Work Text:
Black Water Sinking Ships, a Devastation class ghost, and one of the Four Great Calamities. He Xuan.
A name feared throughout the three realms, spoken with fear and disgust. A name whispered between hushed conversations, rarely brought up, for fear of misfortune and death accompanying it. A name nearly forgotten, as the only thing remembered is the destruction and chaos that follows wherever it goes.
And yet, that very name is being called out to, by a tone filled with nothing but endearment and fondness.
"Ming-xiong!"
A voice so lovely and sweet, as if flowers were blooming from their lips. A voice as warm and clear as a summer breeze, whispering praise and reassurance.
A voice calling out a name, that isn't even his.
"Ming-Xiong? Ming-Xionggggg—"
"Yes?"
Shi Qingxuan smiles and snaps his fan closed, "Are you distracted? Don't you remember? We have a mission to do."
He Xuan—or Ming Yi—sighs. The Banyue Pass Incident had aroused Shi Qingxuan's interest ever since the newly ascended martial god arrived earlier. Ming Yi himself has no interest in trivial matters such as this, but Shi Qingxuan is like a breeze, free and light-spirited, curious and eager to get involved.
"We? Why would I come along?"
"Tsk! Of course you're coming along, Ming-xiong," Shi Qingxuan says, fanning his face. "We're best friends, doing missions together is necessary!"
Ming Yi rolls his eyes, "I won't go."
"I'll get my attendants to prepare that seven-course meal you love," Shi Qingxuan grins, knowing he's got Ming Yi when the male freezes. "Please, Ming-xiong?"
Ming Yi is silent for a moment before he gives in, "Fine."
"Alright!" Shi Qingxuan exclaims. He whisks out his fan and before Ming Yi can stop him, he recites a quick spell and fans upwards.
Ming Yi closes his eyes shut instinctively against the strong burst of wind and when he opens them, he's met with a grinning Shi Qingxuan, donned in glamorous robes, expensive ornaments, and heavy makeup.
Without even needing to look down, Ming Yi knows he looks similar. He's silent and Shi Qingxuan laughs awkwardly.
"Sorry, Ming-xiong... I know you don't like dressing up like this, but I promise it's necessary for the mission, haha!" Shi Qingxuan says, fanning her face so strongly, a few hairpins fly off.
Ming Yi merely huffs, turns around, and begins to walk down the road. Shi Qingxuan runs after him, shouting apologies and calling out his name.
Though He Xuan always hates his job of being a fake Heavenly Official, there are times he hates it more than usual. For instance, when Shi Qingxuan decides to dress him up with dark makeup, intricately designed robes, and an overly large chest.
And though he absolutely despises it, finds the whole thing repulsive and curses at Crimson Rain Sought Flower for stationing him in the heavens in the first place—he's not quite sure why he seems to forgive Shi Qingxuan each and every time as soon as he sees their smile, pure and carefree.
—
Shi Qingxuan is the only person who knows that Ming Yi loves dogs.
Technically, Shi Qingxuan is the only person who knows Ming Yi well, in general, as the male prefers to use his mouth to eat instead of socialize.
For Ming Yi's birthday one year, Shi Qingxuan had gifted him a round and chubby dog. The breed was a Shiba Inu and Shi Qingxuan had proudly stated that he had asked around weeks in advance for the cutest dog breed in the mortal realm.
Not many tend to talk to Ming Yi as he doesn't talk to them as well, but surprisingly, random Heavenly Officials had sent him birthday wishes as he passed them on the streets. Shi Qingxuan had likely gone around telling everybody he could about his dear best friend's birthday and how they had to send him their wishes and blessings.
"Aren't you super happy, Ming-xiong? It's your birthday, come on!" Shi Qingxuan whines, desperately trying to get Ming Yi to smile. He's been at it for one incense time and Ming Yi concludes that it'll take merely another before Shi Qingxuan gets tired and gives up.
Ming Yi wants to say that no, he could care less about today because it's not even his birthday, it's a forgotten god's birthday, but he can't and so he doesn't reply at all.
"Ming-xiong, you're so mean!" Shi Qingxuan whines, stomping his feet. "Do you even like the dog I got you?"
Ming Yi rolls his eyes at Shi Qingxuan's childish behavior but looks down at the ball of golden-brown and white fur in his arms.
The dog is very cute, admittedly. Ming Yi's always had a soft spot for animals, wishing he could have one as a pet when he was younger. Shi Qingxuan had discovered this secret when they had been out on a mission in the past, and Ming Yi had been staring at a small puppy for a moment too long.
The small creature is sleeping peacefully in Ming Yi's arms and a small smile unknowingly creeps up on his lips.
He musters his strength and barely manages to whisper out, "I like it."
Shi Qingxuan stares at him, mouth open and his fan dropped onto the floor. If anybody saw a spiritual device, better yet, Lord Wind Master's fan, being treated so nonchalantly, they would most definitely riot and go crazy. Yet Shi Qingxuan doesn't seem to care, instead saying, "Wh—What did you say? Ming-xiong, say that again!"
Ming Yi coughs and regains his composure. "Say what again?"
"You know what I mean!"
"I do not."
Shi Qingxuan groans, grabs his fan and dusts it off. He mutters something under his breath that sounds like, do I need to get my ears checked? and Ming Yi hides a smile behind his sleeve, pretending to wipe grime off his face.
He wouldn't mind that much if all his birthdays were like this.
—
"MING-XIONG! MING-XIONG!"
He Xuan's eyes are cold as he grips Shi Wu Du's hair. How ironic, he thinks. Only a short while back did Shi Qingxuan call out his "name" with a tone for beloved ones.
Now, he's screaming it like a plea.
