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Luke has never been that anxious. His job included perfoming in front of thousands of people every night, he's been to the biggest arenas in the world and manged to meet his idols but he has never been that anxious up until this moment.
Hemmings was sitting on the coach in the studio where they've been recording their fifth album, nervously tapping his fingers on his knee. The time was exactly 6:00pm and Luke was beginning to fear that this was all for nothing. What if he doesn't show up? What if he doesn't care? What if he was partying with his friends right now and had completely forgotten about their arrangement? 6:01pm. Luke jumped up from his seat and began to measure the studio with his steps, kneading each finger of his hand in order to steady himself. It didn't help at all, but at least it got his mind off the gloomy thoughts. As the hands of the clock reached half past six, Luke accepted the fact that his idea was stupid and unjustified. He began packing his things when the front door opened.
"Sorry I'm late. I got too caught up in the virtual battles," Michael smiled guiltily as he went inside, "So why did you call me here? Ashton said you were almost done with your album. I hope you won't forget to show us the finished version before realising it".
"Yeah, about the album... I wanted to show you something now".
Hemmings tossed the duffel bag aside as soon as he saw Michael. He was now standing against the far wall, shifting awkwardly from foot to foot.
"Oh, so Calum and Ashton will come over soon? We should probably order something to eat then, right?"
"No, I didn't invite them," Luke blurted out, and immediately corrected himself. "Well, I mean, I called you because I think you might be able to help me finish one thing. I might need your advice as... A musician".
Michael was a little wary, but he didn't show it and smiled, sitting down on the couch.
"All right, give me your "thing". I can perfectly appraise your masterpiece and tell you that nothing needs to be changed in it. I'm sure you're doing a fine job. I never doubted you".
Luke left michael's remark unanswered and went to his computer to finally do what he'd come here to do. He was already sweating, and his hands were shaking slightly. Before he pressed the "start" button, Hemmings took a deep breath and counted to ten in his head. He didn't know how to handle stressful situations. He was usually in that state before a particularly important concert, but then his three friends were always there to help. They would make some silly joke, hug each other, and help each other relieve the stress before the show. Now Luke was alone. Almost. Michael was still here, but there was nothing he could do to help him in this situation. Of course Luke could have told him everything. About how he'd written the song in hours and never listened to it again since recording it. About how he couldn't sleep that day and spent most of the night on the balcony, not holding back tears. He could have talked about all his emotions and feelings, but Clifford wouldn't have been able to support him. Not now. Not here. Not after everything that had happened.
"Luke? Are you alright?"
Luke rapidly turned to Michael and, seeing the worried expression on his face, smiled tautly.
"I'm sorry, I got a little confused. Um, I wrote this song a long time ago, but somehow I never found a way to go back to it. It's not very long and it doesn't have any big production, but I think it should be on the album. Will you listen to it?"
Michael nodded approvingly and leaned back on the couch.
Luke pressed the "start'' button. There was no way back. He remained standing at the computer, not daring to come any closer to Michael.
Clifford showed his friend a thumbs up as he heard the first notes. He was completely and utterly convinced that Luke was making a fine album, and he didn't quite understand why Hemmings had called him here for a "peer review". The last time that happened was about three years ago when they were writing Youngblood, but then the song was very personal and didn't make it into the album. Michael instantly turned to Luke as soon as he heard the first line.
"Hemmings".
Michael frowned and glared at Luke, but he stubbornly stared at the floor without raising his head. Michael decided not to lash out at him and listen to the rest of the song.
"Hold on, I never meant to start a war
I was just dead wrong
I know we've been in this before
Now with my eyes wide open
I tore you right apart"
Luke didn't need to say a word, didn't need to explain himself, didn't need to try to make sense of every line. It was all too obvious to both of them. Michael kept frowning, clutching the upholstery of the couch more tightly in his hands with each line. That was the reaction Luke feared the most. Anger. What right did he have to write songs about him? Michael is fucking married. He no longer belongs to him, there is nothing between them anymore and never will be, they are not connected by anything but friendship and the band. Clifford is happy and seems to have already forgotten everything they've been through, and Luke acts just like a teenager while he keeps coming back to the same theme and never stops writing songs about events long past.
