Work Text:
“Want to come over after this?”
The words rang in Jinki’s ears as he stood up from the sofa and looked back at Minho, still sitting in his spot and still grinning at him. The wink Minho sent his way made Jinki smile awkwardly before turning and walking back to the dressing area to change into his next outfit for the photoshoot.
In a bit of a daze, Jinki entered the dressing area, already taking off his pinstripe jacket, and nearly collided with Kibum who was tucking his shirt into his trousers.
“Careful, old man,” Kibum said with a slight smirk, probably chalking it up to Jinki’s typical clumsiness.
“Sorry,” Jinki replied, casting the younger man an apologetic look. Judging by the inquisitive look on his face, though, Kibum must have recognized that Jinki was distracted.
Of course Jinki was distracted, though. He’d just spent the last ten minutes with Minho on a sofa and the man had only proceeded to get closer and closer to him. Touching his inner thigh, putting his arm across his shoulders, and pushing his face so close to Jinki’s that at one point he swore he felt Minho’s nose brush against his cheek. He played along, knowing that a behind the scenes video was going to be made about this for the SHINee YouTube channel, but inside his thoughts were scattered.
Then Minho had asked him to come home with him after the shoot was over. The words had been whispered in his ear with a seemingly innocent smile after the photographer lowered his camera, even though the proximity between him and Minho didn’t feel entirely innocent. And the wink when Jinki got up to get changed? Jinki knew Minho; he knew him better than most people after so many years of living with him. He knew when Minho wanted something, for sure. The thing was, though… Minho hadn’t wanted anything from Jinki for years now. At least nothing like his words and actions were implying lately.
The last few times they’d gotten together for work, Minho had used every opportunity to give Jinki just a bit more affection than the last. He was always handsy, that wasn’t new; he was like that with all the members and his other friends as well. It was the look in his eye that Jinki noticed, though. He knew that look. Minho used to give it to him when they’d be at a schedule, working long hours, knowing it would be a while, but eventually they’d be going home and it would be just the two of them. Manager hyung wouldn’t be there for the night and the others would go back to their own homes, leaving just Jinki and Minho in the dorm. That look would be enough to make Jinki hot, the anticipation all he could concentrate on because he knew what kind of night they would have.
But Minho never gave him that look after a while, after they’d agreed to move on.
Jinki had noticed its reappearance the first time when they were filming the MV for Superstar . All the promotions before that since their comeback earlier in the year had been nice. Minho had laughed with him, ate meals with him, and been as friendly as ever with him. Minho, of course, spent most of that clinging to Kibum’s side. When they did livestreams he sat next to Kibum as usual and when they paired off for interviews Jinki and Taemin would go off together while Minho and Kibum teamed up to give the fans exactly what they wanted: the 91 liners bickering like an old married couple. Aside from a couple of radio promotions, Jinki and Minho were rarely together as just the two of them or without Taemin between them. Jinki was by no means complaining, though. It was just something he noticed and it stood in stark contrast to the way Minho pushed his body up next to Jinki’s that day and slung his leg over Jinki’s own, leaning in close to him while Jinki sat awkwardly and stared at Minho’s hand resting over his own.
Ever since then it was all small but meaningful touches, whispers and winks, and again, that heated stare that used to leave Jinki breathless. Now it just left him confused. Jinki could see what Minho was doing, it was just that he hadn’t done it in years. When Minho flirted it was equal parts cute and seductive. For every smoldering look, he’d lay on a little aegyo as well. The younger man had done exactly that earlier when he’d tickled Jinki’s inner thigh, staring up at him with a cute smile that made Jinki giggle bashfully and had him playing along with Minho as he tickled his shoulder in return. But later, after the playfulness was gone, Minho had followed it up with those words whispered in his ear, the puff of his breath against Jinki’s skin sending a pleasant chill down the older man’s spine.
Jinki knew deep down to expect this. Minho wasn’t one to just tease for no reason after all.
Shrugging on the pale yellow button up, Jinki stood as the stylist buttoned up a few of the buttons for him before walking back onto the set for some solo shots on the bed. He didn’t know why he had to wear these shorts while the others got to stay in pants, but these were thoughts he wouldn’t express out loud. He never wanted to be seen as difficult even if he preferred himself more covered up. Crawling onto the bed, Jinki attempted to look comfortable even with a room of people watching him as he juggled smiling for the camera while trying to make himself look casual holding a bottle of foundation in his hands.
