Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Max was not feeling like himself. He hadn’t for weeks. He felt restless and just genuinely out of sorts and no amount of the drugs he had hidden about the house were helping him come down from that feeling.

He knew why he was feeling this way - it was whispering to him at the back of his head, looming up in his thoughts when he tried to sleep at night. Filling his brain while he sat doodling in class.

Just the same name over and over again. Akeno. He’d always loved the sound of his friend’s name - loved to extend and emphasis the vowels as he drawled his name. Now with Aki away - it seemed to be the name on his lips constantly. Why did he miss him so much - he’d never felt like this about anyone?Never missed someone like they were a part of them. And nothing helped.

Julien had noticed- tried to get him to talk to her about what was bothering him one night when they were out. But Max played it off as being still about his dads’ divorce - even though he was slowly coming to terms with that, as hard as it had been to face originally.

It hurt that they left on bad terms. He was so upset with Aki about getting involved in the Rafa situation. He flinched now as he remembered what he said to Aki when he confronted him that day. He was so full of rage and so in lust for Rafa that he just saw Aki as a obstacle to what he wanted. So he used Aki’s own feelings for him against him. He knew Aki was growing to like him, he’d seen the quick stares and way he’d lick his lips when he looked at Max sometimes. And he knew Aki was fragile figuring out his sexuality and that it would be so easy to break him. Why did he think his lust for Rafa was more important than his love for Aki? This sweet boy he’d known since he was a kid.

He didn’t know now how he could have been so stupid. But he couldn’t take back what he said, or forget the way Aki looked at him before slowly walking away skateboard in one hand, head tucked down. Why hadn’t Aki shouted back at him. He deserved it.

And now that’s all he could think about. While Aki was halfway round the world with his parents for the summer, posting photos of skate parks and beaches - texting the other friends in the group but not Max. All Max’s jokey messages that he’d started sending a few weeks after their altercation unanswered. Max hated to admit it, mainly cos he’d never been on this side of things before, but he hated the radio silence. Aki had always been available to him. The friend that would check in on him and help him with his crazy plots and antics. The friend who wanted to protect him - just as max realised now he had been trying to do with Rafa.

And now Aki was coming home and Max didn’t know what to do about it. This boy that had somehow managed to ruin his summer. Appear in his head while he tried to distract himself with booze and drugs. He’d had whiplash the day the group were sitting outside at their usual table and Audrey mentioned she was going to the airport to surprise Aki cos he was coming back. And now there was gonna be a small get together to welcome him home. Just the group?! None of the group knew about their fight it was obvious. Audrey just assumed Max would be coming and ‘don’t bring whoever you are screwing this week to the party Wolfe. It’s close circle only ok?’

......

He’d never been so undecided about what to wear to a party, in this case a dinner party - so grown up of them all. He eventually settled on the pink shirt he wore when Aki and him had had that first moment together. Max jokingly telling him to change with him, just him exercising his casual need to flirt with everyone. And then the surprise when he made eye contact with Aki and his mouth went completely dry and he’d felt this huge rush of heat through his body. And this overwhelming desire to reach out and kiss him. So sudden and so powerful and then the moment broken, interrupted by Audrey.

And now here he was, standing at the door of Aki’s family apartment. Feeling all nervous and anxious - quite unlike himself. Again, none of the drugs he’d taken to calm himself in the cab seemed to be working. What was going on?? This was not a version of himself he understood or liked at all. And he was pretty sure it was down to one person and one person only.

And with a sudden whoosh the door opened before he had a chance to knock and there stood Aki. Head tilted down like the last moment he saw him. And then there he was - his eyes staring into Max’s - those beautiful dark eyes. And time stopped.

Chapter Text

‘ Hi ’

Just one word. That was the greeting after weeks of no contact. Max and Aki stood there for a moment, either side of the doorway, frozen. Aki opened his mouth to say something else, when suddenly Julien appeared, arm draped round Aki, her phone glued to her right hand as always. ‘ Max finally!! Did you bring the whisky like you promised. You better not have come empty handed! ’

Julien sang that last bit like she had a habit of doing. And Max was reminded how much he loved this girl and how she was a welcome relief from the awkwardness that had preceded her arrival at the door. ‘ Of course I didn’t come empty handed silly ’ Max said, holding out the whisky as he slinked through the doorway and grabbed Julien in a tight hug. ‘ Now where is the party at??’

The three of them made an awkward trio stumbling back into the dining room where the rest of group were already seated at the dining table. ‘ Nice of you to join us Wolfe ’ drawled Audrey, sitting poised at the end, little black dress and hair piled up on her head. Beautiful as ever. ‘ I aim to please ’ Max said, as he slinked into the one empty chair next to Monet who like always was looking at her phone and ignoring everybody. ‘ So what’s for dinner .’

