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Troy was right: It had been a dark, dark year.
As the study group pored over the mementos Chang had recovered from the vents (abandoning their diorama because, to Annie’s frustration, a key part of all their study sessions was ignoring their schoolwork), Jeff and Britta tried to cheer them all up by “remembering around” the bad events of the year. But given how bad of a year it had been, that wasn’t really possible. They’d ripped apart the study room, their home, all over Annie’s stupid purple pen (she cringed thinking back on it). They’d almost gotten shot by a mind-blowingly racist Wild West prospector. Shirley had gotten pregnant with what might be Chang’s baby. Troy and Abed had befriended a war criminal. Pierce had almost died from an overdose. The entire Glee Club had died in a bus crash. Worst of all, Chang had somehow become a member of the group?
So yeah, even though Annie didn’t like to be negative, she couldn’t help agreeing with Troy. “It’s true, God hates us. Remember when Abed had a total mental breakdown at Christmas?” Remembering it, she winced.
“That was adorable and magical,” Britta countered. “He thought everything was Claymation.”
“Yeah. But everything wasn’t.” said Pierce.
Annie rubbed her wrist, remembering how worried she had been about Abed. For all Britta’s posturing about psychology, Annie didn’t think she really understood the gravity of the situation. Or maybe she just didn’t care.
“Well, I think this year was awesome,” Jeff said, continuing to be uncharacteristically peppy. “Full of good times with great people. Come on, you guys. Stop focusing on all the bad stuff and dig deep! Abed, you’re a computer. Scan your mainframe for some juicy memories.”
Abed stared at Jeff for a long minute. Annie watched Abed watch Jeff. Jeff made fun of the way Abed’s brain worked far more often than he should, and it wasn’t as funny as he thought it was. She wondered if it took a toll on Abed.
Suddenly, Abed announced, “Jeff and Britta are having secret sex.”
Annie gasped. She felt blood rushing into her ears. How could Jeff do that to her? When he’d kissed her just a few months ago? Hadn’t it meant anything to him?
“Exhibit A. The one thing I do remember from Halloween.” Abed got that intense look in his eye that Annie knew meant he was about to simulate a scenario. He got into place and started the scene.
---
“Hi.” said Abed-as-Jeff.
“Hi.” said Abed-as-Britta.
“You need some help in there?”
“Yeah, well, I can’t use my hands in this costume, so…” Abed-as-Britta held up his hands, spreading them wide to indicate Britta’s dinosaur paws.
Abed-as-Jeff mimed pushing open the bathroom door and escorting Britta inside.
Abed put on his narrator voice. “Then I emerged from behind some balloons,” –- Abed-as-past-Abed snarled like a lizard and mimed raising a helmet –- “revealing to the audience that I’d seen your exchange.”
---
Having completed the simulation, Abed returned to his normal self. Annie, who had been distracted by Abed’s character work, remembered that she was pissed and turned to Jeff with wide eyes.
Britta scoffed and turned to Jeff. “Well, uh –”
Abed cut her off. “Exhibit B. Something I overheard during Christmas.” Annie watched him closely again as he stepped into a new set of characters.
---
Abed-as-Claymation-Abed said, “Why would I want to be in a school that hates Christmas?” and walked away.
He quickly sprinted back near where he’d been standing to become Abed-as-Claymation-Jeff, who said, “He’s got a point. Kidding! Hey, what are you doing later? How about some holiday benefits?”
“Hey! Ix-nay in front of Uncan-day,” Abed-as-Claymation-Britta reprimanded.
Abed-as-Claymation-Duncan said, “Hmm,” jotting something down on his tiny notepad.
---
Okay, now Annie was furious. How could Jeff be so sweet to her and so sleazy around other girls? It was like she didn’t even know him. And the worst part was that she knew Abed was telling the truth. He always did. She didn’t even think Jeff knew how to do that.
“And finally, exhibit C. The curious circumstances following the exciting conclusion of our St. Patrick’s Day adventure.”
---
Abed-as-past-Abed walked with an odd bobbing in his shoulders, like he was wearing a life jacket. He mimed opening a door and then stopped suddenly, his eyes widening.
“Then I saw Jeff and Britta naked in the middle of my dorm room.” Narrator-Abed said. He sprinted a couple feet, and as Jeff, exclaimed, “Abed! A leprechaun took our clothes!”
“And you can never tell anyone, okay?” Abed-as-Britta said. Abed added a note of condescension to her voice –- the way Britta always spoke to Abed.
Abed-as-past-Abed said nothing, just mimed closing the door.
