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Gay or European?

Summary:

“There! Right there!” Piper gasped, staring at Nico di Angelo, who was peacefully seated on the bench outside his cabin “Look at that pale, well-tended skin. Look at the killer shape he’s in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh, please, he’s gay! Totally gay!”

Notes:

Here’s the link to the song so you can enjoy this story more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln94kFZ8a5M

Basically Nico didn’t come out to the seven yet and the war is already over.

All rights reserved to Rick Riordan for his amazing characters and to the creators of Legally Blonde.

Work Text:

“There! Right there!” Piper gasped, staring at Nico di Angelo, who was peacefully seated on the bench outside his cabin “Look at that pale, well-tended skin. Look at the killer shape he’s in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh, please, he’s gay! Totally gay!”

The seven were all seated around a table pretending to be playing cards outside the Aphrodite cabin, which was directly in front of the Hades one.

Jason set his cards on the table and leaned back on his chair, arms crossed. He was determined to cover Nico until the son of Hades was ready to come out.

“Every trait could indicate a totally straight expatriate. This guy’s not gay, I say, not gay!”

The argument had been the elephant in the room between all the campers ever since the end of the giants war. But no one other than Jason, Hazel and Reyna knew the truth.

“Well, is it relevant to assume that a boy who wears perfume is automatically fae?” Annabeth stated.

“But look at his coiffed and crispy locks!” Leo pointed at Nico’s messy raven hair.

“Look at his silk translucent socks!” Piper whisper-screamed.

“But there’s the eternal paradox” Jason broke in “Look what we’re seeing”

“What are we seeing?” Piper and Leo echoed him.

“Is he gay…”

“Of course he’s gay!” the daughter of Aphrodite snapped at his boyfriend.

“...or European?”

A huge “oooooh” spread among the seven.

Some curious campers passing by joined the argument, Rachel among them.

“Gay or European?” She considered aloud, rubbing her chin “It’s hard to guarantee...”

Everyone stared at Percy questioningly.

“Well, hey, don’t look at me!”

Hazel decided to finally take part in the conversation and help her brother out.

“You see, they bring their boys up differently in those charming foreign ports.They play peculiar sports in shiny shirts and tiny shorts, for instance”

Piper scoffed at that.

“Gay or foreign fella?” this was Travis Stoll “The answer could take weeks…”

“They both say things like “ ciao bella ” while they kiss you on both cheeks” his brother, Connor, added mockingly.

At that point Nico changed position on the bench, crossing his legs first, then swinging one on top of the other, then inverting them, and finally crossing them again, as though he couldn’t decide which position was the most uncomfortable.

Oh, please! ” Piper swung her arms exasperatedly.

All the gathered campers started whispering conspiratorially, every now and then the question “Gay or European?” springing out from the flow of voices.

If the son of Hades noticed their suspicious behavior, he didn’t point it out. He was used to being surrounded by complete morons.

“Depending on the time and day, the French go either way” Mitchell declared.

Annabeth seemed to consider that. “So then, is he gay, or European, or …”

“There! Right there!” Hazel interrupted her “Look at that condescending smirk, I’ve seen it on every fascist in the 40s. That is a metro-hetero jerk! My brother’s not gay, I say, no way!” 

Then she considered that maybe Nico would have preferred to be seen as a bisexual weirdo than a Hitler fanatic. Too late, she guessed…

At that point Reyna popped out of the Hades cabin, surprising the crowd of demigods gathered at the table. They all assumed Nico had shadow-travelled her to Camp Half-Blood for ambassador matters. But could that be the only reason the two were together in the same cabin?

Reyna handed him a cup of iced coffee and sat a safe distance away from him.

Silence.

Finally Kayla, a daughter of Apollo, stated what everyone was thinking “Well, is it relevant to presume that an Italian single hottie with a cup of iced coffee-”

“Is automatically, radically...” Piper interrupted.

