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It’s about three in the afternoon when Akito strolls into WEEKEND GARAGE, after a brief morning shift at work. He’s got no plans today ‒ It’s the Saturday after a big event the night before, which means a rest day for the whole group.
Usually he’d make plans with Toya or the others, or do some singing for fun around Vivid Street or something, but Toya’s tied up with ‘studying’, whatever that is, and his throat’s still feeling a little rough from yesterday. He’d rather take it easy today than risk any further injury.
So he figures a good tonic for it would be a stack of hot pancakes and a sugared-out latte. Preferably to-go, since he doesn’t want An on his ass about his over-the-top orders again, and she’s probably working today. But he needs a bit of a pick-me-up after work, and Ken-san’s stuff always hits the spot.
But when the door chimes as he steps inside, the place is almost deserted. Which in itself is strange, since it’s a Saturday, and a hot one too. Usually the shop would be packed with people calling for iced teas and coffees, but scanning the place, he barely sees anyone around. Not even An is there, which is a big surprise. But he does see someone ‒ a red beanie pokes out from behind one of the booth seats, and he finds himself strolling over and poking his head around the side to give her a quick scare.
“Boo.” he drops in, monotonously.
As expected, Kohane jumps about twelve feet in the air and lets out a startled yelp that sounded more like a cat just fell down a flight of stairs.
“S-Shinonome-kun!?” she gasps, a hand over her chest as she looks up at him with panicked eyes. “Y-You scared me!”
“Yeah, no kidding.” He barks a laugh, gesturing to the seat across from her. “This taken?”
He anticipated a ‘yes’, but surprisingly, she shakes her head quietly. “No, it’s just me.”
“Oh?” Akito plops himself down in the booth seat, slumping against the back of it almost instantly. “Woulda thought you’d be hangin’ out with a friend.”
She doesn’t respond to that. Rather, she starts to run a finger around the rim of her glass, and that’s when Akito notices that she’s barely touched her drink. The cream on top has almost entirely melted away, but there’s still a good three fourths of it left. And now that she’s come down from Akito’s prank earlier, he realises that she’s still pretty on edge herself. He can feel the constant tapping of her foot under the table.
He frowns. “What’s the matter? You don’t look too hot.”
“O-Oh!” She blinks, like she’d forgotten he was there. She seems to hesitate before she speaks. “Um… I’m just… I keep thinking about STAY GOLD.”
“STAY GOLD?” he repeats. “What about it? You did great. There’s nothin’ to worry about.”
Kohane gives him a nervous glance before going back to staring into her drink. “It’s not… It’s hard to, um…” She swallows, then finally makes eye contact with him. “Could I talk to you about it, actually?”
She’s not usually this nervous. Which is a weird thing to pick up on, since Kohane is timid by nature, but something about her seems more withdrawn than usual, more uncertain. He reckons it must be something serious, then, if she’s having this much trouble even asking for him to listen.
“Of course. Is here good?” he asks, gesturing around the mostly empty cafe. It’s not like there’s anyone around to hear, but there’s also…
“Could we go… you-know-where?” She accompanies it with a nod of her head. Akito catches her drift, already pulling out his phone.
Within moments, the two of them land on the graffiti-dashed streetscape of the Sekai. As soon as they arrive, Akito makes for crase cafe on impulse, but he feels a tug on the back of his shirt, stopping him in his tracks.
Kohane gives him an awkward smile. “I don’t really wanna go to Meiko-san’s…”
Akito raises an eyebrow. “Sooo… you wanna just, like… sit in the street?”
She chuckles nervously. “I-I guess so, yeah… Being outdoors helps me to clear my mind.”
“Oookay, whatever you want.”
And he has to admit, the Sekai’s pretty damn beautiful. He’s never really thought much to explore more than just the area around Meiko’s place, but now that he’s actually paying attention, there’s so much colour everywhere, pinkish reds being splashed with neon graffiti art that brings a vibrant sense of life to every street. It feels like home, even just seeing it for the first time. I guess that’s the whole point of this place, he thinks to himself.
They find a spot just around the corner of the street leading from the cafe, secluded enough that they wouldn’t be seen from around the shop windows. When they reach it, Kohane lets herself fall back against the wall, slowly sliding until she hits the ground, her knees pulled up to her chest. Unsure how to join her, Akito opts for crouching down beside her, hoping he doesn’t look as awkward as he feels.
“So…” he starts. “STAY GOLD.”
“STAY GOLD.” she repeats.
“You wanna just talk it out, or…?” he trails off, letting her consider any options. He’s not really… touchy-feely in the traditional sense, but it plays to his advantage in times where things are uncertain. He’s fine with just letting someone talk for a while without interruption, or even not saying anything at all. It’s how he’s helped Toya so many times in the past, and even Ena, too.
Kohane seems to make up her mind, one way or another. “I think so.” she breathes. “Could I just… sort out my thoughts out loud? I’m all jumbled up inside…”
“Sure. Go for it.”
She gives him an appreciative smile, before turning her gaze to the paved street below her.
“It’s just… kinda hard to process? You know, it’s like…” She pauses, searching for the words. “Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve been scared to try anything new. I sat behind and watched all my friends discover their passions, or find their dreams and chase them, but… but not me. I thought I could be happy, living a quiet life, but then… I realised I didn’t have anything to really strive for. No goal, no dream, no nothing... I was just… lost.” A deep breath. “So then when I discovered singing, and all of you, I was so happy. Finally, I had something I could pour everything I had into. But I just couldn’t stop thinking… Am I really enough?”