---
Annie bit her lip, her arms crossed. Jeff was such an ass. And honestly, so was Britta.
“Okay, so we hooked up a few times, but there’s a much larger issue here,” Jeff said. “We are friends with a grown man who clearly believes in leprechauns.”
Annie kept chewing on her lip and looked over at Abed. She wondered whether it bothered him that Jeff and Britta and the rest of the group infantilized him. She wondered if she’d done that to him. She hoped not.
Troy pressed his palms together. “Didn’t we decide at the beginning of the year that for the good of the group, we wouldn’t allow any intimacy between each other or ourselves?”
“Troy, we never said ourselves,” corrected Jeff.
“Okay, now I’m REALLY mad.”
“So am I,” Shirley chimed in. “Now we know why our year’s been so horrible! It’s not God that hates us. It’s Jeff and Britta.”
“Oh, please, if we were ruining your year, why didn’t you even know about it?” Britta said condescendingly.
Annie couldn’t stand it. She piped up, “Maybe we were so distracted by all the other times you two put yourselves before the group.”
“What?” Jeff said incredulously. “When have we ever put ourselves before the group?”
“You want examples?” Pierce asked.
“Oh, I think they want some examples, Pierce,” said Troy, crossing his arms.
“Okay, let’s give them some examples. Troy, drop a beat.”
Troy looked at him wearily. “Just give them some examples.”
“Fine.”
Annie zoned out a bit while Pierce and Troy gave their examples, and couldn’t bring herself to care about Jeff and Britta’s retorts. She really did try to pay attention, but she just wasn’t as interested as she had been minutes before. Nobody else in the group had Abed’s talent for storytelling. They didn’t commit like he did, didn’t run back and forth endearingly, didn’t even do voices. And anyway, Annie had no idea how Jeff had ever made it as a defense attorney because he and Britta were defending themselves terribly: “Those are just examples of us being cute.”
“You guys actually go out of your way to endanger the fabric of this group,” Shirley said.
“Yeah, leave our fabric alone,” Troy agreed.
Jeff confidently walked towards the group. “You guys aren’t seeing the bigger picture. We compartmentalized our libidos for the good of the group.”
Annie couldn’t believe her ears. “Oh, you compartmentalized, did you? Then what’s been going on with us all year?
The rest of the group turned their heads. Abed looked especially interested.
“What are you talking about?” said Jeff.
She sputtered, “I’m talking about the Annie of it all! The general atmosphere of would-they, might-they?”
“Annie, I think you’re reading into some things.”
“Oh, really?” Annie recognized that it was time for a little montage of her own. And it was going to be compelling as hell. She set the scene, cuing up the perfect soundtrack in her head: Sara Bareilles’s “Gravity.” Even though nobody else could hear it, she thought it set the tone beautifully.
---
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
Annie described how Jeff had made eye contact with her in the lunch line for a long moment.
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone
How he’d roughly grabbed her by the arm to save her from stepping into a pile of horse droppings. Her shoulder felt like it had been yanked out of its socket, but it was chivalrous.
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
How he’d saved her from choking on her lunch. She’d felt so terrified in the moment she was choking, not knowing what to do but tap the table and hope someone noticed. She looked back at Jeff, the man who’d just saved her life, and didn’t know what to say.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
And not feel your reign
How he pulled her by the wrist and took her running down the hallway, rescuing her from a robot and (she shuddered) Pierce in a hot dog costume. Jeff had saved her from a lot of things over the years. He was good at that. And he was good at running away.
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
How he’d made gentle eye contact with her and smiled between twists of the Double Dutch jump rope. She smiled back, her stomach flipping.
---
After finishing her montage, Annie raised her palms as if to say “Duh-doy!” Next to her, Abed frowned.
Jeff scoffed. “Oh, give me a break. I mean, you could do the same thing with…” He looked like he was trying to come up with something ridiculous to disprove Annie’s claim. “…you and Abed.”
Annie gasped and looked over at Abed. He raised his eyebrows. “Jeff, you’re clearly using this as an excuse to deflect from your love triangle.” Annie nodded righteously. Abed continued, “But I did enjoy Annie’s use of the slow-motion montage format. And the audience will enjoy a second use of said format, even if it’s played for comedy. Plus, we’re setting up the possibility of a third montage in the end scene, to fully utilize the comedic Rule of Thirds.”
