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It was time.
Tomorrow would be the end.
The end of war.
The end of the Demon Emperor.
Lelouch was wandering around the palace with no real purpose. He knew very well what kind of fate he was about to meet. The young Emperor walked through the gardens, thinking about what had transpired these past few months. So much had happened. Too much death, too much loss. A lot of it to blame on Lelouch. Tomorrow, he would atone, together with Suzaku. It would all be over. He wasn't dying without regrets, but he was strangely feeling at peace.
Suzaku, however, was in a different state of mind. He felt conflicted. In truth, the word 'conflicted' wasn't enough to express how Suzaku felt. Tomorrow, he would kill his first friend. His best friend. His long-time crush. Too many thoughts were running through the knight's mind. When Lelouch first discussed Zero Requiem with Suzaku, he ended up agreeing with the plan. Even though it was difficult to accept, Lelouch put his all into this plan. It was what he wanted. Suzaku couldn't deny it was the only way to achieve peace and atone for their sins at the same time. However, his heart spoke differently than his mind.
For years, he had loved Lelouch. As a kid, he might not have loved him romantically, but he knew there was something special about the bond they shared. He was overjoyed when he was finally reunited with the prince. After that, it didn't take Suzaku long to realise he loved him romantically.
And now, after all that transpired, he had to kill him.
He had to push a sword through Lelouch's chest, with his own two hands.
Lelouch's blood would be forever on those two hands.
And Suzaku had to live.
Suzaku knew he had to tell Lelouch. He couldn't live with himself if he never told Lelouch about his feelings. The timing, however, was terrible. Since the days he reunited with Lelouch, he wanted to tell him, but so much had happened. There was never a proper moment to tell him. At times, he even questioned if love had turned into hate. And now, when he was finally sure of his feelings, it was too late. He knows what must be done. He knows. Yet, he steadied himself, and went to look for the man he has always loved. It didn't matter to him how Lelouch would respond to his feelings. Right now, he just had to get it off his chest, before his unspoken feelings would turn into a lifelong regret.
He stepped out of his room in search for the Demon Emperor.
“It's getting cold outside, you know.”
Lelouch turned his head at the sudden call from Suzaku, who was now standing behind him. “It's about time you came looking for me,” Lelouch retorted with a smirk. Suzaku playfully raised a brow. “I don't remember signing up for babysitting you when I was knighted.”
“Isn't that basically what a knight is supposed to do?”
Suzaku rolled his eyes, too nervous to come up with any other reply.
“Come. Walk with me.” Lelouch didn't waste a second noticing Suzaku's mental state. It was only natural that they needed to talk, though. Tomorrow was the big day, after all. Lelouch needed to make sure Suzaku was still in this with no doubts. His knight gave a small nod and followed him obediently.
As they walk towards the throne room, Suzaku fiddles with his thumbs, looking down. Was it truly necessary to tell Lelouch how he felt for him? What if it made Lelouch turn his back on the plan? Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea... In Suzaku's ideal situation, he would just disappear together with Lelouch, but he knows that isn't fair to the people they lost. He doesn't deserve that ideal future. They needed to repent for their sins. Especially himself. Yet...
As they enter the throne room, the Zero mask sitting on the throne stops Suzaku's train of thought. He knew what was about to come.
“Suzaku.”
“Lelouch, I...” Suzaku trailed off into silence, avoiding Lelouch's gaze.
“Talk to me. We both know very well what is to be done tomorrow. Even a fool would understand this is no small feat. It is important that you speak your mind while we still have the time, so, speak.”
Suzaku finally looked up and faced Lelouch. And God, that did not make this easier. An unusually soft, calm expression graced the dark-haired man's face. His purple eyes looked directly into Suzaku's, as if staring into his soul. Though his expression was calm, his eyes were filled with determination and certainty. He patiently waited for Suzaku to find the words. The longer Suzaku thought about what to say, the more panicked he got.
“This...this is wrong after all. I can't do this.”
“We talked about this, Suzaku. Having doubts about such a great act is to be expected, but what we worked for these past months-”
“I can't kill the man I love!”
The certainty in Lelouch's eyes broke immediately. For a moment, Lelouch was uncharacteristically silent in shock.
“You... you mean...?”
Tears started welling up in Suzaku's eyes. All coherent thoughts had been put to a stop by his own sudden outburst. There was no turning back now.
“I've always known you were special to me, but when I saw your face after all those years apart, I realised how much I missed you. But then... so much happened. I was so messed up; I had no idea whether my feelings for you were hate or love. Even so...! I never stopped yearning for you! Even when you were Zero, even when you killed Euphy... it hurt so much! I knew I should hate you, yet my love for you was always stronger. And now, when we finally understand each other, when we're finally standing on the same ground... I must kill you...! I can't, Lelouch!”
Lelouch listened intently to what Suzaku had to say, yet the words didn't truly hit home. Suzaku... loved him? After everything that happened? After everything he did? Was this some sick joke? A dream?
Suzaku stopped his emotional outburst, the tears now rolling over his cheeks as he watched Lelouch's broken expression, waiting for an answer.
Without saying anything, rare tears started forming in Lelouch's eyes as well.
“Do you know how long I've been waiting for those words...?” was all Lelouch could manage to say. He held his hand over his face, covering his expression.
