Chapter Text
It was the morning after meeting AJ’s parents and Mina and AJ found themselves snuggled up on their bed, wide awake, and enjoying their few minutes before having to get up for work.
“Yesterday was a great day, wasn’t it?” AJ asked Mina as her head lay on his chest and he softly caressed her bare back.
“It was absolutely amazing,” and she started laughing at the mere thought of Yee's fortune cookie stories, “your parents are hilarious.”
“Yeah they are...except for the condom part and the arguing…”
“Hahaha. Yeah, the bickering was actually pretty cute.”
“Look at you...saying ‘cute.’ I am rubbing off on you, huh?”
“Oh, you certainly are. I even elaborate and am flowery in my inner monologue…” Mina confessed.
“Oh, really?” and his smirk was unseen to her but she knew it existed. “I-umm, keep finding myself not wanting to wear cashmere anymore, and I’m more anal about setting the pillows equally on the bed before we go to work.”
“Hahaha, and I am making sure not to leave the toothpaste on the wrong side of the sink and to clean all the bathrooms on the same day.”
“Ahhh, well, thank you for the sacrifice.”
“And thank you...cashmere does not look good on you...or anyone really…” and she snorted. After a second she said, “hey?”
“What’s up, my Queen?”
“I know I’m intruding...but what were your parents arguing about in their room anyway? It sounded like your father was throwing things or something...did I say something to upset him?”
And not wanting to tell her about his parent’s intentions, AJ told her as little as possible but without lying. “They weren’t arguing about anything you said...really-I mean they were arguing about us-but it was nothing bad. They absolutely loved you. And the gifts were an absolute hit.”
“What did they say about us?” And she raised herself up a bit so she could see his expression.
AJ didn’t want to tell her about the ring because he didn’t even know how or when to give it to her.
“They were trying to find something in the room and then they told me to not blow it with you…and then the rest was a personal family matter...” and he looked down at her shyly because he didn’t want her to not feel as if she wasn’t family but he couldn’t tell her the personal aspects of the fact that his parents wanted him to marry her. He knew he wanted to marry Mina, he knew Mina wanted to marry him...but was it the best timing? He wasn’t quite sure just yet. He didn’t want to ask her too soon or have them wait too long-it just had to be at the right time and moment.
“Oh...um...ok…” and her face dropped and she lay upon her pillow, which was next to AJ’s head, disappointed because he had every right to say it was a family matter. After all, she really wasn’t actual family, and who knows when she legally would be. Then she remembered that family was something she couldn’t share with him nor there was any family to have secrets with; she couldn’t even say that she had a personal family matter because there wasn’t anyone except her mother-whom she probably wouldn’t talk to for a while anyway. She felt alone in that fact...she would never be able to share that with him...only through her memories.
And he knew what he said hurt her, for two seconds her expression was too clear, but then she put that wall back up and just looked at the ceiling.
“Hey...I didn’t mean to hurt you…” he said softly as he turned his body to his side- he was about to caress her face but stopped himself because he wanted to give her a little space.
“No...I’m glad they liked me,” she said matter-of-factly but was focused on a little speck on the ceiling.
“Hey...I don’t like keeping things from you, but this was one of those things…” and he looks sadly at his girlfriend, who was so wrapped up in her own thoughts that she wouldn’t look at him.
“I know…families do those sorts of things...have personal matters,” she finally whispered, “well, I’m going to go shower and get ready for work.” But just as she was getting up, he took hold of her arm and pulled her back into bed.
“Hey. You know I love you, right?” and he climbed on top of her and started to leave soft kisses on all over her face.
“Yeah...I know...AJ…” and she started putting her hands up, “ok, ok...stop. This is too much love.”
“Nonsense, I can never give you ‘too much love,’” he said as he got off her and sat next to her body.
Then Mina, too, sat up but looked down at her hands for a bit as she took deep breaths.
And finally, she whispered, “AJ...I don’t have a family for you to meet...and Mother is...you know…”
Upon hearing what was on in the depths of her mind, which was something Mina was very slowly letting him in on, he placed himself in front of her, both of their feet were criss-crossed, and then he leaned in, and placed his forehead gently on hers.
“I know…” he whispered. And he really wanted to tell her that she did have a family, even if it weren’t an official, legal one, but then he had a knot that formed in his throat- one that was caused by the mere thought of what she must be feeling at that very moment.
“I wish you could’ve met them...you would have liked them just as much as I liked your parents,” and then she gulped down the saliva that was stuck in her mouth-a knot in her throat was getting bigger by the second. “Baba was a bit like your father...he was funny, helpful, understanding...he was so easy to talk to...and he just...he just understood. He accepted me, as opinionated as I was, and he was always kind and helpful to everyone,” and then she shed a tear, to which AJ immediately caught and caressed away. “I’d give anything...anything to just hear his voice one more time...to hold his hand...to see his likeness one more time…you would’ve loved him, like I do.”
