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He was supposed to be here by now. He was running late, and she was starting to get worried.
Kaz was a man of punctuality—Inej knew this—and he was supposed to be back by now. He was only going to do his shift at the Crow Club and then he was going to take care of a few things before coming back. He told her he wouldn’t be long, and he still wasn’t back.
Naturally, Inej was worried. People knew to fear Kaz Brekker. People knew the consequences if they were to cross him. Something didn’t feel right though. Maybe, it was nothing. She hoped it was nothing.
Inej decided to occupy herself with their two-year-old, Cora, on the bed. Ideally, Inej would love it if their daughter fell asleep earlier. Cora was just like her father: difficult. She refused to sleep until she knew both of her parents were next to her. In some ways, it was endearing.
Cora being awake was perhaps a blessing in disguise. She at least managed to distract Inej even if she couldn’t fully take her mind off of Kaz. The two-year-old was flipping through a book about farm animals. After flipping to a new page, Cora would stop and point at the illustrations as she babbled something to Inej.
Inej forced herself to smile at her. “Yeah, Cora, that’s a chicken.”
“Icken!” Cora repeated happily.
This went on for what felt like ages. Occasionally, Inej would ask Cora what sound an animal makes, and Cora would give her best attempt at sounding like the animal in question. It was not only cute, but it distracted Inej, even for a few brief moments. Her mind was mostly with Kaz, her thoughts racing and wondering where he could be.
She was starting to fear the worst. She didn’t want to even think about it, but it was a possibility. Life in the Barrel was so unpredictable even for someone like Kaz, who survived in it this long. She tried to rid her head of those thoughts.
When she heard the sound of his cane at the door, a thousand different thoughts and emotions ran through her. Her stomach started to knot, and it only knotted more when he came in.
He was sporting a bruise on his cheekbone, one he didn’t have before he left. His lip was swollen and had dried blood on it. The red of the blood contrasted on his white shirt. Her eyes trailed further down and found his leg poorly wrapped. Even though he was wearing black pants, she could tell he was bleeding pretty heavily. He might still be bleeding for all she knew.
As Cora shimmied off of the bed, running to her dad, Inej closed her eyes and let out a sigh of relief. He was hurt, but at least he was home.
It was never supposed to happen.
He never planned on getting attacked on his way home.
“Papa!”
Kaz forced his best smile at Cora. He tried to bend down to pick her up, but quickly found out that he couldn’t. He leaned against the wall for support, and Cora stopped in her tracks. She tilted her head.
“Papa?” she asked.
Inej quickly got to her feet. She moved silently across the room as she always did. When she reached him, she carefully swung his arm around her and helped him to the chair at his old desk. Though she was small, she managed to take some weight off of his injured leg. He collapsed onto his chair with a heavy sigh.
“What happened?” she whispered, her eyes scanning his face.
He saw the worry and concern. He wanted nothing more than to take it away and tell her that he would be okay. He made it back home, and wasn’t that what mattered?
“Papa!” Cora said before he could respond. She was standing behind Inej with her arms raised. Inej picked her up and handed her to Kaz, where she wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder.
Her touch felt like salvation. She was warm and bright, just like her mother. A guiding light that told him he was safe now. More importantly, she was safe. Inej was safe. Nothing could happen to them within these four walls they called home.
“Hey, kid,” he rasped, holding her tight. He closed his eyes for a moment before letting out a sigh. “I missed you too.”
Inej hopped onto the old desk, her legs slotting in the space between the chair and the desk. She reached out and stroked a hand on Cora’s head.
“She was worried about you,” she said, looking at their daughter. Kaz looked at Inej. He caught the unspoken meaning: I was worried about you.
She met his gaze for a moment. She was still worried. Her eyes were dark and glossy, like she could cry at any minute. A twinge of pain shot through him. He didn’t like seeing her like this, worried and afraid. He moved the hand closest to her slightly, resting his hand on her knee. She let out a sigh and put her hand over his gloved one, clasping it gently.
Cora pulled away from him and examined his face. She pointed at his bruise with a gasp, her eyes wide with surprise. She looked at Inej.
“Mama!” she exclaimed. “Boo-boo! Papa, boo-boo!”
Inej nodded, faking some surprise. “Papa is hurt,” she said, agreeing with her.
