Work Text:
It’s funny how quickly your brain can switch back to old routines.
Over the past three years, Joo Won’s life had switched drastically numerous times. He had come to Manyang with the sole objective to solve the string of disappearances of illegal immigrants, and then return to Seoul triumphant and show everyone there he’d been right all along.
Of course, that hadn’t gone exactly to plan. When it turned out his own father was at the source of a good part of the pain and misery that had befallen the town, Joo Won felt his world shatter.
He had considered himself as a true emblem of justice, a bull hunting criminals to impale them with his horns, and even if he hadn’t always seen eye to eye with his father, Han Ki Hwan was still that - his father. He was the person who had shaped him and made him a righteous man. So if Han Ki Hwan was rotted to his core, what did that make him?
He had barged in this town and thrown accusations around, pushing and pushing until he could break everyone. And he had. His egg-covered shirt, a perfect representation of his blind obstination, had to end up in the bin, courtesy of Yoo Jae Yi.
Of course, Yoo Jae Yi wasn’t the only person he had hurt. Lee Gum Hwa had paid with her life for his ego. And his former partner was sitting in jail, thanks to him.
It’d been a year now since things had settled down and he had started his new job at the Women’s and Juvenile Affairs. He took his role to heart, and found solace in his ability to help the defenceless. Who else would help these people if not him? But still, he couldn’t help but feel like this was only a temporary situation. He was just keeping busy, waiting for life to resume. Waiting for him to be free.
When Ji Hwa’s text appeared on his phone - ‘It’s Chief Nam’s death anniversary today. See you at Manyang Butcher Shop’ - he didn’t hesitate. He knew exactly what today’s date was, and he was ready to go back. Or so he thought.
//
The sky was bright and the air surprisingly warm for a February day. Jae Yi’s smile when she saw him was joyful, showing how far they’d gone in their relationship. Joo Won smiled back, truly happy to see her.
He hadn’t returned anyone’s text over the past year, let alone joined them for a meal. He was now hesitant to come in, wondering if he should have kept in touch. He had had his reasons for staying away, but what if he’d been gone for too long? He’d been warned about the people of Manyang, and how they banded together against intruders. Did he still qualify as one of them? Had he ever?
His train of thought fizzled when Jae Yi greeted someone behind him. He knew who it was before turning around. Shimmering under the sun was Lee Dong Sik, looking mischievous as always, as if he hadn’t just spent a year in prison.
Time froze for a second, as a wave of emotions came crashing down in him. Excitement, joy, doubt, guilt. Guilt. So much guilt. A cold hand grasped his heart, making him shudder; the bright February sun suddenly was not enough to keep him warm.
In a daze, he followed everyone inside, where an empty seat was waiting for him. Silent, he observed them interact, as if watching a play. Some of them had known each other for decades, some were coworkers, but they all fitted together so naturally. Han Joo Won felt like an outsider, intruding on a private event. He didn’t belong here. Maybe he should…
A warm hand on his back pulled him back into the present. It was just a light touch, but it felt like an anchor, stopping him from drifting any more into guilt and regret.
Lee Dong Sik was looking at him, a question on his face. ‘ Everything alright? ’ He didn’t need to say anything. Joo Won hummed and smiled lightly. The hand left his back, but left a burning imprint in its stead. It might have been an offhand gesture for his former partner, but to him it meant a lot. ‘ Welcome back ’. ‘ You belong here ’.
Han Joo Won still had a lot to atone for. But in that moment, he knew life could finally resume.
//
Lunch went on for a long time, even longer than it usually did at Jae Yi’s. They were all enjoying each other’s company, even if the reason for their reunion was less than happy. But wasn’t this the best way to honour Nam Sang Bae, everyone gathered like good old times? Well, almost everyone.
As Hwang Gwang Young had commented, Park Jung Je was still in prison. His treatment once free was still up in the air. If Dong Sik decided he never wanted to see him again, Ji Hwa would respect his wish.
She was hoping there could be a better outcome, but how could anyone expect of Dong Sik to forgive someone involved in the murder of his sister? Ji Hwa herself struggled to reconcile her vision of one of her oldest friends with the one of a killer. Even if Yu Yeon had most likely been dead already when he ran her over. Even if it had been accidental. It was too much to think about.
Ji Hwa picked up her glass and drank slowly, deciding to enjoy the present instead. Her gaze fell on the two men sitting in front of her. Dong Sik and Han Joo Won.
She knew Han Joo Won hadn’t visited Dong Sik even once while he was in prison. He’d never replied to her texts either, but that surprised her less. She’d thought he would have at least enquired about his former partner, seeing how close they had gotten by the end of their investigation. But he hadn’t, and she knew because when she visited Dong Sik, he would casually ask ‘And how is Inspector Han doing?’ or ‘Has inspector Han returned to Seoul yet?’ And she would fill him in with what little information she had. And Dong Sik would nod and smile, ‘Good, good’.
So she’d assumed that Han Joo Won had moved on. He would always be welcome here in Manyang, but she could understand that he’d want to leave. Though why he had accepted a job in Gangwon was a mystery to her.
Now, seeing the two men sitting next to each other, she could tell she had been mistaken. Han Joo Won hadn’t moved on at all.
When he thought no one was watching, he casted furtive glances at Dong Sik, as if to make sure he was indeed here, in the flesh.
He seemed happy enough to take part in conversations, if only a bit withdrawn, but oddly enough only when Dong Sik wasn’t part of them. Actually, their only interactions consisted of passing utensils around.
As she kept watching them, Ji Hwa realised that both men were very carefully avoiding any kind of interaction with each other. Dong Sik too was happily chatting with everyone; everyone but Han Joo Won.
She was likely the only one who had noticed; there were a lot of them around the table after all, it was normal not to be able to talk to everyone. But they were sitting right next to each other. And now that she was paying attention, she caught a few glimpses coming from Dong Sik towards the Inspector as well.