As the camera clicked and Jinki tried out different poses, the others finished dressing and were all standing back, watching Jinki as he began to finish up. Or rather Taemin and Kibum were quietly talking to each other and Minho watched him. The weight of Minho’s stare was almost too much for him and his fingers fumbled with the Double Wear bottle, dropping it on the floor. Jinki could hear Minho’s distinctive laugh as he reached over the edge of the bed to pick up the bottle and hand it back to an assistant.
After his solo shots, the four of them posed together before Minho and Taemin got their chances. It wasn’t much longer until they were finished and Jinki was back in his sweatpants and t-shirt he showed up in for the photoshoot.
“Hyung?”
Jinki turned and saw Taemin’s smiling face.
“Should the four of us all ride back together? Maybe get a coffee?” Taemin asked, lately feeling quite clingy as the clock ticked closer and closer to his enlistment date. Looking at him now, with the Advice extensions in his hair and the oversized hoodie he was wearing, it was so hard to believe it was already time for him to go. Jinki was certain, though, that a part of him would always see Taemin as a kid.
“Sorry, Taeminnie, hyung and I have a date,” Minho responded for Jinki, seemingly coming out of nowhere.
Jinki looked to his side and there was Minho, t-shirt and jeans from earlier back on and makeup off but still as handsome as ever. He wrapped an arm around Jinki’s shoulders, pulling him closer. His eyes widened a bit as he looked at the younger man because he didn’t recall ever actually accepting his whispered invitation earlier.
Taemin’s face scrunched up and his lips pushed out in a slight pout, looking inquisitive.
“Actually—” Jinki started to say before Kibum came over to where the three of them were huddled.
“No doubt some boring ajhussi-level shit,” Kibum said as he rifled through his bag for his lip balm. “Taemin and I didn’t want to go out of our way for you two to get dropped off anyway.” He grinned smugly at Minho, who returned it just as smugly. “Let’s go, Taem. Let the old men have their ‘fun.’”
As the two were leaving, Minho turned his attention back to Jinki. He still wore that smug grin, looking all too pleased with himself.
Jinki just sighed.
——————————
“Tea?” Minho asked as he laid his keys down on the table next to his front door.
Jinki, still unfamiliar with this house, was standing awkwardly in the middle of the entrance. “Um, sure.” Why not? It’s not like Jinki knew what he was doing here anyway, might as well have a cup of tea.
Minho led the way into his kitchen and got to work, running some water in his kettle to boil. On the ride to the younger man’s house, Jinki had noticed a switch in Minho. He was less flirty and more nervous. The shake of his hands as he grabbed two mugs from a cabinet had Jinki narrowing in his eyes and tilting his head in curiosity.
Jinki watched Minho with eagle eyes as the younger man went about preparing the two cups of tea until he couldn’t take the silence anymore. “Minho?”
Minho turned around and replied, “Jinki?” Putting on a playful but fake smile.
The two of them had long since cut out any formalities or honorifics when it was just the two of them. They’d spent so much time as just two roommates before and… whatever else one might label them. It felt better to just be equals. Besides, he’d much preferred Minho calling out his actual name instead of “hyung” during their most intimate moments back then.
“Why did you want me to come home with you?” Jinki asked, just getting to the point.
Minho stopped what he was doing and turned around to look directly at the older man. “To hang out?” he responded, although it definitely sounded like a question.
“We spent all day together,” Jinki pointed out with a soft smile.
“I missed you?” Minho tried again, going back to his task. He dipped tea bags into the mugs.
“We see each other all the time,” Jinki said, not unkindly. He really wished that Minho would just admit to what he wanted so they could confront the issue.
What did Minho think was going to happen anyway? He’d fix them some tea, they’d sit down, and without any hesitation Jinki would forget that the last time Minho had treated him with this kind of attention was probably around four years ago? Minho was smarter than that usually.
“Ming… Come on,” Jinki said softly, a gentle hand reaching out to still Minho’s movements.
