Work Text:
“Wei Ying.”
Wei Wuxian lowered Chengqing from his lips. There was no way he wouldn’t recognise that voice. Turning around, he couldn’t help but beam at the sight of his friend. “Back so soon, Lan Zhan?”
“Mn.” His lips shifted into a minuscule smile. 84.
(Wei Wuxian had only started counting them since the first one caught him by surprise. It had started as a game, but had become a habit at some point. A harmless indulgence among other, more dangerous ones, he told himself.)
Tucking Chengqing into his waistband, he bounded down the few feet of slope separating them. “I know you’d miss me soon, but so soon! I’ve only been roaming around these hills for three days. I know, I’m moving terribly slowly, but it’s beautiful out here. And this silly donkey refuses to move half the time, I can’t help it!”
The flood of words ceased as he bounced to a stop before Lan Zhan, who was still smiling. Wei Wuxian made the mistake of meeting his eyes, and found that he couldn’t look away. He understood Lan Zhan’s expressions the best (well, second best, the first was Lan Xichen), but there was that look again. The one he’d only ever gotten glimpses of and finally decided had to be some kind of happiness.
Till he’d seen it that day in the Nightless city. Ever since, it remained a mystery.
Something twisted sharply somewhere between Wei Wuxian’s gut and his heart. He looked away, hiding the movement with a laugh. “I know there’s something up your sleeves, out with it.”
“A proposal.”
Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but smirk and waggle his brows. “Ah, Lan Zhan, Who’s the lucky one?”
The smile vanished instantly and - was that a hint of a frown between Lan Zhan’s brows!? “No.”
Wei Wuxian regretted it immediately. “Ah! Okay, okay, I won’t tease, I promise! Tell me, Tell me!”
The smile didn’t make a comeback, but the frown faded. “I am here to invite you to Gusu.” He paused for a moment, and added, “With me.”
Wei Wuxian smiled slowly. “Are you serious?” A more sobering thought came to mind, and the smile fell into a pout. “But would Lan Qiren allow it? He wouldn’t want me there to sweep the floors, let alone pay a visit!”
“Not a visit.”
Wei Wuxian blinked. “...Please tell me I'm not sweeping the floors.”
There! The left corner of his mouth definitely moved a couple millimeters. 85 . “Not sweeping floors. To make yourself a home in Cloud Recesses.”
The words sank in like a spoon through honey and Wei Wuxian’s jaw dropped. The many, many implications of it crowded his mind, but all of them remained drifting around in his head like mist because Lan Zhan had that look again . And for some reason, Wei Wuxian’s heart was hammering away determinedly. The air had abandoned his lungs.
It took Lan Zhan’s brow actually creasing with concern to snap Wei Wuxian out of it, whatever it was. “Wei Ying. It is okay If you don’t want to-”
“No!” ‘ No’ !? He hadn’t even thought it over!
And yet, Wei Wuxian knew he could give no other answer.
“I’m- I don’t know what to say, Lan Zhan. It would be amazing to live at Cloud Recesses.” Many of his best memories were from there. And A-Yuan would be there, and the bunnies, and… his best friend. But things were rarely as simple as that in his life.
“Lan Zhan. What about your uncle?”
Lan Zhan tilted his head back ever so slightly. “I have spoken to him. He will not object.” The look in those eyes said I dare him to try , and Wei Wuxian bit back a smile. Oh, to be a fly on the wall for that discussion.
But there were more questions. Lan Zhan would never, ever fail to consider every critical detail and factor it into his decision. But Wei Wuxian had to ask, half in jest and half in badly-veiled concern. “Isn’t he worried I’ll teach your innocent, young disciples my evil tricks?”
Lan Zhan met his gaze evenly. “Wei Ying’s tricks are not evil. They are different. They have saved lives. If Uncle doesn’t understand, it is his issue.” His stubborn look bored into Wei Wuxian, and for the thousandth time he felt the urge to throw his arms around Lan Zhan for sticking by his side, for still wanting to . It was a wonder. His anchor, his miracle in a life of blunders and missteps.
Maybe he had suppressed the urge long enough.
He flung himself at his friend, hooking his arms around his neck. “Thank you, Lan Zhan.”
Lan Zhan had never seemed big on physical affection, and even though Wei Wuxian would gladly stay this way for the rest of the day, he wouldn’t cling too long. A moment before he loosened his grip, however, long arms wrapped around Wei Wuxian. Warm fingers splayed against his back, gentle but firm. They were pressed together, and Lan Zhan was, as always, warmer and surprisingly cuddly.