Had they left on bad terms? Han Joo Won was the one who had arrested Dong Sik after all. Maybe they weren’t sure how to interact after their last goodbye. Or maybe, whatever needed to be said needed to be in private.
When they all went for a walk and Dong Sik and Han Joo Won trailed behind, she figured it was probably a bit of both.
As soon as Lee Dong Sik came out of prison, Joo Won started seeing the Manyang crowd a lot more again. He was still barely answering anyone’s texts, but whenever an invitation for lunch or dinner at Jae Yi’s was thrown around, he would show up more often than not.
He was aware of the reason why. To see Dong Sik. To make sure he was okay; to make sure Joo Won hadn’t completely destroyed him by sending him to prison. To see him finally free from all his burdens. To see him happy. Because God knows he deserved to be happy.
And maybe also to check how he felt about Joo Won. Did he hate him? He should. Joo Won didn’t deserve any forgiveness for what he and his father had done. He should be cast away, not invited time and time again to eat with these good people.
As Dong Sik’s release date had come nearer, Joo Won had sworn to himself that he would see the man once more, to ensure he was okay, and then leave his life for good. He didn’t deserve to be a part of it, and the best gift he could give him was to disappear.
But he was weak. Still, so, so weak. His resolve had faltered that day at Jae Yi’s, then crumbled when walking on the pier with Dong Sik. Dong Sik, who was so gentle to him, so caring. As if Joo Won hadn’t just locked him behind bars for a year.
‘Make sure you eat well, sleep well, and poop well too’ .
Words choked up in his throat. Instead of the goodbye he had rehearsed many times in his head, he only managed to say ‘Don’t talk to me like I’m a child’. Their usual banter was so easy to slip back into, so safe.
And so, he didn’t say goodbye. Instead, he kept coming back. And he hated himself for that. He hated that he hadn’t shown his face in a year to the people of Manyang, and now suddenly showed up wherever Dong Sik was going. It was pathetic.
Surely everyone had made the connection. They must think he was an ungrateful brat, ignoring them for so long and only coming back for his former partner. Or maybe they didn’t think anything about him. Maybe they didn’t care. Why would they? He was just an outsider.
And yet, there he was, standing in front of Manyang’s Butcher shop once again. He was standing outside, looking at the lively scene taking place inside, hesitant. Why couldn’t he grow a backbone for once and just leave?
Funny how his cowardice had kept him away from this place for a year, and how it was now inexorably pulling him back. For someone who was so proud to follow logic and reason, he was still a slave to his emotions.
‘Are you going to go in or do you intend to just stare at them like a creep?’
Jae Yi was standing nearby, holding a tray of freshly cut meat. Embarrassed, Joo Won managed to mumble ‘I was going in’ and slid the door open. Joyful greetings welcomed him — and Jae Yi who was bringing more meat — as he settled down on a free seat at the communal table. Next to Dong Sik, once again.
As soon as he sat down, he regretted being there. Lee Dong Sik was like a bad addiction that he couldn’t get rid of. Seeing him brought Joo Won a high that turned into bitter regret as soon as he was out of sight.
Why was he doing that to himself? Why did he need this constant reminder of his and his father’s sins? It’s not like he was getting anything from seeing Dong Sik. He didn’t dare talking to him, always sitting silently next to him like an idiot.
Which is exactly what he did that day. The evening passed in a blur, and he was ready to discreetly slip out when Dong Sik got up and said: ‘Walk with me, will you Inspector Han?’
Joo Won stared at him, surprised.
‘Me?’
‘Well, yes. I don’t feel safe walking home on my own, I need a strong inspector like you to protect me.’
Only Dong Sik would joke about feeling unsafe at night around here. Unable to come up with a suitably snarky reply, Joo Won simply sighed and waited by the door for him.
They started walking in silence, before Dong Sik cut to the chase.
‘Are you so afraid of me that you cannot talk to me anymore, Han Joo Won?’
‘I’m not…’ Joo Won started, then fumbled on his words. ‘I don’t have much to say.’
‘Oh come on. I’m sure you have plenty of interesting cases to talk about, if anything.’
‘I didn’t think you’d want to hear about them.’
‘Why not? I’m always interested to hear about you.’
Joo Won noted that the subject of Dong Sik’s sentence was himself, not his work. He didn’t know what to make of it.
‘I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry for bothering you.’ Joo Won started bowing, ready to make his leave.
‘You’re not —‘ Dong Sik sighed, and grabbed his upper arms, holding him in place. ‘Look at me, Han Joo Won.’
Joo Won slowly lifted his head back up to face him. Dong Sik’s expression was determined, searching his eyes for an explanation.
‘What is going on with you?’ Silence. ‘You know, I wasn’t sure you’d be there when I got out of prison. Ji Hwa told me you’d got a job in Gangwon, and I thought it was odd that you hadn’t gone back to Seoul yet, but it made me happy because you were still around. And when you did come when I got out, that made me happy too.
But these days, it’s like you’re a ghost. You come to Jae Yi’s and you don’t speak much and then you leave. I thought you needed some time, so I left you alone. If you’d rather not see me again, I understand. Just say so right now, and I’ll leave you be.’
Dong Sik’s hands were still on him, warm, trapping him and comforting him at the same time. His burning gaze was fixed on him, and Joo Won felt like a deer in the headlights, unable to escape its oncoming fate.
He couldn’t lie to this man.
‘I don’t… don’t want to see you again. But you should not want to see me.’
Dong Sik’s expression softened, now tainted with sadness. He closed his eyes, and squeezed Joo Won’s arms lightly.
‘Han Joo Won. How many times do I have to tell you? You are not responsible for —‘
‘It’s not just that. I accused you. I pushed for your arrest. Several times . I sent you to jail!’
He choked on the last words. If Dong Sik hadn’t been holding him right now, he probably would have fallen to the ground or ran away by now.
‘Han Joo Won. It is up to me how I feel about people. I thought I had told you that already. I don’t feel like hating you. Do you hate me?’