“I can’t just invite my hyung over to hang out?” Minho asked, getting a little heated like he often did unnecessarily. Minho’s passion always burned bright and fast. He was quick to raise his voice or get defensive, but Jinki was as calm as still water, always giving him the space to burn hot until his placid nature extinguished Minho’s fire.
“So I’m your hyung again?” Jinki wondered out loud. “Because when you used to look at me like that before it never ‘hyung.’ It was just ‘Jinki.’” The words were said softly, no judgement or accusatory tone, but Jinki couldn’t help but point out that he had caught onto Minho’s flirting and the real purpose of this visit to Minho’s house. Although, he’d hoped that the younger man was already aware that he knew as soon as the invitation was whispered in his ear.
Minho sighed, feeling more calm now. He leaned back against the edge of the kitchen counter, resting his hands on it. “Well… maybe I thought that we could hang out and then, you know, we could see where things go.”
Jinki rubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling slightly exasperated; although he wasn’t exasperated by Minho, it was by himself. All these years and he was still ready to give Minho anything he wanted with very little persuasion. If he let himself, he’d be in Minho’s bed and on top of the younger man without even the tea preamble. Jinki had to get a hold of himself because he really didn’t think crawling into bed together without questions was a good idea.
“Minho, seriously… why now?” Jinki asked, curious. For one, he didn’t exactly feel all that alluring lately and two, neither of them had so much as mentioned their shared past since they decided to end whatever they were to each other.
“Does it matter why?” Minho asked. Gone were the flirtatious grins and winks. He wasn’t trying to be cute anymore. “You’re not seeing anyone, right?” He paused for Jinki to nod in confirmation. “I’m not either. So why not? We were good together.”
Jinki scratches the back of his neck and his brows knitted up in a frown, genuinely wondering if Minho had completely forgotten their conversation in Jinki’s place, back when it was still their place. “But you wanted to go see people. You said yourself that you wanted to get serious about your personal life, find someone to actually be in a relationship with. And I said that was fine, remember? I didn’t put up a fight, I agreed to stop because yeah, as long as you could come home and get into my bed you weren’t going to get serious with anyone else.” He sighed. “So why now? Is it because you’re lonely? Because I know there are women ready to line up for a chance with you, Minho. You don’t have to settle for me.” Jinki grinned, forever self-deprecating.
“Don’t say that,” Minho said with a tone that meant he was serious and Jinki could practically see the flames heating up his eyes again. “I don’t like when you put yourself down, Jinki, you know that. There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re wonderful.”
Jinki was about to protest, never one to turn down an opportunity to explain why he wasn’t special, but he didn’t get the chance.
“And sweet, and cute, and sexy…” Minho continued, clearly thinking he had an in here since they were both single and Jinki hadn’t said no thanks. His expression had brightened up again and this time his nervous hands were reaching out to sit at Jinki’s waist.
Jinki let them, but he didn’t meet Minho’s eyes. Instead he scoffed, although there was a small, bashful smile on his face. Why did the younger man have to be so hard to resist? “I could admit to being cute, but don’t get ahead of yourself. Sexy? You know that’s not true.”
“No, you think it’s not true,” the younger man pointed out. “We’re here all alone. I could take you into my bedroom and show you how much I mean it?”
Jinki rolled his eyes and laughed. “You definitely used to be better at this. You’re rusty, Ming.” He stepped away from Minho’s grasp and grabbed a cup of tea. After taking a sip, Jinki noted the unique flavor in appreciation. “Great tea,” he said. “Should we find something to watch on TV?”
Minho was never one to give up easily, though. It was what made him a great performer, athlete, and lover. It didn’t hurt that he could read Jinki as well as Jinki could read him; he no doubt knew that the older man wasn’t exactly unwilling. Minho reached a hand out to place it on Jinki’s shoulder, stopping the older man.
“I guess I am. It’s been a while since I made an effort.” His hand slowly ran down Jinki’s arm until he reached his waist, wrapping his arm around the older man from behind and leaning in close.