"Sun's gone
But you've always like this time of day
No words left to play on
How many chances does it take?
Now with my eyes wide open
I'm nothing but a fake"
Michael seemed ready to explode, jump up off the couch, push Luke against the wall, and punch him good. And Luke understood him. He really did. It was stupid, inviting him here, being alone with him and showing him the song. If Calum and Ashton were here, Michael would just leave, slamming the door. But he can't do that now, because then their relationship would become as strained again as it was a few years ago. They would start avoiding each other again, snapping at each other constantly and lying to each other's faces. It was selfish of Hemmings to call Michael in here, and he knew it.
Michael definitely shared his point of view, but still didn't dare say a word throughout the song. He sat still until the last phrase.
"'Cause you'll always have a place in me"
Without hearing the last few notes, Michael jumped up from the couch, clenching his hands into fists.
"I'm sorry".
A punch. Past Luke's face, across the table. Michael closed his eyes, trying his best not to lash out at his friend. He didn't know what he wanted to do the most. Hit Hemmings, kill him here and now, or kiss him. The latter option appeared in his mind as if by accident, but he tried to push it as far away as possible. He'd managed to go an entire year and a half without thinking about Luke, he couldn't break now. Instead, he said quietly:
"Why?"
Luke doesn't have the answer to that question. He doesn't know why he wrote that silly song with its even sillier lyrics, why he decided to add it to the album, why he showed it to Michael. Maybe he wanted to get some kind of reaction from Clifford. Maybe he missed him.
"I wanted you to hear it before the rest of the world does".
"No, Luke. Why did you write it?" Michael's voice got harsh, but it was obvious that he didn't want to fight. He didn't want to be angry.
"I really don't know. I missed this and wanted to put it into music I guess", said Luke, unsure if his words were true.
"Missed me? Us? This?" Michael nodded vaguely toward the computer.
"Yes".
Michael nodded and moved closer to Luke, feeling his anger evaporate faster with every glance at Hemmings.
"We've been through this before".
"Yeah, this line's in the song", Luke chuckled sadly.
"You know what I mean. The song's amazing. I always knew you were a great songwriter. You can add it to the tracklist, everyone will love it".
"And what about the lyrics?" Hemmings asked tentatively, still not daring to look at the guitarist.
"They are great too. Better than I expected actually", admitted Michael. "I really mean it".
"And the fact that it's about you? You don't mind?"
"Hey, look at me", Michael touched Luke's chin and turned his head in his direction. "This is unexpected. Honestly, I'm even pleased that you're still thinking of me. But I've moved on, Luke. You're invited to the wedding, and you know it. You have a beautiful girlfriend. We're both not teenagers anymore. It was all very beautiful and nice, but that's in the past".
"It's not just a teenage mistake for you, is it?" Luke asked hopefully, still looking into the eyes of the boy in front of him. "We were together. We loved each other. We were happy, Mike. The song is about how I could never get over you, you know? You're the most incredible thing that ever happened to me".
"I'm also the part of your life you can never get back, you know?" Michael ran his hand down Luke's cheek and gave him a sad smile. "Promise me that was the last song you ever wrote about me. Promise me you'll move on without me. Promise me you won't get back to the past".
Hemmings threw back Michael's hand and shook his head.
"That's impossible. You know it as well as I do".
"All right. Then promise me you'll try to be happy without me. You'll release this song, sing it at a few gigs, and move on".
Luke took a deep breath, trying to decide if it was wise to promise something he could never be sure of.
"I promise. But then promise me something, too".
"All right", Clifford agreed quickly.
"Promise me that I'll always have a place in you. At least a tiny part in you that will always hold the moments we shared together".
Michael was silent for a few seconds before he nodded and brushed his lips against Luke's. Just for a few brief moments, but putting everything into that gesture that he would never be able to put into words.
"I promise".
The door closed as quickly as it had swung open twenty minutes ago.