‘What? Of course not, how could I -‘
‘Great. Then we both don’t hate each other.’
Dong Sik smiled at him. Joo Won didn’t know what to say. Could he really be forgiven, just like that? Was he really allowed to be around such a precious man?
‘Ah, Han Joo Won, don’t look at me like that. You’re about to cry again. Why do you always cry when we meet lately? I would rather see you smile.’
Joo Won found it in him to be offended. How could he make fun of him when the situation was so…
‘There you go, it’s not quite a smile but now you look more like the young Prince I know.’
With a last squeeze, Dong Sik let go of Joo Won’s arms, letting his hands slide down, all the way to Joo Won’s own hands. They briefly touched for a second, enough to send a wave of raging fire throughout Joo Won’s body.
‘Okay. Now that we are on the same page, what are you doing this weekend? Come with me on a morning walk. You don’t work this Sunday, right?’
He had no idea how Dong Sik had acquired this information, but it was true.
‘I don’t.’ Short hesitation. ‘I’ll be at your place at 8. Is that ok?’ He sounded a bit too eager.
‘Yes sir. See you then, Han Joo Won.’
They each went their separate way. Joo Won couldn’t help but flex his hands, still feeling the touch of Dong Sik’s fingers on them.
Joo Won considered bailing on their plan about ten times before finding himself parked in front of Dong Sik’s house, the engine still running. He could still do it. He could still turn around and drive away, pretending to be sick or something. Dong Sik would know he was bullshitting him, but he could just avoid answering his questions and…
He jumped out of his seat when a knock came on his window. Dong Sik was leaning over, smirking.
‘Good morning Inspector Han.’
Too late to run now.
He stopped the engine, unfastened his seatbelt and got out of the car.
‘It almost looked like you were ready to leave there. Have you got more pressing matters to attend?’
‘No. I was just waiting for you.’
‘Well, here I am.’
Dong Sik curtsied, clearly implying ‘Your Majesty’ at the end of his sentence. Joo Won rolled his eyes and tried to hide the smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
They went on a walk to Mount Simju, mostly in silence at first. Joo Won had to learn how to exist next to this man again, with all the conflicting emotions it brought him. He still didn’t feel worthy of walking alongside him, but it was Dong Sik who had invited him, so it was okay to be here. Right?
‘How did you know it was my day off?’ He eventually asked.
Dong Sik gave him a mischievous smile.
‘You have to know these things about your partner.’
‘But you’re not…’ he trailed off.
‘Aren’t I? I guess not anymore.’
He didn’t offer any more explanation. Joo Won instantly felt bad for commenting they weren’t partners anymore.
‘Well, as your partner I should know your current whereabouts too.’ Joo Won said, looking straight ahead. ‘What do you intend to do from now on?’
Dong Sik shot him a surprised look, before a smile spread on his face.
‘As you know, I can’t go back to the police substation.’
‘I’m sure they could review your case, it was a very peculiar situation.’
‘That’s one way of putting it,’ Dong Sik scoffed. ‘No, I don’t think I want to go back. I became a detective for Yu Yeon. I think my job is done here.’ He paused for a moment and crossed his arms, as if deep in thoughts.
‘Hmm… What could an old man like me possibly do with his life? What do you think, Inspector Han? Modelling maybe?’
Joo Won stared at him, incredulous.
‘Oh my, I’m going to blush if you keep looking at me like that. You agree with modelling then? I don’t think I look too bad for my age.’
Joo Won felt heat creep up on his face, so he turned away to hide his embarrassment.
‘You should take this more seriously.’ Joo Won wanted to change the topic, but he was also worried for his former partner. True, he had inherited the house and capital from both Kang Jin Muk and Nam Sang Bae, but would he really be satisfied with living off the income of the dead?
‘I am. But I’m not in a hurry. Prison was fun but I could do with an actual break. Maybe I’ll go travel for a bit.’
Joo Won couldn’t help but turn back his eyes on him, his heart clenching.
‘Don’t worry, I’d come back. My family is here. And I can’t leave my partner behind.’
Dong Sik pat Joo Won’s shoulder before giving it a light squeeze and letting go. Joo Won felt his entire arm pricked by pins and needles. He put his hands in his pockets and focused on placing one foot in front of the other.
Four months had passed since Dong Sik had come out of prison. Somewhere along the way, Joo Won and Dong Sik began seeing each other weekly, usually more often.
It was always Dong Sik who made plans. Joo Won convinced himself that it would be rude to refuse his invitations, so as long as he didn’t impose himself on Dong Sik, it was acceptable to see him. And for some reason, Dong Sik didn’t seem to get tired of always making the first move.
They would go on walks during Joo Won’s day off — he still hadn’t figured out how Dong Sik knew when these were, — have dinner at Jae Yi’s; sometimes they would visit Dong Sik’s mother and Joo Won would respectfully wait in a corner of the room.
He felt like an intruder the first time, remembering the last words he had uttered in this place - ‘ some people are just burdens ’. He had no right to be here. But Dong Sik grabbed his arm, looked him in the eye and said ‘I won’t be long’. So Joo Won stayed.
Dong Sik sat by his mother and greeted her, gently pushing strands of hair off her face.
‘How are you doing today? Did you enjoy the tangerines I brought last time?’
Joo Won tried to avoid listening to what was being said, focusing instead on the comforting and monotonous tone of Dong Sik’s voice, when the mention of his name grabbed his attention.
‘I brought a friend with me today, Mom. Han Joo Won. Do you remember when I told you about him? He helped me find Yu Yeon. I make sure he’s eating properly because he tends to forget.’
Joo Won had to leave the room, his heart ready to explode. Why would Dong Sik tell his mother about him? And what was that about how he had helped him find Yu Yeon? Nonsense. Dong Sik had done that on his own. All Joo Won had done was poke around and accuse an innocent man.