Wei Wuxian’s brain sputtered to a stop as he felt Lan Zhan’s breath on the side of his neck. His head was on his shoulder. “No need. I am always here.”
There was nothing Wei Wuxian could do as he felt the traitorous prickling in the corners of his eyes. If he thought too much about those words, he would definitely have a whole breakdown on Lan Zhan in the middle of the isolated hillside.
Sniffing and refusing to let the tears escape, he pulled back. Lan Zhan’s hands slipped from his back to his sides, and slowly let go, just as reluctant to let go as Wei Wuxian himself was.
Grabbing Lan Zhan’s shoulders, Wei Wuxian beamed at him from an arm’s length away. “What are we waiting for! Let’s go!!”
~~~
“We should stay the night.”
Vehemently waving away the suggestion with one hand, Wei Wuxian clapped the other over his mouth as the yawn he was trying to stifle evaded his best attempts. Lan Zhan watched with his mouth in a knowing line.
“I’m not tired! It’s just a yawn. Come on, let’s go!”
With the smallest skeptical raise of the brows, Lan Zhan followed Wei Wuxian with his gaze as he got to his feet, showing no signs of getting up from the table himself even as the waiter came to cart away the remains of their dinner from the table. As the man was about to leave, Lan Zhan produced a piece of silver. “One room.”
“Ayio, Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian plopped back down and pouted as the waiter bowed and left. “I know you’re not tired.” Lan Zhan was a travel monster. He could go miles and miles in a day without tiring even with a disrupted sleep schedule, and fall right back into it without a blink. “Why are you delaying our arrival at Gusu?”
“Wei Ying is exhausted. There is no hurry.”
“I’m not-” He failed spectacularly at stifling yet another yawn. Lan Zhan stared back, unmoving.
“Alright! Alright, you win.” Wei Wuxian grumbled and got to his feet again. Lan Zhan followed this time, and Wei Wuxian trailed after him to the room.
It was on the nicer side, as far as rooms go. There was a low table in the middle of the space between the two beds and Wei Wuxian flopped down, parking himself on one side. With his sweetest smile, he looked up at his companion.
“Lan Zhaaan. I’m not too sleepy for a drink after dinner. Please?”
“Mn.” He obligingly turned back to the door.
As he left, Wei Wuxian remembered that thing that had slipped his mind thanks to Lan Zhan’s ‘proposal’, which he’d meant to ask the second they met again. And it couldn’t wait a second more.
“Lan Zhan, wait!”
He stopped, right at the door.
“You never told me the name of your song.”
For a long moment, there was only the noise of crickets chirping outside. Was it Wei Wuxian’s imagination, or had Lan Zhan gone more still than usual? His back was to Wei Wuxian, and his head was turned halfway over his shoulder. With his shape framed in the doorway, the lowered eyes, and the pause that stretched for an eternity, the moment felt…. sacred.
Wei Wuxian held his breath. And thank gods he did, because Lan Zhan’s reply was barely above a whisper.
“WangXian.”
Before he could make sense of it, Lan Zhan strode through the door and out of sight, leaving the name hovering in the silence behind him. Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have given it too much thought, but it… it demanded attention. Something about the sound of it….
Oh.
For a few minutes, Wei Wuxian could do little more than gape at the empty doorway. Getting to his feet, he wandered towards the window. Cool night breeze blew strands of his hair across his face as he took several deep breaths to fend off the sudden fluttering in his chest.
Lan Zhan had named a song after them. Their names, combined together. A song that nobody else knew. Not because it lacked beauty, but because Lan Zhan had chosen to keep it that way all these years.
With a laugh, he shook his head in the empty room. “Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. People name songs after those they love, and you…"
Oh.
Stumbling away from the window, Wei Wuxian sat down heavily on the closest surface - one of the beds. Head in his hands, he screwed his eyes firmly shut. No way. It couldn’t be. It was silly. Just because he named a song after didn’t mean Lan Zhan was in love with him. That was just dumb.
… Was it?
A dozen scenes and words and memories from across two lifetimes mobbed Wei Wuxian.
You promised me, that you would let me help you.
Come back.
I have regrets. At Nightless City, I wasn’t by your side.
Crossing the single-log bridge in the dark is not so bad after all .
I am always here.
The words and memories ran in circles, scrabbling for attention. The one which won was the oldest. I had once thought that, in my lifetime, you would be the one who knew me, Wei Wuxian had said.
I still am .
And Lan Zhan, incredible, beautiful Lan Zhan, had remained that one even in another lifetime. There had been part of Wei Wuxian, too lost in mourning his losses and fighting his demons then, that felt he’d never picked the right words that day. It spoke now, clear as the notes of Lan Zhan’s Guqin.
