this now…” Chenle says to himself with a thrust of the mop. “Things...they could- no should have been different.” 

Only a doorway away, he doesn’t know that Jisung silently agrees with him this once. 

_________________________

Another day, another shift. Chenle is wishing to himself that Jisung doesn’t force him to the back again, or else the mop’s stick will be stuck in a place it shouldn’t be in. And yes, that is a little threat that is patiently waiting in Chenle’s mouth until Jisung strikes gold with his impatience bar. “Chenle,” Jisung calls. All he has to do is wait until he receives further instructions and then he can call it a wrap as he’d definitely be fired for beating Jisung with a mop stick. “You’ll be up front, it’s one of the hottest days today. We’re bound to get a lot of customers and I’ll need your assistance.”

Now, that wasn't the expected set of words Chenle was waiting for. But, maybe he shouldn't be waiting for the moment of his unemployment days and treasuring the fact that he was getting paid for such a low maintenance job. “Yeah, sounds good to me.”

“Good, you really don’t have a choice anyways.” Jisung replies, moving away from the scenes to take care of some preparations for the incoming individuals in the next hour. Chenle only replies with an eye roll because replying with some smartass remark would only do some damage to their civil atmosphere. 

“You have no choice anyways.” Chenle lightly mocks, his head moving rapidly side to side with bent tense fingers. “Of course I have no choice, it’s my job. ” It’s as if Jisung treats him as if he’s stupid. “If Dejun was here, we could definitely talk shit together.”

It’s only a couple of hours until the devil summons someone affiliated with Dejun. Yangyang, who enters with Mark Lee. A previous classmate from Chenle’s music theory class. It takes a wave for the duo to grab not only Chenle’s attention. But Jisung’s as well. “ Hey Le.” Yangyang greets, putting his elbows on the counter as he pops his bottom out to stabilize himself. “See, I knew I’d find him here. Mark missed you.” Mark clicks his tongue as he elbows Yangyang lightly.

Chenle chuckles, pulling out a clean ice cream scooper from the hot water tub as he knew they’d be placing an order. “Yeah, yeah. What do two want? You wouldn’t take the bus all the way from your university to greet me hello and leave empty handed.”

“You’re so smart.” Yangyang praises with a sweet voice, which signals to Chenle that he’s right. “So, what flavors does the Park’s ice cream shop have prepared for us? We came a bit early before rush hour so everything should still be filled, right?”

“Sure, somewhat right. A customer came in during the last hour asking if they could buy a whole tub of the razzle blast berry. I could only watch them swipe their card and they were literally unphased! It’s incredible what lengths people will go to have this.” As he shortly refers to the scoops of creamy goodness in front of him. “Is the chocolate caramel swirl okay for you both? You can’t really say no, I already put it in your cup.”

“Anything picked from you is okay with me. I know it’s good.” Yangyang replies and Mark only rolls his eyes with a grossed-out attitude. “Come on Le, you’ve always enjoyed my playful flirting.” 

“Yeah, until it seemed like you actually liked me.” Chenle points out to where Yangyang can only shrug at his comment. “It’s like you wanted to date me.”

“You’re just so cute when you’re flustered.” 

“I can’t believe you-“

“Chenle.” Jisung calls out from the other side of the ice cream freezers, cutting his words short. “It’s your mopping day today.” 

Chenle drops the second scoop of ice cream and the scooper into the tub. Those are not the only things that drop, his expression as well and the flash of Park Jisung’s body being buried was reflecting in his eyes. “You just told me I’d be at the front today? And now you’re changing your mind?”

“ Yes , I am.” Jisung snaps back and it only heats up their conversation more. The tension between them burns and simmers into the air that tackles the skin of current customers. Two workers, who should be acting professional during this time of day are not doing their best to cool down as that’s the whole purpose of the Park’s ice cream shop. Jisung makes his way to the back, grabbing the mop, and stomps his way towards Chenle to force it into his chest for him to grab. “Out back, now . I can handle things here.”

Chenle grips the wooden stick of the mop to where it almost snaps. Yangyang backs away from the counter and Mark doesn’t make things any lighter with the long awkward whistle. “You know Park, you’re a terrible communicator. Every single time you send me to the back, it’s your way of punishing me because of your problem of not being able to tell me what’s bothering you. Isn’t it?”

