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I can’t believe it’s happening! I’m finally graduating! All our friends made it through the fights, rumors, breakups, makeups, deaths, and best of all we made it through together. Paxton and I went our separate ways when he graduated. Its was on good terms but it was for the best. We both knew it should have ended much sooner since he secretly knew I was in love with Ben. I loved him too, don’t get me wrong, a part of me will always love Paxton HY. He was my first boyfriend and ended up being a great friend to me.
Who would’ve thought my great high school love was Ben Gross of all people? And we didn’t even date after the fiasco that was me trying to date two guys at one time. We did kiss two more times though (once under a mistletoe and the other in a drunken truth or dare game). Ben and Aneesa broke up shortly after the winter formal dance sophomore year for reasons no one ever told me. It all ended up for the best, we all remained good friends and hope to be for a long time. At least I thought we were friends until Ben started to be secretive when University acceptance letters started to arrive. I got all my letters from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and my top pick Princeton. I would tell him every time I got a new one but he would never tell me anything. I got fed up one day a few months ago and asked him.
“Yo Gross, did you get like rejected from Yale or something? Every time I talk about acceptance letters you say nothing. And in the 14 years I’ve known you I didn’t know that it was possible!”
Ben sighs with a look I can’t put my finger on and says, “ No actually I got accepted everywhere I applied. I’m just trying to make a final decision”
“What do you mean you can’t decide? You’ve known for as long as I’ve known where you want to go!” I gawk at him not understanding what the issue is. He doesn’t say much else and we move on from that topic.
The weeks move on and everyone is announcing where they’re going, but Ben never does. I talk to Eleanor and Fab about it they’re just as clueless as I am. Which brings us to now, graduation, names are getting called and where they plan to go. It gets to Ben’s name and then our principal says undecided for college. I try to get over my shock quickly so I can cheer as loudly as I can to distract from his parents not being here. More names are called and then it gets to me. I hear my mother cheering and crying along with Kamala and the rest of my friends and family. All the cheers and excitement sound a million miles away when I set my eyes on Ben. He is smiling so sweetly, and his beautiful blue eyes are shining at me, and I can’t help to fall more in love with him. Our trance breaks as Principal Grubbs shakes my hand and gives me my diploma. On my way back down the steps I look around and catch my mother’s eyes. She saw the way I looked at Ben, honestly probably everyone saw the way I looked at him.
After the commencement ceremony my mom finds me, and I can’t help but cry. My father should be here with us. I know she’s found a great man and is happy most of the time, but I know in this moment we both wish he was here more than anything. We hug and she says “I’m so proud of you. Soon enough you’ll be in Princeton away from everything you’ve ever known.” She pulls apart from me and straightens up, “Tonight as a test of your freedom you have no curfew. I swear if you come home smelling like alcohol or drugs I will ground you and move with you to Princeton” She smiles at me as if she was joking (I don’t think it’s a joke)
“Of course mom, you know me I would never” I laugh. “ I will probably just crash at fab’s place with Eleanor and Aneesa. I’ll be home in time tomorrow to get ready for the grad party”
I catch up with my friends so we can take pictures and figure out the move for later. “So what’s the plan everyone? I have no curfew but I have a feeling my mother injected a tracker in me so I still want to keep things chill.” I chatter happily.
Ben speaks up first, “You don’t have a curfew? Finally, dude the rest of us have been partying all night for months after you go home for your bed time for the past year.”
I glare back at him and Fab says “Don’t lie Ben YOU’VE always gone home the second Devi leaves” I glance at him and his face and ears are turning pink.
“Well that doesn’t matter now Devi can be out all night with us! So since I can only fit three other people in my car and Ben’s the only person with a car Fab, Eve, and Aneesa will ride with me and Devi you go with Ben. The three of us can stop back by Aneesa’s house to change and Devi you have your stuff with you just go to Ben’s house to change. We’ll meet you there in an hour” Eleanor says with a very smug look in her eye. Suddenly this feels like a planned set up when I glance at Ben and he looks just as surprised as me. There’s no time to argue as the girls already took off towards their car.
“Well I guess its just you and me old rival” I try to keep the mood light but then we make eye contact and it takes everything in my power to not be mesmerized by him. He hit a growth spurt since sophomore year and now looks down on me by like five inches now, his shoulders have broadened from working out even more and playing tennis with me for fun. A car horn honks and its enough to break the spell. We walk in silence to the car and drive to his house. We’ve been alone before but for some reason after the look we shared earlier everything is different.
I couldn’t help but wonder why he was undecided about university. It’s so unlike him and I was starting to worry. Trying to think over the last six months including our two kisses to see what was so different about him. I’m startled out of my thoughts when Ben speaks, “Go ahead and ask what I know you want to ask me”
I roll my eyes and glance at him, “What makes you think I want to ask you anything? I don’t find you as interesting as you think I do.” He chuckles next to me as he drives carefully to his house. How does he do that? Just know what I’m thinking about. Is it just because we’ve known each other for so long, because of this weirdly deep connection we have, or a combination of the two?
“I do have my university decided. I just wanted to keep it a secret.” I start to panic for no other reason than not liking the feeling of being out of control. “Before you ask, I do intend to keep it a secret from you too David.”