Cora looked at him again, her eyes just as dark as her mother’s. She took a hold of his face with her tiny hands and pressed her lips to his bruise, kissing it to make it better. She learned that from him. Whenever she fell or had a scratch, he would kiss the spot where it hurt and tell her that she should feel better.
Though Cora couldn’t exactly say that, she let out a satisfied noise when she pulled away. Kaz’s heart started to swell at the gesture. His throat started to tighten and… were those tears in his eyes? He blinked them away and forced a wry smile.
“Better than any Healer I know,” he said, a slight waver to his voice.
Cora let out a noise of agreement, nodding her head. She laid her head back down on Kaz’s shoulder, her face looking towards Inej. Kaz moved his hand from Inej’s knee to hold Cora tight again.
He didn’t know he needed to hold her this close. With her head on his shoulder and her small body on his, he felt relief. He was exhausted and he could stay like that forever, but he knew sooner or later he would have to get up. But, for now, he just wanted to be holding his daughter with his wife right beside him.
“Can I just… stay like this, and hold her for a while?” he asked, looking at Inej.
She arched her brow slightly. “You don’t want to get cleaned up first?”
He should. He should get cleaned up, get the cut on his leg stitched, and get into his pajamas. He couldn’t bring himself to.
He shook his head. “Can you help me take off my gloves?”
She nodded. She grabbed his arm with careful fingers, looking at him for any signs of pain. When she saw none, she unbuttoned his glove at the wrist before tugging it off of his hand. He watched her as she did the same with his other hand. Her eyes were still glossy as she tugged his other glove off, and she let out a shaky breath.
“Inej,” he said, his voice quiet. “I’m okay.”
He held out his hand for her. An offering. She stared at his hand for a few seconds before putting hers in his. Their fingers slot together with ease like two matching pieces of a puzzle.
He closed his eyes and leaned his head back. Then, he felt Inej’s lips against his hand, pressing a gentle kiss. Warm and soft. Home.
After Cora fell asleep in Kaz’s arms, he asked if she could sleep next to them. Normally, they put her in her crib, letting her have her own space as well as their own.
But, something was off about Kaz. He seemed like he needed Cora close to him, and she understood. While her time at sea was more limited now, there were times where she would leave for a few weeks. When she came back, she was incredibly attached to Cora.
Whatever had happened tonight had scared Kaz. So, she nodded at his question before laying their daughter on their bed. After that, she helped him to the bathroom. His limp was more pronounced and his jaw was clenched the whole time. He only relaxed when he made it onto the counter using the step stool they had for Cora.
He exhaled heavily and she surveyed him. This wasn’t exactly her worst fear, but it was pretty close. He was hurt, and it was rare when Kaz Brekker got hurt. That was what scared her even more.
He looked towards the ground as she grabbed the supplies she thought she might need. He couldn’t bring his gaze towards as she looked back at him, and she let out a quiet sigh. She wanted answers more than anything, but she would not push.
“Your shirt,” she said quietly. He glanced up at her, and she saw tears in his eyes. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw him like this. Her expression softened as she saw the guilt take him over. “Kaz.”
She held out her arms for him, letting him come to her. She didn’t want to touch him for fear of accidentally inflicting more pain. When his head was in her chest, he let out a quiet sob.
A fracture formed in her heart at the sound. Kaz was never like this, partly because he never allowed himself to be like this. Tonight had scared him, and she wanted nothing more to be let in. Whispering reassurances and kind lies would help nothing, but if she was let in, she could hold his hand with him and let him know that she was right by his side.
She cradled his head in her arms, her hands finding the back of his head. She didn’t try to shush him because there was something intimate about this, about him sobbing in her arms. She was sure Kaz would look back at this and see it as a moment of weakness, but she thought the exact opposite. There was a certain strength and bravery in being so vulnerable in front of the ones you loved most.
So, no, Kaz wasn’t weak for this. He was strong and brave.
The fracture in her heart grew deeper when she felt his tears start to soak a small part of shirt. She could feel his uneven breaths against her, so she started to run a hand through his hair. When she was younger, her mother would do that to her when she cried, and Inej used the same technique with Cora. Maybe, it would help him calm down the way it helped her calm down.
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against her chest when he stopped crying a minute or two later. His voice was unsteady, so she kept running her hand through his hair. After a moment, he looked up at her, his eyes red. There was a tear rolling down his cheek, and with a soft touch, Inej wiped it away. If she thought her heart couldn’t hurt any more, she was wrong. “This wasn’t supposed to happen, Inej.”
