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Kazutora would like to think that everything’s going well in his life.
After all, it's been a year since he got released from prison, months since he first had his job from a special friend, weeks since he last saw that dream, and an hour since he left his apartment on time without bumping into his nosy neighbor.
Life’s been treating him very well, and who was he to complain, right?
“Kazutora, do you think this goldfish right here tastes like taiyaki? Well, well, if you also want to know, should I volunteer and examine this little guy for you?” the taller guy right next to the small guy that spoke slightly smacked his head with his fist, forcing the latter to glare at him.
“Try doing that and I’ll personally kick your ass out, Mikey.”
Nevermind. He took that back.
Today marks the first month of him working with Chifuyu at his pet shop and honestly, he still doesn’t understand why it was him that he’s standing right next to with. But some things are better left unsaid, and asking was something he didn’t consider as an option for him.
And yes, it is also the reason why their noisy and troublesome friends are gathered here for the day.
“Takemicchi, the dogs sure do love you that much, huh.” the said guy just laughed sheepishly at Mikey’s remarks, too conflicted as to why the dogs kept on whining and barking every time he stopped petting them.
“Chifuyu, Kazutora, how do you make this stop?” Chifuyu shrugged, then gazed at Kazutora with a smirk. Not again.
“Don’t know, why don’t you ask this guy over here.” different tones of laughter burst out of their small space as Takemichi pleaded at them, a noise Kazutora would hate at a specific time, but that wasn't the case. He missed this, the joy no longer lingering in the air but rather joining them at their weird shenanigans, even though they were bullying him.
Well, kinda.
It was a nice feeling he wouldn't want to forget, although he wouldn’t dare speak these thoughts out loud.
“Hey, stop messing with the birds, Mitsuya! Look how scared as shit they are at you. And Mikey, please don’t even dare to do that.” Draken gives Mikey an I-told-you-so-look before chuckling when Mikey’s disappointed and down face shows up.
Kazutora didn’t need to glance at that voice for him to know that the newcomer said it while massaging his nape, a frown visible at his face yet pleasure sparkling in his eyes. He smiled unknowingly to himself before glancing at him as the latter sat behind him.
Even though they’ve only spent a month working together, he already managed to know his little quirks, a skill he’s quite proud of.
Kazutora switched his attention to Mitsuya, now frowning at Chifuyu, and snickered jokingly, the latter shifting his glare at his smartphone as he replied, “don’t blame me, blame Hakkai’s ugly face!” response faded into the background.
“I told you we shouldn’t invite them here. They’re all just a bunch of kids with a mask of a perfectly well-mannered adult,” Kazutora laughs while leaning at the counter as the other ruffled his own hair in irritation, “kicking them out is still an option, though. The choice is yours.”
“In my defense, it was Takemichi who invited them here to celebrate as if he’s the owner,” it was by chance that the mentioned guy was freed from the animals’ attention and was passing, unfortunately, in front of them as Chifuyu kicked his knees, confused eyes now all at him and honestly, it’s either Kazutora wants to pat him in his back or just laugh at his misery, “stupidmichi, you’re the one who’s driving them home once they lose their shit. No excuses.”
Takemichi’s puzzled face almost made Kazutora laugh for the nth time but he suppressed it.
“What the fuck did I do man-”
“Did y’all hear that? Chifuyu said the snacks’ on Takemichi!” Peh-yan, whom Kazutora didn’t know was here all along, caught everyone’s interest when he confidently shouted that totally-not-accurate info but definitely a smart one, causing them to go into chaos mode. Chifuyu’s complacent grin was all over the poor guy’s face, aka Takemichi, as he slings his arms around him.
“What the fuck, I didn’t say that! Tell them that, Chifuyu!”
“Oi, Pah-chin, don’t you dare drink that shit or I’m gonna kill you!”
“This dog reminds me of you, Hakkai, should I steal it?”
“Someone give Mikey taiyaki or he’s seriously gonna eat the goldfish!”
“Alright, fuckers. Y’all better bring your asses upstairs or I’ll kick you all out!”
Kazutora thinks it's fine if he lived like this, savoring each moment like it’s his last with no doubts nor regrets, just him and everyone against the world. And he wouldn’t complain, because this was his everything, an ideal life suited for him. No dreams bugging him to not wake up, no thoughts of the past going out of the lidless grave, no paying for the debts he owes his life with.
No repenting in front of an old friend each day ever since he got his freedom back.
And sometimes, he wished that this was all in his dreams.
Kazutora lied.
He lied when he said how much he wanted everything to just stay in his dreams. He lied, because dreams, for him, are nothing but a foreshadowing of his dark past. Because no matter how long it has been since he last saw that nightmare, it’ll come back again and again and again and again.
Just like now.
“You have to choose.”