Jisung pokes his tongue into the side of his cheek, shaking his head and crossing his arms. “You know—“

“No, you know that you keep treating me as your family’s shop janitor when I was assigned to help you assist in the front! The whole point of cleaning in the back is made for the end of the day. So, my instincts are telling me that you don’t want to see my face.” Chenle sets his foot down, putting Jisung in his place regardless of the fact that there were others around him. He needed a push, his own taste of embarrassment and exposure. And god, his face - it made Chenle feel like he was on top of the world for once. “What are you gonna say, Park ?”

“Wow, Le. You’re even cuter when you’re feisty like that.” Yangyang being a commentator during wrong times only fumes the fire larger in Jisung. 

“Out.” Jisung demands. Mark only blinks, he is a friend of Jisung and is somewhat offended that he was being so pushy. “Out! Get out!” He doesn’t even realize that Chenle’s talking had resulted in the other lingering customers walking out of the shop. It was only Yangyang and Mark left, scrambling out by the force of Jisung’s stirring annoyance. 

When they do, Jisung walks over to the front and turns the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’. “Shop like owner.” Chenle comments. “You know? Instead of letting people inside to help you just shut yourself out. It’s incredible how quick you are to close doors when you don’t even realize how easy things could have been if you just had been more accepting.”

“Why are you acting as if you know everything about me?” Jisung’s voice becomes light, though there’s a hint of frustration. There’s something that wants to come off his tongue, rough strings of jumbled words that refuse to come clean. His expression, tired- soft and full of questions suddenly does not make Chenle feel any better of himself. “I get it, we were friends. That doesn’t mean anything now…”

“I know when you’re holding back, you have been ever since you’ve put me on mopping duty. You know, I can’t scrub away what you’ve been meaning to tell me, right? It doesn’t work that way.” 

“We’re not doing this right now.” 

“We are.” Chenle firmly tells. “You closed the shop down because of this. You wouldn’t have if it didn’t bother you. Don’t act as if you don’t know anything about me, about us !” 

Jisung stares at him until he thinks of a response, “Well, right now. I’d rather do that.” He storms off to the back, untying his apron as a form to tell Chenle he was clocking out for the day. 

Chenle stands in the same exact spot he was stationed in. Confused and a tad frustrated by his old friend’s actions. In fact, Jisung has never acted like this before. Stubborn and unwilling were just two adjectives that didn’t resonate with his image. He knows something is up, but he wasn’t sure if he was up for the challenge of prying it out of him. 

_________________________

You’ve always enjoyed my playful flirting.

You’re just so cute when you’re flustered.

Wow, Le. You’re even cuter when you’re feisty like that.

It’s like you wanted to date me. God, Jisung wishes that he didn’t have supreme hearing during those moments of catching those phrases. His emotions had overtaken back at the shop, irritation being placed into the hands of his rough scooping and plastered plastic smile to customers he served. They kept getting louder, and Chenle had not flinched at Yangyang's words. 

When the rumor of Chenle’s interest in Yangyang started stirring around after overhearing a conversation with a senior, Huang Renjun. Jisung spiraled out into an abyss of uncertainties. And when he met Yangyang for the first time, he remembered it as clear as day. An embodiment of a first love, the embodiment Jisung feared Chenle of meeting. But god, who could resist such a smile like Yangyang’s? It’s untouchable, welcoming and he’s sure Chenle feels just at home with him. He has a teasing dynamic that makes people’s cheeks hurt, Jisung can’t lie, he can catch himself slipping. But, he’ll never go too far to where it actually hurts someone’s feelings. His gritty hands hold tight against someone with an antique heart and Chenle is his old stone, his treasured find who’s comfortable being held by a different pair of hands. 

That acknowledgment - made Jisung snap. 

Snap to where even his so-called, treasured friendship with Chenle snapped as well. He knows Chenle is right most of the time and everything that affects him ultimately affects something around him. He makes mistakes, too many if he’s being honest. 

And it’s just because he can’t admit one thing. 

Which is something Jisung is sure anyone can guess. 

_________________________

Chenle doesn’t know how he does it. But he still clocks in for work the next day. It’s a bit draining to be in the cold setting as chills run up his spine from time to time as he passes the main sprout of the air conditioning. He’s also forced to do the same job, which shouldn’t be a problem at work. But the repetitiveness is weakening his will to hold a mop. 