When Dong Sik came out of the room a few minutes later, Joo Won was facing away, still trying to control his emotions.
‘Thank you for coming with me. Let’s go have lunch.’
‘You don’t need to do that.’ Joo Won’s voice was trembling. ‘Take care of me. I’m a grown man. I don’t need -‘
‘Gosh, don’t be such a brat. I want to have lunch with you. Am I not allowed to enjoy your company?’ Dong Sik made way for the exit, placing his hand on Joo Won’s upper back to force him to move along. ‘Come on.’
Dong Sik never mentioned Joo Won again when they visited his mother after that.
Han Joo Won - 08/07/22 6:47
A fishing gear store is looking for staff near Manyang. [External Link]
Lee Dong Sik - 08/07/22 6:52
I think you overestimate my knowledge about fishing, Inspector Han.
Han Joo Won - 08/07/22 6:54
You seemed plenty knowledgeable when you lectured me about what bait to use last time we went fishing.
Lee Dong Sik - 08/07/22 7:02
It was common sense.
Lee Dong Sik - 08/07/22 7:03
Appreciate the offer though.
Lee Dong Sik - 08/07/22 7:06
Thinking of me early in the morning then? I’m flattered.
Han Joo Won - 08/07/22 7:07
It was in my news feed. Nothing to do with you.
Lee Dong Sik - 08/07/22 7:16
Shame. Well thank you for keeping me up-to-date with our neighbouring shops’ activity.
//
Joo Won’s face was still a raging shade of red when he got in his car to head to work. Damn Dong Sik and his smooth talking. And damn himself for being so eager to reply.
Joo Won had spent his childhood travelling abroad and hyper focused on learning. He’d never stayed in one place long enough to make friends, let alone close ones. Now that Dong Sik was occupying so much of his time and mind, he was starting to question his feelings.
He was constantly looking forward to their plans - that was normal. Their walks and dinners were pleasant. Why wouldn’t he look forward to a good time?
His thoughts often wandered to Dong Sik, wondering how he was doing, or if he’d slept on his couch again instead of a proper bed. That was normal. He was concerned for his partner’s wellbeing, especially after everything he’d done to him.
He was slowly getting over his mysophobia, and appreciated the casual touches between them. That was normal. Right? Friends did that. They shook hands and patted each other’s back. The only issue was just how much Joo Won had started to be reliant on these light touches.
They lit a rampant blaze in his body, made him drunk and light headed; all sorts of symptoms he doubted were normal for a simple friendship. And yet, he couldn’t stop, couldn’t resist the deadly flame that was Dong Sik. He kept sitting too close to him, brushing shoulders when they were walking, standing in his personal space.
Whatever this was, it could absolutely not be allowed to grow beyond his own feverish mind. It was his shameful secret, his bittersweet drug he was too much of a coward to sever.
Unfortunately, it only took one night at Jae Yi’s to tip the balance.
Him and Dong Sik had arrived early - was it his eager heart wanting to spend more time with Dong Sik? - and they were now helping Jae Yi set the tables. Little by little, the room filled in and Joo Won found himself standing between a table and the counter, passing crockery around.
He felt someone squeeze by behind him, saying ‘Passing through’ and instantly recognised Dong Sik’s voice. His knee-jerk reaction would have been to move aside for anyone else, but his body refused to move, like a child throwing a fit. Everyone was busy setting up anyway, he was sure no one would notice.
He was grabbing bowls from Jae Yi when a hand nested at the small of his back, gently slipping to his hips before taking off, warning him of the man now pressing himself against his back as he was passing through.
‘Joo Won-ah, passing through again.’
It was barely a whisper, a caress on the nape of his neck. A shiver overtook Joo Won, his mind going completely blank. His back was on fire, his stomach filled with lava. He barely processed he’d dropped the bowls until a loud clank brought him back to reality.
‘Han Joo Won, don’t go breaking my crockery. I didn’t think of you as clumsy.’
Jae Yi was looking at him sternly. He dropped his gaze, realising the bowls had slipped from his hands. ‘Sorry,’ he murmured, still trying to understand what had just happened. Dumbly, he picked the bowls again, placed them around the table and sat down. He didn’t dare to look to his side, where Dong Sik was now sitting. His face felt way too warm for comfort.
He had to get himself under control. He was acting like a teenager. Dong Sik had just squeezed behind him, and he’d completely lost it. What was wrong with him? Dong Sik was simply acting normally around him, allowing him back into his life, and Joo Won was about to ruin everything for a simple hand on his back.
He helped himself to some makgeolli and started drinking.
//
Jae Yi wasn’t stupid. She could tell something was going on between Dong Sik and Han Joo Won tonight. The young inspector had suddenly got flustered earlier and dropped her bowls, and if Dong Sik’s smile was anything to go by, he was responsible for it.
She spent some time observing them, noticing Han Joo Won was now nervously downing his drinks, which he never did usually. Interesting.
A plate of meat was passed around, ending in Han Joo Won’s hands. He meant to pass it to his neighbour - Dong Sik - who unfortunately wasn’t paying attention, chatting to the other side of the table. Han Joo Won cleared his throat, in an attempt to draw his attention.
‘Lee Dong Sik-ssi.’
Jae Yi smirked, realising this was the perfect opportunity to taunt the inspector.
‘Han Joo Won, how come you are still addressing our old man so formally? Surely you two are closer than that now.’
Dong Sik snapped his head at them, a twinkle in his eye.
‘My, Jae Yi, you’re right. Why don’t you call me by my first name, Joo Won- ah .’
He accentuated the last syllable, obviously enjoying the situation. Han Joo Won stared at her in horror, obviously uncomfortable.
‘I’m alright, thank you, ex-inspector Lee Dong Sik. I don’t call anyone by their first name.’
‘Aw, that’s a shame. And here I thought you’d make an exception for your old partner.’
Han Joo Won downed another drink. Jae Yi felt vaguely guilty for putting him on the spot, but it was a meagre payback for everything he’d done, and it was all in good fun. Plus, if it made Dong Sik happy, it was worth it.
