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“Chief? May I inform you of how uncomfortable this whole experience make me feel?” Chase muttered in a low voice so only Chief Burns would be able to hear him. The photographers were too busy arguing between them to really pay any attention to them, anyway.
Chief Burns sighed. “You and me both, partner.” He looked annoyed. “I swear, the moment this is over, I’m giving the Mayor a call. That was NOT what was planned.” He tugged at the collar of his open shirt uncomfortably, and it stuck Chase just wrong so see usually sharp-dressed Chief Burns with half his buttons open. It was clearly a dress-code violation – and if it wasn’t, it should become one in short order.
Even wrong-er was the way the Chief was currently lying on Chase’s hood, leaning on one elbow, hand behind the head, a knee bent in a position and handcuffs dangling from his other hand; that made no sense for the Rescue Bot but seemed to enthusiasm the photographers.
And Chase just didn’t understand.
“Chief, if you’re as uncomfortable as me, then why don’t you call a stop to it?” he risked again.
“Because the Burns have been part of the making of those First Responders’ calendars pictures for years now,” Chief Burns replied, sounding half-fond and half-annoyed. “The money their sales brings will directly go to a fund for the orphans of firefighters and policemen, and we consider it a duty to participate. Of course,” he added, teeth clenched, “normally it’s all family-friendly and in good taste, to show off the way we work.” He paused and snorted. “In short, usually the artistic director isn’t a man who wants to bring out the sexy.”
“I have no idea what that means, but I assume it’s not a good thing,” Chase noted.
“It depends on the context,” Chief Burns started to say, only to cut himself as the photography director – whatever this profession involved – neared their position. “Mr. Stafford,” Chief Burns said curtly. “Are you and your team soon finished? I’ll remind you that in case of emergency…”
“Do not worry, Chief,” the man smiled, and Chase couldn’t help but think it looked disturbingly like a shark’s mouth. Too much teeth to be honest, but there was no law against that, much to his dismay. “We only need a couple more pictures. Perhaps with your vehicles in their robot mode…?”
“We already talked about that,” Chief Burns replied firmly, “and the answer is still no.”
“The Mayor said…”
“Mayor Luskey says a lot of things, not all of which you should believe,” Chief Burns replied plainly as he buttoned his shirt back, much to Chase’s relief. “Mr Stafford, we may have agreed to your ‘aesthetic decisions’, but there are things on which we won’t bulge. Our vehicles will only be photographed as they are and that’s it.”
The other looked very unhappy, but didn’t dare to push the point. Smart of him, because Chase knew the Chief, and the Chief was reaching the end of his patience, it was plain to see.
And Chase was sure he wasn’t the only one. So far, the only one who had seemed to take any real fun in this photographic event was Kade, who had posed shirtless for the camera, soaking Heatwave in truck mode with a firehose – a fact that was already making Heatwave very cranky, and Chase knew they’d be hearing about it tonight. Graham, for his part, had blushed like crazy when asked to get shirtless too and check Boulder under his hood – and Boulder would have blushed just have much to have his engine exposed so if he had been able.
It was so crude… On Cybertron, it might have made Chase arrest Boulder for indecent exposure right away.
And that wasn’t the end of it, far from it.
“And another thing: was the fact you made Dani wear a bikini to clean up her helicopter truly necessary? How does that even feature in First Responders’ work?”
“Well, she does have to clean it sometimes, no?”
“And she wears her flight suit for that, I can assure you,” Chief Burns grunted.
Mr Stafford massaged his temples. “Look, Chief, we’re not trying to make it perfectly realist, we’re only… The public wants something nice to look at, you know what I mean?” he tried to smile, only to be shot a very cold stare in turn.
“You’re aware you’re speaking of my daughter, I hope?”
“Uh, yes, right,” the other human coughed awkwardly. “Well, if we can’t have your robots in those shots, what about this Rescue Boy character your Mayor mentioned? A modern day superhero, I’m sure we could…”
Oh, that was a bad move, Chase thought with some glee.
Chief Burns’ eyes blazed. “Rescue Boy is a minor,” he snapped thunderously, “and if you try to include him in this photoset in any way or shape, I can assure you I’ll have you sitting in Griffin Rock’s prison before the end of the day!” he warned, making the obnoxious man stagger back. If Chase had been able to, he would have applauded.
“Of course, of course,” the man stammered. “But really, Chief Burns, I assure you we’re all professionals here; we…”
Someone yelped, making the two humans jump in place as Dani’s voice screeched.
“Alright pal, you try and put your hand on my butt one more time, and I’m going to stab you with a screwdriver, is that clear?!”
Chief Burns turned on his heels. “’Professionals’, uh?”
Mr Stafford gulped. “I’m sure it’s just one big misunderstanding…”
“OW! Why did you hit me, you crazy bitch?”
“You’re kidding? You grabbed my butts!”
“I was only trying to help you in a better pose for the picture!”
“Suuure, that’s why you tried to rub your groin against me, or was it just an accident?”
“I NEVER…!”
“Wait, you tried to do what to my sister?!” Kade bellowed.
“Say that to the casern’s security cameras! Dad! We got a pervert on set, can I press charges?!” Dani snapped.
Chief Burns growled. “Oh yes, one big misunderstanding. And you know what’s going to be an even bigger one? Your assistant in the backside of my car,” he said, stalking over where the chaos was unfolding.
If Chase could have smiled, he would have. This whole calendar thing was about to die a fiery death, judging by everyone’s quivering or irate expression, but he was going to be arresting criminal(s) in short order.
Win-win situation, in his opinion.