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‘He’s not my type’ thought Alex. And it was true but that didn’t mean they hadn’t tried once. It seemed like a lifetime ago but when he was first beginning to understand his feelings, Luke seemed like everything he wanted in a guy.
Unlike me, Luke didn’t see gender when it came to being interested in someone. He was attracted to the person and their qualities rather then what they identified as. So, when I came out to him, it seemed almost natural for us to try dating. We’d sneak off after band practices to go to the Cinema, which probably involved more kissing than the actual watching of the movie. Sneaking looks and holding hands when no one was looking in our directions.
He made me feel normal, like I wasn’t wrong – The way my parents had when I told them. This relationship went on for a couple of months, but while it felt magical it also felt incomplete, or like it was not quite right.
Looking back, it was as if we were 2 pieces of a puzzle that fit together but from completely different puzzles, we could work together but we’d never be truly complete.
Eventually we realised that we weren’t working, not the way either of us wanted. So, we ended things, and fell back to how it was before. Which if I’m being honest, was much the same as when we were together but with a lot less kissing involved.
It’s strange remembering this, after what feels like a lifetime. We grew and changed, singing and laughing with Bobby and Reggie. I guess, in a way it has been a lifetime, with our death being so long ago.
Do I regret it? No, I don’t.
Sometimes life gives us something incredible, to help us through a hard time. And it did, because without what we had I don’t think I could have been who I am now. And seeing him with Julie just seems right.
Almost like destiny, and I believe one day I’ll get the same. Maybe with Willie, I’ve already found it.
If this journey has taught me anything, it’s that death is sometimes just the beginning. And I look forward to what happens next.