And that’s when he saw him. From the corner of his eye, Aki taking his seat at the other end of the table next to a slender guy with blond hair and really pale skin. He could almost have been Audrey’s brother Max thought aimlessly. But then he saw the blonde newcomer put his hand over Aki’s at the table and he knew this was someone completely different and new. Aki threw a furtive look over the table at Max, catching him staring at them both, hands entwined. Max didn’t look away immediately. He knew his face was giving him away - that his sudden feelings of shock and jealousy were all across his face - but for a second he didn’t care. That was until Aki looked away to respond to something his new companion was saying, and Max felt his heart close up as he sank back into his chair.

.....

Three courses and lots of alcohol later Max needed some air. So he excused himself from the table, walking across to the door opening out onto the large balcony that threaded round the entire building. Looking at his phone he realised it was nearly midnight. Max loved being outside at this time, especially so high up - looking out over the beautiful city, his home, sparkly lights as far as his eyes could see. And that scent - when the evening hit after a day of sunshine. Max loved to breathe it in hard - felt as good as any high and always had done. Reminded him of holidays as a kid with his dads in Sicily staying up late after some incredible meal by the beach staring out at the moon.

He ran his hands along the balcony rail and rested his head on the hard metal taking a moment just to rest. He’d been moving so fast for ages he realised - it felt good to stop for a second and be still. It felt peaceful, a feeling he realised he was craving without even knowing.

He heard the door to the balcony click open and footsteps coming towards him - and then Aki was there by his side. Resting awkwardly against the balcony rail- looking straight out ahead into the distance.

They were silent for a beat. Then Aki murmured:

‘You were quiet this evening. - by your standards at least’.

‘ We all need some rest sometimes Aki’ - Max said keeping his tone light.

‘So how have you been ’. Aki said quietly peeking a look at Max. ‘ Well you’d know how I’ve been if you’d bothered responding to any of my texts.’ Again, max tried to keep his tone light but he could hear the edge as he was sure Aki could.

‘I’m sorry ’ faltered Aki -‘ I - I didn’t know what to say after how we left things. You were so angry with me, you said that stuff. I just, I needed some space I guess’. ‘I wasn’t sure you really wanted to talk to me anyway’. ‘ Oh the thirteen messages weren’t clear enough for you ’. Max said turning his head to the side to look at Aki, who stayed looking ahead, rubbing his shaved pink hair like he did when he felt uncomfortable.

‘ Its ok, ’ Max relented. He couldn’t stay mad at Aki when he looked like that. He knew Aki didn’t mean to hurt him, he probably didn’t even realise he had the power to do it. A fact that had surprised Max too.

‘Looks like you were busy making new friends anyway.’ ‘You mean Adam’. ‘Well he’s the only new friend of yours here tonight.’ ‘Yeah I guess’ Aki said. ‘We met in Milan. He was doing a fashion internship there. He lives in New York so we kinda bonded over that. ’ This was a lot of talking for Aki - Max realised with a start that he was nervous, he just didn’t know why’. Aki continued ‘ Both of us were loving Italy but missed home a bit too you know .’ Aki looked at him then with this intensity in his brown eyes. A look that made Max feel hopeful but then Max remembered they were discussing new friend Adam and his glance dropped.

‘ Well you’re here now. Home sweet home .’ Max went to move inside and Aki reached out his hand to stop him, which he quickly dropped to his side. ‘ So we’re okay? We’re still friends’.

Max looked at where Aki’s hand had been on his wrist for a second before looking up into Aki’s face - so innocent and serious all at once. ‘ We’ll always be friends Akeno. That’ll never change .’ And with a small crooked smile that didn’t reach his eyes, Max left Aki standing awkwardly on the balcony.

He strode back inside away from the warm night air, grabbed his jacket and walked out the door away from his friends without a goodbye or a backwards glance. He could feel that prickly sensation that meant he was about to cry and sure enough as he stood in the elevator and the doors gently closed, he felt wetness on his cheeks which he angrily rubbed away. Why was he crying? What kind of spell had Aki cast on him for him to be feeling this way. And this knot inside his stomach that he knew if he let himself face it was jealousy. Jealous of the new young guy he met tonight who had lit up Aki’s eyes in a way Max recognised.

The elevator pinged and Max stepped out into the reception and out into the New York evening air. Alone again but haunted by the boy with the dark brown eyes he’d dreamt about all summer. Back in his life but further away from him than ever.