Work Text:
March 31, 2016
He’s gone… he hasn’t been gone like this since I was little. It happened when I was nine, he vanished in the middle of the night. He gave me a hug and told me he was just going out for a walk, to clear his head…
It wasn’t to clear his head. They found him in a ditch 10 meters from home. Mum traveled back from whatever work job she had to visit him in the hospital. He woke up a few hours later, fists swinging and panting, when he saw us he apologized. We all cried, well, they all cried, I spent the night at Uncle Sparks house with Tubbo. That’s besides the point. He’s been gone for a while. He drove me to school, smiling and giving me a lopsided salute before racing off. I thought he might have had some classes to do. When I got home he wasn’t there, which wasn’t too odd. I just went over to Tubbos to work while I waited for him or Techno to get home. Tech was home first, tired, but home. He came to get me from Tubbos house, asking where Wilbur was. I didn’t know, I thought he was with him. I haven’t seen him yet either. It’s been a week, I’ve been getting scared.
April 1, 2016
I was holding out some childish hope that this was some elaborate April fools joke. Guess he got me, because he still isn’t home.
April 9. 2016
This is both the best and worst 13th birthday ever. Wilbur is back, he’s been in the hospital for two days and he’s getting discharged soon. They had to pump his stomach, too many drugs. The jokes aren’t funny when someone in your family has almost died to them,,, well, he sort of has. Thank god he’s a phantom, without it I’d be down a brother and he’d be chumming it up with mum alone. Nobody wants that!
Sorry, making jokes helps it feel better, if even for a moment. I just wish he could just be better, for good this time.
July 5, 2018
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him. He knows. He knows he’s hurting mum and dad and me and techno and he still does it. Why does he still do it, why does he hurt us. Why? He said he would stop, he promised. He lies, he always lies. Maybe this time he’ll learn. Maybe after this he’ll stop. Maybe I should run, see how he feels… but I don’t know if I can just bounce back if I get hurt or die. What if I’m gone? What about mum and dad? How would they feel?? What am I saying, I can’t be like him. Wilbur isn’t worth it. He doesn’t care about us, I won’t care about him.
July 9, 2018
They found him. Oh god.
July 10, 2018
He was beaten pretty badly, severe scarring and massive internal bleeding. He had a cocktail of drugs and alcohol in his system. It’s like he’s trying to hurt himself, or us.
The house is quiet. It’s usually not this silent. Dad is at work, teaching. Mum is on another trip (I wonder if she would end up like Will?) and Tech is in class. He’s staying in his dorm for a while, o don’t blame him, home feels like the least welcoming place right about now. Phil let me stay home sick today. I just didn’t feel like getting up, but now I regret not going to school. It’s empty without Will plucking out a tune, or humming, or calling a friend, or fiddling with papers trying to find something on his mess of a desk, or a pencil tapping (in triplets) on the kitchen table as he does homework, the tv going on some dumb reality tv show that premiered hours after the documentary on fish. I miss the noise. I’m curled up in a small recliner, taking up the smallest amount of space and I still feel like I’m being crushed. It’s not fair, the absence is possibly worse than the presence.
July 21, 2018
He’s back home, but different. They said it was some sort of amnesia, iatrogenic? Too many drugs and the overdose basically rebooted his brain. He remembers simple stuff, he likes music, who we are, and he’s been going to classes. Enough that he’s met someone. The last time he met someone everything kinda went downhill. To be honest I think we can blame everything on her, the only remote good thing that we got was Fundy being formally adopted, but that quickly went downhill. Fundy hasn’t been over since the accident (which is what we’ve taken to calling it) except for when he saw Will at the hospital. Fundy took the task of driving Will to and from PT. Anyways, he’s dating (?) again. Some sheep hybrid named Friend. Stupid name, but if it helps him I don’t care. He also insists on being called “ghostbur” since he’s been recovering memories he gets more destressed and wants to separate himself from his pre-amnesia state. I personally don’t mind this new Wilbur, he’s nicer and helpful but dad and Techno don’t really like him, I can tell. Dad blames himself for letting Will get this bad, for not watching him closer, for not taking better care of him. It sucks, but I get it. Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault that I didn’t spend more time with him, talk to him. But I was Just a kid, it wasn’t my fault. That’s all I can do, tell myself it wasn’t my fault and hope that I’m doing better with Ghostbur.
November 14, 2019
He’s remembered. He’s remembered everything.