When Jisung walks in from the front door. The two make subtle eye contact before Jisung breaks it away. “Morning.” Chenle decides to say as his body turns with the moving boy. “ Morning .” 

It takes a couple of seconds before Jisung finally caves in and returns the greeting. Chenle feels a bit better, but the closed-off personality that Jisung has obtained since their break off is still bothering him. And Chenle’s bubbling boil of reasoning makes him want to talk things out with Jisung. Because you know, that’s what civil people do. Talk. 

“Will I be out back today, you know, mopping ?” Chenle questions from afar, the distance holds a great advantage if he needs to run from a pissed-off Jisung. But, he can see from the doorway that Jisung shakes his head. “It’s okay if I am. If we need some...space. I get it.”

“You’re being so nice to me, it doesn’t make sense.” Jisung shakes off Chenle’s voice to piece together his own logic as to why this was happening now. He gets in his own world and can’t help but block out Chenle from entering his brain. “We’re not the same anymore.”

“Yeah, you’re right. But us not being the same duo we used to be doesn’t excuse us being dicks to each other. Don’t you think so?” Chenle was being pretty rational and generous unlike the other times Jisung could sense his raging headache forming every time he spoke. It somewhat pisses off Jisung internally. Though, he won’t comment negatively on his words that were merely supposed to bring light. It’s the inflexible voice influencing him right now. “I just don’t want this affecting us. We used to be friends, my mom forced me into this job and even with her being the reason I’m here doesn’t bother me because it’s a nice place to be in. So, can we just call it truce and function without the complications?”

Jisung can’t think. He spaces out and the words of Chenle only ping pong against the shell of his empty head as they attempt to piece the message Chenle was trying to say. He doesn’t get it, but he feels like he can if he just tries. “I...it’s different Le.”

“Obviously, we’re not like we used to be.”

I know and I hate it . Jisung sighs, wondering why he went wrong and demolished a friendship that was supposed to last an eternity. It was stupid, pathetic and ultimately the worst move he could pull by turning into a complete asshole as he was tarnished by the sight of Chenle being with another guy. Jealousy is a disease. And Jisung has not found a cure for it. 

“You hate it?”

He doesn't take a break to pause and comprehend what had just occurred. But, accepts Chenle and continues. “Yes, I do. Don’t you?” 

“Don’t make things more complicated Jisung.”

“Things have always been complicated when it comes to you.” He admits and the vague message lying beneath his words does not give Chenle clarity. The older boy merely wished that Jisung would be more transparent with what he wanted to say because, maybe this whole fiasco would have been over with months ago. “But, we both are. So I can’t only blame you.”

“Well, thanks for that at least.” As he starts to walk towards him. Jisung becomes slightly startled as he reflects the actions of a stray cat being approached by a passing human. “We say things during the heat of the moment, feel things and never seem to intersect with at least one idea. You can share anything with me, just like…old times.”

“It wouldn’t be the same anymore.”

“Time does that to people. We just have to accept it.”

Jisung shakes his head, the fear of that one word was giving him the shakes. “Accepting everything will make things worse. It’s better if we’re off with this distance.”

“If I’m being truthful. I think you’ll just go insane if we leave off like this. Whatever you should tell me, with the reminder that it isn’t an obligation but just a strong suggestion. You don’t need to hold back. I’m here, so what’s there to lose?”

“ You .”

“But think of it like this,” Chenle starts. He grabs Jisung by the wrist before resuming. “You already lost me a couple of months ago and this is the first time we’ve held a real conversation in a while. You have me. So, whatever this thing is, it’ll only distance us even more if you don’t speak and I don’t respond. Is that your definition of keeping me close? Because I think we’re mixing up words here Park.”

“It’s not easy, Le.”

“Nothing’s easy. So let’s start at square one.”

“And that is?”

Chenle’s hand falls from Jisung’s wrist and he slowly inserts his palm into Jisung’s. He grips his hand into a handshake motion, waiting for Jisung to return the action so they could make a truce for their new beginning. “Let’s start over, I’m Chenle. And you are?”

“This is so dumb.”

“Yeah, mopping is dumb but I never complained.”

