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“...tonight, tonight I am going to propose to my girlfriend!”
Ava blinked groggily, the glow of the television screen slowly coming into focus. She’d been in and out of consciousness in a grief-induced state of half-awake, half-asleep since Zari helped her into her and Sara’s room. God, the room she’ll never share with Sara again.
She wished she felt numb. She’s hardly awake, hardly even alive at this point, but she still can’t feel anything less than the worst pain she’s felt in her entire life. It’s a physical pain. Her body feels Sara’s absence, like there are holes in her body and her chest is emptying out and god, she just wants to scream. She wants to scream no, take it back, she can’t be gone, bring her back to me. But she doesn’t.
Instead she stares at the vision of Sara from the last night she was with her. She wishes she could tell the Ava from that concert to hold Sara close, drink in every detail, not get so damn drunk that even if Sara did get to propose that night she might not remember it. What she wouldn’t give to go back, even if just to see the woman she loved one last time.
Barely even aware of what she was doing, Ava stood up and grabbed the time courier they kept in their room. She closed her eyes as she remembered a conversation from what felt like ages ago.
“This plan breaks every rule in every book, and all I have right now are the rules.”
“You have me.”
No. She didn’t. Not anymore. She’d play by most of the rules now, if she could only break one.
She was a Legend now, after all. She’d gotten used to breaking rules.
She opened the time portal. Her destination wasn’t far, but it was dangerous. She couldn’t bring herself to care. She stepped through the portal and opened the door.
“Hey babe, are you done getting ready?”
Sara. For a second Ava couldn’t breathe. There she was, the night she disappeared, putting the final touches onto her punk outfit. Ava knew her past self had been talking to Nate and wouldn’t interact with Sara for another 10 minutes. But seeing her there, real and alive, Ava felt her heart shatter all over again when she realized she’d never get this again.
“Ava, what’s wrong?” Sara walked over and took Ava’s face into her hands, brushing away the tears running down her cheeks. Ava closed her eyes, savoring the touch of Sara’s skin on hers.
“It’s, um... it’s Zari,” Ava lied, taking a shaky breath. She tried to steady herself by looking into Sara’s familiar blue eyes, at the same time committing them to memory. “I was just talking to Nate, and... it just really sucks, you know? We just got her back, and now we have to lose her again. I mean, we didn’t know we lost her the first time, but we did. And I’m gonna miss her, and I feel awful for Nate, and...“ Ava trailed off.
“Yeah, I know what you mean,” Sara smiled sadly, sympathetically, and took Ava’s hand in hers. “It’s always hard losing family.”
“I want you to know, Sara, that I love you so much. And nothing will ever change that.”
“I love you, too,” Sara said, giving her hand a comforting squeeze.
And Ava had to kiss her. She leaned down and pressed her lips to Sara’s, gently, so Sara wouldn’t know how desperate she was to never forget how this felt.
She knew walking away would be the hardest thing she’d ever do. So she tried to let herself get lost in this moment with Sara, one last time.