She gave him a nod. She wanted to say that he was here and safe and that was what mattered most, but she still needed to see the extent of his injuries. When he left her embrace, he slipped off his suspenders and started to unbutton his shirt. She helped him slip out of his shirt before setting it aside and examining him. Thankfully, his torso was untouched. The planes of his chest were as smooth as ever, and his pale skin had a slight shine, which Inej assumed was from the sweat of the fight.
When she was helping him out of his pants, that was when he started to explain.
“I was on the way here when I saw three guys attacking one of ours,” he said, the rasp in his voice sharper than usual. “It was one of the newer girls we took in from the Menagerie.”
Though the Menagerie was now shut down and out of business, she couldn’t help but pause for a split second at the mention of it. The mention of the place still sent the hairs on her arms standing and goosebumps spreading. She wasn’t sure what happened to Heleen after the Menagerie shut down, but Inej hoped to find her one day and make her suffer just like she had.
The Dregs took in all the girls who wanted to stay in Ketterdam. Some girls became part of the crews of The Wraith and its sister ship that now sailed when The Wraith was docked. Others went looking for their families, and Inej had been more than willing to take them to their home countries.
She gave him a nod to continue before turning her attention to the stab wound on his thigh that was once poorly wrapped. It wasn’t too deep, but it would take some time to heal. She grabbed a rag and wet it. When it made contact with the cut, he hissed.
“I stepped in to help her, and I found out that the attackers were Dime Lions,” Kaz continued through gritted teeth as she cleaned his wound. “They were young and hungry.”
“Do you think they were trying to establish themselves?” she asked. There were many attempts over the years for the Dime Lions to establish themselves as a worthy and notable gang in Ketterdam, but they had all failed.
“I wouldn’t doubt it,” he answered. He shook his head as she put the wet rag down. She grabbed the needle and thread. “Saints. Can’t you just bandage it? Are the stitches necessary?”
She looked at him as she prepared the needle with a string of thread. “I want you to heal properly, so yes. Just keep talking and look at the wall.”
He didn’t put up an argument. He simply nodded and looked straight ahead at the wall as he continued to talk. “I knew I’d be outnumbered, but I didn’t think it would matter, so I got involved. I managed to get the girl away, but as you can tell, they got me pretty bad.”
It was rare when someone got the jump on Kaz. Even when they were younger, it almost never happened. As a notorious and notable Barrel boss, no one even dared to think about it. The guys who did it tonight must’ve been new, really stupid, or both.
“Did Dirtyhands come to see the rough work done?” she asked him, focusing on stitching his wound up.
She assumed he nodded because there was a pause. “Cane to the skull, a bullet in the chest, and a bullet between the eyes.”
“Between the eyes?”
“Yes, between the eyes. The guy was on top of me.”
She finished stitching up his wound, and he let out a heavy exhale as she wet another rag. With her free hand, she placed her thumb on his chin, lifting it up slightly. His eyes found hers. She knew he wasn’t telling the whole story because his eyes were dark, glinting with guilt. Plus, he was being almost too casual about this. Not trying to play it off, but maybe afraid to go deeper.
“Did they threaten Cora?” she asked as she began to wipe the dried blood off of his lips.
“No, they weren’t that stupid,” he answered.
She only hummed. “Something about this is bothering you.”
She let go of him when she was done cleaning, and he let out a heavy exhale. His hands were gripping the edge of the counter, and his head tilted to the floor slightly. She watched him wrestle with himself as she set the rag on the counter.
“Kaz, what is it?” she asked in a soft tone.
“I’m mad at myself. I wasn’t thinking tonight, and I could’ve done things differently,” he answered after a moment, still looking down. “I acted carelessly. I acted like the younger version of myself, the one that had nothing to lose.”
It was rare when Kaz admitted these things. It was always a bold thing to admit, and it was never easy. Part of Inej was proud of him for admitting this to her. The other part of her wanted to comfort him.
“It could’ve turned out worse,” she said.
He looked at her and nodded. “And, that’s what scared me. It could’ve been worse.” He paused, trying to find his words. “I… I have everything to lose now. You. Cora. Saints, Cora… I don’t want to leave her behind. I don’t want to leave you behind.”