“I’m with you, Kazutora!”
Ah, of course. The same suffocating feeling he surely didn’t miss but will always come knocking at his conscience. He must be used to this already, he should be, so then why is trying so hard to shut these thoughts out by pressing his hands at his ears too roughly?
“Am I your enemy, Kazutora?”
“Hey, Kazutora!” he was jolted awake by the worried Chifuyu, hands both shaking his shoulders. Shit, did he give out that he’s currently having a nightmare again?
“Hey, you okay?”
“I’m fine now, fuyu. Just a bad dream, ‘kay? Stop giving me that look already.” he answered before he could add a follow-up question, the latter’s stare started drilling holes at his back. He stretched his whole body, yawning at every chance he gets, neck throbbing in pain because of how poor his position is while he was in sleeping mode. It was when he let the gaze travel that he noticed how everyone else is no longer sprawled on the floor, but rather, replaced by the trash bags. He unconsciously picked those up as he saw how Chifuyu held onto four bags all at once.
He knew Chifuyu would speak up again, so all he needs to do is to beat him to it and make him forget about the situation earlier. With a toothy grin, he faced his frowning face.
“Alright, let’s throw this trash out, fuyu. Unless…” he closed their distance by whispering at his ear and mentally readying himself for a run, “you want to sleep with them?”
Kazutora had never run that fast in his entire life.
It was past 11 in the evening when he glanced at the wall clock as he made a beeline towards the exit, both Takemichi and Chifuyu the only awake person beside him, he confirmed when Takemichi waved at him outside the transparent door. Chifuyu appeared outside minutes later, eyebrows knitting and panting from their running session, the concern looks no longer visible in his face.
“I’m gonna curb stomp you, Kazutora!” Kazutora chuckled. Takemichi just shook his head amusingly, entering the vehicle with a plop.
“You can do that once we leave, I surely don’t want to be involved in whatever shit you guys are up to. And just for your information, Chifuyu, I’m only going to do this because I’m a reliable friend of you guys,” of course, as promised, Takemichi will drive them all home not because he’s a man of his word (heck, in his perfectly nice defense, he didn’t make a promise in the first place) but because he was the only sober one left. There might be others that are still clear-headed, but it’s either they went home already while Chifuyu cleaned up their mess or fast asleep at the backseat of Draken’s pickup truck.
“And please, let’s not fucking do this again. I still want to marry my beloved girlfriend, y’know?” Chifuyu would smack him in his head if it weren’t for the fact that he’s inside of a moving car, middle finger out in the open air.
“God, how did Hina manage to be with him for years?” Chifuyu groans as he throws out the trash as if he’s taking out his frustrations at the poor trash bag, “looks like love can make one’s head fucked up, no shit.” Kazutora’s straight face conquered the laughter and yawn bubbling in his system.
“This, right here, is the reason why you don’t have a girlfriend, fuyu. No offense though.” he quickly put his hands up in defense, Chifuyu definitely just rolled his eyes at him Kazutora concluded despite Chifuyu walking inside with his back still facing him. He certainly looks like an angry kitten just now.
“Well, full offense, tora , but the same logic applies to you. And fuck you, by the way.” Kazutora hummed, chuckling before he took his phone out and stared at the black screen.
He lets his mind swift out of his usual thoughts, exploring the deepest part of his cognition before he sighed with an unbearable heaviness. He could feel the piercing yet worried gaze at his back, keys jangling at his hands before he stopped feigning ignorance.
“Let’s hop on, tora. I’ll drive you home. And no, it’s my turn to drive now.” there were no longer childish remarks in his tone, just sincerity, and concern. He could feel that one of the triggers for his kindness was because of the situation he was in earlier. Great, now he felt bad turning down his offer, but what other choice does he have?
“Sorry, fuyu, can’t today. I think... I’ll just walk from here,” he saw how the latter raised his one eyebrow as if he’s not accepting that excuse that he almost let his genuine facade wither to damnation, so he finds himself reaching out to his hair just like how he attends to the animals he’d been with for the past month (he’s afraid it might be one of his few favorite things in the world from now on), “don’t be too sad without me.”
He was expecting a series of questions thrown at him, a frown too big it’ll probably leave some wrinkles at his cheeks, so when he was met with a genuine grin and averting eyes, guilt overtook his conscience.
“Okay, take care then.”
Great, now he’s gonna take a detour with nothing but guilt in his pockets.
It took him thirty minutes before reaching the said place, all too gloomy and frigid that he regretted not bringing his coat with him. He was expecting he’d arrive in an hour considering that he took the farthest route to avoid bumping into him, but here he is, shivers traveling from the skin to bones. Tonight was exceptionally cold, the breeze and all.
