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sbi fics (mostly angst because im mentally ill), Kit's Favourite MCYT Fics
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Published:
2021-07-31
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2,322
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1/1
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Despite everything, it’s still you

Summary:

Fame isn’t a pretty thing. Especially when you’re a 17 year old teen and the internet seems to use you as their scapegoat. Good thing for this weary teenager that his friends refuse to let any of this stand.

Notes:

I wrote this at 3 AM for my friend Maple who was craving angst. He said it’s my best fic. I hope you all enjoy it.
(( this is hella realistic btw))

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Tommy loves his fans and is so proud of all the work he’s done. Really he is. It’s just things are so hard sometimes and he sometimes regrets everything. And this isn’t because he’s ungrateful. It’s just there are things that come with fame that nobody tells you.

 

The way when people see you in public they will drop everything they’re doing and run at you. The spiteful and disgusting words shot at him whenever people get the opportunity. People trying to touch him and manhandle him just because they can.

 

His favorite coat that he can’t wear anymore is tucked away in his closet because it’s too recognizable. The thrum of anxiety whenever he goes outside because who knows if somebody will see him. How if he doesn’t want to be seen he had to wear a hoodie and cover his hair.

 

Once his mother jokingly scolded him in the middle of Tesco and a group of 6 teenagers girls swarmed him. When they left the store they decided that in public his parents wouldn’t use his name when they go out as a family. They’d use nicknames for him if he doesn’t want to be seen.

 

Tommy knows he should have been expecting this. YouTube is a competitive platform to see who can grow the fastest and get famous the quickest. But he made videos for fun and for a way of release. How was he to know he would soon be assigned an online persona and be watched by millions in the future.

 

He loves his friends and is so glad he was able to meet them. But so much is expected of all of them that he aches. Sometimes the bits and jokes are cruel. Sometimes the only thing he could do is try to let their words bounce right off of him as they try to appease the public.

 

They care about him. Tommy fucking knows they care about him. He cares about them too. But they all care about how they’re perceived too. And deep down he’s just a terrified child that is afraid of where he stands with them.

 

He knows his growth is unheard of. So many big names helped him. Which people use as an opportunity to slander him. Countless times Tommy’s had to sit and watch as his friends have to defend him.

 

It’s expected of him to know everything and nothing. They want him to be someone who doesn’t exist. They expect him to be prefect. Whether he likes it or not he’s still a teenager and he’s learning. Tommy just fucking wishes they all understood that.

 

As he kept growing, and as his numbers kept going up he felt scared in a way he hasn’t before. He’s Tommy fucking Innit isn’t he.That’s him.Then why is he so scared? The idea of people thinking they “know” him makes him feel sick.

 

Tommy watches the clip of Ranboo talking about his struggles with his identity over and over and over again. It’s painful like poking a healing bruise. Because he fucking gets it. He does. But sometimes he’s so jealous because Ranboo is unknown and that means he’s safe.

 

He tries to tell Ranboo this once. The two of them were just chilling in a call. It took him so long to be able to summon up the courage.

 

“What do you mean you wish you did what I did,” Ranboo asked raising an eyebrow.

 

Tommy shrugged,”fame is a wild thing big man. I just think it be nice if I had tried to do the whole faceless streamer gig,”he nonchalantly said while he felt like his heart was gonna explode from nerves.

 

Ranboo just laughed at him for a bit before shaking his head,” you’re The TommyInnit,” he snorted sounding incredibly amused,”besides you’d be so bored you’d face reveal in like a week.”

 

Tommy hid his shaking hands under the desk as he scoffed out loud,”pffft as if bitch boy.”

 

Ranboo just chuckled as he got back to what he was doing,”you as a faceless streamer oh god that be a hysterical sight,” he quietly said in a humorous tone.

 

Tommy forced out a light chuckle,”yeah,”he said slightly strained,”yeah it would be.”

 

When the call ended he sat on his bedroom floor with his dogs in silence. His heart practically in his throat. Of course he couldn’t be a faceless streamer. He’s loud and obnoxious. Tommy’s been branded by his online persona and it was never going away.

 

He grew use to the way the internet and it’s people treated him. So so used to it. There was no point in getting upset over something he couldn’t change. It wasn’t until he was filming a vlog for his new channel with Wilbur and Phil did he realize how desensitized to it he was.

 

It was when they were filming the amusement park blog. Right as they finished packing up a fan approached them. She was in her late twenties. To Wilbur and Phil she was kind and awestruck. To Tommy she was vicious and little spiteful. Truthfully he didn’t listen to what she said. He just signed what she wanted so she’d leave.

 

When they were walking away Phil quietly told him,”she had no right saying that kind of shit to you.”

 

Tommy turned to look at him before shooting a quick glance at Wilbur. They both looked pissed. All he could was shrug and tell them the truth.

 

“Don’t worry I’ve heard worse,”Tommy calmly said,”what she said wasn’t even that bad.”

 

He wasn’t expecting when they reached the car for Wilbur to sit in the backseat with him with his arm around his shoulder and his eyes burning. Or for Phil’s jaw to be clenched and his hands tightened around the steering wheel so tightly that they turned white.

 

Tommy noticed that after the vlog both Wilbur and Phil were more protective of him than usual.They shut down any harmful bits aimed towards him immediately and in public if they were together they bracketed him on either side. As he looked into their burning gazes that just dared people to try anything he wondered if they saw even the remotely bad stuff.

 

Other people noticed because of fucking course they did. Tubbo knew more than most, which wasn’t even that fucking much, and it was only because they were so close. Still it wasn’t fun to see Tubbo snarling after they ended a stream because of a nasty dono shot towards Tommy.

