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Plastic cups and empty soda cans littered the table, a couple boxes of eaten pizza, only crusts remaining. After the cacophony of what seemed like a dozen teens the silence of the house seemed deafening. Steve walked around the living room, throwing trash away in handfuls, radio playing softly in the background.
There was a noise behind him, someone clearing their throat and Steve turned, finding Billy looking nervous and fidgety in the threshold of the living room.
“Oh. Hey.” Steve said, a little unsure. They were alone in the house. They hadn’t been alone around each other in a very long time.
Billy had begrudgingly joined their group after his release from the hospital but remained mostly silent whenever they got together as a team. For the first time in years, it was quiet around Hawkins, Indiana, but that seemed to put the whole group on edge. El was the least relaxed of them all. She seemed more on edge than ever. Something was coming and they needed to be prepared.
Billy looked sick, like he was going to throw up. “Hey, uh. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh. Okay.” Steve said, dropping the garbage bag on the floor. He rubbed the back of his head. “What’s this about?”
Billy looked nervous as hell , face scrunched up like he was contemplating, going back and forth in his head . “Um, I just. I wanted to. Apologize. To you.” He said slowly, purposefully.
Steve narrowed his eyes slightly, examining Billy. He was shifting his weight back and forth, eyes darting all over the place. His face was flushed, and he wouldn’t look directly at Steve.
“Apologize.” Steve echoed.
Billy finally looked at him, albeit for no more than a second or two.
“Yeah, uh. Look, a lot of shit went down and. I’m sorry. About everything.”
Sure, it wasn’t the most perfect apology, but it was a start. “Okay.” Steve said, a little nervous and airy, like he was saying okay, what’s the punchline?
Billy took a deep breath. “And I’ll apologize to Lucas, and everyone else. Swear.”
“O...kay.” Steve repeated dumbly.
Billy nodded at him once. They fell silent, but Steve could tell Billy wasn’t done.
“Billy, why are you telling me all this?” He asked after a few seconds.
Billy breathed long and hard out of his nose, eyes cast to the floor. “Because I want to be better. I need. To be better.”
Steve shrugged. “Alright. I accept your apology.”
It seemed like their conversation was over and Steve started to turn away, like he was going to grab the trash bag and start cleaning again, but Billy stopped him.
“Steve?”
“Yeah?” He said, facing Billy again.
There’s this long, long, long pause and then Billy finally says, “I’m gay.”
And then there’s another really long pause, and Steve’s eyes go wide, shocked, curious, thoughtful -- eventually returning to normal, and he smiles. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Billy repeats hollowly.
“Yeah, it’s fine. You should meet my friend, Robin. She -- ” Steve stops suddenly. “Uh, I mean, maybe I shouldn’t...whatever, look it’s totally cool.”
“It is?”
“Yeah. It’s fine. I mean, we think Jonathan’s brother is -- fuck -- I’m really just outing everyone, aren’t I?”
That made Billy look taken aback, nervous.
Steve held up his hands. “No, I mean, I’m not gunna...I’m only telling you because you told me. I promise I won’t say anything.”
“Okay.” Billy mumbled.
Long pause.
“Alright.” Steve started to move again, as if the conversation was done.
Billy had moved closer, and once again interrupted. “Steve?”
“Yeah?”
Billy moved closer, then even closer until he was standing right in front of Steve. He was looking down at Steve’s chest, face red, and then he looked up and moved in. Billy lifted a hand and Steve thought he was going to hit him. Steve put a hand up, like it would help, but it landed on Billy’s chest. Billy’s hand went past Steve’s face, around the back of his head, pulling him in, crowding closer and then they were touching -- chests, hips, feet.
The kiss lasted three seconds tops and then Billy pulled back, leaving Steve wide-eyed, stone-still.
“Just thought I’d let you know.” Billy said before leaving quickly.
“Oh my god, oh my god, tell me again.” Robin said, hands over her face.
Steve sat on his bed, cross-legged, picking at a loose thread on his shirtsleeve. “He just. He said my name and then he kissed me.” His eyes were glossed over, lost in thought. One thought, really.
“Oh my god.” Robin repeated, hands pushing harder against her face.
“Robin.” Steve said firmly.
She dropped her hands, face red. “I’m sorry! I’m strictly into ladies but this is so. hot. Oh my god.”
“What do I do?” Steve asked.
“No, wait a moment.” She moved next to Steve on the bed and lay down.
“What are you doing?” He asked, face crinkling in confusion.
“I need, like, a full fucking minute to process this.” She said flatly.
“ Robin. ” Steve said, a whisper, but more severe.
“Okay, god.” She sat up. “I don't know, Steve, did you like it?”
He looked down quickly, almost like he was caught doing something, then looked up again. “What?”
“Did you like it?” She repeated with a shrug.
Steve closed his eyes briefly, thinking about the moment; the heated and determined press of Billy’s mouth on his, the fogging feeling of unsurity, “I...I don't know.”
Robin let out a deep breath. “Well. Why don't you try again?”
Steve looked at her apprehensively “Try...again?” He repeated.