The stars weren’t that visible within his vision because of the ridiculously tall trees blocking his view yet he breathed the night’s air in, shaky but not reluctant, before settling himself comfortably as if he’s not in front of a dead person’s grave.
Baji Family Grave. Keisuke Baji . His mind silently read his name out loud, and he smiled. And just like an endless cycle of old habits and routine, he started talking to him about his day. How every single one of their friends is the same old bunch of kids even though they are far from that. How he thought his nightmares would no longer jolt him awake, sweating, and hard to breathe, but he’s mistaken. How it’s been a month since he started working with his ‘first division vice-captain’, the silent question of ‘why’ still lingering in their atmosphere.
And how he wished that these moments would last for an eternity. He shook his head, amused at how childish that thought is.
“If you’re here, I’m pretty sure you’ll smack the fuck out of me. After all, isn’t that one of your expertise?”
Silence. Of course, how does he think a grave would respond to him?
“Hah, now I feel like an idiot,” he chuckled, scratching his cold cheeks, his idiotic smile turning into a reminiscent one, “although I still don’t understand your partner though. Like, why me?” the question that burns his inside at every twist and turns his mind chooses to do whenever he entertains that thought. For him, it was a forbidden question he was not allowed to ask no matter the circumstances. No matter where he looks, it will sound like he’s being nosy, or maybe he’s just being an idiot. (Kazutora would like it if it was the latter though)
The silence is one thing he expects, but when you are met with an answer being carried in the wind, its whispers spilling nothing but the truth, one cannot help but be terrified especially when you are on your own, right in the middle of hundreds of lined-up tombstones.
Except that he wasn’t.
“This is why when someone offers you a ride, you should be grateful enough to accept one’s kindness,” he sat down with a gaze fixed at the thing in front of them, “and before you assume, I didn’t follow your dumb ass here. Visiting Baji-san to celebrate is one of my plans, y’know.”
“Oh,” Kazutora was dumbfounded, too stiffened to move his gaze away from the latter, “I didn’t know.”
“Not my fault you didn’t hear me the first time I told you.” Chifuyu gently puts down the thing that caught his attention. It was leftover yakisoba, one he weirdly hasn’t seen Chifuyu eating from the times they were together, but he swiftly brushed off the idea before it escalated quickly.
Why is he here? How much did he hear? How did he know?
Why him?
“It was something we used to share, you know?” Kazutora blinked as the flash of reality blurred in his eyes, the latter staring at him with a warm smile resting at his lips before continuing, “the peyoung yakisoba is what I mean. It started as a habit that can’t be overwritten and before we knew it, fate decided to slap the fact that nothing in this world is permanent. So, what else can I do but move along with it? Although I kinda wished it was just a dream, though. Reality fucking sucks.”
The silence was always his best friend, something that he can rely on when words were of no use for him.
But not today, not when he was met with a reflection.
A reflection he can only see once the curtain unfolds. A reflection that only he can see, but now, it’s here. It’s all right in front of him, in his eyes, in his smile, at every inch of his features.
A reflection that only Kazutora and Chifuyu could perceive, an unspoken shared secret between them under the unwavering moonlight, whispering crickets, and blinking stars.
And suddenly, the walls started to crumble. One by one, piece by piece, but not in a suffocating way, rather, a comforting one.
If Chifuyu’s willing to drop the mask, then who was he to reject one’s honesty?
“That’s why you still bring his favorite snack up till now, huh,” a chuckle followed by the rustling of fabric being pushed away from the cemented floor came. But Kazutora’s not one to let a rare opportunity pass by, so he stared back at the stiff Chifuyu, “for me though, it started as a form of repentance. Ever since I got released from prison, I started visiting him. Until it turned into a routine and endless cycle of visits, and here we are, in front of this lucky bastard.” then, a welcoming smile, one that he uses whenever a customer enters their shop. One that Chifuyu knew a little bit too well. He stood up moments later, now shifting his gaze at the grave below them.
“And I didn’t regret a single thing about it,” Chifuyu nudged his shoulder as a way of saying that he’s still here, listening, accepting, existing , Kazutora felt like he wants to shrink right there and then, “also, I did have a nightmare earlier if you’re curious about that.” he sheepishly scratched the back of his head, too afraid to look back at him. Then, a sigh. It doesn’t sound like a tired one, though.
“Well, there are things that are hard to let go of. It’s not something that you can easily change overnight,” for some reason, Chifuyu flicked his forehead the moment he lets his sandy eyes met with his ocean eyes, “But for your additional info, I’m not the kind who still does this every single day. Too much yakisoba is bad for your health, after all!” Kazutora tries his best not to flinch at his final remarks, he really did, but he can’t help it. After all, looking back at it, visiting every day might be a little too much. Looks like some things are really better left unsaid.
