Chapter Text
"Oi kim jun wan!" Ikjun shouted while running towards jun wan's office seeing him getting off probably leaving for the day.
"wae lee ik jun !" Greeting him with his casual irritated face seeing how his crazy friend could shout so loud enough for whole hospital to hear.
"Where are you going ?" Ikjun asked still in scrubs after finishing one long hour surgery trying his best to put his arm over junwan while poor junwan cursing him out with his eyes for being so touchy.
"Where would i go. It's not like i have a date. Iam going home." Junwan said without no emotion in his face finally after succeeding to keep ikjun at arms length. Ikjun looked at his friend with the same eyes he always look at him whenever dating life topic of him comes out. It hurts to see him like this, yet ikjun isn't ready to address this issue when he literally knows nothing about them. So he decided to stick to what he can do only as his friend who pretends not to know that his sister is the reason for his heartbreak.
Being silent for too long and they have already reached the elevator and ikjun managed to find his words.
"Kaja karom "
Junwan looked at ikjun who's currently giving the smug smile of his.
"Iam not on call, you are also not, and jeongwon is also not, so let's drink today"
Ikjun explained more in a dramatic way, of course why not, after seeing his friend's face. Junwan looked infront half being happy and half trying not to be obvious that he finally got a drinking buddy and yet fully failing at his attempts. Ikjun of course would turn a blind eye. So far this is all he could do for his lonely friend.
"Speaking of jeongwon, where is this punk ? Don't you guys get off together? " ikjun asked as they get into the elevator.
"Huh..i can't remember the last day we get off together.." junwan let out a chuckled sigh looking up and in ikjun's eyes he literally looked like a jealous ex soulmate. "..and he is not coming home today. He is spending the night at jang gyeoul sonsennim home probably. They are practically living together now. I wouldn't be surprised if they get married next week or have a baby next month " ikjun let out a big shy laugh possessing his big cupid energy.
"Ha! No one is happy for them more than me, their successful cupid" ikjun said agreeing to what he said nodding to himself with a proud smirk.
"Cupid ? How are you their cupid ?" Junwan being the most oblivious he is looking at him with the most puzzled face. Ikjun loosing all his smug energy looks at junwan eyeing him with 'are you serious'?
"You. You really don't know anything right ?"
"Of course iam not busying my nose in to other people's businesses like you" before ikjun could defend himself elevator comes to 3rd floor.
"Ya give me 5 minutes right. Wait infront of ER. I'll check on one patient and come right away. Let's take my car" ikjun ran off before junwan could nod and he definitely had no energy to drive either.
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"Ya do you remember how we became friends in middle school ?"
"Moya..kapchagi ?"
Changwon boys decided to drink at ikjun's place and junwan said yes only if he is allowed to sleep over there and ikjun had no reason to reject him too. They were inside the car when ikjun suddenly brought their middle school story.
"Ani..we were in same class but we weren't close in first semester and then one day i got caught by our homeroom teacher trying to pain his chair and then you were there too and i passed the brush to you because i didn't want to be punished alone"
"You really was a crackhead since you were small and exactly how many times did you drag me in to your crazy works ever since that day. Aish sekki" junwan sounded too happy to call him sekki while reminding their early school days. Ikjun couldn't stop laughing too feeling giddy and proud of his school days with junwan.
Their happy memories and mood got interrupted by the phone call, as ikjun's phone is connected to bluetooth both of them could see the name well clearly, so clear that it strikes the whole mood upside down.
'Former mickey, currently iksun'
Junwan's heart skipped a beat almost tensing up. Without allowing not more than one second, he switched his gaze to outside hoping ikjun wouldn't see his face. But of course ikjun could. Ikjun on other hand cursing iksun's timing to call, debated on whether to cut or answer the call and only to end up answering otherwise it would be suspicious anyway.
"Oo..wae.. why calling me this late.?" Ikjun talked with his usual cherry tone definitely succeeds hiding his anxious in the voice.
"Oppa why are you not visiting me in changwon anymore? Because my test results are good that you stop coming here? And are you still in the hospital? Are you on nightduty today? "
'Changwon ?' 'Iksun is in korea ?' 'What test results?' Junwan felt like he could breakdown in any minute. It's been a year since he last heard her voice.
