Chapter Text
There is no reality, only perspective.
To Watch
Casey kept watch over RJ from a darkened corner of the landing. Not that he needed to, Casey tried to reason with himself, RJ was a Pai Zhau master and could take care of himself. He was older and more experienced than Casey, he didn't need a babysitter.
Or at least, that’s how Casey used to think.
He found it harder to keep that point of view since RJ had been captured by Dai Shi.
Casey had always watched RJ. From the moment he met his Pai Zhau master he found it difficult to take his eyes off him. First he had stared in disbelief at the quirky man covered in dough and a friendly smile that welcomed them unquestioningly into his pizza parlor, then he stared some more as that same man stepped between them and the enemy with another smile that exuded confidence and a hint of mischief, and then again when that man handed him his Red Ranger morpher with an uncontained smile of excitement—he found out pretty quickly RJ liked to smile a lot—all in the space of one day.
RJ had protected Casey from the beginning, taught him how to protect himself—yet another reason to watch RJ, Casey never knew when his unconventional training methods would be directed at him—and after all the time Casey spent watching RJ he had to admit to no small amount of hero worship towards his Pai Zhau master.
But Casey wasn't wearing those rose-colored glasses anymore. He couldn't, they’d been stripped from him by cold reality. He knew now RJ wasn't invincible.
Casey had watched RJ for months, but he never truly saw him until recently. He might never have, if the situation hadn't forced him to.
Because while RJ had always looked out for his students, they hadn't returned the favor.
Casey remembered how helpless he felt watching RJ surrender himself. After RJ had said his piece “You know what to do”—and what the hell would've happened to him if Casey hadn't figured out what he meant by that?—he never so much as glanced back.
Casey had made sure he wasn't helpless when he rescued RJ.
He saw the terror in RJ’s eyes early on in the battle, before they morphed into Jungle Master Mode—the way he struggled against the bindings during the initial few minutes of the fight when first Lily, then Theo, and then Casey himself went down, felled by Jarrod’s lion. RJ had been powerless to prevent it.
RJ wasn't smiling then.
And Casey saw all this because he never stopped watching RJ.
RJ was smiling again when they released him. And then when they returned to the loft he included Fran in that smile, after it became clear she wouldn't expose their secret. And later he smiled when he told them how proud he was of his students before they went to bed, exhausted but accomplished.
RJ’s smiles put everyone at ease, and even Casey found he could sleep that night.
There was a marked difference now, though, in the way Casey watched RJ in the aftermath of their battle. He’d learned his lesson. Before Dai Shi captured him RJ had smiled easily, but lately those smiles had been strained, even forced. Casey watched RJ more closely—more carefully—these days. And even though RJ still smiled as though nothing happened, Casey started to see RJ and his smile in a different light.
As a result he was beginning to notice more about RJ and, consequently, come to know more about him than RJ probably ever intended to share.
It wasn't that RJ was suddenly transparent. How could he be with his Zen philosophy and hand waving and general head in the clouds moments? His mercurial smile? But Casey was beginning to learn RJ was far more grounded than he let on, especially when he didn't think anyone was listening.
Or watching.
But Casey was always watching, sometimes discreetly and sometimes not, and not even RJ could be vigilant 24/7, so he was beginning to catch RJ’s moments of weakness: the times when he set aside Ranger responsibilities and The Order of the Claw, and became a normal—well, as close as RJ could get to normal—human being.
RJ the person, instead of the Wolf Master and Casey’s teacher, to whom smiles didn't necessarily come as effortlessly.
The moments themselves were few and far between, as RJ was nothing but in control of himself. Yet it seemed RJ was having one of those moments of weakness now, sitting in the dark at 3:00am, either because he thought nobody was watching or—more likely—he was too distracted to notice Casey’s presence.
When Casey saw RJ shift in His Chair and grimace in discomfort he had his evidence for the latter. He watched a few seconds more as RJ raised his hand to massage his shoulder, frowning as he had done earlier that day in the kitchen, and the outward breath of pain RJ released was more than Casey could stand to witness.
“You lied to us, RJ.” Casey whispered, pushing away from the wall he’d been leaning against to walk over to the banister.
RJ started, his hand immediately dropping to his lap. Casey didn't think he heard his exact words as much as finally realized his presence. Casey continued to stare at the spot RJ had been rubbing as he descended the stairs, socked feet not making any noise on the wood floor.
RJ didn't move, didn't try to smile. He just watched Casey like he was something out of a dream, as though he wasn't convinced Casey was real. Casey didn't bother with any lights, the near full moon outside made further illumination unnecessary. That, and he knew the chances of getting a straight answer out of RJ would decrease exponentially if Lily and Theo were there with him.
“Casey,” RJ said his name quietly when Casey stopped a few feet from him, and for a moment he sounded almost guilty.
Casey looked at RJ—well and truly looked at him—and didn't miss the mask RJ wore for the world slip back into place. There was no shift in his expression, not really, but Casey still knew the exact moment it happened because RJ seemed lighter even though the atmosphere surrounding them felt heavy.
He watched RJ so closely now he was beginning to see things that weren't visible but there all the same. No matter how hard RJ worked to convince him otherwise.
Casey’s eyes returned to RJ’s shoulder and he wished he could see through the fabric of RJ’s shirt as easily as he could see through RJ at the moment.
“Why didn't you fight back?” Casey murmured. “You could have taken him, couldn't you.”