“Well damn now I’m just going to have to become the next Nancy Drew until I figure it out.” The gears in my head start to turn. “I mean it can’t be that hard to figure out. You’re one of the most predictable people I know. I still think its Yale like you always planned; you just want to be mysterious.”
“Sure David, whatever you say.” We get back to his house and change quickly. He’s setting up a bar area and snacks for when we all come back here for the after party of just the six of us. We finally all meet up at Trent’s party and the rest of the night is mostly fun except a couple spin the bottle incidents where Ben has to kiss someone, and I get irrationally jealous. Though the one time I must kiss someone I swear the look on Ben’s face could kill the poor guy. Then it gets back around to me and the bottle lands on him and I could hear his sigh of relief as he kisses me putting every bit of emotion into a five second kiss. Our group decides to give up at around 11:30 and uber back to Ben’s house to have some real fun. Watching movies, swimming, and talking the rest of the night.
The rest of the summer is a blur as I spend as much time with my family and friends before going our separate ways. Ben kind of avoids me more than I can stand but he says its because he’s actually spending time with his parents for once so I let it go hoping to spend quality time together before leaving. Until it hits a week before my move in date and everyone has already gone. I call Ben hoping he didn’t leave without saying goodbye.
“Hey Ben, tell me you’re still in town! Every time we saw each other in the past two weeks you’ve conveniently left out your move date.” I hate how pathetic I sound to myself.
He breathes out a laugh, “I would never do that to you Devi” The way he says my true name does things to me that I will never be willing to admit. “Actually can we hangout? There’s something I want to talk about.”
“uh. Y-yeah sure. Do you think you could pick me up in 30 minutes?” suddenly more nervous than I’ve been in my entire life.
“Yep! See you then.” Then the line goes dead.
I brush through my hair quickly trying to make myself look presentable and change my outfit to my favorite skirt hoping to bring me luck. I hear a car pull in my driveway exactly 25 minutes after hanging up with Ben. I can’t help but smile at how punctual he is at being 5 minutes early to everything.
He smiles at me as he leans against his car. Looking surprisingly sexy like that shooting butterflies to my stomach. “Hey Ben, you gotta fill me in on what’s going on. My detective skills failed me and I’m actually kinda desperate to know what you keep hiding from me.” The words tumble out faster than I can stop them.
“See Devi I knew you were more interested in me than you would admit, but yeah I’ll tell you. Hop in we’ll go for a drive.” Just as I was about to joke about him taking me to kill me he says, “and no I’m not going to kill you” he says something under his breath that I can’t quite catch but it sounds like (you might kill me though)
We drive the familiar highway to malibu just like we did a few years previous, at least this time there was no freaking out on his part. Me on the other hand was about to have a panic attack. “Look Ben if you’re taking me to our spot to tell me you’re dying or never want to see me again just tell me now please?”
“Our spot? I like that you think malibu is our spot.” His eyes light up in a way that makes the panicked feeling go away just a little. “I could never let you out of my life Devi. No matter how hard I used to try to do just that I wouldn’t do that to you or myself.”
We pull into the exact spot where he parked while I spread my dad’s ashes and waited just to make sure I was okay. As soon as the car is off we look at each other and I can’t help but kiss him. He’s surprised but kisses me back instantly. Hands threading through my hair makes me sigh into his kiss and I hear a deep moan from his throat. He pulls back with his blue eyes darkened, half lidded. “If we continue that I won’t be able to say what I want to say to you. Lets go down to the beach”
We walk hand in hand to the sandy shore. “Ben, come on tell me already. And tell me why you wanted to keep this a secret for so long. I swear if its that you joined the army I will kill you.”
“Devi, do you think I would even be allowed into the army?” he laughs as I sigh a sigh of relief. “I decided where to go to university the second I got the acceptance letter, well probably before then. I took you here tell you that I love you and I want to go to Princeton with you if you’ll have me.”
I step back slowly away from the water, away from Ben. “You love me?” is the only thing I could say. His face falls. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? How long? Did everyone else know?”
He lifts his eyes to me and I instantly shut up. “Yes Devi, I love you, I have always love you. I will probably love you forever if you’ll have me. I didn’t tell you before because I was terrified and I wanted to make sure Princeton would be somewhere I could be happy outside of just you. Yeah everyone has pretty much known for a year. Even your mother, who is surprisingly supportive of this.”
I can no longer hold back as we step closer to each other. I launch myself into him and wrap my arms around his neck, kissing him more passionately than ever before. His hands find my hips pulling my body flush against his. I pull back for a breath, “I love you too, Ben. I have loved you even when I hated you. I loved you for years now. Everyone could see it, even Paxton could tell that’s why we broke up.”
“Why didn’t you tell me? I was afraid of getting burned twice, but why wouldn’t you tell me?!” Ben pulls back further.
“I hurt you too badly before and I felt that I didn’t deserve another chance. I saw how happy you were with Aneesa so I decided to back off.” I was almost in tears at how long I’ve waited for this.
“Well we’re both cowards then aren’t we. So how would you feel about me coming to Princeton. I know we made the agreement to go to separate colleges but” I didn’t even let him finish before I kissed him again quickly, “so is that a yes?”
“Of course Ben, I couldn’t dream of you going to another school now.”