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Sirius rolled his eyes for the millionth time that night. Remus was on the phone with his girlfriend who was upset. She was going off about something that he'd said. Sirius gave the slightest shake of his head thinking, she doesn’t get his humor like I do.
It was a typical Tuesday night, hanging together in Remus’ room. Sirius insisted on listening to folklore because he knew Remus was a secret Swiftie and it was exactly the kind of music she didn’t like.
Sirius tired of listening to the high-pitched and wobbly voice coming out of Remus’ phone and opted to listen to the music and admire Remus’ features. That golden brown hair was falling into his face like it always did when he got frustrated. Sirius could see the muscles moving around Remus’ jaw like he was itching to get a word in, too frustrated with any thing the girl was saying. Remus’ brow was furrowed in annoyance, a rare occasion of Remus displaying his emotions when he usually worked so hard to keep that part of himself hidden. Sirius felt a leap in his chest that Moony allowed him to see this part of himself, trusting him with vulnerability. Sirius wanted to end that call and kiss Remus between those furrowed brows, smoothing them back. He let himself get lost in that dream while thinking, she’ll never know your story like I do.
“I didn’t mean anything by it, okay?” Remus said, bringing Sirius out of his fantasy. “Look, I’ve gotta go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He ended the call and looked to Sirius with an expression half-apology half-exasperation.
Of course he would see her tomorrow, because even though it seemed like the couple fought more than they didn’t, they never seemed to break up, which always brought on a new wave of frustration to Sirius. And sure, he knew that she could rock a mini skirt and high heels, there was no denying that. Sirius usually opted for sneakers and a comfy t-shirt from an obscure rock group. And she was cheer-captain for crying out loud! How could Sirius compete? At football games, he would sit next to Remus and watch him during the half-time cheer performance and wonder what he was thinking. Why in the world would he date the head cheerleader? Remus wasn’t preppy like that. He was stolen cigarettes and always saying stuff like ‘fuck the system.’ Of course Sirius couldn’t voice his concerns to Remus. They were best friends, along with James and Peter, and had known each other since they were eleven. So his plan was to stay by Moony’s side and hope that Remus would realize he’d been there all along. Okay, maybe it sounded pathetic, but Remus brought it out of him. And more importantly, Remus was worth it. What else could he do?
“Walk?” Sirius suggested.
Remus gave a small, appreciative smile.
As they walked through the neighborhood, Sirius listened to the sound of their footsteps, occasionally looking up at Remus when they passed under a streetlight. Sirius smiled to himself. Remus was wearing those worn-out jeans and damn if he didn’t look fine. And yes, he knew Remus was upset about his relationship, but he couldn’t help thinking that this was how it ought to be. Sirius and Remus. Together. It didn’t matter what they were doing. They just always fit. They could stay in companionable silence forever and it was all Sirius wanted to stay like that.
Eventually they reached the park and Remus moved to sit on a bench near the duck pond. Remus sighed and then said, “Sorry, I know I promised to help you with that Calc homework.” Looking forward, he was watching one of the ducks slowly making its way across the still pond.
Sirius snorted, “It’s fine. Now I don’t even have to pretend like I’m trying to learn. You’ll just have to let me copy it now.” Sirius looked at Remus with a teasing smile.
Remus rolled eyes but he was laughing now. Sirius loved that sound so much, laughing along with Remus. Sirius thought to himself, hey isn’t this easy ?
“There’s my favorite smile,” Sirius said. God, it was so nice. Sirius would swear it could light up their whole town. “I haven’t seen it in a while,” since she brought you down, Sirius finished bitterly in his head.
Remus’ smile quickly faded and looked at his lap, “I’m fine.”
“I know you better than that, Moony.” Sirius took a deep breath. “Whatcha doing with a girl like that anyway?”
Remus looked back at Sirius with a surprised frown. Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “I mean it’s just… doesn’t seem like she really understands you.” He hoped like he was coming off unaffected, but he knew Remus would pick up on his nervousness anyway.
His expression changed again, taking on more confusion and losing the defensiveness. “What do you mean?”
Oh god. Don’t make him explain himself ! He’ll definitely let something slip if he’s not careful. “Well… I know you, Moony and...well I don’t think she gets you. Like you’re so cool and mysterious and it’s like she wants to change you or something. Like that phone call? The fuck was that about?” Remus frowned again at that. Shit, was he saying too much ? “I just don’t think she understands you is all. It’s like she doesn’t understand the good thing she has.” Now it was Sirius’ turn to look down.
There were a few beats of silence and then, “You think I should be with someone who understands me?” Sirius gave a small nod and a noncommittal shrug. “Like who?”
Sirius looked back at Remus from behind his hair. Should he say it ? This was his chance. But, he couldn’t find enough nerve to actually say what he’s been thinking for months. Sirius gave another shrug, “Fuck, if I know. Come on, it's getting late.”
Sirius was back in his bed that night when his phone lit up at 4:34am.
we broke up
Ten minutes later, Sirius replied I’m outside. Now, Sirius was standing by and waiting at Remus’ backdoor.
He was reminded of that time last year when Remus had driven to his house in the middle of the night when he found out about Hope’s cancer. He told Sirius he needed to make him laugh. Sirius could see tears threatening to run down his face.
Sirius was so lost in that memory that he didn’t realize Remus had opened the door. “What are you thinking about?”
Sirius shook himself from the memory. “Are you okay?”
Remus nodded his head. To Sirius’ surprise, he did seem okay. Not like how one should react to a break up, Sirius reasoned.
“I’m fine. But really, tell me what you were thinking about. It seemed pretty serious.” At that he winked. Sirius smirked to himself.
“Oh, I was remembering that time you drove to my house in the middle of the night.” Remus stepped closer and nodded like he wanted him to continue. Maybe because Sirius was only half awake, he felt like he could say it this time. I mean Remus broke up with her. It had to mean something right ?
“And you said I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re about to cry.” Remus stepped forward again, Sirius almost melted at the way the soft porch light lit up Remus’ features. “And I know your favorite songs. And you tell me about your dreams.” Sirius ticked these statements off on his fingers. “I think I know where you belong.” I think I know it's with me .
Taking another step, Remus had an expression like he was trying to hide a smile and said, “Oh, yeah?”
“I mean...can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you? I’ve been here all along... It’s just...why can’t you see? Have you ever thought just maybe…” Sirius trailed off, not daring to look Remus in the eyes. He felt a hand under his chin pull his face to look into Remus’.
Remus leaned forward and softly pressed his lips to Sirius’. Sirius gasped quietly.
Remus pulled back and, not daring to break the spell, whispered, “You belong with me?”
Sirius gave a small, shy smile, “All this time, did you not know, Moony?”
The taller boy rolled his eyes and kissed him again. Sirius kissed him back with all of the things he’d never said. With Remus’ mouth on his, he never felt like there were truer words: you belong with me.