Her words pang in Akito’s chest. Sharp empathy. Yeah, I know the feeling .
“I guess when you tell yourself for so long that you’re not worth anything, you start to believe it…” She plays with the hem of her skirt. It must be helping her to stay calm, Akito realises. “I can’t stop having the same thoughts. What if I’ve actually not been trying hard enough this whole time? What if I could do more? You’re all so amazing, there’s no way I’m as good as you say when I’m so new to all this… I just feel like I stumbled into it, without earning it at all.”
He wants to remind her of how much work she’s put into this, to tell her just how much he’s seen her improve with his own two eyes. But he stays quiet, letting her continue, however much it pains him.
“So when you all said we should try STAY GOLD again, I swore that I’d prove myself wrong. That I am worthy of this. And I thought maybe, I could finally understand what ‘my best’ actually looks like, to get some kind of grasp on my abilities. But… I don’t remember any of it.” Her voice wavers as she speaks, as though she’s one breath away from bursting into tears. “Everyone talks about how good I was at STAY GOLD, but if I can’t even remember what I did, was it even me? I have no idea how to feel about myself anymore. Because In my eyes, I’m still that scared little girl that can’t even climb a tree. I wanna be proud, but a part of me still feels like I’m still not doing enough, even when I try my hardest.” She laughs softly, sadly. It’s heartbreaking. “I feel like such a fraud.”
And Akito feels it too. Years worth of pent up feelings begin to stir in response, letting Akito easily recall that same anguish of trying, achieving, but winning nothing but frustration even with the victory in his grasp. Always fighting, always pushing forwards, but feeling like he’s never getting anywhere. How hollow praise can sound when he can’t believe it for himself, even coming from the one person he trusts more than anyone else in the world. And all the guilt that follows in its tracks.
She takes a few moments to collect herself, rubbing away tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. “...Does that make any sense?” she mumbles.
Akito inhales, long and deep. “Yeah.” he says, and he really means it.
“...Yeah?”
Kohane looks up at him with those big, round eyes. She’s so small , he thinks. So utterly different from him. But she isn’t, not really. Where he was sharp and jagged, she was soft around the edges, soothing where he scraped. But hidden under it all was the same soul. Striving for purpose, recognition, something to cling to. To feel like they’re enough for something, for someone, for themselves more than anyone else.
“...Yeah.” he repeats, after a long moment. Then without warning, he throws an arm around her shoulders. She squeaks at the sudden contact, but she relaxes quickly and giggles, and Akito can’t help but smile.
“Don’t you go doubtin’ yourself now, shrimpy.” he tells her, striking a balance between being teasing and sincere. It’s easier for him to get the sentiment out this way. “No matter what anyone says, or what you tell yourself. Piling negativity onto yourself just fucks you up more. You’ve earned what you’ve worked for. Trust me.” He emphasises that last part, hoping she gets the message he leaves unspoken. I’ve been where you are .
She looks into his eyes, and there’s a spark of recognition there, a deeper understanding that lets him know that she knows, too. “...Okay.” she mumbles. “A-As long as I’m not a burden for you guys anymore…”
“Oi.” Akito frowns. “You’re not a burden to anyone, ever. We’re a team, ain’t we? And you’re our little hamster.”
Kohane snorts a laugh, stifling it behind her hands. “Little hamster…”
“Hey, I’m being serious here.” Akito chides her, but he’s smiling. And he’s glad to see her smile with him. “You kicked ass that day, even if you don’t remember it. If anythin’, the rest of us can’t let you keep showin’ us up like that.”
“I… I don’t know if I can believe you yet, but…” She leans into him gently, as though she isn’t sure if she should. “I wanna try.”
He smiles. “...Cool.”
“...Shinonome-kun?” she asks softly.
“Mhm?”
“Thanks.” Her head lands on his shoulder, and he’s overcome with this feeling of warmth, the certain joy that comes hand in hand with being relied upon, and knowing you’ve gotten through to someone who needs it.
Then she grins, like she knows something he doesn’t. “I’m definitely telling An-chan you called me a little hamster, though.”
He blinks, then his eyes narrow, a blush on his cheeks. “Ohhhh, like hell you will,” he retorts, and before Kohane can respond, he’s whipped the hat off her head and started ruffling her hair, making a veritable birds’ nest of it. She laughs loudly as he does, curling up to try and escape the friendly assault, but she’s not really trying, her hands unsuccessfully pushing back against his arm.
When he eventually lets up, her hair is a total mess, but they’re both laughing, and the tense anxiety from before is entirely gone from her face now. They lean their heads back against the wall and watch lazy clouds pass overhead, floating across the sky, fading into a comfortable silence.
“I’ll do my best to believe in you all.” she says eventually, her tone one of conviction, determination. “If you say I’m worth having around, then I am. Because having faith in your friends is what makes a team strong… that’s what I think, anyway.” She finishes with a giggle, fiddling with her hat between her hands. “I wanna make it to the top, all four of us.”
Akito smiles. “Me too, man... Me too.”
He holds up a fist, and she knocks it with her own, her hand so much smaller than his. But her fingertips share the same callouses, the same strength in her grip to hold a mic. And they both feel companionship in that moment ‒ one that solidifies the true meaning of ‘teammates’.