She softened. Cora had been unexpected in their lives, but she was a blessing. When they held Cora for the first time, they promised they’d do everything they could to give her the best life, a better life than the ones they experienced. Living in the Barrel wasn’t exactly ideal, but they managed to make it work so far.
Inej positioned herself closer to him, moving to the gap between his legs. She put her hand on his cheek, and he leaned into her touch. She didn’t know what words were the right ones to say. Her mind went to the moment when they were at Black Veil. He said he would come for her, and no matter how broken they were, they’d fight their way out together.
“I wouldn’t let you leave us behind,” she finally said. Though her voice wasn’t loud, she was firm with her words. “I would come for you, Kaz, and we would fight together. That’s how we do things: together.”
His expression changed at having words similar to his own be said to him. The guilt in his eyes was replaced with something that wasn’t quite hope but close to it. His brows softened, and she saw him relax a little. He gave her a nod, a slight dip of his head, and then pressed a kiss on her wrist.
She wasn’t sure if either of them would get much sleep tonight, but she hoped her Saints would bless her with a better tomorrow.
Kaz wasn’t like himself in the days following his attack.
He was a bit down and quiet. He didn’t spend his days scheming or plotting like he normally did. Whenever he went to his office downstairs, he did his usual paperwork and gave out the usual orders. Luckily, he didn’t have any meetups or another shift at the Crow Club for at least a few days. Any business he had to run, he would simply assign it to a high-ranking Dreg like Anika.
The worry was radiating off of him, and Inej felt it. She felt it in the way he carried himself when he was around her. She felt it in the way he would stare off, lost in his own world and thoughts. Every time he would wring his hand, she frowned.
He held Cora tighter in the days that followed. When Inej was out, Kaz insisted that she leave Cora with him instead of taking him to the Van Eck mansion, which was perhaps the most telling sign that he wasn’t okay. She didn’t argue with him, only asking him if he was sure. She knew he had a lot of work that needed to be done, and she didn’t want him staying in his office so late. He was sure, though, so she left their daughter with him.
Inej came home one day just as the sun was beginning to set. Per usual, she entered through the window. Only this time, she found Cora screaming with glee right by the window. Inej realized that her crows had come for their food, and Cora loved feeding the crows.
Inej grabbed Cora, a slight fear that her baby was about to fall out of the window, and stepped into the room. “Someone’s excited to feed the crows today,” she said, and Cora let out another scream. Inej winced. “Not in my ear, love, please.”
She found Kaz sitting at his old desk, working on something. Without looking up, he said, “She’s been waiting for a while.”
He already had a bag of breadcrumbs waiting for them. Inej grabbed the bag and Cora immediately wanted to take it, making grabby hands at the bag. “Hang on, meja,” she said. She looked at Kaz as she slid off her hood. “How was she?”
He looked up at her, and she was sure his breath hitched for a split second. “Good. Made it hard to get work done, but she was good.”
“I told you we should’ve taken her to Jesper and Wylan’s.” She made her way to the window, sitting down on the windowsill. She positioned Cora on her lap and opened the bag. Cora stuck her chubby toddler hands in it, grabbing a fistful of crumbs. She threw it at the crows instead of the ground, which caught them off-guard, but they began scattering around, picking at the food.
“She made it hard to get work done because she was being so cute, not because she was being disruptive,” Kaz clarified. She turned to look at him, and his mouth parted slightly as if in awe. He cleared his throat. “You look beautiful, by the way.”
She grinned, but turned away from him, focusing on Cora instead. Her cheeks started to heat up, and she was sure they were turning pink. Kaz still managed to make her feel like a teenage girl who was hopelessly in love, and they’ve been married for nearly three years for Saints’ sake. They were married, and he still found ways to make her blush. He was unbelievable.
Cora continued to scream and laugh as she fed the crows with Inej. This had become Inej’s favorite part of the day, and when she was out at sea, she missed doing this. She tried to imagine Kaz feeding the crows with Cora, and the image was endearing. He always disliked her crows, but he always fed them when she was gone.
When they finished feeding the crows, Cora waved at them. “Bye!”
Inej threw her head back with a laugh, and Cora looked at her, smiling wide. “Your dad is right. You are so cute.” Cora giggled and threw her arms around Inej’s neck, hugging her. Inej held her tight, a smile on her face.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kaz looking at the work on his desk. His face was all hard lines—brows slightly raised, a small frown. He started writing on his page, scribbling rather quickly. Then, he tilted his head slightly.