RJ didn't say anything immediately, which didn't matter because it wasn't really a question. His hesitation was enough of an answer to confirm Casey’s suspicions. Jarrod may have Dai Shi’s power but he was no master.
“While your unwavering confidence in my abilities is flattering Casey, it’s also misplaced.” RJ said, keeping his voice low and nearly inscrutable. Casey took a step closer to the chair to hear him better. “I could not have defeated Dai Shi.”
There was no inflection to his words and no expression on his face to contradict the truth of his statement. RJ even met his eyes square on. And yet Casey knew.
“You’re lying again,” he accused softly.
RJ’s eyebrows rose. “How so?” he whispered.
“Because how could you know that if you didn't try?” Casey stated simply. He wanted so badly for RJ to deny that he didn't fight back against Dai Shi, that he did do his best, that he fought his hardest and lost a valiant battle…
It wasn't that the idea of RJ losing to Dai Shi would be comforting in the least, but that he didn't put up a fight at all was somehow far worse.
He didn't make that choice because… why exactly?
“Because it’s not my destiny.” RJ explained quietly, and it sounded like an answer to Casey’s inner thoughts but in reality he was just responding to the first question. “I’m not one of the three Chosen Ones, Casey. Master Mao chose you, Lily, and Theo for that. You three will defeat him but first you need to become strong enough to do so. The situation presented the perfect opportunity. I knew you’d come for me eventually and my fighting Dai Shi wouldn’t have accomplished anything.”
That had to be frustrating, Casey thought, to know that whatever you do it won’t be enough. That you can’t win because you weren't meant to. Casey knows in his heart that if RJ could spare him the pain of fighting against Jarrod he wouldn't hesitate.
And yet… Casey’s fists clenched as he fought to keep his voice even. “You could’ve tried to protect yourself though! You could’ve at least attempted to escape. I bet you didn't even put up a defense, I bet you just stood there and took it. You let him hurt you.”
RJ frowned. “What makes you think I did that?”
Still not a denial.
“Because I know you.” Casey sighed. “You won’t fight if you don’t think it achieves anything. Look at your relationship with your dad, you just walked away for seven years because you knew it was a fight you couldn't win. You’re a pacifist RJ, even being a Pai Zhau master. You choose the path of least resistance.”
In truth, RJ’s ability to win arguments without fighting was one of the things Casey looked up to him for. But it didn't help Casey’s conscience at all.
RJ was a pacifist, he wouldn't fight unnecessary battles. The fact that he thought a fight for his safety wasn't a necessary battle troubled Casey. As did the fact that RJ clearly would've fought against Dai Shi after Casey went down if he hadn't been tied up, opportunity for the Red Ranger’s advancement or no.
He may not have been able to destroy Jarrod, but he could have defeated him. He could have gotten away if he hadn't put their training ahead of his wellbeing. If he had held any concern for his life. If he wasn't so damn stubborn…
“And yet everything turned out alright in the end.” RJ whispered after a moment had passed and Casey hadn't said anything more. “Didn't it? You three are Jungle Masters and I’m okay…”
“There you go lying to me again.” Casey cut him off, not bothering to hide his disapproval. “You know for someone who spends so much time seeking the truth, you really don’t give it much consideration.”
He took another step toward RJ and they were close enough that their legs bumped together. Casey crossed his arms, purposefully looming over his teacher and making it clear he wasn't willing to move. If ever there was a time for RJ to try to retreat from him—again—it would be now.
RJ’s hand moved toward his shoulder. Casey could tell it was an unconscious reaction to his words by the way RJ froze mid-gesture, once he realized what was happening.
RJ sighed with his hand hovering over his shoulder blade. “I’m okay. I’m a little sore, that’s all.”
But then RJ dropped his eyes from Casey’s and it was such a normal tell that at first Casey couldn't believe it actually happened.
RJ had let his guard down—completely—for the first time since Casey met him.
Maybe that’s what made it easier for Casey to bend down and press his right hand against the chair next to RJ’s head. He leaned his weight against it to brace himself and used the distraction of the chair tilting backwards—and their sudden close proximity—to reach across and carefully pull RJ’s nightshirt down over his injured shoulder.
RJ hissed through his teeth, though whether it was because the movement was painful or because of the invasion of his space Casey couldn't tell.
Casey swallowed at the sight. It was worse than he imagined. Even in the dim light he could see the outline of a bruise that was green and purple and yellow and deep. It looked raw and tender.
Casey’s hand left RJ’s shirt to hover over the wound and he could swear he felt something. Some energy—he got the distinct impression of the color purple—and it was infused with RJ’s pain, but not his pain alone, and some other emotion was mixed in with it…
…rage.
RJ’s hand abruptly captured Casey’s wrist and jerked him away.
The sudden movement had Casey losing his balance and suddenly he was no longer looming over RJ but was instead on top of RJ, knees falling on either side of RJ’s lap and his right arm buckling to catch himself against the chair without landing on RJ’s wounded shoulder.
They were very close. Too close. Casey’s forehead rested against RJ’s and they were practically sharing the same air.
Casey didn't move off RJ straightaway. He closed his eyes so he couldn't watch RJ’s response when he murmured. “You knew it was going to happen from the beginning, you told us to go back to basics. All I’m asking for is a little warning. The next time you make a decision that you could be hurt by let me in on it too.
“Please.” He added, like the inclusion of that one word alone could convince RJ. “I can’t stand seeing you in pain.”
RJ’s hands alighted on Casey’s shaking shoulders.
“Alright,” he promised. “Alright.”
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