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Leo stared at the ceiling in his room.
It was the middle of the night, yet he couldn’t sleep. The vent above his bed flexed and creaked with the air flow. He watched it move, but couldn’t hear it. It was too quiet in his room. He should never have allowed Donnie to soundproof it. Granted, it was technically Donnie’s room at the time, but surely there was something to be said about short-term Lair Games victories leading to long-term changes. Maybe he could ask him to undo it, somehow.
And hear Splinter’s deafening snores all night again? His brother would say skeptically. Why on Earth would you want to do a thing like that?
Because now it’s too quiet, he wouldn’t say back. And my thoughts are too loud.
He was still figuring out a reply that didn’t bare his soul in the imaginary conversation. He loved his brother, but deep talks… weren’t Leo. That wasn’t his thing. He was the charming, pep-talking Champion that kept them all from taking things too seriously. He was Stress Relief TM. When things got heavy, he was the one who provided a distraction and lightened the mood.
Because now it’s too quiet and my thoughts are too loud. Because I miss those ‘deafening snores’. They’re comforting. They remind me that someone else is alive and nearby. That I’m not alone.
Nope. That was even worse. Leo sighed heavily and rolled over.
Scratch un-soundproofing it, then. Maybe he could get some other form of white noise in here. A fan? A machine? An app on his phone?
Hey Leo, what are you doing dragging a fan into your room?
Oh, I need it for the white noise.
Really?
Yeah, turns out when you get used to sleeping with deafening snores echoing in your room all night, utter silence keeps you awake, now. Who’d’ve thought?
That was much better. Maybe he could actually use that to make the un-soundproofing request work.
Hey, Dee, I know you’re busy, but do ya think you could spare a moment and un-soundproof my room?
Why on Earth would you want me to do a thing like that? Do you WANT to hear Splinter snoring all night?
Yeah, well, it turns out when you’ve gotten used to sleeping with deafening snores echoing in your room, utter silence now keeps you awake. Who’d’ve thought?
He smiled to himself. That was it. Perfect. With luck, Donnie would undo the issue no problemo. But with the way their luck had been running lately…
Well, unfortunately I am far too busy at the moment. It will have to wait.
That’s alright. Could I borrow a fan in the meantime?
And there was no way his brother would say no to that and he would walk out of the lab with a spare fan. Win-win, either way. His room wouldn’t be so silent anymore and he could drown out these loud thoughts that kept invading his mind.
Mikey was shot with a GUN.
His smile vanished. There it was again. Why couldn’t he shake it? He would just be going about his totally normal day, making breakfast or watching a movie, or skating on the ramp or whatever- and it would just hit him all over again. Mikey was shot with a gun. Didn’t matter that he was okay, that they were alright and back in the lair. His brother had a bullet hole in his arm. And it wasn’t like Leo ever forgot that, exactly. But at random times he would just suddenly remember it. That this thing happened.
He shoved his head under the pillow, then let out a frustrated noise when the thought didn’t go away. Why did his room have to be so damn quiet?
After a few more heartbeats of Mikey was shot, Mikey was SHOT, he yanked the pillow from his head and sat up. Forget sleeping with that noise. As always, his hand reached for his side pouch sitting on the shelf behind his bed. His fingers dug around the meager first aid supplies and closed around a squashed piece of metal.
Leo laid back down and turned the bullet over in his hands. It always seemed smaller than he remembered, every time he held it. It was a large caliber bullet, sure, yet still… not that big. Like, it had to have been bigger to have caused all that damage. This little lump isn’t what penetrated Mikey’s arm, shredded skin and muscle before stopping on bone. Breaking the bone.
So small. So powerful. Like Mikey, in that sense.
Leo kept turning it over.
One end was smushed flat, the metal rippling behind it like a frozen lava flow. The back end was still cylindrical. He traced the grooves the manufacturer had left on it.
Found another speck of dried blood.
He sat up, brow pinched. He could have sworn he had gotten all of it. Had cleaned it and sterilized it completely. But there, in the groove, he could feel it with his fingernail. Tainted.