She nodded at her own idea, seemingly growing more confident in it. “Yeah. If you want to figure this out, it sounds like you’re going to have to try again.”
Steve put his face in his hands, rubbing at it, almost annoyed. “Yeah. Okay.”
There wasn’t a team meeting scheduled for at least another week, and Steve couldn’t wait that long. It was summer, so Billy wasn’t at school, and it’s not like Steve drove around looking for him or anything, but actually -- yes he did. The quarry was empty, as was the junkyard. There were guys playing basketball at the park but Billy wasn’t there.
Eventually, he realized he was an idiot.
The pool. Billy would be at the pool.
He drove there, no radio, tensely gripping the steering wheel, lost in his thoughts. Steve’s heartbeat tripled as he pulled into the parking lot.
By the time he was pushing through the gate Steve was a shaking mess. He looked around the pool nervously, but Billy was nowhere in sight. Heather was sitting in the lifeguard chair.
Great, he wasn’t here, Steve could totally do this another time. He whipped around, planning to exit as quickly as he’d come in, but the door to the employee building was opening and Billy was walking out. They almost collided.
Once both had stopped moving, they stared at each other for a few silent seconds.
“Oh. Hi.” Billy said.
Shirtless. Tan. Chest. Get a hold of yourself.
“Billy.” Steve said. “Hey, uh. You remember, uh, the other day when -- ” Steve motioned between the two of them.
Billy looked away awkwardly. “Yeah?” He prompted.
Steve felt himself flush red, swallowing around a huge lump in his throat. “I. I want to. I want to try it again.”
That got Billy’s attention and he fixed his eyes directly at Steve, almost boring through him. “Try it again.” Billy repeated.
Steve forced himself to nod and try to appear normal, like he wasn’t about to swallow his tongue. “Yes. Uh. My parents won’t be home and. I just. I need to know what’s going on -- ”
“Yes.” Billy cut him off.
“Well, you don't need to answer so -- ”
“Yes.”
Steve glanced down involuntarily, eyes landing on Billy’s nipples. “O-Okay. Um. Do you want to...would you come to my house? Tonight?”
“Tonight.” Billy echoed, like he didn’t understand.
Steve looked back up. “Yeah, uh. Only if it, if it works for you, we can always -- ”
“I’ll be there. Eight o’clock.” Billy said, cutting off his rambling again.
“O-Okay. Perfect. Or, I mean. Okay. Sounds good.”
Steve nodded once then pointed towards the gate. Billy moved aside and let him leave.
Steve struggled to get his car door open but once inside he put his head on the steering wheel. “Jesus Christ.”
Steve sat on the couch in his living room, looking over his shoulder repeatedly for the sign of headlights. “Oh my god, ohmygod, what the fuck am I doing, what the fuck am I doing?” He mumbled to himself.
And then suddenly there were headlights, an approaching car, and it pulled into Steve’s driveway.
“Shit shit shit. Holy fucking shit.” Steve said, standing, abruptly. He went to the foyer, standing there, arms wrapped around himself, hands gripping his sides.
A year seemed to pass in the seconds it took Billy to walk from his car to Steve’s front door and ring the bell.
Steve’s breathing sort of stopped and got caught in his throat at the same time and he started coughing.
Getting a hold of himself, he lurched forward and opened the door.
Ripped from the cover of a goddamn harlequin novel Billy stood there looking perfect, but he looked as nervous as Steve felt.
“Hi.” Steve said.
“Hey.” Billy replied.
“Hi.” Steve repeated.
Billy cocked an eyebrow, a slight smile pulling at his mouth.
“Oh, we did that. Yeah. Come in.” Steve said, stepping aside and opening the door wider.
Billy slowly moved through the front door before shutting it behind him, the sound of the click seemingly louder than it really was. Billy knelt down to undo his boots.
Steve’s brain was starting to short circuit slightly, the overwhelming realization of what Billy was doing here creating thunder in his chest, lightning in his limbs. Billy stood back up and the very movement of it made Steve take a step back. They stared at each other and Steve pictured Billy advancing on him, getting his arms around Steve, and --
“Are we just going to stand here?”
Steve jolted a little. “Oh, no. Of course not. Uh.” He looked around, like his possessions would help him speak. “Do you want a tour?”
“Sure.” Billy said with a shrug, scratching the side of his face with one finger.
“This is the foyer.” Steve informed him.
Billy breathed out a laugh. “I’ve gathered that.”
Steve straightened his stance, turning away. “Right, okay, um. Come with me. This is the living room, kitchen’s through there, pools out back. Dining room, laundry.” He indicated rooms with a wave of his hand, but they only stood in the living room.
“Okay.” Billy said.
“Yeah, so.” Steve said with a nod.
They weren’t standing right next to each other, but they weren’t standing particularly far apart. If Steve reached a hand out, he could touch Billy. The thought of it made his stomach flip.
“And. Upstairs?” Billy prompted.
Steve jerked his head in a nod, like he’d forgotten about the second story. “Oh, yeah. Upstairs.”