Jinki sucked air in through his teeth. Whatever Minho’s plan was, it was working on him. His eyes slipped closed when he felt the younger man’s nose at the nape of his neck. “Minho…” he breathed out. “Please…”
“Please what, Jinki?” Minho asked, his other hand running over his shoulder gently. The feeling of the younger man’s lips brushing over his skin as he spoke caused an involuntary noise to quietly escape Jinki’s throat.
“It’s a bad idea,” Jinki murmured, knowing he should put some distance between but unable to actually move away. “We’re not kids anymore… and you said you didn’t want this,” he pointed out. Jinki might have been the one resisting right now, but he didn’t want Minho to forget that he was the one who ended it.
“I’m not allowed to change my mind,” Minho asked quietly. “Everyone makes mistakes, Jinki.” The younger man couldn’t help himself it seemed; he was so close to Jinki, the smell of the old man’s soap on his skin filling his senses. All he could think about was holding on tighter to Jinki, afraid that maybe this really was his last time holding him like this.
“Minho, I…” Jinki started, but lost his courage a moment later. It wasn't easy to say no to Minho, but it was harder to tell him why. Back then they never discussed anything, they just took comfort in each other. If Minho wanted him, all he’d had to do was say so and vice versa. Although Minho was often the one who began things; even after so many times together Jinki had remained shy at first, often unable to understand why Minho kept coming back to him of all people.
“If you don’t want to, it’s okay,” Minho finally replied, although his tone was different than before. He sounded like a mixture of sad and disappointed in himself, but not sullen. Jinki could just imagine what was going on in the younger man’s head. He wasn’t used to “rejection” even though that seemed too harsh a descriptor. He stilled behind Jinki, pausing ever so briefly to hold on for just a moment longer as if letting go meant that Jinki was going to run out of the house immediately.
Once Minho let go, Jinki turned around and sat his mug down on the countertop. He searched for Minho’s eyes, but the younger man was looking everywhere but at him. “Ming, it’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just…” Jinki wondered if he could gather the courage. He took a deep breath and continued. “It's just that I don’t know if I can do this again with you.” He said, seeing Minho finally look at him again with curiosity in his eyes. “It hurt too much the last time when it ended.”
Jinki could see Minho’s expression change. His brows knitted up, his head tilted in confusion, and his eyes looked like they were searching, trying to put together what Jinki just admitted to him. He was probably shocked to hear that everything between them before meant so much to Jinki. It wasn’t like he’d told Minho how he felt about him; he never said he was in love out loud. He gave and gave to Minho and when the younger man didn’t want it all from him anymore, he let him go with a reassuring smile and warmth. How could he have been angry with him when he hadn’t been forthcoming with his feelings after all?
People often called Jinki a pushover about a lot of things, but he never saw it that way. If someone he loved needed something and he had it to give then he’d happily hand over whatever it was. Maybe it was money or food, maybe sometimes it was his affection. In Minho’s case, he’d wanted Jinki completely. Frankly, it hadn’t exactly been some chore for him to give Minho what he wanted; not when Minho had been in front of him, looking at him with lust in his eyes and saying things like “hyung, you’re so gorgeous” and “don’t you think it would feel good? let’s try it” all while being that uniquely Minho combination of cute and sexy all at the same time. And why put up a fight when Minho wanted to end it after so long? They never called themselves boyfriends and Jinki had more pride than to beg someone to keep hooking up with him.
He also had enough pride to not just jump right back into this, especially not at his age now. He was 33 years old and no longer wanting to keep up some undefined casual… whatever it was… with one of his best friends. Even if the way his breath grew slightly ragged and his heart rate picked up at the close contact between them before said otherwise.
“Does it have to end?” Minho finally asked after a long moment of silence.
Now it was Jinki’s turned to look at him with confusion because what was Minho trying to say?
Obviously gaining some of his confidence back after Jinki’s confession, Minho eased close to him again. This time he was facing the older man as he wrapped his arms around him. He rested his forehead against Jinki’s and continued. “Maybe I was completely stupid to end it the first time.”
Jinki felt awkward just standing there all wrapped up in Minho’s arms and he suddenly had no idea what to do with his empty hands. They were balled up into loose fists and resting against his own chest, almost as if he was afraid to touch Minho. “I don’t… understand.” Jinki almost whispered.