“... ironically, chronically...” Leo continued.

“.. scurtinly, curtainly...” Rachel joined.

“.. genetically, medically...” Annabeth added, at the same time that Nico did the thing with his wrist while discussing with Reyna about something.

“Gay! Officially gay!” All four of them whisper-screamed, way too excited to stop “Officially gay, gay, gay, gay…”

Nico swung his arm around Reyna’s shoulder.

“Dammit!”

The question “gay or European?” kept wandering among the group of demigods, all determined to find out soon enough.

“So stylish and relaxed” Austin let go a sigh of admiration.

“Is he gay or European?” Frank didn’t seem to notice he was thinking aloud.

“I think his chest is waxed!” Leo pointed out as Nico took off his coffee stained t-shirt and entered his cabin to get a new one.

Hazel stood on her chair, exasperated to make them give up on the argument and make up for the fascist matter “But they bring their boys up differently there, it’s culturally diverse! It’s not a fashion curse if he wears a kilt or bears a purse”

Leo ignored her.

“Gay or just exotic?” He rubbed his chin as when he was trying to figure out how a machine works “I still can’t crack the code…”

“Yet his accent is hypnotic” Katie Gardner considered “But his converse are high top”

“Huh” Hazel seated back down, apparently defeated.

“But if he turns out straight, I’m free at 8 on Saturday” Drew smirked from the cabin’s threshold, having eavesdropped on the entire conversation.

The chaos leveled up and even more campers joined them. Nico got back on the bench with a clean MCR t-shirt on. Reyna stared stony-faced at Hazel and Jason, arching her eyebrows as if urging them to make everyone shut up.

“Wait a minute!” Leo burst out, getting everyone’s attention, Nico included, but he just shook his head and ignored them. “Give me a chance to crack this guy” Leo continued, this time whispering “I have an idea I’d like to try”

“The floor is yours” Jason conceded.

Leo approached the son of Hades “So, di Angelo, when was the last time you’ve been to Italy?”

“What’re you up to, Valdez?” Nico glared at him.

“Just answer the damn question!”

“Seventy-five years ago” Nico rolled his eyes, thinking that if he just answered this stupid interrogation he would be left in peace.

“And your first name again is?”

“Nicoló”

“And your boyfriend’s name is?”

“Will”

A choir of gasps.

Nico realized what had left his mouth only when he saw Leo’s triumphant grin.

“I’m sorry! I misunderstood!” He immediately amended “I thought you said best friend. Will is my… best friend”

“You bastard!” A voice approached them from the infirmary “You lying bastard! That’s it. You can stitch your wounds yourself from now on!”

Will Solace opened his way in the crowd and got on the table, with an ace bandage still around his wrist and his white doctor vest on “I have a big announcement, y’all!” 

Everyone stared at him expectantly.

He pointed an accusatory finger at the son of Hades “This guy is gay AND European!” Another wave of gasps “And neither is disgrace”

He dismounted the table and walked towards Nico “You’ve got to stop your being a completely closet case”

Nico stood up and death-glared at him.

“It’s me, not her, he’s seeing. No matter what he says!” Will exclaimed proudly, nodding his chin at Reyna. “I swear he never ever ever swings the other way!”

“Hey!”

“You are sooo gay! You big parfait!” Will entered Nico’s personal space, pointing at his chest with every sentence. “You flaming boy in cabaret” he whispered in his ear, bringing an arm around his waist.

Nico pushed him away “I’m straight!”

“You were not yesterday” The son of Apollo winked at him. “So, if I may, I’m proud to say he’s gay!”

“And European!” Leo shouted.

Will stared defiantly down at Nico, closing the distance between their lips teasingly as the campers cheered “Gay and European! Gay and European! Gay and European and Gayyyyy-”

“Fine okay, I’m gay!” Nico exclaimed exasperated. He jumped on Will’s arms and kissed him passionately.

“Hooray!”

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