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“So, you ever gonna tell me your real name?” Kerry blurts out from the passenger seat of V’s Avenger.
V looks over to him with a confused look before snapping his eyes back to the road and thinking the question over. He laughs to himself before finally saying, “It’s V. Thought you knew that?”
“I ain’t buyin’ the idea that your parents named you a letter, my guy.”
“You had to know he was gonna ask at some point.” Johnny Silverhand, the construct caged in V’s brain, sat in the back of the car, legs spread wide and arm across the back of the seat. “Things are gettin’ pretty serious ‘tween you two. Probably a smart idea to tell ‘im, he won't let it go until he knows and Ker is relentless. He’ll start callin’ your family if you won’t tell ‘im.”
“Yeah…” V mumbles aloud as an answer to both Kerry and Johnny, the latter not being seen or heard by the former.
Silence falls over the three of them. Johnny glitches in and out of a few different positions in the cramped backseat until he finds one that suits him: sitting sideways with his long legs crossed over the remainder of the seat.
Kerry ends up looking out the window to his side with a frown.
V can feel the tension between them as clearly as he can feel Johnny scratching at his mind in a desperate attempt to get him to stop being an absolute idiot about this.
It’s silly, really. It doesn’t really matter. Plenty of people know V’s full name, it’s not a secret. But only those whom he has grown extremely close to ever use it. Currently that’s just Mama Welles, Padre Ibarra, and Judy Alvarez. A couple of his fellow Valentino’s use his full name too but not many, even though most of them know it by now.
So he wants to tell Kerry, he really does, but part of him is holding back because as soon as he tells him then this will all be real. Everything between them will be a fact rather than the thing V feared the most: that it was a fiction. He’s so scared that he’s been dreaming all this up, that dating Kerry Eurodyne, his fucking idol, was all some kind of rouse or joke.
“You gotta say somethin’.” Johnny says, more solemn than usual. “You can feel it too, I know. He’s hurtin’.”
V sighs. He does feel it. The pain is now palpable, emanating from Kerry like raindrops from a dark cloud.
He has two options. He can tell him and risk being hurt somewhere down the line or he can hide it and be hurt now when Kerry decides it’s not worth his time to be with someone who can’t even be honest with him about something as stupid as a name.
Love is pain. He’s hesitant to say he’s in love, scared to admit it even to himself, but it’s no secret that V loves Kerry. He’s loved him from the moment they met but it hasn’t been an easy journey for either of them by any means.
They argued a lot in the early days and it was mostly about Johnny. Kerry has so much baggage regarding Johnny that it was hard for him to separate V and his old friend for a while. V was understandably hurt by this, being the sensitive man he is. But these problems have since subsided. Things were honestly good now between them and V could honestly say the future looked bright.
But then Kerry asked for his name.
“V.” Johnny scolded. “Get out of your fuckin’ head and talk to him or I’ll take over and do it for you.”
“I think the fuck not.” V hisses back in his mind.
“Then say somethin’, bitch.”
“You hungry?” V asks aloud, addressing Kerry.
“Hm?” Kerry pulls his eyes away from the view out the window. “Yeah, sorta.”
“I’m cravin’ ice cream.” V chuckles. “You down?”
“Sure.” Kerry’s reply is half hearted and entirely too sad for V’s liking.
Nevertheless he makes a few course adjustments and before long they are parked in an alley near an ice cream stand in Watson.
V buys them both a cone and they sit down on a nearby bench together, still relatively silent. V’s leg bounces anxiously as he finishes the frozen treat and looks over to Kerry who happens to still be stuck in his own thoughts.
Johnny, who’s standing off to the side with his back against the wall, shakes his head in disappointment when V’s gaze falls on him.
It’s so stupid. This is so stupid.
He holds Kerry’s hand on the way back to his car and Kerry’s grip is too loose, too uninvolved. V’s chest tightens, knowing that if he doesn’t fix this soon the man is going to make his choice for him.
This is so stupid.
They get in the car and V just sits there for a moment, not starting the car and instead just psyching himself up to spill his guts because he can’t take it anymore.