“I just… miss you. I have missed you,” Minho said so softly, the proximity between them leaving every word quiet and gentle. “I didn’t realize how much I would, you know? But no one feels like you, Jinki. No one knows me as well as you do. I mean, you know every part of me.”
One of Minho’s hand rose up to Jinki’s face, cupping his jaw, and Jinki swallowed and felt a heat rise up in his body, making his ears and cheeks burn red.
“Don’t you miss me too?” Minho asked, his tone seemingly genuine as if he really wanted to know if Jinki missed this, missed him . Minho ran his thumb over Jinki’s bottom lip, staring at his mouth intently.
Not being able to just stand there any longer with Minho wrapped around him, Jinki nudged himself out of the embrace. If he stayed like that much longer than he knew where he’d up in this house and they didn’t need to crawl into bed together right now. What they really needed to do was talk. “I don’t want to have some friends with benefits kind of situation,” he said, his tone gentle and warm but firm in his stance as he put distance between the two of them. “I need you to understand that,” Jinki continued, crossing his arms over his chest. “Not just because of how I feel about you, but because I’m in the same boat as you were. I’d like to have something real, you know? Whoever that may be with. I’m not sure what that looks like exactly, but I don’t want to be casual with someone anymore.” Jinki had long figured out that he liked men as much as he liked women so he never knew if he’d ever get married, but he knew he wanted a partner.
“Who says I don’t want that still?” Minho asked, looking the older man directly in the eye, copying Jinki’s stance with his own arms crossed.
“You, just thirty seconds ago!” Jinki exclaimed, a rare moment where his calm demeanor slipped. “Not in so many words, but if you’re looking to start this again with us then you can’t be too serious. You need to be clear with what you want, Minho.” Jinki said, at some point his initial heated tone dying down until his words were gentle again as he spoke the last part.
“I’m not the only one here that needs to express himself better,” Minho retorted, growing slightly frustrated at Jinki’s accusation. “You just said it would hurt again, but you never told me before that it did in the first place. I didn’t want to hurt you, but if you didn’t say anything, what could I do?”
Jinki sucked air between his clenched teeth. He wasn’t upset, he was just not prepared for all of this when he woke up this morning. “Minho, what good would it have done me? I couldn’t try to hold onto you when you didn’t want to do all that anymore. It didn’t matter at that point that I was—” He paused, his mouth not wanting to form the words, to breathe them into existence. Saying it out loud made it even more real.
“Jinki…” Minho breathed out, his eyes begging the older man to finish what he was going to say.
“I was in love with you,” Jinki said, the words tumbling out so quickly that the emotional impact of it all hitting him immediately. His eyes widened slightly and he felt so utterly vulnerable in that moment that he wanted to wrap his arms around himself.
Minho just stared at him, looking like he was studying Jinki. It was several long, deafeningly silent moments before Minho did anything. He took the few steps forward to move back into Jinki’s personal space and this time cupped the older man’s cheek in one hand. His eyes were shining and he was looking at Jinki in a way he was not used to. “Is it ‘was’ or ‘is?’”
“I don’t know,” Jinki answered honestly, wanting to look away from the intensity of Minho’s stare. “It’s been a long time. So much has happened… Minho, neither of us are the same people we were.”
Minho looked down at Jinki, his thumb caressing over his cheek. There was a slight tremor in his voice when he spoke. “Do you think that maybe it could happen again?” He asked.
Jinki knew it could and that scared him; it made him not want to get too close to Minho. It had taken so little for him to fall in love before and so much for those feelings to fade. “Minho, how do you feel about me? Because you never once told me and now this… How do you feel about me?” He asked again, feeling like the younger man owed him the same honestly he’d just given him.
“I don’t—” Minho started and then abruptly stopped, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “I’m not in love with you,” Minho began. “But… Jinki I want something real too. And I thought something like that needed to fit into this box. A woman, marriage, all of that.” His hand dropped from Jinki’s face and he looked down at the floor, almost as if he was ashamed of himself. “I was stupid, though. It was stupid of me to think that years of us being together wasn’t already real. Missing you was certainly real.” His eyes met Jinki’s once again. “You’re right, neither of us are the same anymore. Everything that’s happened, being away from you for a long time, and now finally being back with you almost every day? It all made me realize that the happiest I’ve been was when I was with you. And when I wasn’t, when things happened, and I couldn’t just come to you like before it was hard. I didn’t mean to confuse you or anything today. I just missed you and thought ‘why not?’ You’ve been so close lately. It was hard to not want to reach out and touch,” Minho admitted with a shy smile and a soft, breathy laugh.