Inej set Cora on the ground, letting her roam around the room. “Scheming face,” she said, sliding off of the windowsill. She wasn’t sure what he was planning, but it felt nice that he might be starting to get in the swing of things again.
He didn’t respond, staying focused on his task. It was only when she sat across from him that he leaned back in his chair, his eyes going to Cora before meeting Inej’s. “I’ve been thinking about what happened to me last week,” he started. She frowned at that. It was still bothering him, and she wanted nothing more than to help him. He fiddled with his pen as he continued. “I was thinking that maybe… we could go to the farm for a while?”
This wasn’t what she was expecting, but she didn’t mind it. They didn’t go to Lij often, but the few times they had been, it was always pleasant. The sun was always out, the air was fresh, the land was open to roam and wander. She always enjoyed her time there.
“What’s going on, Kaz?” she asked, her voice a little soft.
He sighed. His eyes were following Cora, making sure she didn’t get into anything she wasn’t supposed to. “I think I just need to get away from Ketterdam. What if what happened to me happened to you? What if it happened to one of us and Cora was with us?” He shook his head. “I don’t want to see her hurt, Inej.”
Inej turned around and found Cora sitting on the floor, hugging one of the stuffed animals Inej’s mom had knit for her. The decision to raise Cora in Ketterdam, at least for the first couple years of her life, was not an easy decision. With Kaz opening more businesses, expanding his empire, and Inej out at sea from time to time, Ketterdam was the most permanent home they could give Cora.
They managed, trying to make her life as best as it could be in the Barrel. Kaz’s room in the Slat had already been expanded, so they gave Cora her own little space in the room, complete with more than enough toys, books, her own crib, and her own wardrobe space. They made sure to make home cooked meals as much as possible once Cora could eat actual food because home cooked meals were a rarity in the Barrel, and they wanted Cora to grow up with memories of home cooked meals.
Inej had always envisioned her kids growing up in open fields similar to the ones in Ravka. She imagined them roaming and exploring, learning new things. She imagined plenty of sunshine, hot summer days, and cold, but lovely winter nights. Part of her still wanted that for Cora. Going to the farm for a few months seemed to be a step in that direction, but she didn’t want to get her hopes up.
She looked at Kaz, the corners of her lips quirking up. “I’d love that.”
It took Kaz a week to get everything organized. He split the bulk of the responsibilities between Anika, Jesper, and Wylan. When Jesper asked how long they’ll be gone, Kaz couldn’t give him an exact date, or even an estimated one. He wasn’t sure how long they’d be at the farm. He’d have to return to Ketterdam eventually, but he didn’t want to think about that.
The trip was long. The first part consisted of a boat ride to another city, where they’d then get off and board a train. Cora fell asleep in Inej’s lap, her head laying on her mother’s shoulder, about twenty minutes into the boat ride. Inej rested her head gently on top of Cora’s, looking relaxed and content. The sight warmed Kaz’s heart, making the corners of his lips turn up.
When they got on the train and were being led to the first class car, Kaz could practically feel Inej rolling her eyes. When they sat down across from each other, she was sporting an annoyed look, but wasn’t exactly mad.
“Kings and queens,” he reminded her. He looked at Cora, who had just woken up and was a little sleepy. “And, a little princess.”
Cora rubbed her eye. “Papa,” she said, reaching across the way for him.
Cora sat with Kaz the whole train ride. She was utterly fascinated by the rolling hills of the countryside, and he remembered being intrigued by it when he was a kid. Though, she seemed to be enjoying it way more than he ever did, probably because she never saw the countryside until now.
The train passed by a ranch with cattle grazing. Cora pointed at the window and gasped. “Papa! Moo!”
Kaz let out a laugh, glancing up at Inej. She was smiling at them, and she looked utterly relaxed. Her feet were raised on the seat, and she was leaning against the window. He hardly ever saw her like this, only when they went to Ravka.
“You’re so smart,” he said to Cora, resisting the urge to shower her in kisses. Though they were out of Ketterdam, they were still in public.
“She’s obsessed with that book about farm animals,” Inej said.
He looked at Cora, lowering his head to her level. “Just wait until you see the real things.”
