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Raven shuffled into the dark kitchen completely exhausted. She had been trying to sleep for hours but her mind wouldn’t allow it. It had been like this for the last week- ever since Beast Boy came back.
She put water on the stove to boil and picked out her most soothing tea from the cupboard. Within a few days of Beast Boy’s return, everything seemed to be back to the way it was, they were once again the crime fighting five and everyone was reveling in togetherness, glad that things had gone back to “normal.” Raven didn’t see how they could do it. Going back to being “normal” was impossible. They were all different people than they were a year and a half ago, she was different. More than anything Beast Boy was different.
Raven took the water off the heat as it began to whistle only to realize she had forgotten a mug. Sighing, Raven opened the cabinet to her left, the one mug she wanted, the dark blue one with a chip on the handle, rested on the top shelf far out of her reach, no doubt a result of Cyborg putting away the dishes. She let out a frustrated sigh; making a cup of tea shouldn’t be this difficult. Just as she was about to settle for the novelty Sip-n-Go cup on the bottom shelf, a hand reached up and grabbed her mug, setting it gently on the counter. Beast Boy let out a dazzling white smile that beamed out from where he stood half concealed in darkness. “Geez Rae, would it really be that hard to use your powers to get a cup?”
The truth was it hadn’t occurred to her. Raven was so preoccupied with sleeplessness, Beast Boy himself, and frustration that her mug was on the top self in the first place, it hadn’t come to mind. So, in compensation for her lack of insight she did what she did best, glared. “Well, thank God you were here to save the day,” she added dryly.
“Don’t thank God, thank my new found altitude.” Beast Boy smiled and leaned against the counter. It was true; he had gotten a lot taller, just one of the many physical aspects she had to get used to along with his deeper voice and sharper jaw. And with his bare arms crossed over his now broad chest in a way that effortlessly showed off their defined muscularity, it was obvious she would have to get used to the no longer scrawny Beast Boy as well.
Raven poured the hot water into her mug and added the teabag. She leaned against the counter next to Beast Boy quietly bobbing the teabag up and down in the water letting it steep.
“Why won’t you talk to me?” The question harshly cut threw the dark silence startling her out of her quiet reserve.
“What do you mean?” Raven asked unsure where Beast Boy was going with this, and half dreading at where it might end up.
“I mean, ever since I came back you’ve barley bothered to spare me a glance- let alone taken time to have a conversation with me.” Beast Boy sounded exasperated and a little hurt but he hit too close to home for her to exert sympathy.
“Well, forgive me for not putting my life on hold to march in the ‘Welcome Home Beast Boy! Parade.’”
She expected him to be angry, to clench his fists and yell out like he used to when he got mad. Instead, softly from next to her came, “Didn’t you miss me, Rae?”
“Of course I missed you Beast Boy,” Raven sighed. “But you can’t just expect me to continue right where we left off.”
“I don’t expect to pick up right were we left off, but I didn’t think I’d have to start from square one.”
Before Beast Boy left were some the best years she had as a Titan. Back when the team was all together and she was young and less daunted by the path she had chosen. Beast Boy and Raven had never gotten along fantastically, but towards the end, before he left to strike it out on his own, they had developed the base of a sufficient friendship. He sincerely worked to understand her, and Raven, although she would never admit out loud, came to genuinely and deeply care for him. She used have fleeting curiosities of how their friendship might have grown and developed, but had stopped playing the “what if” game a long time ago.
Raven knew that he angry at her, and honestly was a little angry with herself. She was angry with because she couldn’t easily adjust to change, because it was so hard for her to let down her guard, and because, especially in times like this, it felt like she could never think of the right thing to say.
“Well, I’m sorry!” Raven spat back. “Is that what you want to hear? Do you want me to lie and say everything’s just the same as before?”
“You act like everything’s changing around you! You might not see it Raven, but you’ve changed too…more than anyone.” They stood in silence; Raven’s tea now forgotten, lay untouched behind her on the counter.
“Do you think it’s easy for me?” said Beast Boy from the dark. “Because it’s not. I was terrified to come back after being gone for so long. I wanted so much for everything to be just as I remembered, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen.”