"I had hoped you were my soulmate.”
The words settled heavily in the empty room. Wei Wuxian’s insides did things that included but were not limited to cartwheels and diving off of one another as the second insane realization of the day sank in.
Whether or not Lan Zhan was in love with him, he was definitely in love with Lan Zhan.
How the hell had he not realised any of this earlier? With a groan, Wei Wuxian jumped to his feet and started pacing the length of the room. He needed to figure this out. When had it all started? When had he fucking fallen in fucking love with fucking Lan Zhan-
Okay. That could wait (it couldn’t!). He should start with an easier question. Was he sure he was in love with Lan Zhan oh goDS-
“Argh!” Wei Wuxian stood in the middle of the room, flailing his hands in agony. Wasn’t love supposed to be beautiful? All it was giving him was heart palpitations. And probably indigestion, going by the antics his stomach was currently doing. And that weird fluttery feeling whenever he counted yet another signature Lan Zhan smile, especially when he was the one causing it. It was such a beautiful smile, always so soft. Not just feeling wise. Lan Zhan probably had an impeccable skincare routine, those lips looked like the softest ever. How would they feel on-
“Wei Wuxian control your goddamn mind !” He scolded himself, stopping the flailing for a minute and settling his hand on his hips. Now was not the time.
His heart almost skidded to a stop as footsteps approached. Rooted to the spot, he stared in fear at the door as the sound got closer and closer and closer and..
… passed the door without pause.
Letting out a sigh, Wei Wuxian dropped to the ground in a boneless heap. The relief was only momentary. Lan Zhan could be here any minute. What was he to do? Confess his undying love literally minutes after discovering it himself? Confront his best friend in the whole wide world and demand to know if he loved him? The answer could very well be a ‘No’, and wasn’t that a devastating thought.
However awkward things got, Lan Zhan would stick by him. But would they ever be the same afterwards?
There was only one thing to do, at least for now. Nothing.
Wei Wuxian took a deep, fortifying breath and shook the nerves out of his limbs. He could do this. Nobody could beat him at talking for hours on end without actually saying anything. He would ignore the funny, wobbly feeling in his chest. He could do this. He settled himself at the table once again, waiting for the inevitable.
Footsteps came again, this time softer, and stopped at their door. Lan Zhan walked in with a tray and a single pot of the local best. One pot wasn’t nearly adequate for tonight.
“You’re back! How was it?” Wei Wuxian internally winced, but kept the smile plastered on. “Out there. In the town.”
Lan Zhan blinked placidly before setting down the tray and seating himself on the other side of the table. “Fine. Same as it was when we arrived.”
“Of course.” Wei Wuxian downed the cup he’d poured for himself. Not nearly enough. Then again, it was probably a good thing he couldn’t get drunk. Dread crept through his bones. What did they talk about in these nighttime drinking sessions? According to his brain at the moment, absolutely nothing.
However, as always, Lan Zhan saved him from the awkwardness.
“Wei Ying. Why do you want to reach Gusu early?”
Wei Wuxian stared, the earlier train of thought getting derailed at the sudden question. “I..” I miss our bunnies. I miss a-yuan. There were a dozen things that crossed his mind, but he knew very well that wasn’t it, not all of it. And so did Lan Zhan. It always felt terrible, lying to Lan Zhan.
“I’m afraid I won’t have time. Anything could happen anytime. I’d have to leave everything.” Leave you . Wei Wuxian ducked his head. “I know, It’s stupid. But I’m just afraid everything will go wrong again, any minute.”
There it was, his stupid paranoid thoughts pouring out like a flood. He wasn’t even drunk!
And yet…. Wei Wuxian found that it wasn’t as hard as expected to look up again and meet Lan Zhan’s eyes. It was just Lan Zhan, he’d seen him at his lowest. It was wonderfully easy to trust him without fear of judgement. Terrifying, but easy.
“Not stupid.” Lan Zhan reached forward, and Wei Wuxian’s first impression was that he was going for the alcohol. The mortifying ordeal of handling a drunk Lan Zhan while trying to keep his own whirlwind of a mind in check struck terror in his heart for a moment, till the pot went ignored entirely.
Lan Zhan placed his hand over Wei Wuxian’s.
His heart dropped to the floor.
Eyes wide, Wei Wuxian stared at the hand over his, warm and calloused and gentle.
“It is not stupid.” Lan Zhan said again, a touch more insistent, like he was going to bury the thought in Wei Wuxian’s head by saying it over and over again. “It's hard to adjust, after everything. But I will help you.”