“I’m sorry. Fuck… I’m so fuckin’ dumb.”
“Sorry about what?” Kerry replies, pulling off his sunglasses to meet V’s brilliant white eyes.
V looks down at where his hands rest on the steering wheel. “Look, I’m just scared because if I tell you my name then this is real and I guess I’m just a fuckin’ coward because that thought terrifies me.”
“It means what is real? This?” Kerry’s hand comes up and waves back and forth between them.
V nods sheepishly before saying, “I don’t wanna get hurt, you know? Like… I don’t know what I am to you. I know what you are to me but we’ve never really talked 'bout it.” He pauses, his leg still bouncing and his face contorting as if the words hurt him to say. “Am I just some fling to you? Be honest, I’d rather know now then later.”
Kerry doesn’t say anything and turns his body to look out the window again. The pause makes V’s heart sink. He figures the man is just trying to think of some way to let him down easy, to break his heart without hurting him too much. The sad part is that V wouldn’t blame him and would still probably continue seeing him until the rockerboy is finally bored with him.
“V…” Kerry finally says the letter that serves as the merc’s name. “You’re not a fling. Not to me, anyway.”
“Wait, what?”
“You’re not the only one who’s scared. I know you idolize me or whatever. Johnny said as much when he was… when he was you or whatever the fuck.” A frustrated grumble leaves Kerry before he shakes his head and continues. “So if we’re gonna sit here and spill it all out then you tell me - am I just some celebrity dream-come-true to you?”
“Fuck no.” V takes no time answering the question, always wearing his heart on his sleeve even though it hurts him most of the time. “Kerry… You mean the world to me and it’s not ‘cause you’re famous or because I’m a fan of your music.”
“Yeah?” Kerry says with a relieved sigh and a bright smile.
“Yeah. I… I think I love you and I know it’s probably too soon to say that and you don’t gotta say it back or anythin’ but there. I said it.”
“I love you, too.” Kerry’s voice is soft and the words come immediately after V finishes speaking. “Really.”
“You sure it’s not just Johnny?” V asks hesitantly. It’s a mean question but it needs to be asked, all things considered.
“Fuckin’ promise. Love the man but not like that. Not anymore. It’s all you, V.”
Their lips meet in the middle of the car, neither of them sure who initiates it but both of them positive that they want this. It’s a dreamy kiss, the kind of kiss you see in sappy vids about love and romance. The kind of kiss shared by two people who are so head over heels in love with each other that all caution is thrown to the wind.
“Gross.” Johnny chimes in from the backseat. “Get a room.”
V chuckles against Kerry’s mouth, his hand sliding down the back of the man’s head and falling to his neck, holding him close and trying not to let his brain parasite kill the moment even though he already has.
“Johnny talkin’ shit?” Kerry gives V a look like he’s ready to kick someone’s ass.
“Mhmm.” V snickers.
“Where is he?” The rocker asks and V points to the spot where Johnny is sitting in the backseat. Kerry turns to face Johnny, who is entirely invisible to him, and points his finger as he scolds him. “You shut the fuck up, jackass. Jealousy isn’t a cute color on you.”
V bursts into laughter when all Johnny can muster in response is a defeated “tsk” before disappearing again.
“Did I get ‘im?” Kerry asks, barely containing his own laughter.
“He delta’d outta here so fuckin’ quick.”
“Good.” Kerry leans back in and kisses V a few more times, first on his nose then on his cheek before finally planting one on his lips.
He falls back in his seat with a smug smirk on his face before throwing his feet up on the dashboard. With that, V starts the car but hesitates to put it in gear.
It wasn’t so stupid anymore. Not really. It’s just a name.
“Vellan Reyes.”
“What?” Kerry turned to look at V, twisting in his seat.
“That’s my name. My real name. Vellan Reyes. It’s yours now, mi amor. ”
“Fuck, what a beautiful name.” A subtle smile tugs at the corners of Kerry’s mouth as his hand slides over V’s thigh. “Vellan Reyes. My baby blue . Fuckin’ preem.”