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You feel dizzy, your mind swimming with contempt and it's all directed at you. 'You're just a girl fetishizing gay men. Men don't have boobs. Your face is too round to be masculine, no real gay man will ever find you attractive. You are a woman, you'll never be a real man. You're fake and everyone can tell. Everyone knows, and the people who respect you are just doing it to be nice.' Every word feels hot in your veins, like they’re burning their way through your body. It burns and it feels numbing, you wish it’d stop but you can’t even tell whether you hate the thoughts or if you hate yourself. Maybe both.
You don't even realize that you're crying until your best friend, The Greedler, is hugging you tightly to his chest, you look up to see him smiling at you. "Hey, Y/N. You doin' alright?" Greed asks softly, carefully. He’s worried, obviously, and he cares about you. He wants to help. You shake your head, "What's wrong, babe?" You wipe at your face roughly, trying to get all the tears off. 'Men don't cry.' And isn’t it ironic that that thought just so happens to make you cry even harder? You bury your face in Greedler's chest. You can't help it, you need his support right now. Your mind is messy, cruel place right now and you need him to pull you out of it, if only for a minute. Greed presses a soft kiss to your head and holds you all the closer to himself, humming a little tune that you recognize to be one of your favorite songs under his breath. "Do you wanna talk about it?" He offers after a few minutes, having waited for you to calm down enough to talk before speaking himself. You nod, "Mhm." Your head is still swimming, it's hard to gather any coherent thoughts but you definitely do want to talk about it.
You take a moment to figure out how to word yourself before speaking, "M' not a real man." You say, sniffling and wiping at your nose. "I look n' sound like a girl... m' just fake. Pretending." It’s much more complicated than that but you have no idea how to explain it any further. How do you tell someone that your brain doesn’t hate you, but hates how you look and sound? That all the words of transphobic men and women you’ve encountered throughout your life still echo through your mind way more often than you’re comfortable with admitting? That everything about yourself makes you uncomfortable, that you so desperately wish you could look in the mirror and see yourself. That you don’t think you’ll ever truly be comfortable in your own body. You look up at The Greedler once you finish to gauge his response. Greed shakes his head, "That's not true. You're a beautiful young man, there's nothing "woman" about you. When you first told me you were a man, I believed you right away and I still do. Why don't you believe yourself?"
You can't help but smile at Greed's words, he always knows exactly what to say to make you feel better. You know that he doesn’t fully understand, but the fact that he still tries even despite not knowing what it’s like to be in your skin just makes you feel like you have the best friend in the world. Even if you don't feel perfect, what he said still makes you feel a lot better. "You're right... can you tell me what about me you think is masculine? I just really need the validity. Please?" The Greedler smiles and nods, "Of course, Y/N." He moves one of his hands to grab and squeeze yours, "I think the way you go about things is really masculine, your attitude and mindset about things as well. The passion you have for what you enjoy is also super masculine, and your drive to go for it. Believe it or not but you also smell really masculine, I like how you smell a lot," he emphasizes his point by burying his face in your neck and taking a big whiff. It’s playful and flirty and it makes you giggle, "Greed!" You groan playfully, "You're relentless, you know that?" He chuckles, "I know. But I meant what I said, you're hot- I mean- Masculine."
Greed pressed his tongue against your neck playfully, you roll your eyes and kiss his cheek, "Gay loser." You tease and he presses his own kiss to your neck, "Pretty boy~" He teases back. "It's not gonna work on me, Greed. I refuse to be flustered by your weak attempts at flirting with me. I refuse. Unless you do something like pin me to the couch and call me a good boy there's nothing you can do to make me blush." The Greedler moves his head from your neck and raises his eyebrow at that, "Is that a challenge?" You smile, "Maybe it is. But it’s one for another time cause I need cuddles and forehead kisses right now, not hot kinky sex all over the living room, okay?" He can't help but chuckle at that, "Got it." He presses several little pecks to your forehead, pulling you directly into his lap and turning on the TV. "Let's finish that show, shall we?" You smile and lean into him, "We shall."