He’s got a point . Jisung stops to think and the fact that his hand is being held captive by Chenle’s monstrously grip forces him to comply with his idea. “I’m Jisung. Park Jisung.” 

“Cool, now Park Jisung. Tell me what’s bothering you?”

_________________________

Things are not easy, as Chenle reminds himself of Jisung’s own words. And that’s why he knows the younger boy won’t solely admit to his worries that have been consuming even if they have affected their friendship and created distance. Chenle can’t judge, the definition of personal to individuals varied and as another day of working turned into a closed shop for them to sit down and discuss; meant it was serious. “I’m not going to make fun of you, for the millionth time. Also, running away? What type of person do you think I am?”

“It’s dumb, you’ll laugh. I know you, we’ve been friends for years.”

“Yeah, those years of you tuning in information is not the equivalent to what has happened to me during these last couple of months of being Jisung-less. I’ve changed. So please , just tell me what’s up so you can dump it somewhere.”

“I’d rather not use you for that benefit.”

“Well, I permit it and want you to.” Chenle reasons, “Now put on your big boy pants and tell Lele what’s wrong.”

“I don’t want to if you word it like that.”

“Come on, you’re being stubborn again.” Jisung scrunches his nose as a form of indecisiveness. Chenle caught the action in time and sighed as he couldn’t pry the boy open with just words. It was going to take maybe hours, or even days for Jisung to admit what was going on with him and he was getting impatient. Because honestly, repairing their friendship was one of the first things he wanted to complete for this year’s summer bucket list. But, prior to this moment, it seemed impossible as Jisung seemed to want nothing to do with him. “Look, is it really that bad?”

“It’ll mess us up again.” Jisung states, “And I don’t even know what we are right now. Co-workers? Friends? Co-workers, who are now friends? It’s so annoying, I’m starting to hate this because I don’t even know if we are friends right now..”

“Well, why do you hate it? Is it because we’re close to being back to...uh.... friends ?”

He hesitates, gosh, everything has always been so difficult for Jisung ever since the day he figured out that he’s been in love with his best friend this whole time. Jisung has some rusty bolts that needed to be set loose, one being some quick oil to fix his possessiveness over Chenle and the fact that he can’t even admit his liking to him. “I don’t hate us being friends, I just--”

“Then what’s the problem? You’re seriously not making any sense.”

“I don’t think it’s a good time for me to say it.”

“Well, do you think you ever will? Does anyone even know about it?”

Jisung shakes his head. 

He’s lying. Chenle tells himself. “So, you’re gonna keep it inside of you to rot?”

The younger ravenette sighs, “I never said I was going to do that.”

“But you have.” Chenle moves his head forward with a dip of his chin. “You’re just denying it.”

“Is this your way of getting me to say it?”

“Yes, it is.” 

Jisung’s back slouches and his spine molds against the seat. He swears crossing his arms gives him a boost to think or just some time to spare to make it seem as if he was contemplating. But, Jisung had no clue what to say and his mind simply went blank. If he confessed his truths to Chenle, this day can go two ways. 

One, a happy ending for Jisung and a surprisingly accepting Chenle. Double points if Chenle returns feelings for him.

Or two, Chenle has no interest in being with him or being friends after figuring out his best friend of many years has been viewing him as a love interest. Yeah, that’s definitely not an ending Jisung wants to face and it only makes his throat go dry when thinking about it. “I’m glad you care about me, but I think you should focus your concerns on yourself. It’ll give you pimples if you keep thinking about me.” Well, when Jisung reconsiders that thought, Chenle thinking about him isn’t the worst thing in the world. “It’s not a big deal.”

“You’re seriously giving me a headache right now.”

“Which is why I want you to stop. I’m telling you it’s not important and honestly, maybe it’ll just go away if I stop worrying about it. I’ll fix it somehow.”

Chene shakes his head, getting up and throwing down his work visor onto the table. “If fixing it means eating a tub of ice cream, I’m seriously killing you.” And with that said, Chenle walks off to the back to clock out for the day. Because if he was staying in the cold with no information and dollars to his paycheck, there was no use of being there. “I’ll see you on my next shift.” 