Washing it again wouldn’t help at this stage. He scratched at it, flaking the blood off. Blew at it and scratched it some more until he was sure it was all gone.
When the task was complete, he morbidly noted that the activity had quieted his mind.
He put the bullet back in his pouch and tried to go to sleep.
Leo’s stomach was in knots when he saw Mikey the next morning. He leaned against the kitchen counter as nonchalantly as he could as he greeted him.
“Good morning, brother-o’-mine; that’s quite a spread you got there.”
“Thanks!” Mikey piped. It was indeed a feast. The box turtle moved quickly between scrambled eggs, bacon, a stack of pancakes, sausage patties, bagels, and even a large fruit bowl. The fact that he was able to prepare all of this one-handed was truly a testament to his skills in the kitchen. Leo kept the smile on his face as stomach rolled again. His eyes locked on the sling.
“The pancakes are pretty much done if you want to chow down,” Mikey chattered. “Same with the fruit. Well, everything, really. Just finishing up the bacon, here.”
I scraped your blood out of a bullet last night. “What’s the occasion?” Leo asked instead. He made sure to add all the right inflections to hide the hollowness in his voice: Mikey could pick out emotional tone changes like a bloodhound. It was an area where his observational skills rivaled Leo’s.
It worked, or else Mikey just rolled with it. “Well, I was in the mood to make a big breakfast. I also figured I’d bring a bunch up to Donnie for him to snack on throughout the day…” he trailed off with a puff of air.
No one had been successful in getting Donnie to leave his lab. The only time they saw him emerge was when he was in full Maintenance Mode, ripping out and replacing wires all over the lair. Leo gave him space. Honestly, he would probably just text Donnie about his room. It was… easier that way.
Thoughts about Donnie didn’t invade his head like thoughts about Mikey, mostly because they weren’t words. He could ignore an image more easily than an endless phrase running in the background of his head at all times of day. He just never liked how the image made him feel.
Donnie was pale and shaking and just… beyond exhausted. And it was like that exhaustion permeated into Leo, dragging him down with a despairing weight on his shoulders that felt too much like defeat and-
-and then that never failed to make him mad because they won, didn’t they? Bishop was on the run with his tail between his legs. They rescued Donnie and Señor Hueso and all the other prisoners. The Bureau of Anomalistic Investigations and all its evil projects were destroyed. They retrieved all their weapons and made it out of there unscath-
Alive. They made it out alive.
“Leo? You in there?”
He blinked and noticed Mikey snapping his fingers in front of his eyes. “Hey, hey, watch the face. Thank you. Um, what were you saying?”
Mikey was never one to let things slide. “How much sleep did you get last night?”
“The usual,” he yawned. “Seriously, what were you asking?”
His brother regarded him with another careful look, to which he flashed a reassuring smile. “Just if you wanted crispy or juicy bacon,” he said at last. He looked at the pan. “Though we’re well on the way to crispy, now.”
“Actually, I’m just going to have some tea.” Upon seeing the hurt look on Mikey’s face, he amended, “and maybe some fruit.”
“Alright. When your appetite returns, though, I’ll try to save some for you after Raph and I eat.” He collected the plate for Donnie and bumped shoulders with him affectionately.
Leo rubbed his head in return.
He let out a shaky breath as Mikey disappeared towards the lab. The knot was tighter in his stomach as he put the kettle on the stove.
They made it out alive, but they didn’t make it out unscathed. Mikey was shot. Donnie had his blood stolen, Raph broke two fingers, and both of them were fighting psychological demons from the entire incident: the round room, the battle shell incident, Agent fucking Bishop-
The only one who got through it without a scratch was him.
Leo set down his teacup with a bewildered clunk. He hadn’t realized that before. Sure, he got a little banged up in their fights, but no more than usual. And usually he attributed that to his Rad Skills. But what good were Rad Skills in the aftermath? When Raph is panicking, Donnie is missing, and Mikey is bleeding out on the floor because there’s so much that he doesn’t know, he knows what needs to be done but he doesn’t know how to do it-
The tea kettle shrieked.