I miss her.
The mere fact tht iksun is in just few kilometres away from him drives him crazy and junwan is using his all remaining energy to stop him from getting off the car to catch the very next train to changwon and run to ikjun's home and see her with his own eyes and say her how she without a fail drives him crazy every night for one whole year and that he still loves her and finally if she still does too.. if by chance..
Junwan berated himself for imagining all this, with nothing else to do, being as helpless he is, just clenched his fits against himself.
"Moya..did you miss your oppa ? And ill come next week anyway i need to bring uju since it's his holiday and iam not on night duty and to say exactly iam now.. heading home.." ikjun decided not to mention junwan when he can already see how much of a despair he is in right now.
"So why did you call ?"
"That's it. Keurom anyong !!"
"Moya..is everything alright?"
"Oo nothing to worry. See u oppa !!"
"Oo arassong"
Ikjun is kind of worried why iksun is suddenly calling him out of nowhere when it's not so of her but coudn't nag more as he wanted to end the call soon too.
Silence.
"Iksunie.." junwan the first to broke the silence finally mustering up to look at ikjun's face.
"..is back in korea ?" It's not weird. They have talked about her before too. The logical reason junwan decided on. Junwan was slowly feeling a tinge of pain in his heart one he always felt thinking about her. He thought he got used to that pain but no.
"Ahh..yeah. just for a small vacation.." decided to answer in short fixing his eyes on road ahead hoping he would buy his lie. Still he could see how junwan is expecting him to tell more explaining what that call was, literally everything in it like he deserves it. Yeah he deserves for a certain extend.
No matter how much ikjun tries to avoid this matter, it comes to him in oneway or another way. For the past year with the bare minimum times he meets iksun, he still didn't miss how iksun flinch even with the mere mention of junwan. Even with appearance of his name on phone or when his parents ask about his friends when ikjun visit home. And if he could guess it would be that, iksun isn't over junwan. It stroked him hard when junwan said he isn't over his ex girlfriend when songhwa asked him to date again. He can't help with the fact that they both suffer missing eachother when they could get back already. What went wrong and what can i do. Ikjun always questions and he always ends up with same answer. Deciding to turn a blind eye. Atleast for now. And he isn't sure how long is 'now' though.
Without letting his thoughts wonder more gyeoul called him asking him to come back because one of his patient to under go liver transplant tomorrow suddenly said he can not. So ikjun had to go back and talk to patient. They were close to his home so ikjun dropped junwan off asking him to go on first without him. Junwan agreed as all he wanted now was some alone moment.
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Iksun cut her absurd call to her oppa as she hurried to uju's room humming a song to peak to see sleeping uju. Iksun took off her hat and coat on the coach and lied down on it. It's been a while since she was last here, in oppas house, in seoul. She didn't come to seoul after the day she came back to korea, for one whole year due to a reason she didn't want to accept. And yet she coudn't reject one of her close friend's wedding invitation, so she decided to come anyway and thats how she is now in ikjun's living room planning to surprise her brother later.
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Junwan pressed the password and entered to go straight to freezer to bring out a beer. He definitely needed it right there. Feeling cold air was somewhat comforting to him. Junwan reluctantly took the beer out and was just about to close the door when out of nowhere suddenly someone..iksun ?? Jumped infront of him.
"Chang!! Anyeong oppa.."
To say both of them were hella shocked and surprised is an understatement. Junwan tripped backward falling down beside refrigerator hitting back of his head hard on the cupboard. Iksun didn't knew what can she do suddenly being infront of junwan, literally after one whole year. Before she could be overwhelmed or any flight or fight response, she was distracted by the loud sound of him hitting his head.
"Oppa..are you okay ?"
For 10 seconds straight junwan looked at iksun as a scared cat sitting down on floor only to realise the pain of head after finally his nerve cells responding literally after 10 seconds, He swear. Junwan lowers his head touching back of his head finally feeling the peak of the pain.
"Oppa..you are not bleeding or something right.. you hit it har.." iksun knelt down by the side of him trying to touch back of his head when he suddenly lift his head once again reminding his reality that his iksun is right in front of him. Iksun lost the track of her words when she finally realizes their close proximity and she at that moment decided to fight instead flight.
