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“Everything that you see that’s new in this world, I’ve seen hundreds of thousands of times.”
“Yes, but none of it has been meaningful.”
Frank held her eyes for as long as he could, that piercing bright blue one of the more fascinating new things he’d seen in this world. Her gaze was too strong for even him, and he looked away to stare into the darkness of the jungle, unable to handle what thoughts might have caused such a look. It had been meaningful, at least some of it, for a while. But Frank could feel that the world was moving far past a point he could comprehend. Past the point he’d ever feel he belonged. Lily was proof of that. Brash, headstrong, brutally honest- she was like nothing he’d ever seen. Not in nearly 400 years. But to tell her that, well.
“I’ve had plenty of time. I’ve learned just about everything it is I want to know.”
“Yes, you know, I thought it a bit telling that you understood Latin so well, but I couldn’t have guessed it was just because you’re ancient,” Lily drawled with a raised eyebrow. In the soft lamplight she looked radiant, the mischievous sparkle back in her eyes.
“I’ll have you know that I’ve been told I don’t look a day over 350,” Frank replied, fully serious except for that little twitch at the edge of his mouth that indicated he was holding back a smile. Lily had found herself looking for that little upturned crease more and more frequently, waiting to see what insult he’d try to throw out at her next, delighted at the thrill of finding an equal in the arena. She eyed that little twitch for another beat and then let out her own peal of laughter at his absurdity.
“You are absolutely terrible Frank,” she giggled.
“Are you saying I don’t look 350? I work very hard to maintain my figure,” Frank replied, tone still serious but a full smile firmly in place on his face.
“God,” Lily groaned, dramatically rolling her eyes and slouching further into her seat. “As if you need to remind anyone of the size of you. We have eyes.”
Frank chuckled but definitely preened a little at that, flexing slightly as he leaned back into a more relaxed position to match Lily.
“A healthy diet of piranha will do that to ya, you know.”
Lily shivered and stuck out her tongue, making a soft retching noise. “When I think of all the wonderfully different food in the world I’ve been lucky enough to try, that horrible beast is not one of them.”
Frank chuckled as he leaned back. For a botanist it sure was pretty easy to gross her out. Sometimes too easy. He was in the process of formulating his next joke, possibly insult, when she got that look in her eyes again. The jungle tonight was quiet, and he could hear his heartbeat in his ears.
“There’s probably loads of food you’ve never had the chance to try,” Lily whispered. Her eyebrows knit together, and that concerned gaze found his once again. This time, Frank held it. “There are so many wonderful things, places, gosh Frank, adventures you’ve never had!”
Frank sighed, frustrated that she’d managed to come back around to this part of their discussion. There wasn’t anything out there for him. Not anymore.
“I’ve explored every inch of the Amazon- “
“That’s hardly anything! That’s one river out of millions!” Lily argued, sitting up and breathing hard. Everything about her got riled up so easily. Frank silently marveled again that he’d had the chance to meet such a woman.
“I don’t really care about any other rivers- “
“That’s not the point Frank!” Lily shouted, so loud that the sound echoed off the trees in the quiet jungle, louder than the roar of Frank’s heartbeat in his ears. He sat frozen, stunned at the force with which Lily had argued. She must have surprised herself too, sat stiff as a board and a look of shock on her face. “I’m sorry Frank, I didn’t- “
“Lily, it’s okay,” he murmured softly, reaching out a hand to take hers. His rough, work-worn and calloused hand held her soft and delicate one, his thumb slowly rubbing soothing circles on her knuckles. Lily’s shoulders relaxed, but the stricken look on her face remained. “It’s okay. I’m not missing anything. It’s been more than enough. I don’t want anything else.” The lie felt heavy on his tongue, and he worried briefly it hadn’t been convincing enough. The last thing he wanted was to lose her trust again, but he knew revealing his real feelings would only be catastrophic. The thought that she’d drop her crusade to help him made his chest feel warm, and simultaneously tighten. Having taken this journey with her would be enough.