In Lij, they were known as Mr. and Mrs. Rietveld. They didn’t come much, so hearing it for the first time made Inej’s feel light and easy. She noticed a change in Kaz’s demeanor, too. He wasn’t entirely relaxed, but she saw him carry himself a little lighter.
The farm was located outside of town where the fields were open and free. After sitting down for a meal, they made their way to the farm. The sun was starting to set, painting the sky in a deep shade of orange with patches of blue and pink. It was a lovely sight, especially after a long day.
The exterior of the house had been seen to, Inej noted. She knew Kaz had someone come to the house to maintain frequently. There were no overgrown branches on any trees and the grass had been freshly clipped. Truth be told, it was a sight for sore eyes.
The inside of the house was just the way they left it two years ago. The last time they were here was when Inej was giving birth to Cora. She wanted some privacy with the whole ordeal, and she wouldn’t have gotten that at the caravans in Ravka. She had sent for her parents, who came in a hurry, and was surrounded by the ones she loved most when she had Cora.
The memory made her smile as she saw Cora wander around the house, everything new to her. It felt like it was just yesterday that Cora was a small bundle in her arms, looking at her with big, curious eyes.
After getting settled in, Inej gave Cora a bath while Kaz unpacked their things. The two-year-old splashed happily, getting Inej a bit wet. Cora patted the spot next to her, sending water flying.
“Mama,” she said. It was a gesture she did often. She always wanted Kaz or Inej to join her in the bath, and it was quite endearing.
Inej chuckled. “I can’t get in the bath with you, my love. I’m sorry.”
Cora only frowned before going back to playing with the water. After a few minutes, Inej got her out of the bath, wrapping her in a towel and drying her off before putting her in her pajamas. She then brushed her hair, making sure to be gentle with knots that might appear.
After getting herself clean and into pajamas, Inej put Cora to sleep as Kaz went to clean and change. When Kaz returned, he carefully moved Cora and Inej raised a brow at him.
“What are you doing?” she asked as he took Cora’s spot.
He put her on the other side of him, being careful not to disturb her. “I missed you,” he said, his voice quiet.
She rolled her eyes as he settled next to her under the blankets. “You’re unbelievable,” she muttered as he wrapped his arms around her, his face buried in the side of her neck.
He tilted his head up and placed a kiss on her cheek. If she was being honest, she had missed him too. Though they had been together the whole day, they couldn’t really interact with each other the way they both wanted to. Kaz kept his gloves on for the entire trip, and it was nice to feel his bare hands at her waist. His touch was soft and innocent.
It didn’t take her long to fall asleep, and she was sure it was because Kaz was holding her, gently enough to prevent the nightmares, but present enough to provide comfort.
The family of three quickly fell into an easy routine.
It usually began with Cora waking Kaz and Inej up, wanting to be taken out of the crib they had gotten her for this house. They’d bring her to their bed, where she’d begin babbling about… something.
“I think she’s talking about her dreams,” Inej said in a sleepy haze one morning. But, they couldn’t know for sure. Cora’s speech was limited, only being able to speak in phrases that were easy and short.
After being coaxed out of sleep, they went and made breakfast. On their first first full day, they were greeted by the neighbors across the street. They had heard rumors about the Rietvelds returning, but they just had to see for themselves. They left after that, but came back twenty minutes later with jugs of fresh milk, a carton of fresh eggs, and a basket full of fruits.
After eating breakfast and getting ready for the day, the three would head out and see where the day took them. Some days were spent walking alongside the creek that ran through the back of the far. Some days were spent in Lij where the locals would ask about their whereabouts for the past two years. Kaz thought it was nosy, seeing as his business didn’t need to be shared with others.
His favorite days by far were the days that Cora saw farm animals. She always let out a loud squeal and began running towards them only to be stopped by a wooden fence. It warmed Kaz’s heart to her like this. Happy and free, running in open fields to her heart’s desire. It apparently warmed the neighbors' hearts too because they let Kaz and Inej in, showing them around their farm.
Cora let out a noise of amusement when she saw the chickens. “Icken, Mama! Icken!”
Kaz also noticed a change in Inej. She was similar to the way she was in Ravka: relaxed, free, content. Her eyes had a shimmer to it that he never saw in Ketterdam. Her smiles were wider, and it was easier to make her laugh. Her hair wasn’t always tied up in a tight braid, letting the breeze run through her loose hair.