//
Dong Sik was having a great time.
Over the past six months, he’d worked hard to make Joo Won more comfortable around him, all too aware of the guilt crushing him. It had taken time to unknit his furrowed brows, unclench his closed fists, relax his tense shoulders.
They could now spend time together where he seemed to genuinely enjoy himself, without the shadow of the past weighing on his shoulders. That’s all Dong Sik wanted: move on from the past, enjoy the company of the living.
Along the way, he’d noticed Joo Won had gotten much better regarding his mysophobia. He didn’t need new utensils anymore, didn’t mind the rain and mud as much. He even seemed to tolerate Dong Sik’s physical contact — they had been fairly liberal with their grabs during their investigation, but now that the tension was gone, it was a bit odd to think of just how often they’d had their hands on each other’s collar.
So now that Joo Won didn’t look like a scared feral cat anymore, Dong Sik had decided to push and play with their boundaries. Joo Won took everything to heart; Dong Sik just couldn’t help but want to tease him.
His latest experiment was to observe how Joo Won reacted to being touched. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t expect Joo Won to get annoyed at him, but Dong Sik enjoyed his pouting face. He thought it was adorable.
Tonight, he was reminded of his little game when he had to squeeze past his former partner. On the way back, he deliberately placed his hand on Joo Won’s back and let it trail as he passed through. ‘ Joo Won-ah, passing through again .’ His voice came out much lower than he intended to.
The effect was immediate and, to be honest, unexpected. He expected Joo Won to snap at him, jerk away, or at least be annoyed in some way, but instead he dropped whatever he was holding and blushed furiously. A mischievous smile spread on Dong Sik’s face. How cute. He would have to try that again.
Magnanimous, he decided to give the young inspector a break and happily turned his attention to the rest of the table. The usual suspects were here tonight; he had plenty of people to talk to.
When Jae Yi called Joo Won out about his over-politeness, Dong Sik cheerfully piled on, ruling the break was over. Time to tease his partner again. Said partner was turning a delightful shade of crimson, though it could have been due to the alcohol he was now ingesting in quick succession.
Dong Sik caught himself staring at Joo Won a bit longer than was respectable, a smile playing on his lips. He couldn’t help it: the sight was a delight to his eyes and a balm to his heart. He shouldn’t enjoy playing with the poor inspector so much, especially now that they were on good terms, but that was how their relationship had always worked: each pushing and pulling in turn, always breaking boundaries but never getting too close.
The meal came to an end without any more incident, and soon they were all getting ready to leave. Joo Won swayed slightly when he got up, clearly feeling the effect of the many drinks he’d had. Dong Sik gently grabbed his arm, inviting him to follow him.
‘Stay at mine tonight. You can’t drive like that.’
‘I could call a chauffeur,’ Joo Won said, defiant.
‘You could.’
They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, Dong Sik won their psychic battle, and Joo Won shrugged and followed him.
They walked in silence, Dong Sik looking at the cloud-covered sky and contemplating how irrationally happy he felt to have Joo Won go home with him. It was for his own safety, of course. He was in no state to make it back to his fancy flat — and even if he did, he would probably pass out on his couch fully dressed, and then he’d wake up hungover and grumpy that his clothes were full of creases. Dong Sik smiled at his imaginary scenario and sneaked a glance at his partner, who, he realised, wasn’t walking very straight.
He reached out for Joo Won and grabbed his arm in order to stabilise him. Joo Won stiffened and looked away.
'You alright there inspector Han? Looks like you went a bit heavy on the drinks.'
'I'm fine.' His words were slightly slurred. 'You don't need to hold me, I can walk on my own.'
'Can you?'
No reply came. Dong Sik kept his hand on Joo Won's arm, folding his own arm so he could walk comfortably next to him.
Soon, they felt the prickle of a few water droplets warning them of an upcoming shower. Dong Dik shielded his eyes with his free hand and looked at the sky.
'That's not looking good. We better hurry or we're going to be completely drenched.'
Joo Won's lack of reaction alerted Dong Sik. He was still walking slowly next to him, unnaturally stiff. Dong Sik untangled his arm from Joo Won's and turned towards him.
'Did you hear me? Can you run? Or do I need to carry you? I don't mind the rain but it's going to ruin your pretty hair.'
Joo Won seemed to finally snap out of it and slowly nodded. They started walking briskly and eventually broke into a sprint when the rain started falling hard.
They made it inside Dong Sik's house just as thunder cracked outside.
'I'll grab us some towels.'
Dong Sik didn't wait for any response as he walked to the bathroom, where he grabbed his own towel and a clean one for Joo Won.
He found Joo Won exactly where he'd left him, at least now stripped from his soaking coat. He was standing by the door, visibly deep in thoughts. His wet hair was hanging loosely on his face, water dripping on his neck and into the cream-colored sweater he was wearing.
Dong Sik felt a pang of endearment tug at his heart.
'Look at you, you're going to catch a cold if you stay like this.'
In a few strides he was in front of Joo Won. He placed the clean towel on his hair, reaching up for the head of his annoyingly tall partner. He gave it a quick tousle, surprised that Joo Won was letting him when he realised the latter was staring at the floor, a blush creeping on his face once again.
Thrown off by the lack of fighting spirit, Dong Sik let go of the towel and retreated to the kitchen, facing away from Joo Won.
'Cat got your tongue? I'll have to keep an eye on you next time. You look drunk out of your mind. Tea?'
Once again not waiting for an answer, he turned on the kettle and grabbed some tea and two mugs from the cupboard.
' Dong Sik-ah. '
The voice, now clear and husky, was coming from just behind him. He almost dropped the mugs, taken by surprise. He turned around and found Joo Won right in front of him, holding the towel up.
'Thank you.'
Dong Sik didn't remember Joo Won's voice to be so deep. Had it always been like this?