November 19, 2019
I’m dreading Thanksgiving this year. I know it’s going to be a while and that we don’t usually celebrate but Mum wanted to. It was kinda just an excuse to make lots of food and invite everyone back home, some sense of normalcy while everyone is reeling from Wilbur being… Wilbur again. I hate it, he’s been smoking again, maybe to hold off the other urges he has, but I can’t stand to be near him. He smells like death and smoke, like an explosion. I hate it, he used to smell like cornflowers and pencil lead. I remember what we all smelled like before the accident (it’s not weird, we’re family). Phil smelled like nature, trees and plants and shit. His wings were my favorite part, they always smelled like the laundry detergent we used on the towels. Tech smelled like rosin and old books, that and his shitty 2 in 1 shampoo. Mum smelled like lilacs and roses, along with the slight smell of alcohol, either from her coroner work or her love of mixing cocktails. I… I don’t know what I smell like. Even before the accident. I could ask Tubbo but,,, I haven’t spoken to him in a while. I haven’t really spoken at all since well.
I just wish things could be better, I wish Will would snap out of it and stop being an asshole.
November 27, 2019
Yesterday was the absolute worst. Uncle Sparks, Crumb, Tubbo, Ranboo, and Fundy came over. It started out fine until Wilbur started talking to Fundy about school, when he just fucking snapped. The conversation went kinda like this:
Wilbur: so, Fundy. How are classes?
Fundy: fine.
Wilbur: ookay… anyone special.
Fundy: no.
Wilbur: how about-
Fundy: How about you butt out and stop asking, huh? It’s not like you even fucking care?! You leave everyone, fucking get high and pop pills like they’re candy and then pretend everything is ok when you’re breaking everyone. Have you even noticed how quiet everyone has been? Phil has more bags than Kristen after a job, Kristen has been staying home more trying to spend time with the family, Techno has been staying in the dorms to avoid here, and Tommy hasn’t said anything all night!
Wilbur: Fundy-
Fundy: Don’t “Fundy” me! You don’t even know what my major is, try. Try to tell me. Do it!
Wilbur: well, you like piano so uh-
Techno: -comp sci
Wilbur: what?
Techno: hes in comp sci. You would know that if you actually took the time to ask him.
Wilbur: (laughs nervously) well, it takes a village.
Techno got fucking pissed and just walked off, probably leaving to his room. Fundy and Wilbur continued fighting while Phil, The Captain, and Kristen tried to calm them down. Tubbo held my hand as Ranboo tried to calm Crumb down. Eventually Mum sent us to the entertainment room while they talked. Captain Sparks came and got Tubbo and Crumb, Ranboo stayed over. I heard a bit more yelling before the door just slammed and I watched as Fundy’s car pulled away. Mum came in a while later, she stroked me and Ranboo’s head until he fell asleep, but I couldn’t sleep. I asked her what was wrong with Wilbur and she just sighed and explained “He’s having a hard time finding himself. Ever since high school he’s been struggling with… a lot. And I don’t plan to excuse him but you have to understand, he has a lot of issues that weren’t dealt with properly. For now our job is just to show him love and hope he gets better.” Which is just a bunch of words that mean, “we don’t fucking know but we’re trying our best,” I fell asleep for a while but woke up this morning to Mum and Dad whispering in the kitchen angrily while Tech drank tea and listened.
Phil: Well what are we supposed to do?
Kristen: we could just call the number, if it seems sketchy we could get the police to track it and go over to the place
Phil: and what if it’s fine?
Kristen: (sigh) we visit, see that he's ok and then we trust him.
Techno: Trust him? Ha, ok. We’re going to trust the guy that has a fucking addiction problem to go to a friends house to ‘get sober’? Sure.
Kristen: Listen, I’m as scared as you are but we have to make sure he’s ok and trust him. While it’s hard he is an adult, and maybe this will be good for him.
Techno came towards the stairs and I dashed up them and pretended I was going to my room. I asked him what was going on and he just nodded to go downstairs. I did, walking up to Mum and Dad and asking about it, where they handed me the note
Dear Phil and Kristen
I’m sorry for everything I’ve done, I’m going to stay with a friend for a while to try and get better. I’m sorry to Tommy for being a shit older brother, I’m sorry to Techno for being a lazy apathetic whiny bitch, and I’m sorry to you two for being irresponsible. Here is my friends number: 974-4739
He should answer but he’s going with me to rehab, we’re each other’s support right now. I won’t make you suffer with watching me get better just to watch me continue to fail, I know how much it hurts. I’m sorry for everything.