Jisung felt that ball of guilt brewing in his body, dispersing throughout his chest area and into his head as the rights were only turning him wrong. The ravenette doesn’t have his intentions straight at this point. Unsure of where his life is going with Chenle as if this one moment would affect everything when it came to him. He couldn’t lose Chenle again. But, if he thinks clearly for just once he was sure that Chenle wouldn’t bid him a final goodbye just because of his feelings for him. In movies, books, and in reality - there are many people who share feelings for each other, get declined, and still stay friends. Maybe, just maybe if Jisung convinces himself that one unhappy ending won’t be the catalyst to many unhappy endings overall. He’ll be able to release the month's worth of words off his chest and gain his best friend back. 

It sounds, nice . But, terrifying.

Jisung feels a bit selfish and annoying for keeping himself away from Chenle. But, he counters that thought as he knew it was better to confess when he was comfortable doing so. But , the uncomfortable thought of Chenle suddenly becoming taken and Jisung being too late was also an issue.

Complications, concerns, and crappy decision-making were the three C’s that makeup Park Jisung. 

And Chenle , can’t forget about Chenle.

_________________________

“I’m here for a reason.”

Renjun does not only shake his head but the shaker in his hand that holds a passionfruit green tea for an incoming customer. “Your reasons seem to be a bit nosy, don’t you think?”

“I know Jisung told one of you. And if my intuition is telling me right, it has to be the most yet least expected. We all know he’s close to Jaemin. But, the first person he started talking to out of everyone in our friend group was you. That was until he branched out into everyone else. Besides that, you know what’s going on with him. You know why we broke off.”

The older male snatches a plastic cup from the peeking layers with his continued head shakes. “You’re unbelievable for thinking I’d tell you Sungie’s biggest secret.”

“Huh, I am right.”

“I mean, you are a genius. Most times .” 

Chenle scoffs, mostly offended but a tad interested in what his words meant. “Are you implying that even his reasons are something I could figure out? Because if you are, I’m not much of a genius after all.”

When he gets done pouring the finished drink into the cup. Renjun places a cap on and slides that drink with the expected yell of the customer’s name. Once that one out of a million tasks are completed, he returns his attention to Chenle. “The answer has been right in front of you this whole time. You just haven’t been able to notice it because you’re the main source of his affects. Everyone else? Well, I think it’s quite easy to guess if you’re watching from a third-person perspective.”

“So...you’re telling me I’m oblivious?”

Renjun purses his lips, nodding his head quite vigorously before he speaks. “Yes, I am. But, I’m not only going to blame you. It seems Jisung has made his own perception of something when it came to you without figuring out if it was true. That’s just an inference, no way of actually telling if that actually happened but he did start acting a bit different before you two separated.”

“Yeah, he started ignoring me like crazy. It was as if I didn’t exist in his life anymore and that stupid argument destroyed everything.”

“Jisung can be...a bit impulsive . Right now, he bases most of his actions on his emotions and since you work with him. Moving on doesn’t seem like the easiest job right now.”

Chenle’s eyes widened, “Move on? As if not wanting to be friends?”

One side of Renjun’s teeth grits against each other. He points at the younger and squints, “You’re close, but also not. I’m sorry Chenle, but that’s all I can really give you. I’m not going to out him since it really isn’t my business to share.”

"Yeah...I just...want to get things figured out quickly. But, I know he won't tell me directly so I thought having some clues would be nice in piecing everything together."

"You miss him?"

"He was my best friend. I'm not the type to throw away years of friendship when I knew the bond was strong enough to last an eternity. Wouldn’t you do the same? You know, go through the lengths to at least attempt to save it.”

Renjun’s lips turn into a line, “I would.”

Chenle nods, “Good, 'cause that’s what I’m doing right now.”

Those are the last words Renjun hears before he watches Chenle walk out the door. God knows where he’s going, but he turns around to the nearest employee to say, “Quick five, important phone call.” All he receives is a nod before he makes his way to the back. As he slips his phone out of his pocket and dials Jisung’s phone number, he’s patient for the rings to turn into the connected line. When he receives a hello , Renjun speaks. “Now or never, he’s not going to stop anytime soon.”

“ What ?”

“Chenle, he’s on a mission of trying to understand or more of, find out what’s going on with you.”

“ He’s not going to figure it out. ”

“Yeah, because that’s the last thing he’ll think of. My best friend likes me? Have you ever considered what Chenle might feel towards you, I swear. You two are not so complicated as you make it seem it makes my head hurt. Chenle won’t let you die on him. What about the possibility of him considering dating you?”