But more concerning was Joo Won's gaze, now locked onto his own eyes. He was focused on him, resolute, and Dong Sik recognised the light in his eyes for what it was: desire.
Oh.
A shiver ran down his spine and came to nest in his stomach. Swallowing hard, he held his hand up to grab the towel between them.
'You're welcome,' he managed to murmur.
Under the towel, Joo Won's fingers were cold, and yet they felt like burning him when he brushed them.
Time seemed to stop. Joo Won's intentions were clear, and Dong Sik could tell that whatever his next move would be, there would be no coming back from it. He was treading on thin ice, aware of the cracks spreading every second he stayed immobile.
Forcing himself to act, he took hold of the towel and turned back towards the counter.
‘I’m gonna… put these to dry. In the bathroom.’
He left the room in a hurry, heart beating dangerously fast. Once in the bathroom, he closed the door and leaned against it, desperately trying to collect himself.
What had just happened?
He retraced the events of the night, collecting evidence like a good detective. And the evidence was pretty clear in hindsight; he wasn’t quite sure how he could have missed it. Joo Won blushing when Dong Sik touched him, refusing to call him by his first name in public, avoiding his eyes, but still walking home with him.
The realisation hit him like a truck. He felt like an absolute idiot for not picking up on it sooner. Especially when Dong Sik himself had been dealing with persistent thoughts about Joo Won. But instead of tucking away his unwanted feelings, he’d pushed and teased Joo Won, and now he’d ruined everything.
He had to get back, to explain it was all a big misunderstanding; the alcohol had made them both confused. Plastering on his face a confident smirk like a mask, he got out of the bathroom.
‘So, that tea —’
Joo Won was by the door, collecting his coat. He looked like he was caught red-handed trying to leave before Dong Sik had come back. Which was definitely what was happening.
‘I’ve called a taxi. I’ll be on my way now. Good night, Lee Dong Sik-ssi.’
Back with the formalities. Dong Sik felt his heart tear apart. He wanted to say something, hold him back, but words died in his throat as Joo Won bowed and left his house. The door closed, and Dong Sik was left alone.
//
He spent the rest of the night sitting on his couch, lost in thought. Replaying that moment frozen in time, just the two of them staring at each other, on the tip of a breakthrough. Should he have let Joo Won have his way? What would have happened if he hadn’t chickened out?
His feverish mind played him a version of events. Joo Won’s fingers closing over his. Joo Won taking a step forward. Joo Won’s face, so close to his, so tempting, then soft lips against his, and Joo Won’s hands on his hips, and…
He had to stop. Even if he had to admit the sight was far from unpleasant, it wouldn’t have been right. Joo Won was inebriated, there was no way Dong Sik would take advantage of him.
Even sober… What good would it do them? One night of passion ruining two years of… what? Friendship? He couldn’t even put a name on their current relationship. But this, whatever this would be, couldn’t possibly last. It’d be a fleeting high, then it would crash and burn like all of Dong Sik’s relationships. Everyone he was close to ended up a victim — or a murderer. He would not inflict the same fate to Han Joo Won.
A week later, Dong Sik was sitting at Jae Yi’s, chatting with Ji Hwa. His eyes were drawn to the door every time someone took a step inside the shop. But it was never Joo Won. He didn’t come that night.
He didn’t come either for the next three weeks.
Dong Sik’s phone was deafeningly quiet. It had taken him some time to find the right words to send. So much time in fact, that he felt he missed his chance to address the situation. So he went with a simple ‘Morning walk this Thursday?’ The message had been seen immediately, according to the little tick next to it. And yet, it took all day to receive an answer. ‘Can’t. I’m working.’ He knew it was a lie. He had a friend in Gangwon who gave him the rota of Joo Won’s department every now and then. He let it go.
He tried twice more. ‘Beautiful day to go fishing. Want to come along?’ — ‘I’m busy today’. Then another day: ‘The restaurant in the next town over that has that dish you like is having a special offer tonight. Fancy going?’ — ‘I’m not hungry today.’
Clearly, Joo Won was done with him. It broke Dong Sik’s heart in thousands of sharp, painful pieces. But if it was his choice, Dong Sik had to respect it. He had asked him, all these months ago: ‘ If you’d rather not see me again, I understand. Just say so right now, and I’ll leave you be .’ Now he had his answer.
This was for the best, really. Han Joo Won deserved better than being shackled in a ghost town by an old broken man. He had so much more to live for. It was time to set him free.
//
‘It’s been a month,’ thought Dong Sik absent-mindedly. He was having dinner with his friends at the butcher shop. The seat next to him was empty. He’d always made sure to keep an empty seat next to him, so Joo Won could sit close to him. He guessed he wouldn’t need to do that anymore.
The shop was starting to feel suffocating. Excusing himself, he got up and stepped outside, closing the door behind him. He reached for a cigarette in his pocket, lit it and took a slow drag. He’d started smoking again recently. He had to fill his days with something .
The door opened and closed behind him with a soft thud . Ji Hwa appeared at his side.
‘Smoking again I see. Terrible for your health.’
‘I know.’
‘Pass me one.’
They smoked together in silence for a few minutes. Dong Sik could tell Ji Hwa wanted to talk. He didn’t particularly want to.
‘What happened between you and Han Joo Won?’
There we go. Ji Hwa, ever so observant. Or was he being really obvious?
‘I’m not sure what you mean.’ He kept looking ahead of him, trying to look detached.
‘I’m sure you do.’ He didn’t bother to answer. With a sigh, she continued: ‘Last time we saw him, he was going home with you. He hasn’t shown up since and you’re here moping like a teenager.’
‘He’s a busy man.’ He smirked at her, with a trademark smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
‘Come on Dong Sik. I know you. I can tell something’s wrong. I don’t know what exactly has been going on between you two, but clearly you’re upset. Did you guys have a fight?’
Dong Sik gave her a humourless laugh.
‘Not really. We just… weren’t on the same page. I don’t think he’ll be coming back.’