Kaz still kept his distant demeanor around others, but he also started to change. He could hold Inej’s hand as they walked around, and no one would bat an eye at them. He could carry his daughter, and no one would comment on it. Dirtyhands was long gone, and he was just Kaz Rietveld. That was what others saw, and he didn’t mind it. In fact, he liked it.
He also learned to not care about his appearance as much. He ditched his coats and suits, partly due to the heat, and opted for a simple button up. He usually wore a tie, but not always. He still kept his hair neat, though the wind would end up messing it up at some point during the day.
“I like your hair like this,” Inej said one afternoon. They were sitting at the back of the farm, watching Cora explore. It was hard just to sit back and watch the two-year-old from afar, but she never strayed out of their sight. Inej brought her hand to Kaz’s hair, running her fingers through it. “It makes you look relaxed and more your age.”
He only hummed in response, leaning back on the palms of his hands. She watched him as he did so, her eyes relaxed and soft. Her eyes darted to his lips for a brief second before she turned away, hearing the sound of tiny footsteps approaching them.
“Mama! Mama!” Cora shouted, holding a small flower in her hand. It was a white flower. Kaz smiled as she approached them, sitting up properly.
Inej feigned a gasp when Cora reached them. “For me?” Cora nodded before handing Inej the flower. “Thank you, I love it!” Cora smiled as Inej held her arms out for a hug. Cora practically jumped into her mother’s arms, hugging her tight.
Afterwards, Inej tried to put the flower behind Kaz’s ear, only to be stopped by Cora. “No, Mama!” she said, wagging her finger. She grabbed the flower and gave it back to Inej.
Kaz faked a frown. “I want a flower.”
Cora sat down in front of them and dragged the small basket they had with them. She opened it and pulled out an apple. Then, she pulled out the knife that was stored in the basket. Kaz immediately took the knife away, fearing for her safety.
“You are too young for this,” he told her, gesturing to the knife with his other hand. “Maybe, Mama will teach you how to use one of these one day, but not right now.”
Cora blinked at him before handing him the apple. He took it from her and cut off a slice for her, which she took happily and attempted to say “thank you”.
Inej smiled. “She has more manners than you,” she said with a small laugh at the end. She attempted to flatten down any stray hairs that had come out of the two year-old’s tiny braid. “She has your freckles, Kaz.”
Cora was nearly a carbon copy of Inej. She had dark hair and bronze skin. Her eyes were brown, big, and expressive, just like Inej’s eyes. When she smiled, Kaz swore he saw a mini Inej. Inej claimed that Cora had Kaz’s nose, but he couldn’t really tell. She did inherit his faint freckles, which never really showed unless they were exposed to sunlight. Right now, her freckles were on full display, and Kaz was sure his were too.
He didn’t take his eyes off of Cora as she ate her apple slice. She looked unbearably cute, the sun hitting her at just the right angle. Her face was flushed from running around all day, but she looked happy. That was all he could really ask for.
That night, he realized that he was happy, too.
A couple months later, Inej received a letter from Specht saying that The Wraith was ready to go for the next voyage. That meant she had to get back to Ketterdam soon.
She wasn’t sure how she’d tell Kaz. He was happy here, and she liked seeing him happy. She liked seeing him chase after Cora, who would laugh and scream, knowing his leg would probably hurt afterwards. She liked being able to walk through town with his hand in hers, always firm and comforting. She liked cooking in the kitchen with him as Cora watched them from the countertop.
They didn’t have to be Dirtyhands and the Wraith. They were just Kaz and Inej. They were parents. They were partners. Nothing else seemed to matter.
Inej had just put Cora down for a nap when she found Kaz in his childhood bedroom. He used to share the room with Jordie. Things were still hung up on the wall, and there were small toys scattered around on the dresser. The room had largely remained untouched when Kaz bought the property. He hardly ever went in it the few times they had come here before; they always opted to stay in what had been a spare room when Kaz was growing up.
She watched him as he took a seat on one of the beds. She wasn’t sure if it was his bed or Jordie’s.
He looked down at the floor. “I sometimes wonder what he would say about me if he saw me today, his little brother all grown up with a wife and kid,” he said, not meeting her gaze. Of course, he knew she was there. After a moment, he looked up at her, part of his hair flopping over his forehead. “I think he would’ve liked you, Inej.”
