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Of all things to come home to, she didn't expect to find her blessing dripping mud on his bedroom's floor, holding - what even was this jar? - like a lifeline and smiling brighter than all stars combined.
"Armin... haven't we discussed about playing in the dirt after a downpour?"
"Y -Yes, we have! Sorry, mom! But -"
"What... is this?"
Quite certainly, she's never seen her son so ecstatic. Not even over a new book.
"Isn't it beautiful!? I've read about butterflies with blue wings but I've never seen one before! Eren caught it at grandpa's garden and gifted it to me! He named her Okya!"
How is she supposed to react to this?
A model mother would not miss the opportunity to teach her son the lesson the situation calls for; to take her son in her lap and use the right tone and the right words so that he can understand even concepts he's too young to need to understand; even if he ends up in tears. Then again, she's far - admittedly way far - from a model mother anyway, she could just hug him and share his happiness.
Damn it.
Of course that kid can cause her nothing but trouble.
Damn it.
"That's... ugh... That's sweet of him, Armin, it's really beautiful... but... how about we set it free now?"
Quite certainly, she's never seen the horror of imminent loss, the pain of betrayal drawn in such excruciating detail in any face before.
"Wha - B -But-"
Hurting him like that was not what she had planned to do when she'd return home today. Even without her father scolding her every chance he gets, she's well aware that she's been too preoccupied with the construction of the balloon lately to spend any quality time with her son. So, she had hoped that she could bake his favourite cake and read to him by the fireplace this evening.
Of course, that kid would find a way to spoil her plans.
Lovingly caressing his head and his cheeks and kneeling down so they will be on the same level while she acts like a model mother, won't alleviate his pain. But it's all she can do now that that damn kid has forced her in a situation where the model mother has no choice but to hurt her son's feelings to teach him a lesson.
"I know you want to keep her but... don't you think it's unfair for her to live out her days trapped in a jar, only so that you're happy? Don't you think she'd be happier if she was flying outside freely?"
"... I thought about that..."
Of course, he has.
Of course, he's feeling guilty to enjoy, to want this gift. Of course, he acts thirty times more mature than is expected of a child his age.
"But...?"
"I told Eren and... he said, it's fine. He said it's fine even if she's a slave, even though he hates slaves. Because... because, she's a slave to me. He said it's ok because she's a slave to me, and I deserve to have her and I should have anything I want. That's what he said... and so... I decided I want her. Why should I let her out there to be eaten by some spider or frog? She'll be safe with me. I don't care, she's mine!"
Quite certainly, she's never seen such fire in her son's eyes.
Not the kind she sees all the time when he comes running to her to share a new fact he read about, or gloat about a dog which let him pet them, or recite a new adventure he and that kid had on the back of his house. Not the bright, passionate, hopeful kind. But the dangerous kind; the uncontrollable flames that eradicate everything on their wake; the material of chaos.
Well, there's no point to let herself think of this behaviour as anything more than a child's tantrum. As mature as he is, Armin is still a child; overenthusiastic, selfish, possessive. It's not illogical for children to act like children. Even if Armin would normally do what he knows is right and free the butterfly instead of running to his room and locking the door, like he's in a war to protect what is rightfully his own. Even if Armin never acts like -
Armin never acts like this. As normal as it might be for children, Armin never acts like this, and yet one phrase from that kid and Armin suddenly does?
Right.
Deep down, she's known from the very start. But if she was to share that gut feeling, who would even take her seriously?
Doctor Grisha Jäger is a blessing to their community, more so for unfortunate commoners like her stubborn Armin, and Carla Jäger is as charismatic as they come, but their kid -
Eight years olds, no matter the brand, are supposed to invoke the uncontrollable urge to squeeze and kiss and praise and adore, not to... run away; as if they face a beast trapped in human skin - a beast staring at her son like his next prey.
- Eren Jäger is bad news.
If she's a slave to you, it's ok? You should have anything you want? This is a dangerous way of thinking. Today, Armin keeps an insect he knows he's not entitled to because that kid told him he can and he should. What's next? What side of Armin can that kid set free? What will Armin know he shouldn't do, what will Armin not want to do, but will do anyway because of that kid? Hurt himself? Become a bully like the ones who bully him? Lie? Deceive? Steal? Kill? How much of Armin's restraint, guilt and remorse will that kid be able to bypass?
What can Eren make Armin?
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No. What is she even thinking? Is she for real? Eren is just a child. Only a little different from the rest, just like her Armin - maybe that's why they stuck together to begin with. Nothing as dramatic as she makes it sound. Only unique children. She's being ridiculous. She should hurry to her son's room and calm him down. She should also take some days off, exhaustion is obviously getting to her head.
Armin is as good a kid as they come.
Eren is not really a bad kid too.
There's no way Armin needs saving from his only friend.
"You never try to sneak out this late when you're going to Armin's. And I also see no reason why you would need a knife and a screwdriver to go to Armin's. What's the meaning of this, Eren?"
The last thing she wants is for them to cause a ruckus and wake up the neighborhood at this time of night, much less wake up Grisha who's been working endlessly the past two weeks and has finally found the chance to sleep more than six consecutive hours - but this - this has gone too far.
This is almost -
"Nothing... We're just... going to... build... a... a dog house! Yes! A dog house!"
Eren is a tenacious kid, Carla, a good kid, but I won't lie to you, sometimes he -
"A dog house?"
- terrifies me.
"Yes, there's a stray dog hanging around Armin's a lot so we decided to build her a house. That's why I need those tools."
No. What would Hannes even know about her Eren? All he does is getting drunk and ignore his duties. He rarely sees Eren too, what could he possibly know more than her?