As he spoke, Wei Wuxian looked up. There it was again, that look in Lan Zhan’s eyes. It was just like the hand around his. A promise to stay. Wei Wuxian’s stomach dropped as, for the first time, he understood what it could be.
How long had they been staring in silence? It felt like a fleeting moment and like forever. Lan Zhan blinked, and the illusion snapped as he looked away, drawing back his hand jerkily. Without thinking, Wei Wuxian held onto his fingers before they could slip away, and Lan Zhan’s eyes snapped back to him. Despite the way his heart was pounding in his ears and his face felt like it was aflame, Wei Wuxian held his gaze.
It was too late for ‘nothing’.
“Why?” he asked, managing something barely above a whisper. And waited while Lan Zhan watched him like he could keep doing it forever and never have enough. A flicker of resignation crossed Lan Zhan’s expression.
86, Wei Wuxian counted reflexively as the corners of his mouth tilted into the smallest, softest smile whose sadness went through Wei Wuxian like a blade.
“Same as always. I love Wei Ying.”
It was near impossible to breathe when Lan Zhan said it like that - so plainly true, like it was a fact of the universe. Like it couldn’t be any other way. But something else that sat like a rock inside Wei Wuxian’s heart.
“Why do you say it like that?” Ignoring the crack in his own voice, Wei Wuxian held onto the hand in his own tighter, leaning closer over the table. “Is it that painful to be in love with me, Lan Zhan?”
Devastating as it would be, it wouldn’t be a surprise. And Wei Wuxian wouldn’t have asked at all, but something inside him had given way. The day - the last few years - had taken their toll, and this is what it’s all come to.
Lan Zhan’s smile was long gone. He shook his head, and for the first time Wei Wuxian felt the hand in his own squeeze back. “Being in love with Wei Ying is the happiest. But I know I cannot have you like that.”
“Lan Zhan-”
“It is fine.” The quiet fear in his eyes was terrible. Wei Wuxian would do anything to take it away. “I will stay as your friend. I will not ask for more than you can give.”
“Aiya, Lan Zhan .” Wei Wuxian shook his head. “You’re an idiot! And I’m an idiot! We’re both idiots !”
Lan Zhan stared in utter confusion. He probably thought his companion was going mad. “Wei Ying?”
Furiously wiping the wetness away from his face, Wei Wuxian just said it before he could overthink everything and most likely mess it all up. “I can give more than you think.”
Lan Zhan blinked. Then he blinked again. Oh gods. Had he broken Lan Zhan!? Shaking the hand he had hijacked, Wei Wuxian tried again. “You’re my soulmate, Lan Zhan! You can have all of me. Everything. It’s already yours.”
In absolute silence, Lan Zhan came the closest Wei Wuxian had ever seen to imitating a dumb fish. It was unfairly cute. The world was full of light and love and bunnies. Was this what a lantern felt like as it bobbed along with the wind? With a smile, Wei Wuxian clasped his hand between both of his own. “Will you please be mine?”
His insides were back to doing incredible stunts, and his face was burning up because oh gods he’d said it and Lan Zhan was still frozen like a statue, eyes wide. He'd broken the love of his life with his proclamation. What was he supposed to-
An embarrassing squeak escaped Wei Wuxian as the one hand he was holding onto was tugged across the table, pulling him with it. He followed, scrambling over the table and pouring himself into Lan Zhan’s lap in a second.
Well, that was most likely a yes.
Shifting to settle himself more comfortably, Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but beam at his soulmate. His soulmate . They were so close this way. He could count every one of Lan Zhan’s perfect eyelashes from here.
“Hi.”
Lan Zhan’s gaze burned right into his heart. It flickered all over his face before turning right back to Wei Wuxian’s eyes. “How long?”
“How long have I been in love with you?" Just saying it was a hundred times better than anything else ever. "Honestly, I don’t have a clue. I just realised, like, ten minutes ago, and I swear I flipped out! It was insane , I didn’t even know I could have that many thoughts all at once. I’m - Mmph!”
Lan Zhan cut off the nervous rambling by pressing their lips together. His hands were around Wei Wuxian’s waist, keeping him balanced in his lap. Wei Wuxian melted into the touch with a sigh. It was nothing more than a slow slide of lips. It was everything.
It had been a long time since he’d belonged somewhere. With some one .
They broke away to take a breath, and he only realised a few tears had escaped his eyes when Lan Zhan wiped them away with his thumb, cradling Wei Wuxian’s face in those gorgeous hands. “What is it?”