Leo jumped and grabbed the teapot, cursing as he looked for a spare burner he could move it to. With none available, he groped for a hotpad and nestled it in among the breakfast items. He poured a cup and set the teabag in to steep.
Tea. Breakfast. He rubbed his temples. No loud thoughts. Quiet. Sleep. Soundproof.
He still needed to text Donnie.
But later. After Jupiter Jim pulled his mind away from everything.
Jupiter Jim and the Undeadly Plague was probably the best crossover in existence. It merged with the popular zombie franchise of the time, justified, of course, by Jupiter Jim and Red Fox landing on a parallel Earth taken over by the undead.
Even now, it was still absolutely gripping. Leo was on the edge of his seat, totally immersed. He gasped when Red Fox got bitten, and the clock began ticking until she succumbed to infection. Their one hope was a hospital rumored to have a cure, and it was a wild and desperate race to get there in time.
Then the most heart-stopping moment in the film: they arrive at the hospital to find it overrun with zombies.
Leo sucked in his breath. He could feel the ice-cold panic in Jim’s widening eyes. The way his gasp conveyed oh FUCK, we’re screwed in the only way B-rated movies could at the time. In that moment, it all seemed hopeless. Without a doctor and the cure, how could Red Fox be saved?
I had that same expression on my face.
He frowned at the sudden realization and pushed it away with a shudder. It’s just a movie. Just enjoy the freaking movie.
Fortunately, this was a Jupiter Jim film at heart. They discovered that a cure was indeed completed shortly before the hospital went under, and Jim saved Red Fox himself using medical knowledge he had learned at the beginning of the movie. Leo leaned forward, watching Jim smile in relief as his sidekick sat up.
Where is that relief for me? For us?
Duh, it’s already here. Mikey was healing; he was bouncing around making 5-star breakfast buffets.
No thanks to you.
There’s so much freaking blood, I’m not a doctor, or even a med student-
If the doctor goes under, the rest of the team is screwed.
That’s… kinda true. Leo blinked.
What if it was Donnie? What if it was Raph?
Without a medic, who can help the injured members get back on their feet?
I was the only one unscathed.
There was no portal sword to get them to safety. There was no way to talk and convince the bullet to come out. There was no other option, there was no time, what they needed was a Rad Skill he didn’t have.
My family needed me and I couldn’t…
Leo cut the movie off.
A moment later he was racing out of the lair.
He was on the rooftop with the phone ringing in his hand before his heart rate calmed down from the dash. He struggled to control his breathing before his call was answered. Sound natural. Act natural.
“Hello?”
“Hey, April, long time no zoom chat. Weird question: is your dad home?”
“Uh, he should be, is he not?”
“Huh?”
“Are you at the apartment?”
“I’m above it.” He looked down at the roof. “Are you home right now?”
“No, Mom and I went out to get our hair done as a ‘sanctioned grounded activity’. It’s a bonding thing, but it’s nice to finally get out the house. You sound weird, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m uh, balder than ever, haha – thanks.” He ended the call before he could talk himself further down the awkward hole. April would find it weird, but they were all weird, so she would shrug it off. He hoped.
Okay. This made some things simpler. Maybe. He’d never actually been in April’s apartment without April, before. That was kind of weird. How would he start this? Just knock on the door and say hi Mr. O’Neil, do you have a minute?
Eh. Why not?
He flashed a big smile as the chain unlocked and Augie peered at him. He opened his mouth, but the medic beat him to it.
“Leo? What brings you by? Come on in.” He opened the door wider and glanced around the hallway. Which made sense; they couldn’t have the neighbors seeing this whole situation.
“Thanks Mr. O’Neil.” He ducked inside and casually strolled across the carpet as Augie shut the door behind them.
“If you’re looking for April, I’m afraid she’s out.”
“I know. I was actually hoping to speak with you.” He pressed further into the living room, trailing his hand over every surface.
“Oh? About what?”
Uncharacteristically hesitant, Leo wandered over towards a side table and began fiddling with some coasters. He rocked on his heels and glanced briefly at Mr. O’Neil.
“Soooo, you’re a medic, right? You got your doctorate and all that?”