Steve led Billy to the hallway on the second floor, dark and quiet, and suddenly feeling somewhat ominous.
“So, parent’s room, bathroom.” Steve said as they walked down the hall. Steve whirled around, jerking a thumb over his shoulder. “And this is my room.” For some reason, the statement made him blush.
“Your room.” Billy repeated.
It wasn’t pitch black or anything, but it was dark enough that Billy’s face was shadowed, suddenly shrouded in secrecy. Steve, once again, held his breath, as if Billy would suddenly move towards him. The thought made him shiver.
“Yeah.” Steve said quietly.
Billy did move, an inch or two forward. “Uh. Do you want to show it to me?”
Jesus. Jesus Christ.
“Show you my room. Totally.” Steve said, mouth seemingly filled with sand. He kept swallowing, trying to calm his rapid heartbeat. Nothing was shaking his nerves. The lead-up to...whatever was about to happen was lacing his veins with adrenaline. He opened his door and they both walked in, Steve ahead of Billy, flicking the light on. “So. This is, uh. This is it.” He stood near his bed and watched with wide, unblinking eyes as Billy shut the door.
Alright, yup, we are totally just in my room with the door shut, this is fine. This is going to be totally fine.
Billy looked left, then right. “It’s nice.” He commented.
“It’s fine.” Steve shrugged, uncaring about the room right now.
“Okay.” Billy conceded. They locked eyes, both trying to gauge the other. Billy broke the silence first. “Do you...want to stay in here or should we go somewhere else?”
“No! No, here is. This is fine.” Steve blurted out, flustered. He actually sat down on his bed and then stood up very quickly. Billy tracked the movement with his eyes but he didn’t comment on it. Somehow the idea of sitting on the bed seemed too...intimate.
“Okay.” Billy said slowly. He moved, shrugging out of his jacket. “Are you alright?”
Steve swallowed again, mouth completely dry. “Yes. I’m great. I’m just. Nervous.” He admitted.
“Yeah, I picked up on that.” Billy said with a smile that indicated he wasn’t trying to be mean. He went and set his jacket on the chair at Steve’s desk before turning his attention back to Steve.
“Are you going to do it now?” Steve asked, and truly meant to ask in a normal voice and not the whispered rush it came out as.
“Only if you want me to.” Billy said, tone careful like he was handling something fragile.
“Yeah. I mean, yes, I -- ” Steve’s eyes darted around and he let out a frustrated burst of air. “Sorry, I’m just -- ”
“Nervous.” Billy supplied.
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
Billy took one step, then another. Closing in on Steve with every second that passed, and something, some thread of uncertainty, made Steve sway back, almost trip over his own feet.
“Hey.” Billy said softly. “We don't have to do this?” He said, like it was an offering.
“It’s fine. I swear.” Steve said, trying to sound confident. It did not come out entirely that way.
“Stay still then.” Billy said, almost with a laugh, moving forward another step.
Steve realized he was still moving away and froze. It didn’t really matter though, seeing as his nightstand was right behind him.
Nowhere left to go.
Steve didn’t respond, just forced himself to stand still, aside from his ragged breathing.
Billy was right in front of him. Steve looked at his mouth, at his neck, dropping his head slightly.
Then a hand touched his cheek, feeling the heat there, and Steve glanced up. Billy moved slowly, giving Steve the chance to stop him.
One final look was exchanged before Billy closed the space between them.
The kiss was brief as it had been last time. A few seconds, neither of them breathing, the chaste press of lips against lips.
Billy broke it, eyes searching Steve’s face for...well, something.
Steve’s mouth hung open a little, and his eyes were glued to Billy’s mouth for a few seconds before he took a chance and met his gaze. They had looked at each other countless times before, but suddenly it was brand new. It was a little scary. It was exhilarating.
Billy put his other hand on Steve’s other cheek and pulled Steve to him for another kiss.
This one was different. This kiss was more heat, open-mouthed, tongues brushing. Every second that passed sent new waves of electricity through Steve, hands hesitantly touching Billy’s waist before gripping his sides hard and tight. Billy crowded in closer, and Steve arched his back a little to avoid knocking over his bedside lamp.
Billy licked into Steve’s mouth, hands moving into his hair and gripping.
Holy fucking shit, Steve thought, This is great, this is the greatest thing that has ever happened, nothing will ever be better than this .
The thought made his heart lurch. Billy was still kissing him and making him feel things he’d never felt before; not a single girl that had ever touched him had caused this kind of fire in his stomach, the quakiness in his knees, the tingle around his mouth when they broke apart that almost hurt from the lack of contact.
They stared at one another, gasping in air, Billy’s hands having fallen to Steve’s shoulders, Steve’s hands still on Billy’s waist.
“Uh.” Billy said, clearing his throat. “That help?” He asked.
Yes. No. Maybe. What the fuck do I do now?
“Uh. Yeah. I. I think so.” Steve replied.
Don't let me go.
“Should I go?” Billy asked quietly, almost like he was sad.
Don't.
“Or we could move to the bed?” Steve suggested, almost sheepishly.
The look Billy gave him made him shiver.