— Wilbur Soot-Minecraft
October 14, 2020
Wilbur’s back home for Halloween (although it’s not for a few weeks). He invited some friends and they seemed cool. They’re planning on having some kind of movie marathon and they invited us (Ranboo, Tubbo, Crumb and I) which made me think there wouldn’t be any drugs, and given the fact he asked Mum to lock up the alcohol somewhere out of sight earlier implies that this is a sober party. He brought over this girl, Niki, and some of their other college friends, Minx, Schlatt. He also told us about an EP he was working on with some friends he met at an open mic night at the cafe near college. When Techno asked why he was there, he just explained that he went to get lunch with Fundy. I asked Will how his relationship with Fundy was, 1 year sober or whatever, and he said it had gotten a lot better, especially now that Fundy had someone he could talk to. Mum and Dad looked at each other when he said that before raising an eyebrow at Will, who just shrugged and said that was all Fundy said. After his friends left he decided to stay at home for a while, he told everyone he’s been going to rehab and support groups, actively in therapy, and pursuing his music. He seems to finally be doing better, he actually talked to techno and made him laugh, an actual laugh. It felt… nice.
October 31. 2020
I’m a dirty crime boy.
November 1, 2020
For context, Will took me trick or treating, which is dumb since I’m almost an adult but whatever, free candy. We managed to get like, a shit ton of candy because Will is somehow still charismatic when dressed up like a dumb zombie scientist (he says it’s a character from the dumb shows Phil watches but who cares). Then he had an idea, I could tell it was a dumb, possibly illegal idea, but I’m a good younger brother so of course I would agree. He chatted up a neighbor, using all of his Wilbur Soot charisma and charm while I snuck into their house and stole the candy. It was going great until their dog tried to bite me. Fucking scared the shit out of me, screamed and ran out under their arm with the whole bowl, pulling Will behind me whit the ends of his coat. We stopped at the corners and laughed, a bunch, before we sat on the sidewalk and watched the kids go by. I finally got to talk to him, truly my brother again.
Will: go ahead.
Me: what?
Will: ask your question, I know you have one, or many.
Me: (hesitates) why?
Will: to be honest, I wanted to be noticed and I was hurting so much. Dad favored techno, you had our cousins and I didn’t have anyone. With the drugs they would numb the pain. Then with more I could visit somewhere new without moving. It was…
Me: awesome?
Will: terrifying. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. The trip isn’t worth the fall. Afterwards you feel empty, and then the itch is there and nothing except that drug can fill it. After a while the body stops registering the drugs you know, so I took more. Anything to satiate the itch.
Me: And that’s how you ended up there, the ditch, every time?
Will: I went there because it’s not home. With home, if I overdosed we may have moved, association is a big part of trauma you know, so if I overdosed at home-
Me: -then we would associate that home with tbe overdose
Will: bingo! Besides, if I kept doing it at home then home would remind me of the itch. Did you notice how I would “vanish” when I would OD?
I nod.
Will: I would go far away so being that far out would remind me. I only did drugs once at home, big mistake. I learned not to do that pretty soon after.
Me: So your friends?
Will: well, I met Niki at school, technically at a psych ward-
Me: WHAT?!
Will: (laughing) no, not like an asylum. It’s just somewhere to help me get better. Niki was there too and we bonded, when we were released Schlatt was there to pick me up. I went to my rehab meeting and he went to AA. We’ve both been sober for a while. Well, semi sober. I’ve been trying to quit smoking- just cigs! And he has one drink and then I tell the bartender no matter what he asks, just give him a sprite and say it’s vodka mixed with something.
Me: that’s pretty smart
Will: I like to think so. I’ve been trying to get better for everyone. It’s easier to stay on track when it’s not just you expecting something, y’know?
Will then brushed himself off before standing up and extending his hand, telling me to hurry up before Phil kicks both our asses for being late.
April 9, 2021
I'm 17! Will got me a custom poster of his band which is fucking ace and Tech took me ace throwing. He’s really fucking good but what do I expect. Phil and Kristen threw me a little party, and Techno and Will hit me in the face with cake. I hate them, but this is probably the most normal I’ve had in a while. Will’s been sober for a year and a half, Fundy is finally talking to him again (normally at least, which still involves petty arguments and passive aggression) and Techno includes him in the braid trains again. Yesterday night they woke me up around 11:30 and we went to a hill nearby to stargaze. Turns out it was a mini morning surprise party. Tubbo, Ranboo, Crumb, Purpled, Erin, and some other friends were there. It was great. Sure, everything isn’t magically fixed but I’m finally thinking this time Will means to stay clean.
November 18, 2021
Fundy’s inviting a friend over for thanksgiving. I’m not religious but I’m fucking PRAYING nothing goes wrong.
November 30, 2021
A lot went on, but I’d rate it a 8/10. Better than 2019 but still too much happening.