“Wait, don’t tell me…” suddenly he hates how perceptive the other is. Or maybe at how obvious he is.
“Ahh! It’s getting pretty late, let me drive you home, fuyu.” stretching his arms to hide his flustered face, he stride towards the vehicle, all the while ignoring Chifuyu’s way-too-amused laugh, replacing the cicada’s cries, soothing his worries away.
“I get it, I get it. It sounds ridiculously stupid.” an arm slings around him, like a puzzle piece, it perfectly fits his shoulders. Kazutora ruffles Chifuyu’s hair (how many times has he done this already?) as a sort of punishment for making fun of him, earning another airy laugh from him. Such a beautiful melody.
“But you know, there’s no explanation needed,” Kazutora might have given out how puzzled he was as Chifuyu just rolled his eyes at him, the small smile turning into a toothy grin, “the reason why I hired you is that I trust you, tora. You’re a special friend, after all.” the night was undeniably cold, but for Kazutora, the morning heat stayed with him, preferably his nose.
“Also, don’t forget how you ruined the first opening of my shop.”
Kazutora smiled, fond and mellow settling at the depths of his stomach even as his body parted with him. The smile remains, even as the engine starts and Chifuyu just lets him take the wheel, letting the radio drown their tired bodies with the black-haired guy’s poorly song choices. It stayed throughout the night, even as he found himself stopping at his apartment complex, leaving him alone at his car.
He smiled even as Chifuyu bid farewell, as he knew that it meant they’ll still meet each other the next day, or the day after tomorrow.
And there, Kazutora finally accepts. He accepts that his nightmares would stay no matter what, that everything about his life is something that he deserves. And who was he to complain, right?
[bonus; where it all started]
The guy was starting to think his decisions in life are not something to be proud of. Even now, as he stands rather suspiciously at a friend’s newly opened pet shop, hesitancy is written all over the features of his sweaty face. Really, how could he forget that it was today that Chifuyu would open up his shop? Fuck him and his short-term memory.
‘Ah, fuck it. Nevermind.’ before he could retrace his steps back to his place, which is not a fun walk considering the distance, a voice called out to him.
“Kazutora?” the voice snapped his attention back to the store’s front door.
“Uhh, hi?”
“What do you mean ‘hi’? Come and go inside, dumbass!” despite his disappointment, his reluctant steps followed the latter. He really shouldn’t take this detour anymore, he took a mental note.
If he’s being honest, he doesn’t know where it all started, him and Chifuyu being friends, that is. Was it when Chifuyu came and fetch him when he was released from prison, with Kazutora thinking that he’s about to be killed by his dead best friend’s partner, which didn’t happen of course. Or was it when they first visited Baji’s grave together, tension replaced with warmth and belongingness. He couldn’t pinpoint the start of the turning point to their ‘unexpected’ friendship, yet nevertheless, Kazutora appreciates him.
He really is a special friend.
“The others are here, y’know? Heck, they’re waiting for your appearance! Such a dick move you did there, tora.” he shook his head while clicking his tongue jokingly to which he replied with a frown, “also, what do you think? Pretty fucking awesome of me, right?”
He let his eyes roam around, judging the walls to the different types of pet he had, purposely ignoring the latter’s last comment. He certainly heard the clicking of his tongue when he hummed as if he’s thinking of a lengthy response to his question.
And then, his gaze locked at a certain cat. He smirked.
“Heck yeah, you did well choosing the pets too. Look, it looks exactly like you, only when you’re angry though.” he was met with a poker face followed by a perfectly straight middle finger (not really, but you get the point).
Too amused and satisfied at the expression his friend made, Kazutora leans at the mini fence that splits the dogs from them and goes on full laughing mode. Until one by one, the dogs started barking. It started from one, then two, and five, it was suddenly a chaotic mess of barks and growling. In a flash, Kazutora scurried away from their proximity, Chifuyu’s silent mirth can be heard from a safe distance. It was now Kazutora’s turn to show him his middle finger.
“What the fuck- what’s wrong with them?” Chifuyu puts his hand on his chin as if he’s thinking real hard for the answer, eyebrows knitting while humming, obviously imitating his actions earlier. He just wants to remove that stupid grin on his face.
“I don’t know, maybe they love you that much?” he scoffs.
“Great lie, but animals don't even love me for one bit.” then, as if Kazutora just blurted out the deepest secret of the world, Chifuyu’s eyes sparkled with amusement, the usual one whenever he knew it’ll lead with Kazutora being pushed to a corner. The one where Kazutora knew there’s no room for excuses no matter the circumstances.
But in all honesty, looking back at it, Kazutora knew he wouldn’t even mind whatever the request Chifuyu was about to say.
And there are no regrets. Well, maybe just a little bit.
“Then, why don’t you work with me?”