"I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY I’M SORRY!"
Shi Qingxuan is crying, tears streaming messily down his face as he pleads for his brother's life. It's a blatant display of love and affection and He Xuan sneers.
As Shi Qingxuan begs on the floor, voice growing hoarse from how much he's screamed and still is, He Xuan simply stares. Shi Qingxuan must think it's a change of heart for he slowly grows quiet and stares up hopefully. He Xuan hates the glimmer of hope that's still present in his eyes and so he yanks his hand upwards and blood spills onto the ground.
The smell of copper and metal immediately penetrates the air and He Xuan drops Shi Wu Du's head onto the ground. Shi Qingxuan starts screaming again but He Xuan barely hears it.
Is that it?
All those years of rage and grief, planning his revenge in secret... is that it? He'd spent so long thinking about this moment, so long envisioning what it would feel like, but now that Shi Wu Du is dead and Shi Qingxuan will never be the same, he doesn't know how to feel.
Shi Qingxuan stops screaming at some point, his eyes lifeless as he stares at nothing. He Xuan looks at him and can't help the ache in his chest. He hates the way he looks like a broken mess on the floor, hates the way he practically looks dead, mirroring his brother.
He Xuan had lost everything, everybody. His mother, father, sister, and fiancée. He hates the way Shi Qingxuan screamed for his brother, hates the way it reminded him of the way he had screamed when his life had gone to hell.
Shi Qingxuan, the one person who talked too much, was finally quiet. And He Xuan didn't like it.
"Do you have anything else you want to say?"
It's a pointless attempt at getting Shi Qingxuan to say something, anything, because He Xuan doesn't know what he's feeling and he doesn't know how to make it go away.
"... I want to die"
He Xuan doesn't reply for a long while. He, too, had once uttered those words, curled up in a ball on the floor. He, too, had once lost everything he ever cared about, lost his future, his love, his fate. He'd had his purpose, his life, his heart stripped from him and had been left with nothing but an empty husk of the man he once was. So who was Shi Qingxuan to say he wants to die, when He Xuan had gotten everything and more taken away from him?
"Dream on," He Xuan says and forms a hand seal, sending Shi Qing Xuan to the mortal realm.
It's silent, save for the faint noises of the madmen on the floor. He Xuan sends them a look and they all immediately quiet. He Xuan leaves the room and walks down a quiet corridor before coming face to face with a tall iron door.
He pushes and the door swings open, revealing a plain and simple room, only the bare necessities present. He Xuan walks over to a chair and sits down, his limbs sinking bonelessly into the cushions.
His head tilts back and he finally lets out a long breath. His mind is hazy, a swirl of emotions and thoughts within, and in the midst of that storm, he suddenly recalls something.
Oh. It's my birthday.
Not Ming Yi's birthday, but his. He Xuan's. A meaningless date, laughable even, for ghosts are already dead and birthdays are for the living to celebrate.
He remembers, at that moment, of the time he had been gifted a dog for his "birthday".
That dog had been kept by He Xuan for some time, before he realized he didn't have the necessary resources to care for it. He had little to no attendants when he posed as a Heavenly Official and even here, as Black Water Sinking Ships, he had barely any servants capable of caring for such a delicate creature. In the end, he had sent the dog off to Crimson Rain Sought Flower, knowing that he would be better suited for it than He Xuan himself.
He Xuan has been alone for centuries. He tells himself that he works better that way. He tells himself that others are a nuisance and they'll never work well with him. He tells himself that nobody would want somebody like him, somebody driven by revenge and grief; nobody would love him because he doesn't know how to love anymore.
Yet, everytime He Xuan tells himself this, why is it that Shi Qingxuan's face appears uninvited? There's nothing special about him. He Xuan despises him. He stole his fate, stole his place in the Heavens… He stole his heart.
A heart that He Xuan didn't even know he still had. When he had first appeared under the disguise of Ming Yi, the Earth Master, he had known that his first priority was to get close to the Wind Master. He had prepared for the worst, had prepared to act clingy or loving, cool or collected, kind or sweet. He had to look appealing to the Wind Master and had to act in a way that attracted his attention.
All of that preparation had been useless when the Wind Master had approached him first.
He Xuan had been eating, minding his own business as usual. Someone had said something nearby but nobody talked to He Xuan, so he had disregarded it as nothing.
But then a young male with a youthful appearance and graceful features had waved in his face and started talking to him as if they were already friends who had known each other for years. He Xuan had been so caught off guard, he had dropped his chopsticks and simply stared.
And as if they had clicked, the two of them soon became inseparable, frequently seen together and referred to as a pair. He Xuan deemed it to be due to his acting skills. He ignored the warm feeling in his chest and ignored the genuine smiles that would lift at the corners of his lips.
He didn't care for Shi Qingxuan. It was simply an act for his revenge. It was simply a facade.
He Xuan's life had been flipped upside down because of Shi Qingxuan. But if his fate was to achieve glory and joy, then why did the fates allow that to be stripped from him? Why did they allow the deaths of his loved ones? Why did they see it happen and do nothing?
The fates are cruel.
But you are crueler. You, who made my heart beat faster. You, who made me remember how to smile again. You, who is graced by the heavens, loved by all. You, who played a role in my demise, and yet torment my thoughts at night by befriending me.
The fates are indeed cruel; but you, Shi Qingxuan, are crueler.
For tearing my heart in two and piecing it back together.
For giving me the fantasy of being able to live a normal life, even if it is not mine to live.
For making me guilt myself for the small moments of happiness I shared with you, for I know better than anyone else, why I am here.
And worst of all, for making me remember how it feels to love again, knowing that the one you love is not truly me.