Finally gathering her all remaining senses, iksun looks into junwan eyes. Iksun clearly can remember the last time she saw this eyes closer and how everytime she missed it. Getting lost in his eyes, now kind of teary eyes, doesn't know if it's because of pain in his head or if it's because of her, seeing her after a long time. Either of them is the reason, she had once again hurt him, suddenly having her all the lost senses and fears back, she decided. Flight.
"I'll bring some ointment " iksun tried getting up distancing herself from him, for his own good. But only to get dragged down by junwan's hand even more closer to him falling back on floor next to him. Iksun hitches her breath at how his hand holding her feels so right and how her heart still flutters so much for him. She can never leave him when he looks at him like that. Fight.
"Iksunah.." junwan doesn't know much time he struggled finding words.
"I missed..you.."
"So..much.."
There are some moments in life where you suddenly find answers that you looked for so long. For the past year iksun spent improving her health, there was never a moment she forgot junwan. And every night she goes back to that very day, she lied to him. Iksun convinced herself, she will be fine soon. And soon became never. Almost to the point getting used to her days missing him. Some days she questioned if he misses her too and if he is finally happy. And if she did the right thing. And if so why she is not happy. And at that right moment when junwan said that he missed her, she knew that she did wrong.
"Oppa.."
"Tell me..you lied to me right that there's someone you like.."
Junwan knows he sound so desperate and he doesn't care. He waited everyday to meet iksun and ask her and hear it right from her.
"We..we aren't over right ?"
One tear. Two. And he is crying infront of her. Junwan can't remember the last time he cried his heart out. When every night the feelings of missing her creeped in he'd always go for one or two beers and keep looking at her photos. And everytime he wanted to cry his heart out but he couldn't. He had no one to tell how much he missed her and how hard this whole situation is for him. He has gotten used to keeping his feelings to himself bottled up that he didn't know how to change it.
But now seeing iksun so close, at the verge of crying too, his tears never have been so easy to fall down. He was right. Iksun is really the only one for him.
Iksun placed her hands on his cheeks and wiped the tears and the touch just made her tears to fall down too.
Iksun breath a sign in and struggled trying to talk along muffled cries.
"Oppa.. promised me..to never lie to me.. but oppa didn't keep it..that's why.. we broke..up "
More she talked more she cried, her heart startes to swell with pain seeing him so vulnerable like this and for that iksun couldn't stop blaming herself.
"Whenever i asked you how are you doing..and if oppa is having hard time in hospital..always oppa said you are okay...but you weren't. Oppa never told me how you really felt..i should have guessed too but all i did was talking about..myself.."
Junwan didn't knew he could really cry this much. This time his hands reached iksun's cheeks and slowly and softly wiped her tears. They were really in a crying mess.
"Oppa is sorry. It was my fault. You didn't do anything.. i didn't want to worry you..you were living in a different country without anyone close to you, how could i make you worry about me on top of that..iam sorry iksunah..i am really not good at this. I thought long distance relationship wouldn't be hard because its you, but i guess i was wrong. Iksunah.. i know i did wrong, huh but i won't do it again..i reflected on the wrong i did for past year..
can't we..
Can't we.. give us another chance ?..hm ?"
"Oppa.."
"Iksunah.."
"Did you wait for me, the whole year ? When i already hurt you ?"
"You are all i had and all i could think of. I wanted to see you and ask from you directly because i couldn't believe it"
"But Oppa didn't you mistrust me ?..when..i said i like someone else.. first thing oppa asked was..if it's sae gyeong.."
"Iam sorry iksunah.. he was there by your side when all i could do was call you. Guess i was jealous and lost my mind for a second there..i did wrong.."
"Oppa..Iam sick"
"Hm ?"
It only took few seconds to register what she just said and less than one second for all the tears to dry up.
"What do you mean,iksunah.." the worry and anxiety was obvious in his face and voice.
"My liver somatic index was very high suddenly and some other problems too and i have been taking treatment for one year. Now it's quite stable but it might drop anytime and if it worsen i might need a trasplant too."
"Is it because of this ? The real reason why you broke up with me ?"