Raven was torn between wanting to comfort him and staying mad. Staying mad would be easier; anger is an straight forward emotion and one she was used to and comfortable with. Instead, she tentatively reached out and brushed his hand with the tips of her fingers, just to let him know she was still there and listening. It was a gesture that terrified and exulted her and she had no idea what possessed her to keep her fingers resting there.
“It’s funny,” Beast Boy half chuckled from next to her, “when I walked through the door I didn’t see you-”
“I’m not that hard to miss Beast Boy.”
“No, I mean I saw you, I just didn’t see the girl, um woman, I expected. I had this picture of you in my head, and when I saw you…” He trailed off and shifted his gaze to the floor.
“What?” Raven prompted. Her heartbeat had picked up and she tried to focus on her breathing.
She felt his eyes on her and reluctantly looked up to meet them. In that moment it seemed as if he could see right through her, past every single one of her carefully constructed walls she had so attentively assembled to keep everyone out. “You looked so beautiful it took my breath away.”
For a moment, time seemed to freeze, Raven couldn’t think, and became all too aware of her hand on his. She went to pull it away but he held on. Raven knew he was waiting for her to say something- anything, and could tell by how tense his grip was that he was half expecting for her to blast him through the wall.
Another few seconds passed and still she said nothing, not trusting her mouth to say the right thing. Slowly Beast Boy let go of her hand and turned to leave. Raven could feel his dejection and regret as he walked away, and knew he wasn’t going to look back. “Beast Boy!” she blurted into the darkness, “Please, I don’t want you to go. Not again.”
Raven could see him fighting with himself, torn between leaving and turning back. He sighed and turned around running a hand through his hair, a habit he still had for whenever he was worried or anxious. “Look, I’m sorry. Just pretend I didn’t say anything and we can put this whole thing-”
“Do you really think I’m beautiful, Beast Boy?”
Beast Boy’s mouth quirked into a grin and his eyes went soft. He came back to her, closer until he was directly in front of her. Raven was sandwiched between him and the counter, and in all her life she had never felt more vulnerable than in that moment. “Raven,” the way he said her name was like a mixture between a sigh and a smile, “I’ve always thought you were beautiful.”
Beast Boy stared down at her and this time she wasn’t hesitant about meeting his gaze. He leaned in closer until she couldn’t see his eyes clearly anymore, all she could see was jade. Raven’s eyes closed and she felt his warm breath on her lips and in that moment was aware of nothing but their closeness.
Raven wasn't sure who closed the final distance, but the next instant Beast Boy’s lips were on hers. It was a tentative brush of lips, but it sent a wave of sensation through her body. Slowly, the slight kiss evolved into something more powerful and primal and she couldn’t breath, couldn’t think. His hands were everywhere his mouth was everywhere and somewhere in the mist of it all her hands tangled into Beast Boy’s hair anchoring him in place.
Beast Boy's hands wound around her ass squeezing and lifting her onto the counter; Raven heard her mug topple into the sink and she wrapped her legs around his waist trying to bring him even closer.
Beast Boy’s mouth moved to her collarbone and layered deliberate hot, open mouthed kisses on her pale skin. His hands trailed up her thighs and to her waist, then one hand moved to cup her breast. Raven gasped at the rough brush of his finger tips against her body. Need and desire were culminating in the pit of her stomach and she grasped on tighter to the boy she once thought she know.
Raven’s hands explored downwards over his strong arms and chest. More tentatively they continued to his stomach. The cotton of his shirt stood in sharp contrast to the defined muscle underneath.
Then, with a sharp intake of breath, Beast Boy jumped from her touch. All at once reality came crashing down. This was wrong, and now she had hurt him. Before Raven could mutter apologies and excuses for whatever it was she had done, Beast Boy took her hands in his and smiled. “That tickled.”
“You idiot, I thought I had hurt you.” The scold in her voice wasn’t nearly as evident as she would have liked, but honestly she was more relieved than angry. “I didn’t know you were ticklish.”
Beast Boy leaned in and gave her a long sweet kiss. “You learn something new every day.”
“I suppose so.”