Jinki returned the smile. Minho wasn’t often the most vulnerable guy and he appreciated his honesty. He opened his mouth to speak, but Minho, clearly on a roll and forever passionate about everything, interrupted him.
“I know it wouldn’t be easy, but can’t we try? To be real? Not like before where we hid ourselves away and never talked about it, I don’t want that. I want to be with you and just you. I don’t want to sneak around behind the others’ backs either. And I promise this isn’t out of nowhere. I mean, I think about you all the time, Jinki. I know you notice when I’m giving you more attention because you get that awkward and shy look on your face,” He said as he grinned cutely at Jinki.
Jinki pulled out a stool that was sitting at the kitchen island. His legs felt slightly weak at Minho’s confession. “Um, I…” He paused, letting out a breathy laugh. Reaching up, he ran a hand over his face before sliding it into his hair and ruffling it. “Well I didn’t think this was how my day was going to go when I woke up this morning.” Jinki looked at Minho, unable to contain his soft laughter when he saw the younger man’s cute smile.
“I’m trying to have a moment with you here, Jinki,” Minho insisted, although he couldn’t stop from laughing along with Jinki. “Express my feelings and all that.”
Jinki did his best to look apologetic. “I’m sorry,” he said and reached out to pull at the front of Minho’s shirt, tugging him closer. It was the first time he was initiating close contact between the two of them today. “It’s just that, well, you know that if we do this we have to work hard at it? Not just for our sake either.”
Minho stepped closer into Jinki’s space. His hands resting on the older man’s shoulders, one of them reaching up to tug playfully at his earlobe. “I know. If we did this and then broke up, Taemin would be sad and Kibum might kill us,” he stated with a grin.
“Exactly. Although Kibum might kill us anyway for keeping secrets from him to begin with,” Jinki pointed out, his nose scrunching up at the thought of having to tell their members, knowing the two of them would not accept the news without questions.
Minho groaned and stepped closer, pressing himself against Jinki, slumping down to rest his head on the older man’s shoulder. “Let’s not even think about that right now. Can’t we just bask?”
Jinki could only laugh and wrap his arms tight around Minho. “I’m sorry. We’ll bask first and worry about that later.”
Minho raised back up. “So… we’re doing this then?” He asked, looking unbelievably cute and hopeful. Once Jinki gave the nod of affirmation, Minho smiled brightly. “I promise I’ll be honest this time and tell you what I’m feeling. I promise I won’t treat us like it’s not important to me because you’re so important to me, Jinki.”
“Me too,” Jinki replied. “I won’t hide what I’m feeling this time.” His smile was practically blinding as Minho cupped his face with his hands and leaned down. There was a moment of hesitation, Minho looking for confirmation that it was okay.
Jinki closed the gap between them first, though, pressing his lips to Minho’s. It was a bit clumsy at first given their position, but it felt like coming home. He began to stand as Minho stepped back to give him room. Their lips separated briefly as Jinki rose from his seat. Looking at each other, the two of them shared a quiet, gentle laugh as Minho settled his hands on Jinki’s waist. He leaned in and slotted their mouths together. Jinki slid his arms around Minho’s shoulders, happy to feel Minho once again.
When they parted, Jinki grinned up at the younger man and asked coyly, “Maybe now you can take me to the bedroom?”
——————————
The next morning, Jinki woke up in an unfamiliar bed but with a familiar feeling of home when he looked over at Minho sleeping soundly next to him. He tucked himself into the younger man’s side and rested his head on his shoulder. There was a shift in the bed as Minho’s arm wrapped tightly around Jinki, pulling him close.
He didn’t say a word and after a few moments, Jinki could feel his breathing even out. He knew Minho was back to sleep when he heard the sound of his soft snoring. Chuckling quietly to himself, Jinki figured that was something he’d have to get used to again.