"Sorry oppa.. everything happened at once and i was worried to hear that you were having hard time because of me and then i got my results and i felt like my whole world crumbles down and i let you go so you wouldn't worry about me "
"Iksunah how could that left me without worrying about you ? You are all i got, why am i not allowed to worry about you ? "
Iksun swallowed big lump on her throat and she could feel they are reaching the climax to cry again. It's already time, junwan didn't stop crying its not like he had the control over his emotions this evening.
"Iam sorry oppa" iksun looked down avoiding his eyes without knowing what to do.
"Enough with saying sorry. I don't want us to say sorry anymore. Iam so done with this life. I just want to know only one thing iksunah.." Junwan looked and then inhaled a big sigh and looked back at iksun.
"Do you still love me iksun ? Just tell me that.." Tears were flowing down his face once again but he didn't care, anything except what iksun has to say. Iksun looked back at junwan, it still breaks her heart to see him like this. Yet she isn't sure what is the best thing she can do. As she looked into his eyes, suddenly something her brother said before echoed back in to her mind. 'Follow your heart, do what your heart says, nothing else matters'. Iksun doesn't know what forces drives over her when she nodded her head as an answer for his question. Seeing his not satisfied face, iksun decided to say it out loud.
"I.. never..stopped loving you oppa.." Letting go of the remaining composure, iksun broke down crying so hard and junwan followed her crying as the pain sweeps back in. They both cried for who knows how long holding on to eachother for support until junwan once again went for iksun's cheeks to wipe down her tears. Feeling his touch on her, she looked back at him. They keep looking into eachother finally feeling peace within them when iksun notices the way junwan looks at her. Tension slowly creeps in between them and iksun isn't sure if she can follow what her hearts wants her to do right now. As junwan's eyes follow her lips and then her eyes, iksun knows he is silently asking for permission and instead of saying him yes, iksun moves forward, closing her eyes and swiftly pulling junwan in too.
Feeling her lips within his, totally awakened a thousands of feelings from inside, the strike of his nerves telling him that he is kissing iksun after god knows how long, he lost all his senses. Slowly bringing out his hand to her neck supporting iksun, junwan went in, deep more, how could he stop now after refreshing the smell and taste of iksun he repeatedly abused his cells to remember but failed miserably over the year. Junwan could feel iksun's hand behind his head and her touch left small electrifying fliches along his whole body. Junwan couldn't get enough of her and it was reassuringly happy that he could feel the same from iksun.
They both were devouring into each revinding their memories and the forgotten feels between cries and muffled breaths when a loud sound left both of them shocked and mortified.
Junwan right away opened his eyes breaking off the kiss but was not brave enough to look front and see uju who awoke up but he is sure the sound he heard was sound beer cans crashing down to floor.
Iksun dropped her head on junwan's shoulder possibly guessing the owner of the inturder sound. Junwan slowly lifted his head to get a clear view of the person who just dropped the beer bag, and all he could see was his long time friend whom he was supposed to drink tonight with, not uju who awoke up due to their cries but uju's father, the brother of the girl he just kissed and now holding between his body.
"Ik..jun.."
"What.. what do you think you are doing.."
"Wait.. wait..I'll ex..explain.." junwan quickly withdrawing his hand from iksun and trying getting up evidently making obvious how panicked and lost he is. Iksun knowing it's her time to talk, decided to take charge of the moment before junwan panics even more.
"Junwan oppa it's okay.. oppa knows about us. "
This gonna be another big bomb on him but anyway time never was right on them.
"What..how..i mean when.." junwan was utterly shocked, he kept looking back and forth between two siblings, who are the reasons for his utterly messed up life tonight.
Ikjun on other hand was perplexed, he rushed from hospital to home stopping by shop to by beer cans in case they will run out of them, because he was aware how much his buddy needs drinking tonight. Instead of seeing lonely junwan, all he saw was a fallen two beer cans on floor, half lit living room and junwan and his sister kissing eachother on the kitchen floor. And even now his face expression hasn't changed much as he kept looking at junwan and iksun with bare minimum movements of his eyes.
Junwan looked at ikjun and he returned the same silent unreadable expression while iksun looked down between them. Suddenly as one though stirke him up, junwan looks around and find iksun's coat on the coach and then look back at ikjun. He then get his bag from kitchen stool and moves to coach for iksun's coat and cap to return back for iksun's hand. Then gathering his strength he moves closer to ikjun looking right into his eyes. Junwan swears he couldn't read ikjun's face, but he is sure it's the most serious face he has ever seen from ikjun.