“I’m not a doctor in that I don’t have my PhD,” the man replied. “I did a brief stint in the army training to become a combat medic before I was discharged, then bounced between different EMS providers before landing with the BAI.”
“Cool, right, yeah, how is that going by the way?” Leo leaned against the wall.
“Well, we’ve got Chaplin over a barrel which has been helping a lot in our appeal to Washington. Robyn’s the one mostly coordinating that end of things, though.” Augie looked at him suspiciously. “You’re not here to ask about our attempts to reform the bureau, though.”
“I’m not?” Leo chuckled. “I just want to stay up to date on stuff.”
Auge sighed. “Look, the girls are due back in an hour. What do you really want?”
Oof, he’s sharp.
“I didn’t get hurt on that mission,” his mouth blurted out.
Mr. O’Neil raised his eyebrows.
“Everyone else did. And we normally get a little banged up. I keep bandaids, Neosporin, and some bandages here,” he opened his side pouch and started pulling everything out in a rush, dropping them on the floor. “But it’s not enough. I couldn’t help with Raph’s splint. I couldn’t figure out a way to help Mikey faster. What’s the point of making it through a fight without a scratch if I’m so utterly helpless when my brothers don’t? This isn’t enough, I’m not enough, and I need to be!”
The squashed bullet clattered to the floor with a tink.
Leo froze. It rolled awkwardly in a wayward spiral closer to Augie.
They both stared at the bullet. It jostled back and forth a little bit before coming to a stop. Leo didn’t breathe.
Augie knelt and picked it up. He held it out to him. “I get it.”
Trembling, Leo’s fingers closed around it. “You do?”
Augie nodded. He carefully looked around the mess of first aid supplies surrounding Leo, and a pained expression flitted across his face. He made an aborted movement that looked like he was going for a hug, then sighed instead.
“One of the most reassuring things in a harrowing experience is being able to control what you can control. If you don’t have faith in your own skills, then what do you have to fall back on?”
A weird lump lodged in Leo’s throat. Right? Right?! You get it! You rely on your family, but if anything happens to them and it’s just you left standing, then what?
“Alright.” Augie interrupted his internal monologue. “Pick up your things and let’s sit down.”
Leo blinked, but complied. Augie retrieved a paper and pen and sat down at the kitchen table. Leo joined him there, zipping up his pouch.
“It sounds like you want the skills equivalent to a paramedic,” Mr. O’Neil began. “For most folks, that means taking a two-year community college program, but we’re going to have to improvise.” He winked.
Leo scooched closer. Mr. O’Neil was writing down a lot of big words – intravenous and defibrillation – but instead of mentally skimming them he forced his brain to actually focus. These had to be important.
“What stuff do you already know?”
“Well, I know how to wrap sprains and ice muscles, and to disinfect a wound before bandaging it up. Antiseptics are super important. Um, I know to never stick cold fingers under hot water, and some other random facts from TV.”
Augie hummed. “Let’s not rely on what shows say. Too much room for inaccuracy, which may only make things worse.”
“Okay.”
“Do you know CPR?”
“No.”
“Alright.” He kept scribbling.
“What are you writing?” Leo inquired.
“The big stuff I think you’ll need. How to set up an IV, how to assess breathing, suturing, cleaning wounds, how to intubate someone, CPR, etc.”
“I want you to teach me everything you know,” he insisted.
“And I will do my best.” The medic afforded him a wry grin. “But there’s also a lot about your family’s systems that I don’t know. Pharmacology is probably off the table. There’s no guarantee that drugs that work on humans will work on you. You do already, for example, heal much faster than average.”
The dinner table flashed between them and it wasn’t paper lying on top of it anymore, but Mikey. Mikey, who was writhing in pain while Leo pressed some gauze against the wound. “Can’t you give him some morphine or something?”
“Do you guys respond well to morphine?”
“I don’t know… we’ve never used it.”
“Then it’s too risky.”
Leo carefully swallowed a grimace with the memory. “Fair point.”
“I’ll need to get some materials we can practice with, which may take me some time. Meanwhile,” he tore off the bottom of the page and handed it to Leo, “required reading.”