Ji Hwa was staring at him, concerned.
‘What do you mean?’
He sighed. He wanted to move on, to forget. But his heart kept hurting, like a festering wound that refused to heal. Like the pain in his leg that had made him limp for so long. Sometimes, he could still feel the icy burn of Joo Won’s fingers on his hand.
Maybe telling Ji Hwa would help.
‘He was drunk that night. So I told him to come home with me. To avoid driving, you know. We got drenched on the way home, typical summer storm. I swear the sky was clear when I arrived at Jae Yi’s. Anyway. Got home. I passed him a towel to dry off. He gave it back to me. And he — the way he looked at me, Ji Hwa, I just... I panicked. Left the room.’
Ji Hwa looked confused, almost worried. He wasn’t doing a very good job at explaining the situation.
‘He wanted to sleep with me I guess, or something like that.’
He looked away, suddenly embarrassed. It all sounded so stupid now that he was narrating it.
‘Anyway, by the time I came back to the living room, he’d booked a taxi and he was on his way out. I haven’t seen him since.’
‘Have you talked about that night?’ He didn’t expect Ji Hwa’s tone to be so gentle, so understanding. She didn’t seem surprised at all by the fact that the mighty Han Joo Won wanted to fuck him. Had the others picked up on the situation? Was he the only one who had missed the signs?
‘No. I tried reaching out, but he’s been avoiding me. Which, I totally understand. If he doesn’t want to see me again, that’s okay.’
Ji Hwa sighed.
‘You really are like a teenager. Dumb and oblivious like a rock.’
He shot her an offended look.
‘Why did you stop him? That night, I mean.’
‘Well, I…’ He realised she didn’t even bother asking if he was into Joo Won. Had he also been an open book?! ‘I panicked. I was taken by surprise —’
‘Really?’
‘What do you mean, really? I had no idea. And it’s not like I’ve had many people come on to me over the past 20 years. Besides, he was drunk. It wouldn’t have been right.’
‘Well, you’re not wrong. But what’s done is done. What do you intend to do now?’
‘Nothing. Like I said, if he doesn’t want to see me…’
‘But —’ Ji Hwa frowned. ‘Pardon me if I’m mistaken, but if you’re both into each other, what is stopping you exactly? You just need to clear up the misunderstanding.’
‘It’s not that simple. I’m too old for one-night stands. I’m sure he can find much better-looking men and women out there.’
‘What if it’s not just a one-night stand? Dong Sik I’ve seen the way he looks at you. I know your relationship is pretty fucked up with his father being Yu Yeon’s killer and him putting you in jail. By all means, he should have been gone by now. But he stuck around, and he looks like he’d do about anything for you.’
She was more right than she could imagine. That night, under the rain, after bringing back the recording of his father admitting to killing Yu Yeon, Joo Won had crumbled at his feet, holding him for dear life. ‘ I will go to hell . For you .’ He hadn’t needed to say the last part. They’d both heard it.
Then he had rushed to Chief Jung Cheol Mun’s house after seeing the text on Dong Sik’s phone. Rushing in head first just to protect him. Like a fool. Joo Won had proved he would do anything for him. But that was guilt speaking. Not… anything else.
‘Kid’s been struck with guilt since everything unfolded. Whatever this crush is, it’s not real. Just another manifestation of what he feels his duty to me is.’
‘You don’t know that. What about you? Do you love him?’
His heart skipped a beat. Love was a strong word. He had loved Yu Yeon with all his heart, even now that she was finally resting in peace. He loved his parents. He’d loved Min Jung like a daughter. He loved Ji Hwa like a sister. Did he love Han Joo Won?
He cared about him. Even with his bratty attitude and his designer clothes and his perfectly clean car. His snotty comments and his hard glares. His eyes, so full of emotions he repressed all the time. His righteous sense of justice. The way he cared about people, even if he pretended not to.
He thought about letting him go. No more texts early in the morning. No more walks and meals around town. No more of that serious look he reserved for Dong Sik, that seemed to pierce his soul in search of answers. His heart tightened. He didn’t want that.
‘Fuck me. I do. I really do, Ji Hwa.’ He started laughing, feeling tears prickle his eyes.
At the ripe age of 42, he’d just found out he was in love. And it was over before it’d even started.
‘What an absolute idiot I am.’
‘Glad to see we’re on the same page. Now you just need to meet with him and talk to him.’
‘But what if… What if he doesn’t feel the same? There’s no way he would want an old man like me.’
‘Oi, we’re the same age. Not that old.’
‘You know what I mean.’
Life had broken him more times than one should suffer in a lifetime. He felt much older than his actual age. Old and weary, and scared to lose yet another loved one.
‘I can’t tell you what he’ll say. I can only advise you to be honest. Give him a chance. You deserve to be happy. Both of you do.’
The door opened behind them. Their friends were coming out, getting ready to go home. Ji Hwa gave him an encouraging smile before wishing him good night.
He’d been right; telling her had helped.
Lee Dong Sik - 24/08/22 19:34
Come walk with me tomorrow morning. I know you don’t work. If you don’t come I’ll drag you out of your flat.
He saw a message being written and erased over and over again over the following hour. Eventually, he received a single text as answer.
Han Joo Won - 24/08/22 20:52
I’ll be there at 8.
Dong Sik smiled.
Dong Sik had gone through a lot in the past twenty years. He’d seen way too many people die, he’d chased murderers, he’d been sent to jail. He was intimate with the feeling of stress, which had wrung his body for so long.
Yet, as he stood in front of his house, waiting for Han Joo Won, a new pernicious weight had nested in his stomach, making him feel restless. It was absurd, unfair; why couldn’t he control himself? They were just going to talk. That was the least stressful thing he’d done in years. Or should be.
At 8 o’clock on the dot, Joo Won’s car parked in front of him. Dong Sik crafted a nonchalant look, with his hands in his pockets and a lazy smile on his face.
