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Jason’s family was annoying, that was a known fact yet, for some reason he hadn’t anticipated this.
The first time a member of his family decided to mess with him while he was undercover, it was pretty tame and honestly a little funny. Peter started finding things in his wallet that he would swear up and down that he didn’t put there. It was just innocent things, like a Brazilian wax coupon or an abundance of monopoly money. Peter blamed Jason, of course. No one else the agent knew had the ability to reverse-pickpocket, not once, not twice, but twelve separate times, especially without getting caught. Jason swore up and down it wasn’t him, but Peter didn’t seem convinced.
It was actually pretty embarrassing how long it took him to pick up on who was messing with Peter’s wallet. To add insult to injury, the only reason he figured it out was because Cass made sure to do it right in front of him when he and Peter were on their way to a crime scene. Jason let out a small sigh of relief as Cass grinned at him, he had a feeling it was a bat and of all his siblings, the fact that Cass managed to get away with something right under his nose was the most excusable. Cass was also the least likely to tease him about the whole situation, he just hoped she hadn’t decided to tell anyone else about it.
When Jason asked Peter to check his wallet later that day, the agent opened it to find a picture of Cass with an arm wrapped around Jason. On the back of the picture there was a short note.
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Say hi to Neal for me!
-C
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Peter chewed him out after that, and Jason ended up having to bribe Cass to stop her unsolicited gift giving by giving her the knife he was originally planning on giving her for her birthday.
The second time someone decided to visit, the situation was vaguely amusing. Jason was working a case with Peter and Mozzie at his apartment, and before he quite knew what was happening, Babs was rolling into his apartment and offering her help as one of ‘Neal’s criminal friends.’ When Peter asked her name, she looked him directly in the eyes and answered in a complete monotone, “I’m Bruce Wayne.”
There were several moments of silence, broken only by a snort from a clearly approving Mozzie and Jason was holding back tears of mirth as he watched Babs refuse to break eye contact with the agent. Eventually Peter cleared his throat and looked away, and true to her word, Babs helped them solve the case in record time. For the whole period they worked together, she answered only to the full name ‘Bruce Wayne’ and took the time to feed into all of Mozzie’s conspiracy theories.
While the first two instances were manageable, the third time was a step too far. Dick and Damian decided to take their own stab at interfering with Jason’s undercover operation in possibly the most performative and annoying way possible.
Jason’s first clue something was wrong, was when a painting was stolen from Bruce Wayne’s personal collection. All the paintings in that particular collection were housed within the walls of Wayne manor, which was practically impenetrable to anyone but family. When they started work on the case, several interviews had to be conducted with Bruce himself. The interviews went off without a hitch, but on his way out of the office, Bruce stopped to whisper in his ear, “Watch out for Dick and Damian.” And Jason felt a true inkling of dread at those six words.
Several days later they managed to track the missing art to a small warehouse on the outskirts of the city, but when they entered, it was only to discover the entire inside of the warehouse had been converted into some sort of excessively complicated maze/obstacle course. Jason quickly concluded that he was going to shoot his brothers. After a few moments, the door behind them slammed shut and the lights dimmed.
Dramatic music was pumping in through hidden speakers as high above the four of them, a man stepped up to the railing of a tall platform and looked down at them. It was clearly just Dick wearing a yellow mask and a large feathered top hat. It turned out that Dickface expected them to complete the obstacle course while dodging water balloons filled with pudding before they could get the painting back. The water balloons were being thrown by his overly eager assistant, a fifteen-year-old murderous demon child named Damian, also known as Jason's current least favorite brother.
“Is that a kid?” He heard Jones whisper behind him. Jason sighed, why was his family like this? The whole incident managed to end with only a few broken bones, a slightly damp painting, and a sworn oath from Dick and Damian not to interfere with his operation again.
Unfortunately, that promise didn’t extend to the rest of the bats and birds, two of whom showed up during his next undercover sting. The operation was taking place at a gala, and it was supposed to be a quick in and out sting. Jason would slip a tracker into a corrupt businessman’s jacket and slip out early back into the van and away from the snotty socialites. Unfortunately, it didn’t work out that way. No, it never did.
Jason identified his target, but before he could approach, he felt a light touch on his arm. He spun around to find Steph and Duke smiling at him, arms intertwined. No. Jason refused. He closed his eyes, willing them away.
Unfortunately, the happy ‘couple’, as they’d introduced themselves, weren’t gone when he opened his eyes and they refused to let him escape their delightful conversation. So Jason was stuck with Peter yelling in his ear and Steph and Duke asking him to have a threesome with them for well over an hour. Jason’s anger grew with every passing minute, and he had no doubt this was all being recorded somehow. The rest of his family was probably watching and laughing at his suffering, right this very minute.
He eventually managed to excuse himself, saying he was in a relationship and not interested in anything else. The brutal verbal beating his family got after that incident bought Jason several months of peace, but he should’ve known it was too good to be true. It was clear his siblings were over being subtle when Tim came meandering up to his desk demanding Jason give him coffee in the middle of a workday.
Okay, okay…
Message received loud and clear; it was time for Jason to come home.