His knee-jerk reaction was to make a face, but he nodded instead. This will tell you what to do… if there’s ever a next time. “Do I have to buy books, or are all these on the internet?”
“They’re digital textbooks, and my log-in credentials are at the bottom for the sites with paywalls.” Augie leaned back in his chair and tapped the pencil against his lips. “Would you like instructions on physiotherapy?”
“Physio-what now?” Leo repeated.
He smiled. “Physiotherapy. Physical exercises after injuries. It helps immensely with after care. I gave Mikey a list of movements for his arm once the cast comes off, but could you make sure he actually does them?”
Leo sat up a little straighter in his seat. “No problemo, bossman, Leon’s on it. Though could I get a copy of those instructions, too? Just in case Mikey lost them.”
“Certainly.” He started writing on another piece of paper. “Do you want to take the cast off yourself or would you like me to?”
“I mean, we’ve all cut casts off before, but if you know any special tricks of the trade or something, we can definitely swing by.”
“If you already have experience, then that is plenty. Though don’t hesitate to call if you feel you need me.” He slid the instructions over.
Leo picked up the papers and felt… relieved. The helpful encounter made his heart pound and his head spin. It was only a start, but with this, there would be no ‘next time’. He swallowed dryly, throat sticking, and in a moment of naked earnestness spoke. “Thank you, Mr. O’Neil.”
The medic smiled gently. “Anytime. You all have been so good to April; I’m only sorry I couldn’t help sooner.” That pained expression returned to his face.
Okay, now he sensed that mushy stuff was coming. His unflappable mask returned and Leo stood up quickly. “Well, I’ve got to get back to the lair; I kind of left in a hurry and didn’t tell anyone where I was going-”
“Of course.” Augie rose and crossed to the door. “Start reading the first chapter from everything on that list and I’ll let you know once I have some materials we can practice on. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Right on, sir,” Leo finger-gunned on his way out. “And uh, thanks again.”
“Of course.” His smile turned sterner. “Now do your homework, young man!” The door shut.
Alright, April’s dad is cool, Leo grinned.
It was the middle of the night again. His eyes drooped. The light from his phone darkened a notch, which jolted him into moving his thumb. It brightened again and he squinted, trying to focus on the words wiggling off the screen.
“…the muscles in this group are the biceps brachii, coracobrachialis, and brachialis. The musculocutaneous nerve innervates…”
His eyes drooped again and this time his head nodded forward. He jerked it back with a yawn and glanced at the time. 1:00 am. Surely this was enough studying for one night.
Leo set the phone down beside him and leaned back into his pillow. He closed his eyes; he felt heavy with exhaustion. No doubt he would pass out any moment now… aaaaaany moment now…
“Two weeks? I can do all these in two minutes!” Mikey gingerly ‘flexed’ his newly cast-freed arm.
“Not the point, hermano. If you want full function back in your biceps brachii, you’ll do these exercises across the specified time period.”
“Now you sound like Donnie.”
“Biceps brachii,” he mumbled. He chuckled sleepily.
Blood just kept coming out of the hole, how deep did it go? Was that MUSCLE?
Leo opened his eyes with a groan. He should have known sleep was going to be warded off by another loud thought. He still hadn’t texted Donnie. Why couldn’t he just handle this?
His hand groped around, automatically reaching for the pouch with the bullet. It stopped, then wandered over and picked up his phone.
“Then let me put it this way: if you do all your exercises like you’re supposed to, you’ll be able to almost beat me at basketball again.”
“What? What do you mean ‘almost’!?”
“Mmm, you heard me.”
Leo squinted again in the harsh phone light. He tried to dial it down, but it was already as dim as it could go. “The brachial artery supplies the anterior compartment of the upper arm via muscular branches called-”
His face dropped back into the pillow.
He was so tired.
There was so much blood.
His brothers needed him.
He needed to be the medic because he was the last one standing; he was The Best.
He needed to be The Best so that he could function as the medic.
He needed… he needed there to never be a next time.
But what were the odds of that?
He raised his head yet again and continued reading. He read until those loud thoughts were finally quiet, and then he awoke in the morning with the phone still in his hand.