Certainly, he gets too offensive, too irrational, too selfish at times. Certainly, he rarely listens to anyone and gets involved in too many fights, even when he has no chance to win on his own. Certainly, he can be... extreme... at times but -
He's just a child. Children are peculiar like this. They're not supposed to act like one would expect of a typical adult.
Last week he came with me to Frank's farm and I let him wander about until I talked some business. Next time I see him, he's standing outside the pigs' stall crying and yelling and - he - he had that look in his eyes, Carla... I can't describe it. He's opened all the doors to the stalls and stood there waiting for the pigs to run. So, I asked him what in the world happened and you know what he said? Why the hell won't they run? I freed them! Why won't they leave? How can they stand living in cages only to wait until someone eats them!? I hate them! Is such a reaction... common amongst children?
So, what?
"Eren, we'll stay right here until you tell me the truth."
Eren has expressed his anger about humanity being trapped behind Walls to protect themselves from the Titans again and again. This was probably just another case of him projecting. It doesn't mean anything. When he grows up, he'll understand there is no other choice for humanity survive but live behind the Walls. He'll accept it.
Right now, he's just a child -
"I'm telling y-"
- a child who tries to sneak out of his house at past 3 am holding a knife -
"Eren! Will you ever understand how worried you make us when you act like - like this!? Tell me what you were up to, now!"
-this is not normal child behaviour.
"Ugh! Fine, whatever! I was about to do what's only fair. Those assholes! Do you know what they did to Armin? They beat him up really bad and- and they threw him down and they- they almost set his hair on fire! And when I got there it was already too late! He was bleeding and crying, he was in so much pain! They should die! That's what they deserve! But Armin never does anything about it and he always gets mad at me when I chase after them to teach them a lesson! He always says This won't hurt them. Even if we beat them up, it won't change anything. If we do things their way, we're no better than them. So, this time I asked him What would hurt them, what would he do for revenge? And he said Turn them against each other.
Their leader has a bike he keeps in his backyard, easy to reach, we'll take it apart and leave behind this lighter, that fell from one of them while they were bullying Armin, so that when that idiot finds the bike in ruins he'll know exactly who did it. And then, we stand back and watch them fight each other! Of course, beating the shit out of them is better, but that plan... it's brilliant, isn't it? Armin is brilliant! But he won't do it! He always has these thoughts but he never acts on them! So, I will. I will do it for him. I will make those animals pay!"
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Certainly, she's supposed to be... smart about it; remain composed, patiently explain to him everything wrong with revenge until even a child his age is able to conceptualise its meaning (after all, Eren was never the type of kid that reacted well to scolding); calmly reassure him that Armin's situation is neither his responsibility nor his right to solve but should and will be handled by his parents or, anyway, by adults; and most importantly... let him know, there will be no exit from his room for the entire weekend until he finally understands he... cannot do anything he wants.
Certainly, she's supposed to focus on the fact that she's seen a fire similar to that in her son's eyes before; on old, tired, bitter soldiers that hung around her working place to drink together and curse the world and swear on all that is holy that they will keep on fighting - which ultimately means they will keep on killing, destroying, sacrificing themselves and their loved ones, but they never like to tell things as they are - for some personal goal they hide under the mask of the good of humanity. The dangerous kind; the uncontrollable flames that eradicate everything on their wake.
Only, the one in Eren's is worse, way worse; the material of chaos.
Certainly, she's not supposed to stand there frozen as Grisha finally awakes and starts questioning Eren on what's happening because her ability to speak seems to have abandoned her. Maybe because her mind is too preoccupied forming an old, incorporeal, senseless yet everpresent gut feeling into words she can finally comprehend -
The Arlerts' angel, as most adults who meet Armin call him, with Duke's big, round, blue, innocent eyes and curiosity, with Vera's soft, golden locks and cunningness, with Seraphim's good manners and quick wits...
The Arlerts' angel almost turned her son into a vandal. And he didn't even lift a finger.
She knew it. She knew it but were she to voice it, they'd call her insane.
There are no angels.
- Armin Arlert is bad news.
Today, it's pitting some bullies against each other and enjoying the show. What is next? What is Armin going to suggest that her son does next and her son actually will? That they push a bully off a cliff and call it an accident during playtime? That they use this knife on Eren's hands, not on a tire, but on a human? What happens when Armin realises Eren listens to him, that Eren is willing to go so far for him?
... Sometimes he... terrifies me.
What can Armin make Eren?
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She can't be for real. She makes absolutely no sense. It's not by chance that every adult Armin knows calls him an angel. As mature as a child can be, they're still a child. They shouldn't be expected to act rationally when someone hurts them and yet Armin does. Armin is mature and kind enough to stop himself from turning a harmful thought into a harmful action. Is she really blaming a child, and a child like Armin even, for her own son's... mischief? Should she even blame a child for wanting to hurt who hurt their friend? They're both just children, unique children, but still children.
She's just tired and overthinking because she's worried about Eren like any mother would be with such a troublemaker of a son.
Eren is a good kid.
Armin is an even better kid.
There's no way Eren is in danger by his only friend.
"I don't want to hear you call me a good person ever again. I've killed a lot of people, even civilians, even innocent children. I even betrayed and killed my own compatriots, people I grew up with on Paradis. I've become a real monster. Somewhere in the back of my mind... That dream to explore the world with Eren, I thought we'd make it come true..."
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"Rivers of fire, endless frozen plains, doesn't matter! Anyone who sees all that is the most free person in the world. This is... freedom. We're here at last. This is the scenery... right, Armin?"