"Iam sorry. Let's talk later. I can take her out right ?" Before waiting for his permission or anything junwan dragged iksun and himself out of the house leaving ikjun standing in the middle, alone.
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"You cut your hair."
"You only noticed it now ?"
"Hm hm. My mind was messy, now only i can feel all this is real" dropping his eyes at their intertwined hands on his lap.
"I don't look good in it right.."
"What..no.. you look even more handsome now.."
Iksun smiled out loud for the first time in the day or whole year for the real. She missed being happy. Happy with him.
After leaving the apartment, they settled down on one of the bench in the park and talked for hours, ate some food from the snack bar and also ice creams. Things they had to catch up and made up was endless but time was once again running definitely not pitying them.
They were looking up at stars when junwan lowkey sniffed his nose up.
"Oppa, looks like you will catch cold. You cried so much too and then ate ice cream too. Let's get back, it's past midnight now. "
"Shiro, i won't leave you. What if you leave me again when the morning comes" junwan whined placing his head on her shoulder feeling her warmth. Iksun just laughed at how junwan suddenly changed with the mention of time. She placed her hand on his cheek and gave small pats on it.
"I won't. I told you oppa, i won't leave again."
Suddenly remembering something junwan straightened and looked at iksun with big eyes.
"Let's stay together tonight, let's go to my home. Jeongwon is also not there, you can sleep over."
Iksun chuckled, she couldn't remember the last time he was this cute.
"Oppa did you already forgot it ? My oppa is waiting upstairs probably. He will kill us both if we don't go back tonight"
Not lying but junwan really forgot about ikjun. Iksun talked about how he found out but then they talked about many other stuff that it slipped his mind.
"Huh..right.. i should bring you back"
Feeling detached, junwan finally said. Iksun nodded and smiled at junwan.
After saying good byes and see you soons for like another hour, they finally reached ikjun's door. With another fifteen minute session of hugs and kisses junwan decicded to go back because going in ikjun's home at that moment would be like going into tiger's den. He was happy and feeling free after years of suffering and he wanted it to last more so it was not time for friend talk. It can wait for another time. Junwan went back to his empty house but this time more happily and feeling giddy.
Next day morning junwan called iksun and they talked again for hours until he had to leave to hospital. Last night when they talked about his work in hospital, he told her how much busy he was and how tired he was too and also didn't forget to promise her that he will take a big rest and also reduce the amount of surgeries he will be doing. But still it was something to be done slowly so of course he had surgeries since morning. At one point he was happy as he had no time even to run into ikjun, his potential problem right now. It was all fine until when seokhyung messaged in group chat, lunch and all said yes. Whats worse was songhwa said, junwan's office and for that too everyone said yes and he for overall thing endup sending a sticker of an annoyed face.
After having the talk with patient's guardians junwan turn in to his office opening his door probably knowing he is late.
"Sorry iam lat.."
"This is for uri gyeoulie. This too. This is for ur yunbokie, this is for me and this t.."
If there's one thing thing that make junwan lose all his temper is when others touch his things, specially his food, and very specifically his chocolates. Most important thing in his life after iksun and right now his all new expensive chocos and snacks are inside ikjun's pockets and remainings on his hands which are now moving into his pockets slowly and junwan can see his most favourite choco isn't alive as what he can only see is it's covering and he guess what ikjun sekki is chewing inside his mouth is his precious choco. And he lost his last ounce of patience.
"YOU SEKKII SPIT IT OUT SEKKIYA ..IT WAS THE LAST ONE SEKKIYA..I WAS GONNA EAT IT.. SEKKIYAAQA "
It only took him one second to sprint on to ikjun holding his hair and pulling them out.
"NO SEKKIYA MY HAIR.. STOP PULLING IT. WHY CAN'T I EAT A CHOCO. YOU HAVE SO MANY. !! YOU CAN DATE MY SISTER AND KISS HER IN MY KITCHEN BUT I CAN'T EAT ONE CHOC.."