Acting on impulse, Suzaku grabbed Lelouch's wrists, lowering them from his face.
Then, he kissed him.
Kururugi Suzaku was kissing Lelouch vi Britannia.
At first, Lelouch tried pulling back, but Suzaku firmly held him in place. That's when Lelouch finally let his tears spill, kissing the brown-haired man back. Suzaku changed his hold, one arm around the other's waist and one holding the side of his face. Lelouch let his hand slide up, grabbing onto the soft, curly hair he loved so much. The kiss was both messy and perfect; innocent, yet desperate.
The moment ended too soon when Lelouch pulled away. Now, Lelouch was the one to avoid looking at the other. His silky bangs covered his eyes as he gazed down.
“Suzaku... you know we can't do this. It doesn't matter anymore. Tomorrow, it ends.”
At hearing that, Suzaku's tears only continued spilling.
“Please...! This means you feel the same way, right?! We can still change the plan!” Suzaku knew he wasn't speaking rationally. He was speaking straight from his heart. He felt greedy. He wanted to be greedy, just one more time. If Lelouch truly returns his feelings, then, just letting it all end here...
Lelouch clenched his fist, thinking about Suzaku's words. All this time, he yearned for Suzaku. He wanted his childhood friend to be his ally, and more than that. When he discovered Suzaku was the pilot of the Lancelot, everything changed. In spite of this, their childhood memories never left him. They fought a lot, but Suzaku was also protecting him, even when Lelouch despised being helped by others. Suzaku was there for him. Those sweet summer memories have always stayed with him. His love for Suzaku stayed with him. And now, after having decided to keep his feelings for Suzaku to himself... his knight confesses to him.
Flashes of a possible future that was now open to him crossed Lelouch's mind. He could leave this all behind. If Nunnally were to become Empress, he knows she could bring peace to all of Britannia. She was his sister, after all. He and Suzaku could disappear together. Run away to some remote place no one's heard of. They would live out their years, together, with just the two of them. But then, what would become of their atonement? Lelouch knows very well he cannot run away from that. More importantly, if Zero Requiem would truly come to a stop here... would the world really be at peace without the Demon Emperor passing away? Would simply running away still wipe away the world's memory of Euphemia, the Massacre Princess? And who would take up the mask of Zero, the symbol that should once again bring people hope...?
He can't abandon Zero Requiem. The plan has already been set in place. Everything they have done these three months has been for the sake of Zero Requiem. He needed to do this. For himself, as well. His heart could not accept any other plan.
Lelouch knows better than anyone he cannot stop here.
“Suzaku... you're my first and only friend. But you're so much more than that. There's no one in the world that could replace you. But this plan... this is the way it must end. It is the only way I will rest at ease. The focused hate on me would never truly unite people if I just disappeared. You know this too.”
“But what if there's another way? There must be another way...!”
“I need to do this for myself, as well. Living with you, away from the rest of the world... it sounds like a dream. But that dream is not for me. I do not deserve it. I've... destroyed so much. I took so many lives. Even lives of those I loved. I must atone this way. It is what my heart is telling me.”
Lelouch took a long breath before wording his decision.
“I'm sorry, Suzaku.”
Filled with regret, he spoke these final words.
Suzaku understood. Lelouch had made up his mind. Even though it hurt more like anything else, the knight knows there is no other way out. They had to see Zero Requiem through to the end.
The emperor raised his head again, looking at his knight with a pained expression.
Suzaku pulled Lelouch in close, embracing him as he sobbed quietly.
“I love you, Lelouch.”
Lelouch rested his chin on Suzaku's shoulder, returning the embrace.
“I love you too, Suzaku. My Knight of Zero... I know it is no small feat I am asking, but I know you can do it. You're the only one who can.”
The Knight of Zero tightened his grip, clutching the back of the Demon Emperor's attire.
Quiet sobs resounded in the throne room. In this moment, nothing existed except the two holding each other in their arms, letting both their emotions flow.
Lelouch was the first to let go.
He grabbed the Zero mask he donned for so long.
Suzaku readied himself for what was about to come, straightening his back.
“Lelouch vi Britannia and Kururugi Suzaku will cease to exist, together. Are you able to do it? Are you able to kill me?”
“Yes, your majesty.”
Lelouch held out the mask. Suzaku placed his hand on top of it. He looked in the purple eyes he loved so much. He was met with a pained, yet determined face.
Then, he took the mask in his hands.
They had made up their minds.
Lelouch will be killed by Suzaku.
Suzaku will live on.
After their intense exchange of emotions, they move to Lelouch's bedroom, hand in hand. That night, for the first and last time, they slept in each other's arms.
September 28, 2018
Zero Requiem
Suzaku stood in front of Lelouch, ready to pierce the King's sword through the chest of the man he had always loved.
It seemed like time had stopped.
With this... he will end it all.
Together, they will bring peace to the world.
Because there's nothing they can't achieve if they work together.
So, one last time.
Zero pierced the sword through the Demon Emperor.
As the Lelouch's blood began to spill, so did Suzaku's tears. Finally, he uttered those special words.
“I love you, Lelouch.”
December 5, 2018
“Tell me, Lelouch...”
“Did you burn, or let yourself just fade away?”
Artist: flyingcucco
Big Bang: 2021 Emperor/Knight Big Bang
My twitter: zestybirb