“I’m sorry,” Lily whispered. “I can’t begin to imagine what spending centuries living alone must feel like but I-“ her breath hitched, and to her absolute horror Lily could feel a tear beginning in one of her eyes. Damn, she really thought she could do this without giving away anything but…how like her to let her passion get in the way of something. She pulled her hand away, reluctantly, and wiped at her cheek. “I personally can’t help but feel you haven’t really lived at all.”
Frank looked down at the deck, and once again Lily felt ashamed, ruining a perfectly pleasant conversation. She’d likely offended him, again. Why did she always say whatever the hell she was thinking? And why was this the one time that she couldn’t…she couldn’t really say it. What she desperately wanted to say. The feeling in her chest that was twisting her inside and out as if they’d never left those rapids. Why was this the time she didn’t just bloody well blurt it all out?
“I keep saying this all wrong,” Lily sighed, putting her head in her hands.
“Pants?! You? Say something wrong?”
Lily looked up and saw that dashing half grin on Frank’s face as he mocked her. Maybe she hadn’t bungled the whole thing. He was giving her an out. Back to banter and insults, where it was safe. But what was this feeling if not another adventure yet to embark on? Wasn’t that worth discovering too? Perhaps she had just been in the jungle too long.
“Hard to believe, I know,” she purred, feigning annoyance at Frank’s slight. Yes, this was safe, this was where they belonged. They’d gotten too comfortable in the dark, interacting in ways they’d never do in the light of day. He’d let his final guard down after telling her the truth of the curse. But it didn’t mean anything other than that. Just the last layer of his onion, come to light at last. “I’m sure the slip is only from the tiresome company, particularly at this late hour.”
Frank smiled up at her as she stood, preparing to make her way below deck and get some sleep. His eyes crinkled, but not in the way she was used to. Not in the way that told her she was amusing him. He looked…well he looked tired. Like maybe being in this world for 400 years really was far too exhausting to contemplate even one more. Lily felt the shame once again of arguing with him over a decision she had no business being a part of.
“I should…head off to bed,” Lily said quietly, unsure now of what to do, of where this left them.
“Of course, big day tomorrow.”
“Mmm,” Lily hummed, still stuck in place. She didn’t feel right, ending the conversation where they did, but there really wasn’t any point in dragging it out any further. “Frank, I just wanted you to know…”
Lily trailed off as he gazed up at her. He’d seen centuries pass him by. Seen things she’d only dreamt of. Had already lived countless lives before she came along. Of course nothing new would deter him. And he’d said so himself, he’d seen everything he wanted to see. That was answer enough.
“Lily?” Frank asked softly, confused by her unusual loss for words. Lily gave herself a mental shake of the lapels and met his eyes once more.
“Yes, sorry, I just…wanted you to know that whatever you decide, whatever you choose next…I hope it makes you happy. You deserve that.”
Frank merely stared at her, the only sounds were the quiet hum of the jungle and gentle lapping of the river against the boat. The sound of his heartbeat was drumming in his ears again, and he was almost certain she could hear it. After a moment she gave him a small smile before bidding him goodnight. He wasn’t sure but he thought he mumbled a goodnight back before watching her silky golden hair disappear below. I hope it makes you happy. He thought for the longest time that breaking the curse would bring him happiness. Now he was closer than ever before, and he hadn’t the slightest idea what would make him happy anymore. Well, he had one idea.
A soft bump into his hand made Frank come back to himself, and he looked down at the big eyes of Proxima. Clearly now that Lily had gone to bed, she was wondering why he wasn’t coming down too. She’d taken to making sure all the passengers got to bed around the same time, looking for Lily if Frank retired early, and vice versa, keeping track of their little pack. Frank scratched behind her ear and sighed.
“It’s not about what makes me happy, is it girl?”
Proxima yawned, before giving Frank a gentle whine. Perhaps she disagreed. More than likely though she was just tired and wanted him in bed.
“Okay, all right. Off to bed. No sense worrying about something that might not even happen, right? Tomorrow we’ll see where she takes us.”