“That makes perfect sense, Abed.” Jeff said sarcastically. It actually did make sense, the more Annie thought about it. Of course, like Abed said, it was just comedy. There was obviously nothing between the two of them. But she figured she would let Abed play out this ridiculous scenario, if only to show Jeff how wrong he was to pretend he hadn’t been flirting with her all semester.
As Abed started to speak, Annie could still hear “Gravity” playing in her mind. She wasn’t sure why.
---
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
He described how, in their freshman year, Annie had come into the study room in a huff after Professor Duncan’s failed psychology experiment. She’d demanded to know why Abed didn’t leave. Abed had simply said, “Because you asked me to stay and you said we were friends.” It had left Annie speechless.
No matter what I say or do
I'll still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone
How, at Annie’s Día de los Muertos party, she’d begged Jeff to stay, told her how much it meant to her, and he left anyway. Abed had stayed. (Well, Batman had stayed, but whatever.) He’d stayed just to make sure her playlist was working okay. He could have been out saving Gotham. But he’d looked over at Annie in her skeleton costume and high ponytail, heartbroken and alone on the dance floor, and he'd known that there was no chance in hell he was leaving.
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
How, after Señor Chang had faked his death just to mess with the heads of his Spanish 102 students, he’d looked over at Annie to make sure she was okay. When Señor Chang ended class early, the seven of them had stood in the Spanish classroom deciding whether to let their strange classmate Buddy join their study group. Annie had stood there, closer than he’d let anyone else stand, her arm pressed against his. He felt her eyes on him, watching him carefully, studying him like he usually studied everyone else. He thought about how she worried about him more than anyone else did.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love
And not feel your reign
How, when the group had tried to get him a date with Jenny Adams, Annie had happily agreed to let him practice his flirtation skills on her. He’d tried out his Don Draper impression, thinking she’d like that. As he leaned in to offer her a cigarette, he watched her flick her eyes up and down his face, smiling in a way he’d never seen from her before. He’d put his thumb on the dimple of her chin, where it fit like it was made for him. She’d closed her eyes and softly opened his mouth. He leaned in and -- Shirley interrupted him, scandalized. As he pulled away to explain himself, he felt Annie gasp, her whole body shuddering towards him like the two of them were magnets broken apart.
Set me free, leave me be
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity
How, when Annie had first started to get upset over her missing purple pen, Abed offered her a chocolate to make her feel better. It had helped for a minute, and then it didn’t anymore, and then the group was searching for the pen, and they searched everyone’s bags, and they found Abed’s observation notebook. And, okay, yes, Abed had been tracking the women’s periods, but he really hadn’t meant to. He just hated it when his friends were upset and he didn’t know how to help, and so he’d started trying different strategies for cheering them up. Sometimes something would work one week and totally fail the next week, and he hated that too, hated when he’d accidentally make Annie cry. So he started charting it. And by the time he realized what he was actually charting, it had started to yield really positive results. Also, he really liked carrying around chocolates for Annie. He had a special pocket in his satchel just for them, just close enough to his body to keep them safe without them melting. It was precious cargo.
---
Whoa. Annie had never thought about it. For the past year, she’d been dead set on the idea of having a crush on Jeff. She’d never even considered anything else. He was muscular, snarky, aloof. The perfect man. But… as Jeff had been declining her calls, talking down to her, even once calling her a precocious little bitch, Abed had been there for her. He’d never made her feel unimportant or small. He’d cared about her, truly and deeply.
Abed took a deep breath. He seemed unusually flustered. “But, as I said, it’s comedy. The audience would never go for this pairing. You and Annie make more sense as the classic romantic pairing.” Abed looked like he wanted to say something else, but he stopped himself. Annie stared at him, wondering what was going on inside his head. Sure, Abed had denounced the montage, but he’d also carefully stepped around saying how he himself felt.
Jeff raised his voice. “Abed, it’s called chemistry. I have it with everybody. You don’t.”
The room fell silent. And something inside Annie, some little thread in her mind tying herself to Jeff, snapped. She looked him dead in the eyes, and coolly said, “You know what? I’ve put up with so much crap from you. I’ve let you talk to me like a child. I’ve let you treat me like your dirty little secret. And I’ve let you make fun of me and all our friends. You do it to Abed more than anyone. And it’s not funny, Jeff. It’s condescending and it’s cruel. And I won’t take it anymore. So whatever we had, whether you want to acknowledge it or not? It’s done. And I don’t want to hear a Winger speech. Because the group’s not breaking up. I’m just breaking up with you.” Before he could say a word, she stormed out of the room.