"AHHHHHHHHHHH SEKKIYAAA GO BUY YOUR OWN.. YOU HAVE MONEY.. AH AH MY HAIRRRR"
"AHSIWJHDHEGŔGRGGGGRR..SEKKKIYAAAA.. I WON'T GIVE YOU MY SISTER...AHHHH"
"SEKKIYAA KMANNN.. HOW COULD YOU COMPARE CHOCOS TO MY IKSUN.. STOPPPRRRRR AHH MY HAI.."
They were pulling eachother's hair, hiting head and fighting like preschoolers while songhwa, seokhyung and jeongwon was eating peacefully not minding the possible world war 4 going infront of them.
"Enough now. Stop." Reaching the enough of background sounds jeongwon decided to save his soulmate.
"Oo enough" songhwa also pinched in still busying her mouth with food as her rival is busy fighting.
"Stop it and come eat" seokhyung too tried but changwon boys were still lost in their world fighting like two kittens.
"WE SAID ENOUGH !!! STOP NOW " feeling the maximum, three of them shouted together at once finally managing to take the attention of fighters. Junwan and ikjun entangled with eachother's hands pulling hair looked at three of them.
"We know.. We know you two are so happy to be brother in laws. So drop the act and come eat before songhwa eats all" jeongwon said scoffing at their dramatic expressions.
After a round of exchange of glances, changwon boys finally let go of each, trying to fix their appearance little better.
"Ah.. you guys know it ?" Ikjun said with a comical face and sit down looking for his share of food which was destined to go down songhwa's stomach if he was 0.5 seconds late. Junwan also sitting down, starts digging in after losing lot of food. Ikjun move his hand over junwan towards the last chicken leg, who flinched backwards a little thinking he is gonna hit him again but instead dropping the chicken leg on to junwan's plate.
"Eat a lot uri junwanah" junwan without much dig into his food and slowly slide pass the chocolate he managed to take from ikjun during the fight back towards him.
"You can eat brown ones, but not blue cover ones. They are my favs" ikjun gives his smug smile and put the choco in to his pocket again. Meanwhile rest of the three just laugh at the brotherly love they show after an intense fight.
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Iksun slowly closing the door with the never ceasing smile on her face after the magical reunion she had with junwan. Trying her best, she tiptoes back to her room when she feels someone on the kitchen table and she slowly turn around and see her brother still awake looking at her.
"Oh my gat kimchi !! Oppa why are you still awake ! Its past 2"
"Right..that's my point. It's past 2 and thats the time you come home after going out like that ?"
"I thought you wouldn't mind."
"Why wouldn't i. You are my sister no matter how old you are." With a small silence in between ikjun talked again. "So you two got back together?..good. if you weren't sick i would have already dragged you two to get back. Both of you weren't clearly not over even after one year and i always wanted to tell you, stop acting like a pabo or you will end up regretting like me one day. Anyway iam glad you two made it."
Iksun was trying her best once again not to cry. Hearing his words really made her emotional again, it never hit her that he was having a hard time between them too.
"I thought oppa will fight with junwan oppa before. Looks like you are happy for him"
Ikjun scoffed and laughed, "why would i.."
"why would i when he is the best man you could have.. charesso..always wanted to tell that you two looked so good together. Have a good communication and try to understand eachother more. You should know whats precious and rare, when you find such things try your best to not lose them. Asking for time to feel better is just a excuse, it won't happen. So never give up easily on things that matter so much to you and regret later. Ok. For today thats it. Go sleep now. Chalja..oppa kanda.." ikjun was going to his room when he stopped again to turn back.
"Ahh one more thing. About junwan.. i don't know anything else but i can assure you, he loves you so much. I have seen how he was when he was dating you and when you broke up with him and he was never like that before. I have never seen him so happy and content and also never depressed and heartbroken too. If anything happens of course ill take your side like i did before too, but he is really a soft hearted person and he need someone to take care of him, also he can never live alone and Iam sure the only person he needs is you. Nothing else or no one else"
"That's it. Oppa kanda for real " ikjun waves at iksun and without a glance he closes his door leaving iksun behind.
"I know. It took me a while to see all these. I promise i won't lose what's precious to me again." Iksun whispers to herself before going into her room to end one big day, a day she will probably look back and thank god for giving her it.
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