Chapter Text
“You’re here already? Ugh, well come in, I’m almost done getting ready.” Elise and Chris exchanged looks before stepping through the threshold into Dan's usually atrocious apartment. Chris gasped.
“Woah Dan did you clean up in here?” The place was cleaner than he’d ever seen it, the couch and counters free of crumbs, the floor swept and without laundry covering the red tile pattern, and the walls were apparently supposed to be beige instead of that disgusting green color. Well that or Dan repainted, though the place smelled of citrus cleaner rather than fresh paint.
“Huh, oh, yeaahh, I just you know in case anyone-” Dan clears his throat, hand slipping on the clean socks he was pulling on, “I mean yes Chris, is it a crime to pick up my own apartment?”
“Well I’ve just never-”
“You were the one who told me I should be more sanitary, now what, am I too clean for you? It's never good enough!” Dan asked, exacerbated, throwing his arms up in the air before hurriedly getting back to his shoes, obviously hoping Chris would drop his newfound cleanliness. And he did! But Elise...
“Oh my god, Dan, did you shave?” She asked, getting closer to the couch, craning her head to get a better view of his face.
“I always shave-'' Dan tried to angle his face away but Elise grabbed him by the jaw and turned his head to face her directly.
“Not well, you don’t even have any scruff, and did you comb your goatee?”
“Yes, NO, SHUT UP!” Dan's face gets a little pink as he smacks her hands away, scooting to the other end of the couch to frantically tie his shoes. Elise cocks her head at Chris, who was mid shrug before a lightbulb appeared above his head.
“Oh I know what this is about…” Chris said smugly, shaking a finger in Dan’s direction.
“YOU DON’T KNOW ANYTHING-”
“Is David going to be at the camp reunion?” Dan's face got much redder, hands fumbling on the laces but he didn’t look up.
“SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP-”
“Oooh, who’s David ?”
“This kid at summer camp we used to hang out with.”
“I don’t even remember, was his name David? I don't know!”
“Aw, was he Dan's first crush? That's so cute!”
“I AM NOT CUTE AND I DO NOT CRUSH TAKE IT BACK YOU HEATHEN-”
“Yup, Dan was always sweet on David,” Chris sighed wistfully, looking off to the sky as if recounting the memories of camp and first love.
“SHUT UP YOU-”
“Back at camp he was on his best behavior whenever ‘Davy’ was around.” He used air quotes around the nickname.
“STUPID IMBICILE I WILL RIP OUT YOUR VOCAL CHORDS-”
“Oh my god Davy , that's so cute, is that really what he called him?” Elise clapped her hands over her heart.
“Yeah it was so cute, whenever Dan was working on vengeance and he came around Dan would just melt and toss the whole thing out,” He laughed, before switching to a high pitched tone, “Who me ? Oh no Davey I would never try to blow up the cafeteria to get revenge on mashed potatoes, huh what Davy you wanna hold hands and frolic in the mead-OW”
“DAN- Don't punch my husband in the throat!” Elise patted him on the back as he coughed.
“I warned him!” Dan huffed and grabbed his wallet and keys off of the coffee table, “Besides we’re gonna be late, let's go and stop talking about things that aren't true, hurry up Chris!”