Wei Wuxian shifted, leaning his brow against Lan Zhan’s. That headband pressed into their skin. He’d always expected the metal to be cold, but of course it wasn’t. It was warm, just like the one who wore it. So long… he’d stayed so long, no matter the cost. The scars on his back were forever seared into Wei Wuxian’s mind.
Burying his face in the crook of his neck, Wei Wuxian mumbled into his skin, “I’m sorry, Lan Zhan.”
“There is nothing to apologise for,” he said stubbornly. Wei Wuxian loved him (!!!!) for the attempt, but it had to be said. He leaned back just enough to fix Lan Zhan with an equally mulish look.
“Let me finish.”
A pause. “Mn.”
Wei Wuxian returned to his earlier position. “You bore a lot of pain for my sake.”
“It wasn’t Wei Ying’s fault.”
“I know. Trust me, I do .” Well, that wasn’t entirely true, but Wei Wuxian was working on not blaming himself for everything. Baby steps. “But that doesn’t change everything you went through. I know it was hard. You stayed, even when I left you.”
Lan Zhan didn’t say anything, but Wei Wuxian felt him lean more into the embrace. Wei Wuxian smiled. Then a laugh slipped out without warning, and he had to pull back and hold Lan Zhan’s face. His cheeks squished underneath Wei Wuxian’s fingers and it was adorable .
“I love you, and you love me! How great is that!?”
“Mn.”
Before it could fade, Wei Wuxian caught his smile in another kiss. Lan Zhan pulled him in, as close as physically possible.
87.
“Mn?”
The familiar sound hummed against his lips (this was way better than just hearing it). Then Wei Wuxian froze.
Had he just. said the number out loud?
Lan Zhan looked up at him, eyes blown wide, lips parted ever so slightly, but curious. “87?”
Wei Wuxian bit his lip, face heating up like a furnace. They had literally just shared the undisputedly best kiss of Wei Wuxian’s life, he had nothing to be embarrassed about! “Smiles. That was your 87th smile that I’ve counted.”
Lan Zhan just looked at him, and Wei Wuxian knew his death would be by drowning in that gaze. But Wei Wuxian was still flushed with the admission, and refused to be shamed. He poked Lan Zhan’s shoulder. “Yeah, okay, I kept count, it’s sappy, but you know what? Composing an entire song and naming it after us beats that any day.”
“Mn.”
The way the tips of his ears went pink was criminally, incredibly cute. Before Wei Wuxian could kiss him again (he could do it forever, gods ), much to his dismay, another enormous yawn seized him. He could feel his eyes get heavier by the second. How was he still tired after all this excitement!?
“It is late. Sleep.” Lan Zhan said softly, and to Wei Wuxian’s dismay, started untangling them. With a petulant whine, Wei Wuxian clung on tighter, burying his face in Lan Zhan’s shoulder. “Lan Zhaaaaan. I don’t want to move.”
He smiled smugly as Zhan placed his hands around him once again. With no warning, his hands slipped lower. Wei Wuxian let out a squeak and instinctively wound his legs tighter around Lan Zhan’s middle at the sudden movement. Lan Zhan had stood up, hauling a very startled Wei Wuxian with him.
Without preamble, he walked over to one of the beds and set him down on it. “Rest.”
With a greatly put-upon sigh, Wei Wuxian asked pitifully, “How can I sleep if you’re all the way across the room?”
And then, Wei Wuxian’s brain melted through his ears as Lan Zhan started shedding his outer robes without any preamble. All Wei Wuxian could do was gape as he neatly folded the robes, set them on the bedside stand, and sat down beside him.
Lan Zhan said nothing, just looked at him expectantly.
Ah .
Wei Wuxian quite literally jumped out of his own robes while Lan Zhan methodically arranged the blankets, and wasted no time in diving right under the sheets. They found each other immediately, and Wei Wuxian sighed contently as he used Lan Zhan’s chest as a pillow.
He could feel Lan Zhan’s chest rise and fall gently, feel his heart beating it’s steady beat, feel his gaze fixed onto Wei Wuxian. Tilting his head back to meet it, Wei Wuxian laced his fingers through the hand on his shoulder and brought it to his mouth, planting a kiss to the inside of the wrist.
To think that they could spend every night like this…. It was perfect and too much for his giddy mind to process right away.
That was okay. They had the rest of their lives to do that.
“Good night, Lan Zhan.”
Warmth cocooned Wei Wuxian’s heart as Lan Zhan retaliated by leaning down and pressing his lips softly to his forehead. “Good night, Wei Ying.”
Snuggling closer, Wei Wuxian counted the smile he felt against his skin.
88.