Work Text:
John B doesn’t know what time it is, and if he’s being honest, he really doesn’t want to know.
Stuffing his face back into his pillow, he tries his hardest to go back to sleep, but to no avail. It’s rare that he can fall asleep at night, so he wants to try to catch up on all the sleep he’s missed since everything happened.
Today, it seems like it’s just gonna be another one of those days where John B thinks about getting up, but everytime he tries, something stops him. It’s an invisible force, and John B can’t figure out whether it’s physical or mental. He just.. can’t get out of bed.
John B would sit in bed most days, watching the sun go up and down from his window. The lack of heating and light in the house was a friendly reminder that he hadn’t paid the bills in months, and he probably never will without a job.
He hadn’t eaten a full meal in days, just beer and granola bars found in the deep crevasses of the cabinets in his kitchen. The last time he went grocery shopping was two months ago, and it’s not like he has the money to go now.
Sometimes the pogues visit, they’ll complain about how dirty it is, invite him out for a couple beers and a night of getting high, and leave. Some nights JJ will stay, say ‘forget about it, if you’re not coming, it’s not happening.’.
Which everyone else agrees with, because if John B isn’t the leader, then JJ is the replacement.
They’ll lie down with him and stay the night, sometimes Pope will rant to him about something annoying JJ did that day, or Kiara will gush about a girl that she likes in her history class. John B listens, it’s always nice to have someone to talk to, even if they don’t respond much.
It seems the sun has finally gone down for good, the moonlight shining bright in its place. John B knows the moon like the back of his hand, he has gazed at it through the cracks of this window for years.
He closes his eyes. It doesn’t matter, though, unconsciousness is not hitting anytime soon. But then the floorboards are creaking, and the door is pushed open. John B knows those footsteps anywhere.
It’s not until a figure climbs into bed right next to him, that he gets the courage to open his eyes and turn on his side to look at the girl lying there. Of course, it’s Sarah Cameron.
“Rough day?” John B asks as Sarah nods her head, already knowing what John B was about to say.
“Couldn’t sleep.” She whispers, then she flashes a sad smile, their situations seemingly similar.
“Never can.”
They stay silent for a long while, just breathing in each other’s bodies, bathing in the scent of exhaustion and overthinking.
“Val, you think I could kiss you?” John B quietly asks, it’s usually Sarah taking the reins on most of their movements with each other, so John B wants to make sure that she’s okay with anything he does.
“I wouldn’t want anything more, Vlad.” She smiles, and lets herself lean in until she is touching John B’s lips with hers. The feeling that John B gets when kissing Sarah is unlike any other. It’s like he’s having a heart attack, in a good way.
John B thinks he’s dreaming at this point, that maybe he’s finally fallen asleep. It’s like as soon as he gets too comfortable, the girl he loves will fade into dust and he’ll be alone again. So, he abruptly pulls away and opens his eyes to get a look at the blonde in front of him, checking if she’s still there, if she’s still real.
And she is. Sarah Cameron is looking at him funny, but she’s still there. She hadn’t left like everyone else in his life, she still sat there waiting for his lips on hers again, wondering what’s going on, while John B waits for the pin to drop, for her to finally realize that he isn’t worth all her love.
But it doesn’t come, instead she speaks.
“What’s wrong?” Sarah asks, her brows furrowed and a worried look in her eyes.
John B can’t really explain it. It’s something that has always worried him, something that still haunts him and clouds his mind as he tries to heal. Nothing helps either, not meditating like Kiara always suggests, not blackout drinking, smoking joints all day, not even the lighter he keeps on his bedside table lit up and touched to his skin for what feels like an eternity, but is just enough time to feel the scar forming.
Some days he would walk home from hanging out with the pogues all day, wasted and wretched, he would lie down on the hardwood floor of his bedroom and stare into the darkness, thinking. Thinking is what always led him to the lighter, thinking is what keeps him from being truly happy.
“You’ll stay, right?” John B asks, his hazel brown eyes pointed downwards, his hand still warm on Sarah’s freckle painted cheek. “You know.. you could take off. Run for the hills, I’ll understand. We aren’t legally married.”
It feels like Sarah is peering into John B’s soul. Her stare is hard, yet gentle at the same time. Sarah is many things, a lot more than people know. She is strong, caring, safe, and beautiful. She is a multitude of different emotions and actions, she is a work of art to John B. John B thinks he’d do anything for her, whether that be to give up some hunks of gold, or go out a painful death just so she can be safe.
“I’m never leaving you, and I expect you to do the same.” That’s the thing about Sarah, she says what’s on her mind. She’s straight forward, even if it comes off as rude sometimes. She doesn’t beat around the bush, she lets feelings control her but she thinks about things in the deepest way John B can ponder.
He doesn’t think he’ll ever stop loving Sarah Cameron. He doesn’t even think he could try.
“I’ll stay as long as you want me to.” John B responds quickly, knowing that his feelings won’t count in whether someone stays. Nobody stays for him. They stay because there's no other choice, they stay because they know nobody else will.
“That’s forever, John B.” She pulls his face towards her, laying her forehead on his, her fingers making John B’s skin feel on fire. “I want you to stay forever.”
Sarah is different, though. She understands, and she feels what John B feels. She wants to stay. John B gave her a choice, she could finally leave this trainwreck of a boy, or she could stay. She could willingly love John B with all she has, just like he’s always wanted, needed.
She chose to stay. Nobody chooses to stay, but she did.
She chose John B.
“Forever.” John B repeats as he takes it all in. Somebody loving him, somebody promising him that they won’t bail like everyone else he’s ever cared about.
“Forever.” Sarah says back, and pulls John B in for another kiss.
John B thinks that’s all the time they need. Forever.
He sleeps better than he ever had in 17 years that night, right next to Sarah Cameron, the girl he’s apparently married to, the girl he never wants to let go.
When he wakes up in the morning, she’s still there. She’s still beautiful, she’s still his.