“ It won't work, he’ll do it out of pity. Our relationship draws a line. Friends . I’m not losing him because I can’t get over the fact that I’m not going to have a chance to date him.”

“Jisung, who’s telling you that?”

When the line cuts, Renjun can only stare at his blank phone screen. He clicks it off, shaking off the fact that Jisung’s own insecurities and fears were consuming him of his chance to regain his relationship with Chenle. He shoves his phone in his pocket, walking back to the front as he had no choice but to back away from his situation. 

_________________________

The next time Jisung finds Chenle at work, the older male had his eyes on him like prey. He wasn’t sure if that was his way of threatening Jisung in order to tell him his secrets, but it was somewhat creeping him out. When they get close enough, Jisung calls him out. “You know, staring at me won’t make me say it.”

“I heard staring into eyes is like staring into someone’s soul. If I stare long enough, you’ll freak out and unravel everything.” Chenle didn’t seem fazed when it came to exposing his plans. Jisung will admit, it did make him laugh a bit but once the first two chuckles came out he coughed to stop. “You’re prisoning your own feelings, it’s so obvious.”

“If everything is so obvious , why can’t you figure out what’s going on with me?”

“Because...even if I want to know. Most of my assumptions are one, wrong, and two, bad . Nobody likes assumptions, I bet you wouldn’t even want me guessing because what if I say something offensive. Like, oh your imaginary pet dog died and it told you to distance yourself away from me because that’s basically cheating.”

“I can’t believe you just said that in front of all of these customers.”

“What can I say,” Chenle waves his ice cream scooper around before sticking it into the freezer. “I’m unpredictable.” 

“Which is why I won’t tell you. The unknown is scary, nobody likes having no answer.” Jisung tells. Chenle scoops harder and faster to wiggle in his reply before Jisung changes the topic.

“The unknown is only scary because you haven’t told me. The unknown will be known once you do.” It was basic common sense, even Jisung figured that out from the start. But, hearing it from Chenle made his stomach churn a bit, in a good way surprisingly. “You’re afraid of all of these negative possibilities but never seem to take the time to make a list of the good ones. Maybe you have! But, there’s only two that seem to stick with you and even yourself thinks it’s hopeless because of how ‘ out of reach it is’ .” When he finishes placing the two balls of ice cream into the cup, he slides it over to Jisung for him to ring up. “I know I keep annoying you. But, I’m annoying you because I want to reassure you that whatever the hell is going on up here-” As he points his index finger to his head, “can be said. You just need to put some faith in yourself. And besides, it’s me. Chenle , who promised to stay with you until the end. I’m not going to let you leave me this time. So please.”

“I feel...somewhat moved.” 

“So there is some spirit in that dull soul of yours.”

“Shut up.” As Jisung nudges Chenle with his elbow, making him tip over a bit. The older ravenette catches a smile, he doesn’t point it out. Though, he will say - he misses the bright expressions that Jisung used to display to him. It was only for a second, but god, Chenle has never felt so fulfilled in his life. “Get back to work, I’ll make you mop again.”

“Ooh~ Scary .”

“ Now .”

_________________________

Jisung hasn’t smiled like that in a while. Automatic and wide, lips curled with such suddenness and the view of Chenle made it only better. When he lays in bed that night, he grabs his pillow and shoves it into his face. Murmuring a couple of words with saliva trailing onto it with a disgusted groan as his tongue had brushed against the fabric “Gosh, this is so pathetic.” As he realizes what was occurring. The surfacing feelings of Chenle were becoming stronger after being stored for months all this time. Being with Chenle always made Jisung the happiest and when his source of light had disappeared. 

He doesn’t even want to think about those nights. 

Chenle being in his reach made him realize that things could always make a u-turn even when they went bad. 

The contemplation was real. Real to where real didn’t even feel real. It was quite obvious that Jisung needed to confront his own fears and just push through with the idea of confessing to Chenle. But, would he even be good enough to become Chenle’s boyfriend if everything worked out? He was a bad communicator ever since the start of their disperse. It was as if anger and fear were the only feelings that were managing the emotional headquarters when it came to his situation with Chenle. 