Annie paced out of the library and down the halls of Greendale. She wasn’t really going anywhere, just looking for somewhere to sit down and think. She stumbled upon an empty classroom that was being used for storage and sat down in the middle of an orange lecture bench, crossing her arms.
She sat there for a minute, stewing. Then she heard the door click open and startled, whipping her head around. It was Abed, poking his head through the cracked door. “Can I come in?”
“Of course.” She scooted to the end of the bench to make room for him. He took a seat next to her. She had a weird sense of déjà vu.
“Why did you come looking for me?” she asked.
“You yelled at Jeff and left, and I figured that meant you were upset. At first I thought you were mad at me for doing the montage that was set to Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Or maybe that you just thought mine wasn’t as good as the one you did with you and Jeff, which was excellently directed, by the way. But then I remembered you stuck up for me in your Edison speech, so I figured you must have just been mad at Jeff. So then I thought you might need someone to cheer you up,” Abed explained.
Annie smiled, then gasped. “Wait, how did you know that that montage was set to Gravity in my head? Oh my god, I didn’t sing it out loud, did I?”
Abed shook his head. “No. That’s the song you listen to on the day before I start giving you chocolate. I saw it on a couple of your playlists when I was DJing for you at the Día de los Muertos party, and you played it when you drove me to Costco and let me use your membership card so I could get Lucky Charms in bulk.”
Annie was stunned into silence. She realized he hadn’t made his charts to manipulate her or to violate her privacy. He made them because he paid attention to her. He knew her. She smiled softly at him, then asked, “But wait, how did you even find me? You can’t actually read my mind, so how’d you know I’d be here?”
Abed frowned, as if it were obvious. “I figured you’d come here and want me to join you, in the name of narrative symmetry. I hope I didn’t misread that.”
Narrative symmetry? She suddenly realized why she felt like she’d been here before. This was the very bench where Abed had practiced his flirting technique on her, and he’d been sitting right next to her just like this, and he’d leaned in, and they’d almost --
Abed interrupted her train of thought. “Since we’re asking questions, I have one for you. Why did you tell Jeff to stop making fun of me? Typically the sole focus of a breakup speech is how you’ve been mistreated. It wouldn’t usually mention another character.”
Annie’s face felt warm. “I don’t know. I just…” She decided to be vulnerable. “I really care about you, Abed, and I worry about you, you know that. And Jeff and Britta do too, but… they’re really crappy at showing it. They’re dismissive, and they’re condescending. They’re like that to me too, and that’s why I know it sucks. But they’re worse to you, just because of how your brain works. And by the way, your brain is brilliant and creative and unique, and I wish they could see that. Anyway, it’s ableist, and it’s not okay, and I’m sorry I haven’t said something sooner.”
Abed nodded. “Thank you. It’s okay. I’m used to it.”
Annie’s heart broke a little. She wanted to tell him something about how it wasn’t okay, and he was perfect, and he didn’t deserve what people had put him through – give him an Edison speech, as he’d called it -- but she figured it was best to just stay there with him, giving him a safe resting place for his pain.
Finally, she decided it was okay to break the silence. “Well, I have another question, too. Why did you tell the group about Britta and Jeff? I don’t think of you as someone who likes to cause conflict.” she asked.
Abed hesitated for a moment, then said, “You’re right. I don’t like to cause conflict. I like making people happy. Especially you. And that’s exactly why I had to say something. I knew you still had feelings for him. So you deserved to know what Jeff was doing. You deserve better than that.”
He looked right at her when he said that, and something stirred in Annie’s chest. She knew Abed didn’t usually like eye contact, but he didn’t look away, and she didn’t want him to. She wanted a notebook of her own to chart the galaxies in his eyes. She leaned in to see them closer, and closer, and he put his thumb on her chin, and she gasped, and they were kissing. It was soft and sweet and soulful, and he tasted like hot chocolate and butter. And suddenly she had to ask him something, so she pulled away, which felt like defying the laws of the universe.
“How much of that was Don Draper?” she asked, an inch from his face.
“About ten percent,” Abed admitted.
Annie smiled. “And the rest?”
He flicked his eyes down to her lips. “That was just me.” And he kissed her again, harder this time. She kissed back hungrily, wanting to memorize every detail of the feel of his lips on hers. And she thought she finally understood, then, what Abed loved about movies. Why he so urgently needed to make films, why he saw the world through a camera lens. You can watch a film over and over again, you can move a camera from every angle to get it just right. And so Annie kissed Abed, over and over again, and she thought about how many times they’d watched each other like movies, trying to understand each other from every angle, and she kissed him again, and she let herself fall into his gravity.