“Oh, Mina. I-” and giant tear drops built up in his eyes, “ I would have loved to meet him too...and your sisters.”
“I wish I could give you more...my memories, pictures, family. But...I don’t have any of that to show or give you-not even a picture…” and her gaze was still fixed on her hands.
And then he grabbed Mina’s hands and held them firmly in his as their foreheads were still united.
“I know,” and then he couldn’t hold back the tears, to which Mina noticed when she looked into his eyes. Then she let go of his hands and put her palms on his face, one on each side, and wiped his tears away with her thumbs.
“Well...enough with my inner feelings…” and she took a deep breath, brushed away the emotions and thoughts running through her veins, and went to place them back into the folder within her subconscious...but then AJ stopped her.
“No,” he said sharply, knowing that she masked her sentiments all too well, “Stop pushing it away-stop pushing it all away. You are allowed to feel it, Mina. You are allowed to be frustrated, sad, absolutely angry...you’re allowed to scream, cry, laugh-especially from the memories you have. We...are allowed to feel it...give me some of your emotions-I’ll feel them with you, Mina. Give me some of your pain. We’ll go through this together,” and he looked deeply into her eyes, his love radiating from every pore in his body. He didn’t want her to keep pushing it all back into the deepest part of her being-a place where it would be filed away so that she wouldn’t have to deal with them again. He knew that by her doing so, her pain would grow more with time, or it might affect her in more ways than it was at that moment. He didn't want her to feel alone, without anyone who cared for her ever again.
She breathed in and exhaled for a matter of seconds as she gazed back at her hands, then proceeded to pick up that folder in her mind, and opened it up once more. Her lip started to quiver, and then salty liquid started to fill up in her eyes, “ok…” she whispered.
“How are you feeling right now…?” he said softly.
And her lip trembled more, and her heart sank to a point where she felt a sharp pain in her chest, “My heart... absolutely hurts...it’s utterly broken into millions of pieces, and I want to…” and he tilted his head and watched her intently, “I want to just…” and she snorted, “cry…”and she gazed into his eyes as if waiting for a response.
“Then we’ll both cry...together, ok?” and she slowly nodded, their legs untangled, and then their bodies got closer, her legs were to the sides of his hips and his went to the sides of hers, and he took her into his arms. It was very hard for her at first, but once those tears started to come out, the sobs followed. And AJ held her closer and cried along with her.
She cried for the simple fact that she had no one else-all the people she loved and that had been such a huge part of her existence, were all gone, and she couldn’t simply share any one of them with the man she loved-only the memories that she had could be contributed.
And AJ cried because of the pain Mina had to endure for such a long time, for the loss of everyone she held so dear: the way her sisters died, her uncle, Baba, and for the simple fact that she was miserable because she couldn’t physically share that part of her life with him. He cried because her mother was an absolute monster to her, and because Mina had to do it all...grieve, survive, take care of her loved ones…solo and scared of the thought of sharing her troubles-something so personal-with anyone.
And as they shed their tears, Mina felt safe, protected...not alone like in other brief instances in her life where she revealed her vulnerability to herself. And so she held onto AJ with all she had-the tears flowed faster and more intensely than that of a waterfall. Two times she tried what she saw AJ doing in the OR-she screamed, and as she did so, AJ caressed her back while whispering, “let it out, my love. Let it all out.” Her sobs, her screams, her pain absolutely broke his heart. How long had she kept all of that locked up inside of her? Who knew. And then he realized that perhaps he should listen to his own advice and should let go of some of his emotions later, but at that moment, it was all about Mina’s pain, and he was going to help her through that instance.
And as Mina’s whimpers slowly stopped, she felt a tiny piece of heaviness in her heart be lifted away, she lessened her grip around AJ’s person, and moved away enough to look into his eyes. She noticed the tear lines left on his face, the wet beard and soaked shirt, and then realized that her whole back was drenched as well. And as she gazed at him, she noticed just how much she admired him-she was in awe of the man in front of her-one who was there for her in times where she most needed absolute love and affection. “I love you, AJ Austin,” she whispered and then she gently brushed away the rest of his cold tears.
“I love you too, Mina. So much…” and then she kissed his forehead and then placed her forehead on his. They stayed that way for a few minutes, both of their souls sharing the silence and connection of their emotional encounter.
“Thank you...for sharing this with me,” she whispered and then breathed in and out steadily.
“Just know that I’m always here to help you carry your pain, Mina. Or even carry it for you, just as you have done for me in the past.”
“And know that I’m here to help carry yours too.” And they both nodded, even as their foreheads were still united.