All he needed to do was convince himself that confessing wouldn’t be as bad as his visions made it seem. But, he couldn’t help but turn the steering wheel in the opposite direction of what he should be seeing. “Yangyang wouldn’t treat him like this. I bet he’d be really good to Chenle and he’d like that.”

Jisung’s way of thinking had done more harm than good to himself. He knew this and every single aspect of self-awareness to his own toxic traits did him nothing but continue as each day killed him deeper on the inside. The ball of sunshine had lost all its rays once he realized the one person he was meant to shine on had left and even with every reminder that its occurrence was made with the use of his own fears. Jisung is unsure if he even deserves Chenle in any form of an established relationship. Whether it was being a co-worker, a friend or even his one desired half - being his partner . 

He squeezes his pillow tight this time. Mainly because of his own confusion, wondering if his way of thinking during this night was supposed to benefit him into becoming a dynamic duo with Chenle again or breaking it off for good in order for nobody to get hurt anymore. Though, that’s the contradiction - both would definitely be hurt in the end . When he recalculates his plans, Jisung thinks a phone call could work. Because face-to-face confrontation is just a plan that might make him lose his marbles if he reads the expressions on Chenle's face. Maybe just one difference could be the source to them working out again. 

Though, he unlatches the grip of his squishy cushion to recognize something. If he were to balance out his fears, one weighs more in his chest and for impact. The rejection of Zhong Chenle does not ultimately mean he will lose him completely. Things could potentially become awkward and they’d have to rebuild their friendship back into forgetting those moments to clarify that they were okay being the way they were. But, not attempting and shutting out Chenle for good would only mean one thing; he’d be gone. Forever . 

And he’s sure Chenle has been trying to tell him that. But, when his mind reroutes everything to that one piece of singular information. It circuits the purpose in Jisung to not throw away his chances for once and just keep going. Maybe he can just pull a Dory. You know? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming . “To confess and be rejected. Or to leave and forget.”

Yeah, the second one was not too pleasing. As his palms brush against the sheets, rummaging with intent by the fumes of his own realizations. Jisung grabs the square device to text Renjun. He hates how much needed to be said and to be thinked of in order for him to make a decision, it was somewhat embarrassing to see that he needed a whole boulder of words to bring him down to the bottom of wishes. It takes a second to find his contact number, thumbs pressing hastily against the keys with the autocorrect fixing the broken sentences. He sends. 

Jisung: I’m going to tell him this time.

read

Renjun: well, well. about time isn’t it?

read

_________________________

When Chenle comes in for his morning shift, the first thing he does is set down his bag in the back and walk towards the technological box that hangs on the wall. As he clocks in, he hears the chime of the front doorbell. Signaling that Jisung has also arrived on time for their opening. Though, when he walks over to stand behind the counters. He watches as Jisung turns the ‘open’ sign to ‘closed’. “Woah, am I getting paid today for doing nothing, or does this not count towards my paycheck?”

Jisung shakes his head and a sigh comes from Chenle. “I just...think it’s the right day to say something now. A lot has been on my mind and I guess you’re right, it has been bothering me if I’m overthinking it too much.”

Chenle doesn’t set off a hyper reaction. Only because he doesn’t want Jisung to have second thoughts and suddenly regret saying that to him. He nods with patience, flipping up the board that separates the area behind the counters and the customer’s area. The older boy decides to take a seat first at one of the booths before patting the empty side in front of him. “Take your time, I’m all ears so just talk as much as you want.”

As Jisung settles himself on the other side. He takes a deep breath and places his hands on the table, intertwined together as he makes his body seem small. Chenle had a feeling it was a form of protection, a way to decrease his anxiousness and it was evident that he was taking large steps in order to overcome this. He was proud. The ravenette wasn’t going to say anything yet as this was Jisung’s time to speak. “When we got into that argument a couple of months ago. I just want to say none of it was your fault.”

Chenle nods, not wanting to interrupt or ask questions as it was meant for the end. “I never really noticed this trait of mine, but, I guess you can say I get... jealous easily. During the time of our quarrel, you started hanging out with Yangyang more. You two were always together, having fun and you seemed to... really like him. I...I know it’s stupid but I really didn’t like that. And now, I still don't, which sounds silly.”