Throughout the years, Inej had learned about Jordie in bits and pieces. She took whatever information Kaz offered, thankful that he trusted her and confided in her. She knew that it wasn’t easy for him to take off his armor, but he had tried over the years. He wasn’t successful all the time, but he kept trying.
She made her way into the room and towards him. Carefully, she sat down next to him, leaving some space between them. He wasn’t wearing his gloves, but she wanted to give him space if he needed it.
“I think he would be proud of you,” she said, her voice quiet. She believed that, and she needed Kaz to believe it, too.
He looked at her, his eyes dark and vulnerable. She was tempted to brush the bit of hair that fell over his forehead away, but she kept her hands still.
“I think I would be unrecognizable to him after everything I’ve done,” he said with the usual rasp of his voice.
“I think he would understand that you did what you had to do to survive,” she replied. Kaz had said that to her when she opened up to her parents when she reunited with them. She was repeating his own words back to him.
He only gave her a nod, a slight incline of his head. She offered him her hand, and he looked at it for a moment, deciding if he trusted himself enough to do it. Finally, he put his hand in hers. She moved a little closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder.
“You have to go back soon, don’t you?” he asked for a moment. She glanced up at him, and his eyes found hers.
“I’ll only be gone for a few weeks,” she answered, her voice no louder than a whisper. “That doesn’t mean you have to go back, though. You can stay here with Cora.”
“I should probably head back, too.” But, I don’t want to go back.
They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. Her head never left his shoulder, and his thumb was running over her knuckles. She could hear him breathing, even and steady. There were no heavy sighs or shaky breaths. If she wasn’t careful, she could fall asleep like this.
“I want to run something past you,” he said, breaking the silence. She took her head off of his shoulder and looked at him. She arched her brows, a silent motion for him to continue. “I was thinking that when you come back from your voyages, we could come here instead of staying in Ketterdam?”
She blinked at him a few times. “Why?” She saw the panic and worry start to set in his eyes, so she spoke again. “Not that I don’t like the idea, I just want to know why you’re suggesting it.”
He shrugged. “Well, you’re happy here. Cora’s happy here. And, I want to make you guys happy,” he said. She smiled at him. “I don’t want Ketterdam to be the place where Cora grows up. She deserves better. She deserves to grow up in a place where she can run freely and explore, where she doesn’t have to fear being robbed or attacked.” He let out a shaky breath and shook his head. “I made a promise to myself that I would do anything to protect her and keep her happy. I made that same promise to you, and the best way I can do that is give you guys a place that is truly home.”
A place that is truly home. Ketterdam had never been that place. The Slat had never been that place. The farm felt like it could be that place. It felt like it could be the place where Cora could run and explore, where she could learn new things. It was a place where she didn’t have to fear being attacked every time she walked down the street. This could be their home, their true home.
Kaz had left out one important detail, though.
“You’re forgetting something,” Inej said. He tilted his head slightly, unsure of what he had missed. “You’re happy here, too.”
He hesitated for a moment, but she knew she wasn’t wrong. The corners of his lips turned up. “I am happy here,” he admitted. He wasn’t someone who admitted those things easily, but there was no point in trying to deny it. He looked around the room again. “I used to think I had to leave this room the way it was, but if we decide to stay here more often, I think this could be Cora’s room.”
She looked at him, her eyes softening before looking around the room. She could imagine it. She could imagine Cora hanging things on the wall as she got older. She could imagine the mess Cora would make of her toys. She could imagine a small bookcase that had all of her books with room for new ones.
More importantly, Inej could imagine them living here. She could imagine starting a garden of her own fruits and vegetables. She could imagine Kaz sitting in his office, conducting his business from afar. She could imagine all the home cooked meals. She could imagine her winters being spent here, huddled by the fire with Kaz and Cora next to her, sipping hot chocolate.
The images made her heart swell. She wanted this, and he wanted this.
She smiled and nodded. “I think it would be perfect for her,” she said. She looked at him, her eyes taking in his side profile. “I think all of it would be perfect.”
He looked at her, a tight smile tugging on his lips. He brought his free hand to her chin, lifting it up slightly. He connected his lips with hers in a gentle and tender kiss. When he pulled away, he nodded.
“It will be because it’ll be ours,” he said firmly.
Ours. His. Hers. Cora’s. Their home.