‘Good morning, Inspector Han.’
Joo Won nodded. ‘Good morning, Lee Dong Sik-ssi.’
Holding back a sigh, Dong Sik started walking away, not daring to check whether Joo Won was following him. After a second of hesitation, footsteps fell in line behind him.
‘Nice day, isn’t it? Not too warm, but still pleasant.’
No answer.
‘They say it’s going to rain from tomorrow, so today is a great day to —’
‘Lee Dong Sik-ssi. I have things to do today. So unless you have something to discuss, I would like to keep this short.’
‘My, my, always so impatient. Well, I do have things to discuss. Let’s talk about that night after Jae Yi’s. Remember? You were pretty drunk, so I wouldn’t be surprised if you’d forgotten most of it. Didn’t think the upstanding Han Joo Won would be capable of giving anyone such a filthy look. You must have been real horny to pick an old man like me.’
Joo Won stopped in his tracks, his stoic face slipping into horror.
‘If you asked me here to ridicule me, I see no point in staying. Goodbye, Lee Dong Sik-ssi.’
‘No, wait —’
Joo Won was already turning away, taking long strides to escape him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. He was ruining everything once again.
He ran after Joo Won and grabbed his hand to force him to stop.
‘Joo Won, wait, please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’
Joo Won froze, refusing to look at him. His hand was trembling in Dong’s Sik grasp.
‘That’s not what I meant to say. You have to understand, I’m not good at this kind of thing.’
‘What is there to understand? I propositioned you and you refused. I shouldn’t have crossed the line. You don’t have to try and make me feel better.’
‘Joo Won, I —’ Words were failing him. He pressed both of his hands against Joo Won’s and leaned his head against his shoulder. Joo Won tensed, still facing away.
‘I care about you. So much so, it’s suffocating. I didn’t think I’d be able to care about anyone after everything that happened, but you came in and you wrecked everything. You turned the whole town upside down, and you pulled me out of the dark pit I had let myself fall in. Joo Won-ah, please don’t leave.’
The silence was deafening. All he could hear was his heart, beating in his temple, echoing madly in his busy mind.
Joo Won slowly turned around to face him, his hand still held captive. He had a pained and confused look on his face. His eyes searched Dong Sik’s, with this look he only ever gave to him. Dong Sik could drown in his eyes.
Yearning spread in him. He understood that Joo Won would not initiate; he’d already burned himself. It was Dong Sik’s turn to take the plunge. So he did.
He reached up and timidly pressed his lips against Joo Won’s. The instant he did so, it felt like the final piece of a puzzle was sliding into place. The one thing he’d been missing. How could he have missed it? It was so obvious.
Joo Won’s steady hand appeared on his back, pressing them closer to each other. The kiss became less shy and more hungry, as if they were trying to catch up on all this time they had wasted. When they broke off, Dong Sik couldn’t tell if he wanted to cry or laugh. The feelings were overwhelming.
‘I didn’t realise you —’ Joo Won started, his voice low and rough. ‘That night, when you left the room, I thought…’
Dong Sik sighed. ‘I know, I gave you mixed signals there.’
‘It seemed pretty clear to me.’
‘Shush.’ He kissed Joo Won to shut him up. Joo Won did not complain.
Eventually, their shared euphoria started to fade away, and doubt came gnawing at Dong Sik.
‘Listen, Joo Won-ah. I don’t really know what this is,’ he held their laced hands up. ‘But I know you’re young, and you have a lot to look forward to, so if you wanted to leave, I —’
‘Ex-Inspector Lee Dong Sik-ssi. Are you breaking up with me right after confessing?’
Dong Sik looked away, embarrassed. Did he just say ‘break up’? Were they dating now then? He sneaked a peek at Joo Won who was smiling at him cheekily, like the brat he was.
‘I’m not going anywhere. If you’ll have me, that is.’
‘I should be the one saying that.’
Overcome with affection, Dong Sik buried his head in Joo Won’s embrace. They stayed there for what felt like an eternity. Both of their hearts resonating with each other, finally coming together after being shattered so many times.
Yet another evening at Manyang’s Butcher shop. Ji Hwa was grilling meat, chatting away with her brother. Jae Yi was passing food along to Hwang Gwang Young, who was complaining about a junior lacking respect. Two seats were left empty by the door.
Ji Hwa was starting to think her advice to Dong Sik might not have been helpful. She hadn’t heard from him since their conversation about Han Joo Won, and the fact that neither of them were here tonight was saddening her.
At half past eight, thirty minutes after most people had arrived, the door opened once more. Dong Sik came in, holding the door for Han Joo Won. Ji Hwa searched for Dong Sik’s eyes, hopeful. He noticed her, and gave her the most genuine and happiest smile she’d seen from him in a very long time.
Both men sat down, Dong Sik placing a hand on Joo Won’ s back. The latter seemed to lean into the touch, ever so subtly.
‘It’s good to have you back, Han Joo Won.’ Ji Hwa greeted him.
Joo Won nodded with a timid smile, while Dong Sik was busy beaming at him.
Throughout the meal, Dong Sik would place his hand on Joo Won’s back or shoulder, or even his knee, and Joo Won would let him, sneaking glances at him when he thought no one was looking. These glances had nothing to do with the ones he used to have, for when Dong Sik met his eyes, he would hold his gaze and they would smile at each other. Like two fools in love.
As everyone was slowly drifting out to go home, Ji Hwa found herself outside the shop, alone with Dong Sik and Joo Won.
‘You better take care of him, Han Joo Won. I’ll know if you don’t.’
Joo Won’s face turned crimson. ‘I don’t know what you —‘
‘Oi, Ji Hwa, don’t tease him like that. I’m the only one who’s allowed.’
She shot him a fond smile and wished them good night. They walked away together, and after a short distance, she saw Dong Sik grab Joo Won’s hand. It warmed her heart to see her dear friend had finally found peace and happiness.
A new chapter of his life could finally start.