“Mhm…”

“I was a bit scared to get invested in you again. I thought, because of my bad traits. I wouldn’t be suitable enough to stand next to you anymore. Even if you wanted to be by my side, I didn’t feel as if I deserved a second chance. I blew things with you months ago because I was scared, Chenle. I want so much more and I don't think things would work out because of him…”

“Wait, because of who? Yangyang?”

Jisung nodded, “Yeah...I remember Renjun talking about Yangyang and you before...something about ‘him’ having interest and you being in the conversation. You know, those things along those lines.”

“I’m so sorry to interrupt. But, Jisung...Renjun and Yangyang are basically a thing. Why would I mess with him if they’re slowly becoming exclusive?”

The young ravenette blinks three times to be exact before responding. “What are you talking about? Yangyang was basically flirting with you the other day and you were unfazed! Isn’t that a sign that you two are...you know?”

Chenle covers his mouth, “Gosh no! Oh my god, you thought Yangyang and I were a thing? Wait... were you jealous ?”

Jisung suddenly covers his hand out of embarrassment. “This was one thing I forgot to point out. We have terrible communication skills. I just want to dig in a hole and die right now. I might as well lock myself in the freezer and--”

“ Jisung .” Chenle’s voice calls, light laughter coming from him. The younger can tell he’s not laughing at him, but finding the situation a tad funny as it was swerving in multiple directions. “Let’s just get straight to the point, because I can see why Renjun told me I wasn’t able to see it.”

“Did he expose me?”

“Couple of hints, I still wasn’t able to figure it out until I received this context.”

His head collides with the table’s surface and Chenle can only watch as his body vibrated as an aftershock from his own startledness. “I...I liked you...well...I still do. And, I was too afraid to admit it because I thought there was a possibility of losing you. But, many of my possibilities lead to you leaving me. So, I just thought admitting would be the best choice of route before I go insane.” When Jisung looks up, Chenle isn’t looking at him. His head is turned, palm covering his mouth as he was heavily affected. Jisung gulps, this is it - he’s definitely going to leave .

“So...you’ve liked me for all this time. And...you get jealous because of other guys like Yangyang.”

Jisung silently nods. 

“You’re such an idiot.” Chenle lightly laughs, looking at him with blushed cheeks and red ears. “That’s what you wanted to tell me? That you’ve been crushing on me this whole time?”

“It’s much harder than you think! Because imagine if you started crushing on your best friend and had to debate between the endings of dating or dispersing. Or neither, maybe we’ll just stay as friends!”

Chenle tilts his head to the side, “I think you need some ice cream to cool down.”

“You’re not even listening to me. I feel as if my efforts have gone to waste.”

The older ravenette shakes his head, “They did not go to waste. In fact, you have made our situation better. Because I will tell you this Park Jisung, I do not want to date Yangyang. I think he’s a cool guy, but he belongs to Renjun. Secondly, you’re not losing me. In fact, being the one person that has been by your side all these years to come back together with a confession...I really think that’s sweet Jisung. And I’m not rejecting you.”

“Y-You’re not?”

Chenle nods, “We can try things out. And honestly...because we’ve been with each other for so long. It makes sense that one of us was going to fall, am I right? I guess you’re just a victim to my charms--”

“Hey!--”

“I won’t lie, I am to yours as well.” When Chenle reaches out to grab Jisung’s hand. The boy does not flinch but hesitates to return the hold. “But, thank you Jisung. I’m really proud of you for telling me this and I hope we can be happy together from now on.”

“Please don’t say stuff like that, it’ll seriously make me cry after realizing how trashy I’ve been to you since the start of your job.”

Chenle laughs, “Gosh, that makes the two of us.”

When the air conditioning sets off. Jisung moves over to Chenle’s side of the booth to rest beside him. Head snuggled in his shoulder although he was taller in his stance with pinkies intertwined to hands fully synced with warmth as they held another. Chenle enjoyed moments like these, with Jisung as they reminded him of the past of their shoulders brushing as they walked throughout school halls. Or when they shared a blanket during sleepovers which only led to them waking up in each other’s arms. He can’t lie, many aspects of their friendship made it seem as if they were dating.

And if he’s being really honest, Chenle doesn’t mind.

Because Jisung has always been his other half. With or without complications, they’ll always come back to complete each other. For this once, Chenle won’t accuse time of being such a nuisance. But, thanking the concept in secret as he had his boy - right where he wanted him.