 

“They had no right to say that,”Tubbo said calmly with rage in his eyes and his hands tightly clasped,”that shit isn’t welcome on my stream nor should it be welcomed anywhere. Tell me you know that yeah?,”he asked as his hazel eyes looked at Tommy pleadingly.

 

“Of fucking course I do Tubs,”Tommy soothed hesitantly because he’s not worth Tubbo’s whole career failing because the older boy stood up for him,”course I do,” he repeated.

 

Tubbo furrowing his eyebrows together and the slight look of pain that flashed across his face hurt. They both immediately knew Tommy had lied.

 

Slowly like a virus one by one the members of the smp and his other online murals began to realize. They saw how they were treated and how Tommy was. There was a huge difference. They knew that and Tommy did too. It lead to him having a bit of a argument with Niki.

 

“It shouldn’t be different how they treat you,” the kind girl with pink hair said as she looked unnaturally livid.

 

Tommy could only shrug slightly,”I’m used to it,”he quietly assured,”it’s fine.”

 

“It is not fine,”Niki shakily argued,” what if it were one us that were being treated this way? Would it be fine then to?,”she desperately asked trying to get this too good teen to see how wrong this was.

 

Tommy could only stare at her with his eyes that only seemed grey nowadays,”but it’s not any of you,” he pointed out softly,”It always circles back to me and it’s always going to. I’m used to this so it’s better if it’s me anyways.”

 

He knows his face must show some of the tired acceptance he feels based on how Niki swallows thickly and stares at him with wide wet eyes. Tommy knows Niki wants to argue but it looks like she’s about to cry. He doesn’t want her to cry. So he quietly excuses himself from the call and tries to remove the sight of Niki staring at him helplessly.

 

He doesn’t know what Niki told any of their friends about their talk. All he knows is that they’re acting different. The bits aimed at him are never cruel even in joke anymore. They all act the same as they had before but they act.. softer. Without mercy they defend him at every chance on any platform. It makes his chest hurt so bad.

 

Wilbur, who hates certain parts of social media with a burning passion, rejoins Twitter sporadically to tear people a new one when they lash out at Tommy. And Tommy knows Wilbur has done things like this in the past for him. But there is a fire in Wilbur’s eyes that hasn’t been there before.

 

He doesn’t go a single day without a message from his friends now.At least two or more hit him up to chat or just send him a meme. It’s not exactly new per say. But things are changing and he’s so tired.

 

Techno even tries his hand. Granted he’s awkward and he fumbles his words but he’s so sincere and so honest it makes him want to cry.

 

And all he can say quietly in response when Techno tries to tell him that they should have never treated treated him like this in the first place is,”it’s all I’ve ever known.”

 

The stoic man with the figurehead of a pig sticks around more often after their chat. Tommy starts to notice he doesn’t dismiss being a part of the sleepy boys or their quote unquote “found family” that much anymore.

 

He finds everything so twisted and warped it makes his head spin. The people around him are changing their behaviors and he doesn’t fully understand why. Things were fine for them before so why now? What changed.

 

Creators he considers friends, the ones he worries that don’t think of him highly or as a friend, talk to him.Like for example when Tommy was eating cereal at 4 AM on a Wednesday he was not expecting a heartfelt message from Corpse stating that “he’s there if he wants to talk. He’s doing so well and there’s so many people that are proud of him.”

 

It’s so fucking wild and confusing. Tommy understand parts of why they’re doing some of these things. But he doesn’t get it completely.

 

Even some of his friends that have been busy doing their own thing reach out to him. Deo especially has gotten a taste of sending him the most cursed deep fried memes he can find.

 

One night at the dinner table when checking his notifications he freezes because Sykkuno,of all people, dragged multiple people brutally on his defense on twitter. And all he could do to lay his head on the table.

 

As the days go by he’s approaching 10 million faster and faster everyday. His friends are more present than ever and more ready to throw down at anyone who even looks at him wrong. He’s still struggling to fully understand but he’s grateful for his friends.

 

The day when he’s set to hit 10 million is the day where Tommy can’t remember where the stupid quote that he has stuck in his head is from, which pisses him off.As the number rise it’s all he can think about when he sits in his silent bedroom staring at his computer screen with tired eyes as the numbers hit 10 million. “Heavy is the head that wears the crown,” he thinks tiredly.

 

The day after he passes 10 million subscribers, oh god the numbers keep rising, Dream and him have a chat. One where Dream doesn’t wear his mask. And something in him aches with how much trust has been placed in him. They look at each other in silence for a bit. Tommy in surprise and Dream in worry.

 

When Dream starts to speak he does so quietly as though this is for Tommy and Tommy only despite it being just the two of them in the call and something in Tommy’s chest shatters.

 

“I don’t understand what you’re going through. Not entirely. The internet rags on me for my mistakes yeah but I have made multiple mistakes and I’ve learned from them,” he pauses to sigh softly as he suddenly looks angrier,” but you’ve never made any true big mistake. You’ve made tiny ones yeah but you immediately tried to learn. You’re such a good kid and you don’t deserve any of this. I know you think you do. But believe me we’re working on fixing that. This won’t keep happening,” his volume went up as he talked and by the end he’s snarling,” you deserve the world and we’ll be sure to give it to you.”

 

And Tommy is frozen staring at the screen while crying. Because oh. He doesn’t remember when he started to cry but Dream is angry on his behalf. His friends are angry on his behalf. All he can do is put his face and his hands.

 

“You’re all so good,”Tommy says into his palms as they catch his tears,”you’re so good and you don’t have to do any of this.”

 

“Of course we do.”

 

“Why?,”Tommy whispers.

 

“Because you’re you,” Dream says simply.

 

And all Tommy can do is cry.

Notes:

I’m glad to be back. I’m sorry I worried some of you when I disappeared for a bit. It’s good to be back.